10 months ago I lost my life partner.
Lost is a funny word to use I guess
He left,  I didn't lose him but I chose him
Funny thing is I missed my life,  when he left
But not him

5 Months ago I thought I met my soulmate
He didnt
Losing this boy felt nothing like that
He took my heart and I had no say
I did not get to choose

Having to restart my life was hard
This,  having to live my new life
Now empty of all I lost
This is something else.
This feels nothing like that

This is the difference between heartbreak and just goodbye

your hair 

after you cut it

your crooked teeth

your 

cockiness

dislike 

of scratching

and 

reluctance to bite,

that you're a coward

and
emotionally 

closed; that 

yousmoked

all 

my cigarettes,


your inability to text 

or

introduce me to yourfriends,


that you always wore the sameclothes 

and looked odd
in suits

didn't believe inGodorlove
believe
 that I was smart,

that 
you broke

my ******* 
heart.

but you're not.
the same **** words again
i don't know how i could take
it for so long
you said you'd be there by
my side
and yet you're not;
you said i could cry on your
jacket when i needed to
but you're not here
you're not here when i need
you
a child, abandoned in a cardboard
box-
look where you've put me
without knowing that
you're the the only thing that
can dry my tears and
make me feel comfortable
i thought you'd actually
be there
i guess i was just too dumb
to believe that you'd leave-
and too worn out to think
you'd come back.

I loved you quietly in the shadows between the dawn and dusk
You said you really liked the scent I used,  it was musk
I only loved you for a little short while
Had I only known our road was only long a short short mile
If I could go back and change things,  never have met you,  I would
But if I could change the present,  I also wish I could
Our quiet connection was a secret
You belonged to another,  so I would keep it
You undressed my body and mind with one of your intent looks
It took mere moments for me to be hooked
Hooked on your stares,  your smiles,  your disguise
My favourite words were all your pretty little lies
You spoke to me though all my most loved songs
Made me feel like I found home,  like I belonged
Kindred spirits,  I thought  you and I.
And you said it first,  so I didn't deny
And  now you are no longer here
I sit alone with my thoughts and fears
I don't know if any of it was real or fake
This seeming game of which I did partake
The worst part about not knowing if it was real
Is that my sorrow,  to you,  like a cruel joke I feel

I fell in love with a pretty blue eyed boy
He had pretty words and pretty eyes
He saw right through  my disguise
I fell in love with this boy
Who said I was his soulmate and his safe place
But he belonged to another and it was a disgrace
So I fell in love with this little boy
Against my better judgement,  I knew I shouldnt
I tried to stop my silly heart from falling but I couldnt
I fell maddeningly hopelessly in love with a boy
I was happy and it was perfect for a little while
But he left as silently as he came and stole my smile
Still I fell for this silly boy
I fell for his empty words and pretty lies
The discovery that he didn't share the emotions came as a surprise
I stupidly fell in love with a boy
A boy who lied and pretended and never really cared
For all his intentions all he left was despair