In 40 years I want
to be able to say
that I still
love the same boy
I wrote poetry for
when I was 17.

All these years,
Fears and secret tears
Unable to get you out of my mind
But hopeless can keep believing,
And even unwillingly, keep dreaming
That maybe we are one of the same kind

I don’t deserve your affection.
I never once did, in fact.
My hands are much too belligerent
For an old, gentle soul such as yours.

Carelessness and disregard drove
A catastrophic downfall
On my behalf.

For words my heart has spoken
While omitting conscious thought,
I have carried the burden of remorse
In a tightly sealed backpack that
You filled with the sky and the ocean.

The very thought aches
Inside my bones and under my skin,
That I’ve crushed the only tower I’ve ever built
With my bare hands,
While picking apart my thoughts
In disorientation and resentment.

Though I was never able to pick apart the sky,
I have found the stars elsewhere.
I can only hope that you find yours too,
Because the ones at night tell our stories
Better than we ever could,
And those stars will always be ours.

Put your head on my lap
Let me sing you a lullaby.
You've been awake through some nights
But there was a girl who went through few more
And in those moment you let your tears drop
She wrote herself a song.

I know you're broken,
I know you're sad,
But it will be over before you know;
Life's not about the crests, there will be troughs
Like a musical note.

It's dark now,
There's no one with you,
But at the end of the day we're all alone;
Be your own best friend, why do you pretend?
That we don't die alone.

Those teardrops on cheeks,
Glisten like pearl beads,
But the thing you're crying for doesn't deserve it;
You're worth more, than you know
So you might as well listen to me tell you how.

We've fallen, but we'll get back up,
Our failures don't define us.
We're broken, but we will heal
Else carry scars on our back with pride.
They can hit us once, not more than twice
We are not weak, just polite.
We'll fight for what's ours, not smile when we're dark inside,
We have hung enough of us for sacrifice.
And those double faced friends, relationships with dead ends,
Say them goodbye and make it end.

Just keep smiling, Sweetheart
You're better than your past,
There's more to life than war.
So don't give up!
If not today, tomorrow is ours,
If not better we're less worse.

2am,
I've got to go,
I'll visit you again, when you're alone
If not sweet dreams, may a sweet life wake you up
Sleep well, my love.

a nice companion,
the queen of forgetting.

the earth bruised your fragile heart.
i know you mean well but
waking this part of me
will destroy us both.

the day
i raised her
in sunlight and shadow
colors mixing on her lips

you reach out your hands
scooping up the sand from this
burial mound
falling slowly from the cracks
between your fingers,
my former life piled high around your ankles.

the day that you finally left was
the day that my heart slowly stopped beating
and my hands started shaking