His voice whispered he believed in me
and in that moment
I hid my secrets in his soul

I wonder
What you saw when you looked at me

Drinking with the devil's thirst
Smoking the cowboys dirt
Laughing much too loud
Walking round the next day in my ex's stolen underwear
Bloodshot eyes and ready for another round

I was chaos and storms
I was weather worn
But inside I was holding me together
With the too loud music and too much fake smiles
I was something too behold

I wonder what you saw
When you looked at me

I was told you like to fix things
And to you I'd be the ultimate challenge with all my broken dreams
I told you to leave well enough alone
That I'm putting myself back together on my own
You heeded my warnings not

You looked at me as though I was all you saw
And into my heart and life you clawed
You spoke to me through my favourite songs
Made me feel like to you alone I belonged
You said you never felt this way and that I was your safe place

I wonder now
When I look at you

How hard it must've been
For you to pretend you're all in
How you must've hated every moment we touched
Though how well you did fake lust
I shudder to recall

How difficult for you to fake those looks
All your tricks,  you said you learned from books
Your romantic ramblings must've been so tiring
You made me feel like I was dying
How hard was it for you,  I wonder

You faked it all so convincingly
Everyone believed it,  even me
I thought I met my other half
While you thought you were smart
I hope someday I'll find it funny

For all your great intentions you forgot
About what happens at the end,   we both lost
You lost a friend,  I a lover
You quickly went back to your other
And I am back at the start

So your pretty words didn't fix me like you hoped
I was doing fine,  I would've coped
Just fine without your interference
Your intentions were careless
You broke another piece off me

Such a quiet feeling with no words need speaking.
Such quiet words doing so much healing.  
Never knew quiet could say so much.  
Never knew how deep and thorough quiet could touch.  
Comforting how empowering silence can be.  
Comforting how silence looks at me and sees me.
So much silence says without saying anything.  
So much calm to my restlessness silence's nearness brings.
Silence sits quietly next to me when I don't want to speak.  
Quietly scolds me when I don't want to eat.  
Silence doesn't scream or shout or fight.  
Silence holds me close and helps me sleep at night.  
This silence brings air to my lungs so I can breathe.  
This silence is possessive and protective and likes to mark me as his and bare his teeth.

We built jumping castles on top of sand castles
And called it art
Unique
Beautiful
Then you ripped it apart
And I don't know how to turn that into poetry
That lasts

You flow though my veins and me
I'm trying to write you out to set you free
You don't belong to me