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lins Dec 2017
missing something important to me
when I close my eyes
my mind fools me into thinking
that its you

my heart longs for the company
it longs for the happiness
is that even a possibility anymore
its not you

face downcast
dreaming of loving every
minute we are together
it was never you

show me someone else
all I need is a friend
I have accepted that
I miss the presence


but not you
my heart fools me
lins Dec 2017
“Merry Christmas,
I guess.”

Christmas spirit fills the room
but not the heart
of the solemn girl in the corner

Joyous smiles try
to “cheer” up the
young scrooge

The only thing that
will “cheer” this
little grinch

Is the thought that
those smiles of distant relatives
will soon be on their way home

She doesn’t hate Christmas
just the anxiety that
comes with entertaining relatives

As the last family member
steps out onto the porch
she finally smiles

“Merry Christmas!”
social anxiety is real, friends.
lins Dec 2017
I want to write
I want to write so badly
I feel millions of things  
swirling around inside my head

pick one
pick one thought
to express in words
it doesn’t even have to make sense

I’m frustrated with myself
for not being able
to articulate directly
how my mind is distressed

I’m tired
I’m tired of this
all of this ****
blended together messily
this is craptastic but oh well its out there and I feel a little better
lins Dec 2017
Screaming
Yelling
constantly
a steady stream
of a scratchy scream
inside my brain

its loud in here
sorry if I don’t reply
I can’t hear anything
but the screeching

over and over
that’s all I know
yikes
make it stop

so unsure
what happens if it stops
is there anything behind
the reckless screams
or will it just be empty
inside my brain
lins Dec 2017
on the verge of lonely
at the cliff
about to jump into
a chasm of isolation
three steps from the edge
inching closer a bit

why can’t I just be happy

just the whispering wind
begging me to leap
to make the change
from alone to lonely
lins Dec 2017
I’m angry again
I can tell because
I write with
an aggression
from within
I’m angry again
because I can’t write
my words don’t flow
my thoughts don’t form
there are issues
I’m angry again
there are thoughts
that want to burst through
but this issue
is about honesty
I’m angry again
I want to be honest
I beg my mind
to release its grip
so that I won’t say
        I’m angry again
lins Dec 2017
People may think
People may stare
I shrug them off
I do not care

Let them think what they want
Let them believe what they will
My mind is made up
My heart is still

I know where we stand
I know what we are
They may assume things
They may look from afar

Come ask me in person
Come ask for what’s true
Don’t be scared I don’t bite
Don’t debate what you "knew”

He would tell you the truth
He would answer the same
Go ask him next
Go ask for his claim

We are on the same page
We both know how we feel
At least I think we do
At least that’s how I deal
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