When love turns to a rope slowly tightening around your neck
When it makes your stomach turn but it's not butterflies
when you are exposed
stripped down from all your acts of self boosting
When they've seen you raw
Uncovered all your flaw
and now everything you do is a risk

They might just turn their cheek once
and it will hurt so deep
cause they got so deep into you
just a scratch will leave a scar
Aggravated by your own feelings of love
you can't stand it yet, you cant stand giving them up

And now you know if they stopped loving you, they stopped loving you for EXACTLY who you are

I feel my desires scratching and struggling between my rib cage
Its hard to breath
I feel beneath
Is this what optimism does
Brings you up only to crash harder
To float so high on weak strings
Is this all what being hopeful brings
And empty void where all what was supposed to be
What you were trying to be
Empty
So many why's arise
An ocean of questions about my life
So I sink
Empty and hungry for answers
I sink till there's no light
I sink and I suffocate for breath
And now seems too silly to try and swim

The only concealment I get is you'll get used to it

"this is growing up"

Really ?

I've never been more myself
Yet I've never been more lost.

You know when you know you should feel something but you don't ?

You know when you go through the motions of the day but you're gone ?

You know when you know if you feel for one thing you will feel everything that is going wrong ?

That will hurt you
Everything that might destroy you.

And you're surrounded by it
By everything wrong.

I forgot how sad it felt
I forgot how mad I felt
I forgot everything that went wrong.

And here we are . . . .  

Affected by the experiences
Lost in the meaning of any of it
It's all irrelevant  
It's all meaningless
Then why am I here
When I don't care anymore
And I can't feel

All that's left is a reoccurring questioning of the self ..
When will I leave this state of limbo
And Will I ever leave this state of limbo
Maybe I won't

How does it feel ?
Tell me how does it feel
are you drowned in this world
have you forgot what it's supposed to be
Can you feel the world getting old
can you feel your soul shivering in its cold

how does it feel ?
Tell me how does it feel
are you searching for your gold
have you lost all your hope
Swallowed into a black hole
you're losing all control

tell me how does it feel
can you run away across the sea
Do you want to break out of your own skin
shed it all off to be free

Oh would you tell me how does it feel
how does it feel

Have you stayed up all the night
feel the hours passing by

how does it feel
do you see us getting old
still doing what we're told
Or are you sold into a dream

But your words are crumbling in your mouth
when you try so hard to shout
and nothing comes out

how does it feel
tell me how does it feel
does the world still seem real ?

It's that corky laugh that comes out  
when you just open you mouth.

Let it out
It's those words that you didn't think about.

it's that hug that you didn't expect
it's that rush that you didn't expect.

it's that day your eyes looked a little wider
and your skin looked a little brighter.

your high was a litter higher
and the world made no sense.

it's those moments when your mind brightened your end.
when you believed a little more.

when you've worked so hard to get there
but now it doesn't feel so sour.

Those tiny little things
Are worth living for .

The weekend song is playing
As I lay in bed spinning
It's the coldest night
In the hottest country
So cold as the memories of you that  hunt me
You are perfect
And I want you
And I'm smoking this last cigarette
Cause you smoked one too
It doesn't look that pretty in my hand
As it looked on you
The veins on the back of your arm riding my sight
To you perfect hand bone structure
To the tip of the cigarette light
That burned so bright
As I inhaled your addiction
But now I'm just inhaling tobacco
I don't need it
And I don't need you
It's deadly
And your deadly
But sadly
I don't listen to me
And my life is so contradictory
Cause I don't want to think about you
But this cold breeze is perfect for the thought of you

Guns

       Loaded

Feelings

       Exploded

Danger

        Created

Our future

         Faded

The Seconds

        Inflated

Heartbeat

        Racing

Are you ready

        To face it ?

Love given.

Time given.

Bad thoughts living

Your hate is spreading

Write it down if you can tell me now if you can.  What keeps turning this around?  Is it me or is it all that noise and sound in your head.

Will you run or will u fight this till you're dead

Behead this born hate

Don't be a born hater .

Inhaled that burn down my windpipe
Spread through my bronchi to every tiny alveoli
like fire spreading through a forest
reaching every leaf  

feel that singe
Concentrate on that sweet pain
that stain it leaves on my fingertips
A trace of something on me
Proving I'm not empty

Trace of the war I have inside
Shooting those bullets and from my self I run and hide
Because Smoke, Gun powder and tar taste the same
As I'm setting my inside on flames

just to make the burn in my heart seem less dominating
I burn my lungs
and by the end of this night
I finished a pack of cigarettes  
Leaving my body in the destruction of the aftermath  
You can hear my insides cry like a soft melody of jazz

Who really wins a war
after so much loss
but I still fight  
till I can fight no more

I don't want to stop writing these words
No one might read but I write
because what I feel is too deep
what I feel for you what I feel for them
what I feel for everything
I need to make sense of it
I have to
so I won't stop writing
cause if I do I might drift away and end in a dark place where the people around me feel like that animated caroline movie
where everyone had buttons for eyes
they were made of cloth and strings
And She, she  thought she was going crazy
I might be going crazy
Everything is the same
everyone is the same
and the more I learn about this world the less I understand
And how how could it be that you feel something so strong for someone but it goes away
infact you hate them
I don't want to hate
but I do I hate you
And everyone I knew
cause they keep changing
and I keeping loving hating
loving hating
No constants in my life
Cause they're all made of cloth and buttons
And they have buttons for eyes
I used to know those eyes
lies lies
made your eyes buttons
I feel nothing now
I'm becoming a piece cloth and button
come to think I about it
ha3 I wish
Cause I cry every night
and I laugh all day every day
and I want I analyze  relationships
While u see goals
goals
And I see holes holes
You try to paint a realistic picture
while I drip paint my decisions
my life
And you try to figure me out
you try to understand it
till u get bored and you can't stand it
how can you understand if I myself
keep trying to
Let's just go away
and leave this goals and messs
and stresss
Let's go
to fordham road
that's a bad neighborhood
I would walk and walk till it's night time
That's when all the stars come out
I don't know what it is that I wannna say
I don't know what it is that makes me feel this way
but I'm not ganna do what I hear me say
I'm just ganna walk
I'm ganna walk away

Will I fall or will I fly ..
I make my decisions with myself in mind
Cross my heart and hope to die
Fullfil my soul is whats in mind

How old are you ?
Is what the lady at the bar said to me
As I argued with her about integrity
Life and repeated history

How old are you, she said to me
Im 22, yea and I'm that aware and that blue.

How old are you the lady at work said to me
As I explained to her how decisions are merly destiny
How people are repeatitions of what was done to them
And how I shouldn't look like what they think I should look like to impress them
Im 23 and it took a while to love myself
I still don't like it sometimes, but I remind myself

How old are you??
The psycologist said to me
As I told him why and how my brain and emotions tangled up and untangled
How I was merly dating to relay on someone for free and that it wasn't right for either him or me.
I explained to him the exact reasons for anxiety
And how I need control cause I was scared by chios in my family
And how a panic attack can be cured mentally
And how I don't want his pills cause I've seen what it has done to others and I have empathy

I said I'm 23
I'm 23
And why does this scenario keep happening to me

He said you're on the right path
Aware and righteous
Keep it up and you'll see


But I wasn't any different and I still wasnt okay
So how could you say that to me

I dont know if I know better
And that's why you're impressed
But even if I did I dont think I do better
And knowing is not a bliss
Ignorance might be
But I can't know that for sure
Cause I can only truly experience life through me
 
So will I fly or will I fall
I  dont know
But I crossed my heart and promised myself to take control
Cause no one has you but you
And when you die what did you do for you ?

So I'm sorry that I left you
I'm sorry that I dont answer texts
I'm sorry that I went out that night
Even though I knew you were a mess
I'm sorry that I wasn't truly there in you're last days
Even though I knew you needed what you needed
But I couldn't give.  
And now you're in heaven's bliss

I make my decisions with myself in mind
And I'm not here to impress
I'm here to survive
And I've learned from the best
That no one has got you but you
So do what you got to do
Before it's too late.

See you rambling
mad
You car got taken
Sad  
You lost you're job
Bad
But there's a song playing
And it sounds so good
I care about you
And I don't want to be misunderstood
But the song is playing
And it sounds so good
And dancing right now
Sounds so good
And your smile would make me feel so good
If I could tell you a joke I would          
But you're sad
And this is the only time we have
So cheer up a little  
If Things aren't going right
Let's go left tonight
There's no battle so no need to fight
Let all your troubles slide

Hey ..
I like you the way you think the way you look the way you breath the way you love the way you talk.

Sam ..
You make me smile
I just talk to you and I smile
I don't plan it I don't expect it
I walk away smiling

I can't help it you fit all my uneven corners
Making them a smooth soft person in love.

Sam
Sam
Sam
You are all I think of
You are all I think of

Please say I do the same for you
Please say you would take a chance
Sam I never felt this way
I never felt this way ..

Sam
You make all the sense in the world to me
Sam
You look like the world to me
Sam I force myself to look away
But if I could I would stare
I would stare at you until ever

Sam
Please don't tell me you don't feel the same

Sam please don't tell me you have someone
Sam please don't tell me I'm too young

Sam you know me
Sam you know me
Sam I know you know me
And everything about me is made for you

Sam
I can't help but think about ******* you
Your thoughts your mind and your cloths

Sam ..

You can have every piece of me

Sam ..

If we kissed the universe would shift it's colors
The world would blow in perfection

Sam..
My lips were designed to fit yours
They were made for your indulgence

Sam ..
My hands were made to flow over your body to fit your every corner

Sam..
My thoughts were made to glaze over yours to unite to intertwine
To spark love..

Sam ..
You know me
Sam ..
Please tell me you are willing to take a chance

I don't think full thoughts anymore
More like random words or useless fragments.

I don't think I can tolerate anymore small talks or deep statements.  
I don't believe your shallow mind or your profound engagement.

I don't believe in anyone
I thought if I ever felt this low I would just drop dead and die.

But the thing about life is that it keeps going it doesn't care how you survive
And the thing about me right now is I don't know how to survive , let alone learn to live my life.    

And the thing is I'm young,  and to many I'm considered to have a good life.

To those who do drop dead and die . Maybe if you had my life you would have lived it better or maybe you would have felt the same way I feel.

I am blessed its real.

But I can't I can't I can't shake off this heavy feeling

And I do I do I do have my reasons

And you might not see them but if you had my life you would believe them.

Does contempt exist ?        

If I left my love with you
Will you keep my emotions in a box
Hang it around your neck
Near your chest
And wear over it a bullet proof vest  

So I wouldn't need anyone but you
Keep them safe with you
Feeling the safety in my love for you

Is that cotempt   ?  

Knowing it will never end
Knowing that on you I can depend                     Knowing that my scars you will mend
Knowing that I can send
My heart safely with out it shooting back at me    
Will you reciprocate !

And I will wear you all over me
Like a metal vest
That will never rust    

Is that contempt ?

Tell me about your troubles

and I might just tell you about mine


Tell me about the trigger to that gun that shoots right through your veins to your brain and fires you up

And sometimes it shoots you down

and you just crawl to a corner trying to heal those cuts
And sometimes the bullet stays there
The cut heals but the bullet lingers in you guts

You have found refugee in me ?
I was an open door
let you into my core
For a while it was your home
and you just messed it up

Now you tell me your story
Like a historical movie
you tell me about the blood the war the fight and the glory
Stating before every painful explanation a
"You know when " "you know how"
Yes I know how it feels when you care too much and you give your all to someone but they wouldn't do the same
When you get put second third but never first
How your feelings and troubles get ignored
how you feel worth less cause they don't really care about you
I know how it sets your insides in flames
How your love hate is like a horrible never ending game
your stuck in it so you keep playn'

I know that cause your my trigger
I'm looking at you waiting for you to figure

while your waiting for my advice ....

Walk through the dark streets
Walk through the glittering lights
I walk with you
will you walk with me
Rip up my shell
Rip up my shell
And see the garden inside
Our secret garden
With wild flowers, roses and butterflies
With the flickering lights and the golden fountains
Walk with me and you will experience
A defenition of life that will shift your existance
Be the fire of my *****

Walk with me
Come here and save me
I'll make you laugh, mad, crazy
Make me laugh make me mad make me crazy
Invade my space invade my existance
Inturrupt my conciousness
Be the theif I can't seem to steal you
So steal me love me invade me

Why are you standing there looking so beautiful
Why are you standing still walk with me
Be the fire of my *****
Break my shell
Like I tried to break yours

No commitments
not even to my best of friends
I can't handle they way it always ends
So no commitments
not even if it's my loss
I've lost so much now I just act like a cool kate moss
so no commitments
I fly solo
Thanks for all that love that I don't want to go, no
But I put down my rule and I pay the consequences
no commitment
cause it might break me
and I might lose me
like I lost you

Ice cold
Rare like gold
Beautiful . . .

Iced water dripping

Don't let your tears flood

you're iced water that's dripping

a snow flake that so sharp it can be killing

snow flakes
snow flakes
snow flakes

you won't let the tears flood

iced water dripping

so sharp it could be killing

Soldiers ya they think they're soldiers
Soldiers ya they think they're soldiers

Quick sand oh its funny how they think they can stand
On quick sand

And what happens when you sleep at night
Do you feel like you've won the fight
And what happens when 95% of your brain is playing games
Chess and fight mode
Is the 5% gone insane
Or is it just plain
And its killing you
Or there so much going on and you dont know how to deal with the pain
How to handle it
And so you handle it
Like a soldier
A soldier of *******

They wrote it down
They told you
This is how life works
So now you cant even hope
And now you fight the fight you've been told to fight
Now you're a soldier
Ya your a soldier
Ya your a soldier
A soldier of *******

And now your a recruiter
And you want to recruit me
But I am a nomad
And I dont get mad
And I dont mind bei g sad
And I am  human
Human

Oh just show me why
Show me all.of.it
A new found confidence in myself
Cause I know I dont wanna be you .
Ask me how my self is
I'll tell you I've learned to be selfish
I dont want to fight
I dont want to be right
Time is ticking
And all I want in connections

Hold on .
While I put on that image

the image of me that doesn't seem to be insecure
The one you want to be

Hold on .
While I fit in
it's just ganna take all my strength created by my weakness and a minute

hold on .
I did this before
it can't be that I can't do it no more

hold on .
I know I'm losing soul
But I know you won't love me for my core
if my image is all over the floor

So hold on .
hold on just a minute
while I pull it together

Hold on .
a hot mess isn't what I'm going to be forever

So Hold on .
while I pull it together

See I replay that silly video that I have
Over and over and over

I might have created a connection deeper than the one you have
Cause I keep replying that video and I laugh

But right now you've gone MIA
And I keep reaching to you
Cause I have so much I wanna say

But you got your ropes tide loose
And you've got so many you can choose

But don't you know that you define me now
don't you know that you've marked me now
don't you know that I'm fragile ..

I don't want to go through this hassle
but I tie my ropes tight
and you're the one that let yourself inside
inside of my soul
I had no Control
I let my feelings rule

But do I want to let my mind rule ?
That kind of life makes no sense to me
it's the love in this life that will set you free
while  my love for you has caged me
Cause
I don't know
I don't know
I don't know
what to do when you're not here

so I keep replying this video of us
and I laugh
and I have created a deeper connection than the one you have

And all of this might not be true
but I just .. I just miss you

you can't play me like that
keep giving me hope then disappear like that
and I can't say that
cause you don't let me through
even though I let you


Limbo is the state you have me stuck at
so I keep replying this video of us
and I laugh ..

Eyes looking right at me

Lost can you find me

Walks slow

hands cold

It's all on her mind she hasn't let it go

It dances inside her

the loudness inside her

the questions inside her

she hasn't let it go

Amplify the distractions

Strong standing

lose yourself in distractions

I wrote you down in detail
5 years ago

A character that came to life

I wrote a story once
And it had you in it
The pain
The confusion
The talent
You're scrapbook

And I swear I wrote you down
5 years ago
And I didnt know

I didnt know my words had this much power
And why did I write my and your life this sour

And this is a beautiful magical miracle
But a curse in disguise
I love this much power if I had power over my mind
But I dont want this much power
When a gray cloud is following my mind

And I wrote you
I detailed your detail to the detail
I swear I wrote you
5 years ago
And I dont know what to do with that

I have to be what I want to be logicalize everything around me
you fit well but now you don't
So I move on and to be what I want to be
I put the reasons but they don't seem enough
I have too much to handle and letting you in
feels like giving up
So I move on to be what I want
My ocean is deep but I'll never tire from taking the lead
I've got to be what I want
don't you dare judge me
I've got to be
what I want
you have to be
what I want

I miss him
so who are you to understand
I want perfection
so who are you to understand
I've got to be what I want

Even when I fall I will stand
cause I've got to be what I want

Doubted innocence as I grow old
molded  thinking by what I was told
And that blueprint of a normal life
I was sold

Forced advices
Pointing out my vices
You better shut up and not make a fool out of yourself
How could you be such a mess
if only u lost a bit of weight
if only your teeth were a bit whiter and a bit straight
if only your skin was a bit darker shade
if only you could find a good looking mate
if only you could get a better grade
if only you had a better fate

Oh the efforts put to change others lives
The urge to constantly point out what's wrong and what's right  
The way we put up a fight
that's not ours  

would you just let it go
Cause you seem tired
I pitty you
you seem tired
Cause all your efforts are going to waste
and no matter what I won't change
atleast not from you
maybe by someone I look up to
but not you

These society gimmicks do not seem to get to me
They annoy me
but I'm still me
blunt happy old me

Nothing stays forever and I'm sick and tired of putting so much effort in trying to weaver our emotions into connections so I can wear our relationship happily knowing that it will get old and it will get cut and it will smell and I won't want to wear it any more.

and now whenever I'm high all I can see is the fall

I can see you becomig busy with others while I find myself some others because I'll be the one you talk to others about saying " ahh l don't feel like doing the effort to hang with her " that is if you still remember me by then .

nothing stays forever

I expect that you won't like me , like I won't like you forever. I expect life to take you away and for me and you to stray but not together.

Because

nothing stays forever

It's so sad that nothing stays forever , but I can't change it , you can't change it , we must understand the reason behind it.
But at the moment I'm just swamped in a pool of feelings behind it.
Reason and logic are upstairs in the lobby drinking some tea it's hot and I like swimming so I don't see myself going to meet them anytime soon I might just drown in this pool.
And never meet my reason and logic .

funny thing is you walk around my pool but you're never in it .
And I'm weaving in a pool and the strings are getting wet and its soo hard and your not helping your just there tanning chilling and the world does not revolve around us.

Agh these thoughts are killing ...

But I'm going down this road whether it's fast or slow we are ganna go .
And I don't even know anymore

I drove away to another place
All I see is your face
The astetic of your touch on my skin
Gave me the chills
My core shakes in your presence
And I can feel a tingle

Whyd you look at me that way
I never though of you before this way

Have you thought of me too
Do I give you chills ?
Are you just hiding it a little too well ?

Or have I drove myself away too far
Have I reached the stars with my own misconception
My own thoughts my own wishes my own fairytale ..

Or did you leave the trail ?

The sound of your  drums  
Shook my heart

your soft guitar tune
played the strings of my mind

and that base
oh that base I hear whenever you're around

I loved your melody  
And I memorized the lyrics to your song
I would put it out loud
and sing along

I played it on repeat
till I memorized your every beat

but it got old

and now it's the song I skip
Whenever it comes on

The concrete sparkles, as the light of passing cars creates constellation in my soul.

The wind sways on my skin, and it's melody keeps me company .

flashes of your smile echo in my head, and I don't know what I love more you or the memories  of  you on nights like this .

Sometimes I hate writing as much as I wanna write cause the amount of the thoughts in my head can't be derived as much as I thrived to collect them to make sense of them I start to lose my mind I'm calculating the amount.of times I think about you but at the same time I'm thinking not to think about you and who am I kidding all other thoughts I pour my interest into don't fit my true interest which is you. I get hurt easily and you hurt me easily and I get hurt I get hurt I get hurt .
But you don't even know do you .
even though I show so clearly .
And now I'm distracted by the image on the wall of when I was small so little I can recall. But I was always a bit weird and a bit off but I had strong ambition now it's gone soft I'm in a tough spot of denying who I am for the sake of what I might be .something that might bother me. So I wander everyday all day at what I can be and none of the options I see interest me in fact I really just point out all your flaws in my head the flaws of everyone ive met and im diving into negativity my own made up pool and I swim in it like I'm so cool but the truth is you die from trying to be better than all the flaws you point out and then you start pointing at yourself and there is soo much to point at so many flaws that bring you down and you start to drawn ..
But I need to keep going down this road I was told cause I don't know better how can I when I don't even have the space to figure anything out will I always live in my denied doubt ?
I hear a sound of the AC but in my head it sounds like the shore of the Honolulu where I will be smoking a cigarette and you will be there next to me.
And I close my eyes to the sound and I fall asleep ♡

GN fellow poets

The sea, the unknown.
The waves punching the rocks.
And the docks.

The blue is nothing but a reflection.
And my blue is nothing but a reflection.

The sea is where you lay in the sun.
Let it give you a kiss.
Where you sit for hours, calm and reminese.
Sweet calm and grounded.
Fun, warm and the sound is
pure serenity.
And it feels like its repeating in infinity.

And the sea is where the ships drown
And the deeper you go down
Its dark and there's no sound
Death feels near
And there is everything you may fear
The sea is where things disappear
There are still terorities unknown
Under the glow of the blue
And its things we will never know


And you ask me and I dont know
And I sway and sway
So gradient in pure blue
And I drown with the waves sometimes
And I punch the shore sometimes

And I am a universe unknown
And if I dive in too deep, I am far far away from home
And the beach is where I like to be
Sweet and salty air
And just stay there

Cause I tried to explain the things happening to me
But I am still
And calm
Peaceful and grounded
Yet I am punching the shore
And what happening is not a norm
Lost of words, as they have disappeared
I might have dove in too deep
And I dont know what is what anymore

I just see myself in the sea
So let it be, what ever it may be.
Sun kisses and remineses
Dive in and dont get too deep.

Words
Words.
Words.
Codes

Pick up on the pieces
But  its nice to say nothing
Right now

Some hate me right now
Most love me conditionally

Sitting on the concrete
And my thoughts speak
So I stay silent


I treated my friends like kings
And I treated them like ****

I really dont know.

So Ill surrender up
And stay quite
Stay silent
No need to make meaning

And its not sadness
Its not happiness
I have nothing to say
Cause im numb
I did it
I made myself numb again

And all I hear is a soft guitar strum
Tum tum tum tum tum tum
Hovering over my manic and depressive thoughts

So I wont talk ...


And I know my family
Loves me
I know my baby cares
But I dont think they care about me

Or I dont care about me
And Ive lost myself in me

But there's no use of making meaning
So Ill stay quite

Ive been this way since 16
But lately ive been non-existent
And ive been to more places
Than I've dreamt
And Ive meet more people
And Ive done so many things
Ive dreamt i would do

But day and night
I keep stressing my mind
And theres no reason for it
Cause we will all die
That's why  my memories are vague

My memory is our photo on instagram
Of the night I should havr fallen inlove

And he left me
And she left me
She knew me

And my life is ice cold
Under the snow
Burried in white

And I cant
Write words
I cant
I dont know how to make it better
Only worst

Watch the flame of my lighter
Light up over and over
Over and over

And theres nothing but void
On the glittering streets
On the flowers, on the trees
In my skin in my eyes
In the words you speak

I need some aliens to come and tell me the meaning of life
And answer all my whys
So for now
Ill stay quite


Cause words words
Those codes
Im over them.

So let's escalate our senses tonight
Are you crazy like me
Are u in pain like me ?

Let's make sense of it with extreme nonesense tonight

I

don't

want

to  think

the same thoughts any more

I

don't

want

to be here any more

Can I leave

please

can I leave

oh  please

can I leave

can I wander

till I stumble upon where I belong

they would know me

and this life

my life wouldn't feel so wrong

when I'll stumble upon where I belong

The world will be in shades of pink and purple

hazy ...

As low as this world might drag me
and the hardship attack me

I believe

I believe

In the ones who's voices ache my heart

in the light that they spark

Oh I believe

Even if you strip me of all peace
As I sniff the gun powder
and I bleed

oh I believe

in our hearts
in our souls
there's a garden that keep on growing
even when ruined
it keep regenerating
through the weeds
it keeps growing
Sun flowers and greens

Oh I believe

in the people
and in you god

oh I believe

in the spark that lights from the roughness of the rocks hitting each other

in the sting that you feel when you care about another

We were made to care

We are made to believe

And

I do

I do

I believe ..

The hands on the clock keep moving
And I'm still over thinking you
Might this be an illusion ?

I talk but I scream with confusion
Can you hear the scream or is it covered my my subtle fusion
My emotions are no delusion  
In my emotions there's no confusion


The hands on the clock keep moving
And my heart is growing with crave
I crave you more and more
But my mind my mind is lost in a constant war
coup d'état à self invasion
And I lose both ways cause I am one nation
I need to put myself back together
I need some self evauation

But if I have you I'd lose gladly
I'd lose myself and win myself
What are you doing to my visualization
Im lost in a Coup d'état à self invasion

Let me write you a song
as my heart breaks and my mind shakes
cause you are perfectly wrong

Helpless to your agonizing power  
all I can do is write you a song
Hoping you'd sing along

cause babe I've been up all night long
with your image replaying like a movie in my mind
a movie about all what you said
it keeps replying and replying
in my head
And all I can do is write you a song

How can you be this great
yet put me in my worst state
I shouldn't have gotten close
but it's too late
I took the bait

All I can do now is write you a song
same old love song
telling you how it hurts
and how I'm addicted
how your eyes take me places
How you keep breaking my heart
and I keep trying to fix it
how I hate, want, envy, lust and love you all at the same time  

Babe you are the best but you bring out the worst in me

Imagine all the people living their lives in peace woah oh~

imagine if my touch can bring you peace
if all my love can put you at ease
if you let go of this aggression
if you had no sins to be confessin'

Imagine if laying here would be enough
if our lives were never this rough
if all this smoking didn't making me cough
if all we needed was love

imagine if you could live in a place we can't compare or explain
All the crazy people were considered to be sane
if we could fly with no planes
If all people were good , no one is being judged, no sinners or saints

imagine all the people living their lives in peace ~
Heaven exists within you, if you search deep
Let this world go , come on take the leap

My life is an art film
Long pauses
Long stares into the distance
Prominent silence

You don't know what the **** is happening
I don't know what the **** is happening
Everyone left
Everyone knows
Yet they don't care


My life is an art film
No one knows what the **** is going on
What is going on

Am I that unlovable
Am I that unbearable?
Should I just stay in my silence
Should I **** up more
Should I always be out of the zone
Like I'm floating over my own life
Unaware
Not really there
Is this where I belong

Am I meant to be misunderstood
Am I meant to misunderstand
Am I meant to be alone
In my own thoughts
Crawling with unmet demand

How can I be there
I'm unlovable
How can I be lovable
If no one loves me
If everyone I got close to left me
Everytime
Everytime
Every ******* time.

Should I stay in this art film
Or maybe try to make sense out of it
Become a drama
Or maybe
A tragic comedy

Let me in    
Let go and
Let me free fall through that florescent universe inside you
Let all the colors of the rainbow fall in my eyes the one's that you egnite
Can I live there in your heart right between your skin I'll blend in .
Let me sway between your fingers and fall asleep on your lips.
Let me live my days in your deep sparkling eyes that hide what my mind wants to hide
Let me inside
Let your demons burn me alive
Let your troubles hit me till I'm black and blue
I don't care cause I'm inlove with everything about you
Let you're essence crawl on my skin
So everyone would know

let me in
and don't ever let me go

Describe it like rain falling down a muddy street
But that's getting old and it doesn't make you feel the heat of the words

Then describe it like this is what it feels like to get old
But still you dont feel those words

Describe it like a broken glass glued to hold
But still you dont feel my words

Cause I dont feel them either
Even though my dictionary grew but describing hasn't gotten easier

A day a year 10 and more passing me by like a seizure
Keep breathing till it ends .
It will pass just let it pass

All thats happening just keep calm and let it pass
Just let it pass
Let it pass

That's kind of funny and thats kind of sad
That's kind of serious and that's kind of flat
But you keep calm and let it pass

Hovering over your every thought is an end
To a thing that feels like it never ends
And when it does you dont know if or that it did
Will we know
I dont know

Just let it pass
Let it pass
Settle for what you have
The job you kinda mighta do better than
The friend you kinda mighta do better than
The life you kinda mighta do better than
The passion the talent you mighta kinda have
Forget it and just let it pass
Lazy as the given ***** you don't have

It's sickening how we behave
it's thickening my blood
as I feel the wave
splash through my body
it's taking me away

cause it's sickening how we behave

Everyone loves you when your on top
but wouldn't do the effort
they wouldn't go out of their way for you

My stomach turns
it turns
I can't bare it
I can't hold in this anxiety
like ants crawling through my veins

I love too much then I hate too much
I've got too much to do
too much on my mind
it's too much


But somehow my life seems empty
like I'm never doing enough
it's contradictory it's crazy
it's stupid
I can't sit still
I can't undo this grin
on my face

I'm sick
so so sick of this

Cause it's sickening how we behave
My life is blessed with so much
but honestly it feels like I'm in a grave

this anxiety deep in my core
isn't going away
it's here to stay
Blinded through this life
trying to feel my way

And right now I feel sick to my stomach ..
Could be a sign that I'm going the wrong way .

There's things in life you just can't deny
Like how you kept me up this night
How you remind me of something I had inside


And people tell me play it cool
But I can't help if I'm a fool

And I can't explain it but I'll try
You are things I want to be
And an image of someone I didnt want to let go
Call it repeated history  

Cause when you get attached to someone
You search for them in everyone you meet
And when I see even the smallest pieces of  crumbs of  you in them
I like to make believe

Cause I can't help the people I meet at a young age so bleek
The people that leave an impression on me

And now I search for them in everyone I meet
And you resemble something

I can't speak ..
I can't say...

If I did it wont make sense anyway

But there are things in life you just can't deny
Like how your thought kept me up tonight