When you feel like your world is falling apart,
being held & heard goes a long way.

December 30th, 2014
~Courtney Jean

Affection. A lot of guys don't get that the little things matter most to women.

Randomly grab her by the waist, push her up against the wall & kiss her.

Randomly grab her hand, drag her to the room & love on her, cuddle her.

Smother her with affection for while.
Most women, it'll drive them crazy.

Distance. Learning to have your own time. Do things you love. Don't lose yourself. Don't let your relationship status define you as an individual.

The thing with all that though,
is either you're giving too much or not giving enough. In time you learn to create a balance.
Not a routine but a language between the two of you that can't be misinterpreted.

The rules & guidelines are not always clear
But strictly up to the players that take every risk & dive in
Select START & let the game begin
Love with all your heart
Support their passions but also admire them to the point that their hunger for them motivates you to be just as hungry for your own
To feel the warmth of their embrace & subsequently desire to please
The longing to feel wanted & needed are fulfilled
Reaching every level, every obstacle together
Putting your doubts aside
Picking each other up
Knowing in the end, it all will be worth it.

Four walls.
Two doors.
One window.
This room is eating me alive.
My mind is racing.
Cold under the sheets but the window stays closed.
This bed is partially empty.
Only one door with an entry.
These walls closing in on me.
I keep waiting for the floor to fall beneath me.

-Courtney Jean

How you look reflects how you feel.
so baby, always smile.
The eyes are windows to the soul, at least that's what I've been told,
but there are not enough stars in the sky nor do they shine quite as bright as the
constellations beside me.
Oh.. how I'd love to be the reason why they light up so vibrant.
That devious smile curving along your lips.
Meeting mine in a deep kiss.
The face I have the pleasure to gaze upon everynight,
there's a universe hidden beneath your skin.
I've come to the realizion that I may have wasted my life calling for the mediocre attention of the moon.
Light and dust from the comet fingertips, tracing patterns over my skin.
Life is too short and darling, we're too young to keep dwelling over pieces of the past.
They no longer serve us well.
Let's leap forward. Start again. Hold our breath, head held high.
Hand in hand, I promise I'll stay, if you fight.
So, let's go of everything that's no longer relevent.
I could drift away from the atmosphere.
As long as I was by your side through this crazy thing we call life.
The two of us together in this world.
Let's drive them crazier.

- Courtney Jean

Her stomach dropped with the thought of leaving.
Her mind went blank. In search of a solution.
She has no idea why she does the things she does.
The overthinking, the need & want for reassurance.
It bottles up within her. Waiting to consume her.
To make him understand, she's different.
She's a challenge that's mistakenly simple to understand. Yet.. so complex.
Young. In love with her idea of love.
She knows what she wants but in this world, it doesn't exist.
You take what comes close & accept that nothing is perfect.

Her eyes.
That's what gives her away.
A hat worn tightly, meeting the top of her eyebrows.
Thoughts racing.
Thinking she finally figured it out.
What this life is about.
What she turned her life into.
Was it worth it,
The outcome of how things are now?
She asks herself, crowed around the ones that are supposed to matter.
..It doesn't matter.
Just a few chapters of things that go unnoticed.
A few people that come & go without a reappearance.
It could be worse. So I've been told.
Of course it can. & it has.
Little by little. Day by day.
Overlooking what could destory me in the future.
My only regret,
not accepting it when it could have made a difference.

-C.J-

Should have seen it from the start.
The slick words that came out of your mouth so effortlessly.
You know the game your playing.
By your expression, it looks as though you already know all my moves.
You've played this a few times.
You know how to make it all work to your advantage.
I gave you right to my body.
But baby.. you took every bit of your sweet time to manipulate my mind.
Made me trust a being that's not capable of being loved.
That only knows how to get what he wants.
You know you can't have your cake and eat it too.
But for some odd reason, you believe that rule doesn't apply to you.

-C.J-