when we're tired of sleeping, I'll take you from our bed, and if you choose to collapse, the queen will have your head.
I'm hoping you'll have the strength to keep from turning red, because red is her color, and I don't want to see you dead.
it's only monarchy, why does it eat at me?
we've lived this way for years, so why is my stomach turning now?
I have not seen the stars in the sky in years.
where did they go?
when my body's fading, the Angels hold the key. but they've gone from my reach; abandoned me.

I'm not the best at speaking, but without you I'd be dead.
and I'm not the best at loving, but you're always in my head.

I’ve spent months kicking and screaming
internally begging and praying to a god that I don’t believe in
that you’ll return to me (you haven’t)

it’s a sick habit I’ve picked up- my thoughts so intense that the pictures flash before my eyes of your skin beneath my fingers, our thighs brushing together and the heat radiating from your body
I’m bound, kept in this blissfully torturous delusion, and the way your lips moved against mine that night fed into my delusions-
it was perfect.
I have to let you flood my lungs so I’ll stay afloat;
purge me PURGE ME OF YOUR SIN
the way I feel is unhealthy and infects me from my head to my toes.
I’m chained to you by this feeling of abandonment and pure, absolute NEED (desperate need)
do I have to scream your name at the top of my lungs until it stops making sense to get it out, to get you out? I don’t want you out (the torture I feel masquerades as pleasure too often)
your fingers incinerate me, leaving bruises around my neck (andyankingonmyhair); you have the same desire I do but you’re held back by the chains of your fears and I don’t have an ax to break you free.

I run from every pair of lips that form words like yours- I can’t hear them from anyone but you.
The sun and the moons have all turned on me, leaving me alone in the dead of night to be surrounded by a twisted ghost of you telling me I have no chance with you ever again, but the remembrance of your fingers wrapped in my hair and pulling yanking PULLING, only hours ago, that’s what keeps my heart racing.
I’m begging to be free of the shackles you’ve placed on my heart (I don’t understand why you’ve locked me away like this) but the rubbing of metal against my wrists is starting to hurt too good.
I can’t breathe properly around you. Sometimes not at all.
I’m begging you to close this space between us. The distance is killing me- my heart is slowing, my mind deteriorating without you; this is death.

it’s unbearable, the amount of energy it takes to contain my self control when I’d rather just hold you down and bruise your body even though I know when we’re done you’ll continue to batter my heart.
When you drag your lower lip over my trembling skin (how can I stay still when you’re around?) I want to whisper my thoughts though you already know them (I love you I love you I love you I LOVE YOU)
but everything was ripped away from me and you don’t need me and she’s kissing your neck and whoisshe?howcouldyouleave?wheredidthetimego?itfeelslikeitsonly­beendays?
What did I do WRONG?
How did I mess up enough to have things end like this? I never wanted to lose you but here we are.

(p.h.) (k.k.)

i dream of her.
the sweet shell of her body. the warmth that pours into me when she smiles. the predatory feeling that overwhelms when the soft, warm skin is exposed to me and i dive down to sink my teeth into it, grazing the pale skin with only the utmost love. letting go? "i know i cant keep my teeth in your neck forever, but letting go?" it seems like more than just removing my teeth from her neck. the naked swell of her ungodly body making me feel safer than the sound of pouring rain. (that's hard to beat) clear as day i know i want her.
nonoNONONO-**** THAT. I DO NOT WANT HER.
I DO NOT WANT HER.
WANT IS NOT A POSSIBILITY.
my feelings overwhelm me like a tidal wave crashing down on the soft sandy shores that you have a gradual disliking for. i do not want her.
i need her. more than i need to breathe.

i wish i could plant myself in your heart as deeply as you have planted yourself in my head. around you, the possibility of my breathing being normal is less than zero percent.
you make me forget how to inhale anything other than your scent.
i've forgotten how to exhale anything other than your warmth.
you are a creation molded from god's hands himself; his fingers created the sloping landscape that is your nose, your dipping cheekbones, the curve of your lips that expose so much happiness that i can almost see the breathtaking sunflowers growing out from the cracks of your skin.
you were made out of the most fragile porcelain taken from the insides of the most precious Egyptian tombs, your hair painted with the melted gold from the kings and queens themselves.
folding, curving skin.
i can run for miles through this field of ever growing sunflowers, my bare, naked feet leaving a trail of warm kisses as i dive into the flowers and roll, my bare body enveloped in flowers that exert warmth into me.
then there's your lips. (i could go on and on for hours about those lips)
they taunt me with every word that spills out, your cheeks vibrating from the passion you place upon your words. you are warm and lively, nothing more and absolutely nothing less.
your neck vibrates with the passion of your exuberant words and i can't control myself, kissing every inch of your godly body until i reach the featherweight skin that stretches taut over your marked collarbones (marked by me; permanently)
you are more than irresistible and i find myself salivating as i rub my hands over your warm shoulders again and again, caressing them with the intentions of memorizing every curve, every dip of your skin.
i can feel my heart beat beat beating in my chest, striving to rip out and cling to the unexplored crevices of the depths of your body, but i keep it in place as i touch the sweet ungodly shell that we call your body.
soaked in sweat and letting out tiny gasps i cannot find the strength to keep away from your every moment of existence, frantically digging my fingertips into your perfectly molded waist and pulling you closerclosercloser pulling you into me into me.
i bite at your skin with unexplained love (i cant tell you just how strong yet, i cant find it in  me) and you bruise me with the intentions of making me feel every pleasure known to man, with the intentions of making me feel like a queen. the desire is inexplicably killing me because my fingers don't fit into the raw insides of your body and i want them to, i want to feel every crack, every crevice on the inside and the outside of your delicate beauty.
i may not be perfect but ill lace my fingers through your hair and ill put my lips to the sweet skin that is just beneath your ear and ill whisper over and over again in tiny gasping breaths just how much i love you. i love you. i love you.

what does she look like alone in the dark?
standing there holding her fragile body up for sale?
how quickly does her breath emit when she's searching for a glimpse of light in her life that doesn't reek loneliness?
steel and skin, steel and skin, nightmares keep her contained like a hunter keeps a deer.

i see you with my eyes, sinking deeper into yourself, and i can't do anything but stand there with laughter in the back of my throat you're not her.

she is my medicine. she keeps me sane. she keeps me from the steel and skin nightmares that used to rip me apart like the jaws of a shark would've.
the jaws of a shark. shark can be violent. they say there are many fish in the sea, but did you know a shark is also a fish? a fish who has teeth that dig into me with every word spoken; that cause blood to rush to the surface.
her mind is the collective thought and poetic combination of every angelic word combined.
ungodly, her skin dips in all of the right places, and as our chests mold together, our quick pit pattering heart beats become one.
when i find the breath to say i need her as im pressing my lips to her featherweight collarbones and were falling asleep sewn together at the seams, don't tell me everything doesn't feel right don't tell me.
the unexplored crevices of her body, oh ive memorized every path down and every path up.  every particle of her im pulling into me and i wont leave a single inch left untouched by the softest skin on my body.
the panting of her shallow breaths in my ear are more than unbearable but when i tell her she's perfect she tells me i lie but i couldn't ever lie to her, not in a million years.
she batters my body and i need her and im not lying.
i didn't mean to rip everything away from you i didn't mean to break your heart you didnt even know me im so fazed and- ohgodohgodohgod i cant even find it within me to use the correct punctuation i cant even find it within me to capitalize my words i never meant to harm you i didnt want you breaking at my fingertips-
Her. She's a mind altering drug and she keeps coming back into my veins, ripping at me with teeth that graze over my love. She's dousing my heart in gasoline and promising me she won't let me near another match, another lighter. She's promising safety. She is safety. The stars point in your direction, they say "she gives us our light, she gives us the inspiration to keep shining for you. She wants us to shine for you."
It's ******* selfish of me to pray (let alone pray to a God I don't even believe exists) that she'll never be happy with anyone who isn't me.
She's everything I don't deserve, but everything that keeps the blood pumping throughout my veins, and one day if the blood in my veins stops pumping I hope she's at my side to chase away the demons that are trying to climb inside of me.
ohgodohgodohgod all i need is her and i'm whole.

Maybe it'd be easier to burn the bridges,
Ashes flaking down around us,
Dancing like they're happy.

They stole the happiness from how we used to feel,
****** it out and drained it dry,
But all you ever said to me were empty words.

So I take a match and light these bridges,
Hoping that one day we won't be pinned to each other.
But with the greatest intentions at hand,
I'm far too stubborn to even imagine letting go.

With this little time before I go,
I'll become the hunter, the vulture, the predator,
and you'll be the cowering mouse in a corner,
such a flip side experience for you.

With passion filled eyes I'll hungrily swoop in,
I'll feast on an ill-minded meal and intake your intentions,
Becoming a heart-breaker in the process of getting rid of one.

(p.h.) (j.r.)

I imagine that your knowledge of me is dissipating.
You no longer want to know me from the inside out.
Still I gaze at you from afar, and I know you aren't willing to see me.
Yet we glance at each other, and we break out in childish, amusement filled grins
and you are beautiful.

Where were you when the sheets were tangled around our feet and our hearts were an extension of your pitiful laughter?
Why did we allow you to peel the hard shell away and pierce our souls, reading us like a magazine with sticky pages?
Everything about you entranced us, but you weren't there when we needed you.

We are the voice of the youth.
The heartbroken youth.

You constantly make it impossible for us to talk.
I want to wind myself around your body.
Feeling your soft skin placed ever so delicately against mine.

I want to constantly hold your hand.
Entwining our fingers ever so vividly.
Holding your hand tightly so you don't blow away into the sky.

I want to write your name across the sky with clouds.
Because for now, for recently,
you are all the clouds in my sky.

It is not the mere thought of you that entrances me.
It is the way you smile at the simplest things.
It's the way you entangle our bodies from behind.
It's the way I feel your hot breath sharp against the back of my neck when I'm tangled in your arms like the numb, depressed human being that I am.
To put it simply, it's the way you exist.

You are ever so endearing to me, and I will constantly tell you.
No matter how often you constantly tell me to leave.

I know you think I’m a foolish little girl
When the naïve words “I love you”
leave my withering lips
but baby I know my love is true
So don’t you doubt me.
And I know you think you hurt me
Only mentally
When you shattered my heart
But when I held that cold metal against my
Already stained wrists
The color of beautiful roses
Though I am not nearly as beautiful
As a rose
(I seem to have gone off topic)
When I held that cold metal
It wasn’t my hand holding it
All I could see was yours
And I could see your big eyes
Staring at me telling me
“I don’t want you.”

(p.h.) (j.r.)

The funny thing is that I can forget about you for months on end
But on a random night when my blankets are pulled up high and the blinds are pulled back
And my alarm is set for 6 AM, when I used to get your good morning texts,
that’s when you sneak back into my head
With your warm lips and your silly laugh
And your sweet pet names and your wandering hands
Back into my dreams, petting me across the cheek and through my hair,
But lately in my dreams
You’ve started to look at me with such hatred
That I have a hard time believing it’s a dream at all.

(p.h.) (j.r.)