Another ******* knocked
Up a girl now holding a pre-****
And he'll run before 9 months
Is up don't need mrs Cleo to predict

And what's to become of
A single mother who's lonely
Victim of repeated history of many
When an I love u is phony

And wuts worse is she
Rather dead beat dad think shed abort
Before pride would allow her to
Find him for child support

So she works 2 jobs
And is stressed in the worst way
Seeing her child sad and empty
From a fatherless birthday

And when she's in school
Grade 1 her teacher asks
Why she's not making a fathers
Day present during arts and crafts

As many schools do in there class
So holidays always was
A let down as her mother says not
To get her hopes up but still she does

Only to be crushed
When Christmas calls
Even though she made clear
She wanted her father to Santa Claus

In both a letter and at the mall
Maybe she's on the naughty list
Now she starts to feel both her
Dad and Santa just don't exist

And all this time moms gotta
Watch her child in pain
While at the same time jealous
That for her child she always remained

And her father did not so
Y is he so important to this
Child she struggled to raise
Then feels guilty at how foolish

It is to be jealous of a man
Who's wanted but didn't want them
But sadly the child isn't the only
One hoping he returns cause when

Dead beat dad beat being a dad
Not just the child was left
But also a woman in love who's
Heartbroken and equally upset

But the child's obsessed
Making it hard to accept for mom
Who's bitter as tension Builds
as her child's now a teen and less calm

And takes her anger out on mom
While stuck in confusion
Pernicious from lack of a father
Figure adding to the pollution

Which may end concluding
With her herself as a single mom
As another high school drop out
Getting pregnant b4 prom

And when she breaks the news
It's déjà vu for a single mom
Now having to see her child
Be a single mom

But two single mom don't make
A single mom cause they
Won't be single long if that single
Bond grows to mentor protege

And soon the child will say
To her mom and new grandmother
A sincere thank u as What her mom
went through she now discovered

What was covered so well
Cause being a single moms hell
So she apologizes to her mom
As she could never tell

The emotional struggles of
abandonment and Heartache
But still have financial stability
And find time to partake

In school dances and plays
Clothes to wear and food to eat
Exhausted from 2 jobs and no
Support by a loving man to rub her feet

And finally after 18 years of
her high hopes that life would make
Her father come back on her birthday or
Christmas Start to fade

So with her high hopes fading
her lifes void dad left starts filling in
of course thats when chills go up moms
spine instinctively As the phone rings.....

She always burned her
Barbie dolls after she cut
All the hair of that plastic,
Magic perfect blonde ****

She was 11 and had just
Always hated how all
Her family and friends kept
On giving her a doll

That was perfect and had all
And she just couldn't see
The relevance and the elephant
In the room is insecurity

So at 11 she Cant see what she is
but what she is not
her imperfections made her check
If Barbies got what she got

But Barbie did not barbies
perky with both ***** and ****
Her legs don't grow hair
And she don't need cover up

And her short legs look
Nothing like barbies do
Even her *** and
Thighs are all proportioned too

Fit her spectacular body's frame
that frames her reflexion
with the blame to detain
what remained as complexion

Of her oily pimpled skin that
Is too fair and needs a tan
And living up to all that not to
Mention a corvette and a man

That's why Barbie hangs across
Her closet where her mom
Saw the Barbie dolls She hung
by the neck yelling what's wrong

butShe just masks how she
felt so a head doctor was
a psychiatrist who sighed
A bit but had sided with her cause

She was an ugly duckling herself
That Never grew to be pretty
But the city has no pitty for no
Pretty so best you be witty

And told her to keep with the
hate she now held for Barbie
and before She left the doctor said
**** a corvette get a Ferrari

So She left happy but hardly
Cured of her obsession
Over beauty and style,
With a classy shoe collection

But she is now only 11
And reassures herself that she
Is no barbie and would repeat
barbies not prettier than me, and

Til she believes it she still burns them
To hang them soar
Shows a mirror to the bald barbie so
She knows she's not pretty no more

See what its like to feel too short
as She cuts at the knee
She says" i can be more
like Barbie if she's more like me"

Wheres obese Barbie,
or Immigrant Barbie from far
Black haired or short haired Barbie
Who's bus pass is her car

How about welfare Barbie or
realistic Barbie anything but
A smooth long haired long legged
Perfect shaped ***** and ****

With Friggin hips child birth was
Not made for and why
She asks Can't barbie have flaws so
I can pause the feeling that I

Will fail before I try if I
Am expected to be
So beautiful and Barbie never talks
No wonder kens easy to please

the message seems look pretty and
Dont talks all u need
So she hangs them violently
but quietly wishing they would bleed

But as she gets older shell
Like herself more and won't dwell
That god didn't make her a Barbie
maybe hes not as good as matel.

I know you have felt alone...
Felt like no one cares,
i know it's rare to find a stage in life where your completely satisfied, cause its hard to achieve ultimate fulfillment when there is always someone criticizing you,
judging you,
projecting their insecurities on you or forcing you to see yourself through the eyes of societies impossible standards.
Wealth anxiety, social status,
the vanity fueling self consciousness, as you attempt to stay abreast of fashion and the common misconception of what beauty is,
but ....beauty is not a 6 pack,
beauty is not a tan,
a tan to be darker, while others struggle with not being lighter, beauty is not *******,
a tight ***, smooth skin without pimples,
beauty is not designer clothing that makes you a walking billboard, advertisement or inadvertently providing endorsements for companies who overprice based on their oh so prestigious brand and logo...
Beauty is loving the imperfections
Beauty is never compromising your moral fibre or code of ethics
Beauty is the confidence to want nothing more than what you need,
And not confusing what you need with what you want.
Beauty is knowing who you are
and embracing it
Beauty is standing by the ones who you know love you
Beauty is speaking against the *******, the bullies, and continuing to stand for those who can't stand for themselves when there is reason to stand by them.
Beauty is not your upgrades, luxury or sports car, or smart phone that has dumbed you down and has disconnected you from personal interaction,
Beauty is expressing your opinion
An opinion you formed without prejudice or bias influence
Beauty is developed through an open mind, and a Relentless ambition to uncover deception for the truth...
No matter how hard or unpleasant it is to see or hear
Beauty is not found in disposable income, or the competitive edge
When human nature urges us to feel the need to feel better, stronger smarter or more accomplished
Beauty is found in forgiveness,
Beauty is the good deed you went out of your way to perform,
even if its unnoticed or recognized by the one you did it for
Beauty can't be preserved by ****** creams.
It can't be emulated with cover up,
it can't be purchased, with monetary exchange.
So if you don't feel beautiful,
know that you are.
Know that it has only been lost,
while being blinded by the erroneous thought that you are not enough,
Blinded by the diamonds, gold and glitter you stop to grasp,
resulting in sacrificing the path of your dreams, leading you to the ugly emptiness you feel
....time is precious and can be expensive,
and some expenses can't be paid back once indebted
...sometimes the worst type of bankruptcy has no protection
no lawyer to loophole the damage.
Beauty is knowing that true ugliness is created by chasing insignificant desires
and entertaining temptations that we know deep inside are ugly,
but we tend to forget it is masked with an illusion of beauty
Or disguised with a mirage of denial
Beauty is building character
Refusing to believe that chivalry is dead...
And accepting the unimportant things we obsess Over..
You are already beautiful....
Don't chose to be ugly...
You are already beautiful...

I know you have felt alone...
Felt like no one cares,
i know it's rare to find a stage in life where your completely satisfied, cause its hard to achieve ultimate fulfillment when there is always someone criticizing you,
judging you,
projecting their insecurities on you or forcing you to see yourself through the eyes of societies impossible standards.
Wealth anxiety, social status,
the vanity fueling self consciousness, as you attempt to stay abreast of fashion and the common misconception of what beauty is,
but ....beauty is not a 6 pack,
beauty is not a tan,
a tan to be darker, while others struggle with not being lighter, beauty is not *******,
a tight ***, smooth skin without pimples,
beauty is not designer clothing that makes you a walking billboard, advertisement or inadvertently providing endorsements for companies who overprice based on their oh so prestigious brand and logo...
Beauty is loving the imperfections
Beauty is never compromising your moral fibre or code of ethics
Beauty is the confidence to want nothing more than what you need,
And not confusing what you need with what you want.
Beauty is knowing who you are
and embracing it
Beauty is standing by the ones who you know love you
Beauty is speaking against the *******, the bullies, and continuing to stand for those who can't stand for themselves when there is reason to stand by them.
Beauty is not your upgrades, luxury or sports car, or smart phone that has dumbed you down and has disconnected you from personal interaction,
Beauty is expressing your opinion
An opinion you formed without prejudice or bias influence
Beauty is developed through an open mind, and a Relentless ambition to uncover deception for the truth...
No matter how hard or unpleasant it is to see or hear
Beauty is not found in disposable income, or the competitive edge
When human nature urges us to feel the need to feel better, stronger smarter or more accomplished
Beauty is found in forgiveness,
Beauty is the good deed you went out of your way to perform,
even if its unnoticed or recognized by the one you did it for
Beauty can't be preserved by ****** creams.
It can't be emulated with cover up,
it can't be purchased, with monetary exchange.
So if you don't feel beautiful,
know that you are.
Know that it has only been lost,
while being blinded by the erroneous thought that you are not enough,
Blinded by the diamonds, gold and glitter you stop to grasp,
resulting in sacrificing the path of your dreams, leading you to the ugly emptiness you feel
....time is precious and can be expensive,
and some expenses can't be paid back once indebted
...sometimes the worst type of bankruptcy has no protection
no lawyer to loophole the damage.
Beauty is knowing that true ugliness is created by chasing insignificant desires
and entertaining temptations that we know deep inside are ugly,
but we tend to forget it is masked with an illusion of beauty
Or disguised with a mirage of denial
Beauty is building character
Refusing to believe that chivalry is dead...
And accepting the unimportant things we obsess Over..
You are already beautiful....
Don't chose to be ugly...
You are already beautiful...

SHE alone....
accentuates beauty,
her existence alone amplifies
why true perfection lies... in natural imperfection,
... and that....
...is the epitome of gorgeous,
wondrous...
A mysterious entity that makes me quiver at the nurturing womanhood...
.simplistic..
. True divinity, divinity that speaks to my soul in a language with roots far deeper than Latin...

A supernatural being that cannot be restricted by definition,
for it would only be an affliction
of her capacity,
so im left with nothing in which her beauty can be compared to,
for it's strength is far greater than any other force
....the beauty of a woman...
The embrace of her warmth and grace...
The softness...the independence...
The "love me for who I am"
...and i will..because....
it will always be more than enough...
and anyone who perceives it as less
...has never known true beauty
in the essence of a real woman ...
Thank you,
Thank you for teaching me compassion...
And passion...
sacrifice....
The bitter in bitter sweet, that is
arguably sweeter than the sweet...
A woman is much more than who she is,
but what she is...
and what she stands for...
It makes me strive to better myself as a man, so I do not let her down

...like I have....before

News Feed

Knowledgehater Gonzalez
July 30, 2012 ·
Promises....
I hold u and wonder what
You'll be like when ur old
I can only promise u won't
Go hungry unloved or cold

But I can't promise ur life
Will not have pain or sorrow
But my blood, my liver, or bone
Marrow are all urs to borrow

Lol or keep but I can't promise
Ull feel accepted by peers
Can't promise u happiness
Or that u won't cry tears

I can promise to never
Steal a girl from u
But I can't promise what actions that
Other humans will do

I can promise to leave u money
My assets my ear and shoulder
But I can't promise to teach u much
But the basics when ur older

I can promise to clothe u
Or support u in ur arts
But I can't protect u from betrayal
Or a painful broken heart

I can give u all I have
And teach u all I know
But I don't have all the answers
To questions as u grow

I can't promise we won't fight
Or that u won't hear me cuss too
But I can promise that with all my heart
That I will always love u

I can promise to guide u the best
Way I know how to do
can u accept knowing i dont have to
understand u to love u

I can't promise that the boogeyman
In a way doesn't exist
But I can promise wutever demon
Haunts u, I will help u resist

I can't promise not to
Border being hypocritical to u
But it's only because I have seen what
A life of indulging can do

So I promise that I wont always tell
U wut u wanna hear
But I promise to only give my
Opinion then back off as u steer

Wutever u choose even if
It's not my favorite or i feel its not best
i will still support u if u want *******
to hold tight ur dress

cuz if that's wut u truly want
I will love u all the same
Cause ur my son no matter what u
Do or who it is u became

I promise to respect and remain
The friendship we grow to have
Just promise me you'll sympathize
when im strict ur all that i have

if u need someone to talk to
dont think u cant tell me ur sins
cause my love for u never ends like
a circle so dont keep me from things

in your life so i can help cuz
U were the one who saved my life
If ur life was an event on Facebook
I'd hit going! Comment and "like"

see how much I love u tyke?
so much I'd use a cheesy example to
Explain myself, cause looking dumb
Means nothing if it's for u

Cause I'll be the next John Q
I'd do whatever it takes
Cause that I can promise
But some things are not made

For me to be in control of and some
things are out of ur control too
But for what I can't promise I can
Promise I'll be there for u through

The pain it will bring,
And when my opera fat lady sings
I will die happy knowing I got to
Experience the most greatest thing

Which is being ur father
Cause it proved to all those that think
I wasn't capable of greatness
wrong Cause ur the greatest thing

I've ever done or I'll ever do
Next to being there for u
And I promise to do all I can do
If its possible to promise it to u

Promise to be honest with u
And to accept what I don't like
Cause in the end I'll love and support
Anything u chose to do in life

...I love u Juju

This is the last ******* time
I rent you space in my head
I've written about you so much
When I'm done I'm like.... Again

This dudes annoying me, get over
It, she's a *****, what can you do
I never asked for child support all
I wanted was our son to know u

But maybe it's better he doesn't
But it breaks my heart that aches
When his preschool made crafts
On ur dead beat Mother's Day

And he had to make one for nana
And asked me where u were
And now I finally get why some parents say, the dead beat ****

That isn't around had died
Cause I rather that than the other,
Which is tell our beautiful son that
The truth,narcissists can't be mothers

So *******, and this will be the
Very last ****** time
I waste a thought , or a tear drop
On your heartless ***, but I

Still hold pity for you!... Why?
Because I know what you don't
That regret can evolve when u let
Important things left, so I hope

I can hold in the joy, when the day
Comes and your blind *** sees
That our child, your flesh and blood
Has a value, your drugs can reach

A life you made, that you trade
So you can run away but one day
All the pain you left me with will
Find you ***** and it'll eat away

At whatever's left of your soul
Whatever's left of your neurotic
Selfish, ****** up, drugged up heart so black, I reverse oscars, and boycott it

So when psychosomatic Psychotic
Psychosis sets in
And you feel sorry for yourself and
All the time you wasted with him

I will tell him. To make sure he takes
What time is left with u and not
Say what I want to which is, let her
Live knowing, the cost of what's lost

Is being a deadbeat. But sought
Will be knowing if I did
That would encourage the son I love
To lose out so I sacrifice for my kid

Something u know nothing about
And probably never will
But 4 years have gone by so fast
Soon the futures the past and filled

Will be your blinded eyes
Full of consequence disguised
As poor u, self pity, ****** cries
Just like the cries our son cried

As I learn to handle a four month
Old baby boy, but hey .. I did
And you'll never know why sacrifice
And a selfless life fills the void which

We use to try and fill with ****,
Parties drugs raves all the ****
That lead us deeper into the darkness
We thought we escaped and hid

10 years of living for only us
Temptation, inebriation lust
Feeling numb cause sobriety
Brings anxiety in society full of

People who grew the **** up
Responsibility. Purpose stability
The knowledge that pretentious
Isn't being clean, so tranquility

Is real when it's felt rather than
The induced, bile filled puke
That's only half as vile as you
And if you ever see me smile *** u

Is what's meant, as I see now
Why we had to part ways it's sad
You were scared to grow up and that
Will catch up with you but a dad

Was just a scary . Trust me I was
Terrified.. Emasculated embarrassed
The years we spent that i cherished
We're all spent high so apparent

is how sobering up left transparent
Facts that say I didn't know
Who I really was, expect for the one
I was when sedated and I know

Now that there's a difference
In the way your emotions process
And now I maybe who we said we'd never be, cubical Steve at the office

9-5 and ya I get it, got it,
I'm exactly what u hate I know
But one day everything u aren't is
What you will be, but *** this poem

**** the nostalgia the reminiscing
See..... I always end up lost
Cause admittingly I can't get over it
When your eyes stare at me off

The face of our son, the ****** expressions the stubborn head its
All you that I see sitting across of me
And thank u for him, so like u left

Us, I will attempt to leave u
Abandoned in this coffin poem
And hope it doesn't follow me back
Like a horror movie villain to a home

I built without u, stop thinking bout u
It's easier to say
Than it is to do, so with a *** u
I mask the pain the scars gave

To remind me what's behind me
So on the day regrets blinding
This pain will be yours cause karmas
Tour can move slowly but finding

Who it's meant to, means it'll get u
So goodbye dead beat goodbye
I hope u drown in the tears u cry
When u see what u trade to be high

I use to have the opinion, that the worst affliction or restriction
Was the withdrawal symptoms
Of a chemical drug addiction

Until my hearts collision
Had me fall in love but didn't
Know the pain I would gain once
the aim of strains division

Smashed it, its like finding religion
Only to be horrified by the vision
That your gods path for u was different so u feel imprisoned

By the heartache Now given
Cuz at least a fiend can buy drugs
To help     with all the withdrawal
But the heart broke can't buy love

Or buy answers to why
When they ask as they cry
they are not good enough for the one who put the tears in their eyes

Needing a fix to get high, but the
dragon chased we learn
Isnt sold like gold, but still I hold
Onto the hope she'll return

I give my life to this poem
I give my soul to the words within
My emotion lives like an ocean
As its body of water that lives

And breathes like a sea full
Of tears of joy
Mixed with the tears of the
Lonely or lost now annoyed

I give my time and my all
No matter big in size or small
Sometimes a message doesn't
Need even 1 paragraph at all

I pledge to rise and then fall
Within these lines and not
Within the lines that confines
My mind until the line is crossed

I sacrifice myself as the cost
If it means others proceed
Cuz no matter how amazing u are
U gotta hope to inspire a breed

That will be better and supersede
Like our seeds were super
I wanna move u, and move more
Than a 9-5 career mover

It's a passion without ration
As it tends to limit length
Distance freedom of speech
And all that's meant to have strength

So I'm satisfied if I end
No richer but still liberation
Comes from the power held
When u expel true inspiration

Literary diarrhea no constipation
Feelings r condensation cuz
If its hot or cold enough it
Creates its own reaction with buzz

So I give all I am and ever was
To these sentences that express
The faith and hope I possess
Praying it has some effect

I give my blood my sweat
My experiences, my fears
So that it eases the next person
U thought they were alone here

I give myself to this poem
and leave it for those who need to
find courage, strength or hope and to
provide warmth as lifes cold winds blew

I give myself to this poem
so it can give me to you
And if I'm lucky u will carry a
Piece of it along wit u too

So I give myself to this poem
so it can give me to you .....
and i will live on as pieces of each
person i touched and got through to...

She deserves recognition
For her work as a technician
Who's expertise is ball bustin
Who majors in *******

Excelling in the field of advance
Hot air production
A profession heckler who
Composes an orchestra conductin

A firework show eruptin
With colorful rants red, and purples
She's acclaimed for rhetorical
Questions that repeats in circles

An elite linguistics scholar
Who's sarcasm is an accomplishment
Very talented...no gifted at making
An insult sound like a compliment

And Her stamina to do so
Is like an Olympian who's pleased
Only when her track and field
Meet of slander makes ur ears bleed

A masters degree in belittling
A graduated philosopher for the bitter
Must be a psychologist the way
She attacks my sanity to litter

Insecurities, and doubts and I
Heard she has a phd in hypnosis
Until u start to believe her *******
And this psychosomatic is ur psychosis

A world class magician who's
Tricks leave u perplexed in thought
A novelist who narrates to taunt
Controlling all characters and plot

She wrote the book on torturing
A man and emasculating him so
He may never move forward and
She was in the military I'm told

Historically known for her
intellectual Warfare
Manipulating soilders and utilizing
The grounds to ambush u there

A social tyrant who's brilliant
Political ties help her achieve
Her plan like constituents are
Biased so they're all after me

A paralegal who's unfair and lethal
And to her it's titalation
Unfair is her terms but like a
Perm ull get burned in litagation

A degree in early childhood
Education so she acts like a rebel
Perfecting being childish and
Unaffected by ur feelings on levels

Only a schoolyard bully could
Match, she's my jailhouse warden
Who's power is focused on me
Relentlessly constructing like a foreman

With Her future blueprints to
See what the hell she builds for me
Will look like, and she's also a director
In the ******* industry

So she tells in great detail
Just how I'll be ******
She must have been taught by
Peter pan how to never grow up

Trained as medic who specializes
In one area over them all
Nudering human males
So surgically she removes my *****

After she breaks them and
So I am the constant fool
This exceptional jack of trades
Makes me wish that I stayed in school

I wish I could explain it
To the ppl that have never
Been restricted, or afflicted
By being addicted, but forever

I'm left alone, not seen as clever
And the only time I feel better
Depression seized and Anxiety free,
That plagues me, is whenever

I get high, and deny I'll ever
Be able to function or cope
With sobriety in society,
Cuz to numb pain, I need dope

Otherwise I only get false hope
Causing me only to relapse
If not, my nerves are shot,
But deep down I always ask

If I really want to be controlled
By a drug, and never heal
I wanna be happy without feeling
Like I need drugs to not feel

The pain stained on my brain
But I just can't take the stress
The drug sickness, mood swings
Withdrawals, with cold sweats

I don't wanna to be a slave but
I don't want to stop the only
Thing that gives me salvation
From feeling pain, or when lonely

And maybe the truth is,
Deep down, and hard to admit
.. But in all honesty, I say i want to
Stop, when truth is I won't quit

But lie to myself and say
Maybe one day, I will
I just hope that one day isn't the
Same day I am killed

Cuz maybe only death can stop
The addiction that I fight
If I really want to stop I would
Wouldn't i... Why can't I right

What seems to be wrong
Why can't I be strong
.. Maybe I've been the only thing
Stopping me from quitting all along

It was a little insane but who
Am I to judge?
You See ....my friend had a theory
how our world came to where it was

So as he told it to me, is how ill tell it
it to you, but not caring if ur believing
But simply I am just repeating
As I found it oddly intriguing

So, it all starts where a society of
of real gods all live
And their kids are subject to
Learning about their power& gifts

And as an assignment school kids
Were told they had to create reality
On a fictitious planet where it'll
inhabit a species with mortality

Using the knowledge you were taught
In science Eco system building
Using philosophy, math. Art anything
You've learned can help your vision

Now the rules of such a creation
We're to calculate things right
Cause once it's created it's living
And we don't extinguish life

So the teacher explained that if
You create and it goes off course
You can only watch it destruct for
example if u Forget a food source

If you forget to make the
physical bodies of the beings
To be properly resilient enough
to match the environmental skeems

You are forced to watch in horror
As the death u caused slowly comes
And only then will you know
What it takes to be a god, and no one

Will have similar projects so no ones
right or wrong that's why you create
It's imaginative and limitless
As long as u properly calculate

So only a week later long before
the deadline when projects are due
one student who made a planet called earth,
that reflected green and blue

And he asked his teacher if he
Could induce the process of creation
Knowing well, that inducing creation comes
after due date&presentation;

So the teacher replied that
Normally he would say no
But ill be honest im curious to see
if u finished only starting 7 days ago

But before you do. I hope you know
The ethical obligation
That comes with creation, don't
U wanna re work calculations?

Cause they need a way to breath
And have a way that their body
Can self remove or evacuate
And the student said like a hobby

I loved I recalculated made
Adjustment after adjustment
So if I'm missing something I won't
Find it cuz I can't see nothing.

So the teacher said go ahead
And the student left that night
To induce the roots that
Wi grow the fruit of life

So time passes and it's time
To present to the classes
This student presented last&when;
he showed earth all of them laughed

And since there is no wrong or right
The student was puzzlesd
As his classmates started asking
Questions so flaws shoe but subtle

"Why would free will have a need"
When u only need to program
The nucleus to force morality
Now it's on you when your plans

Are wrong, but the student
Explained that he could not plan
Like most others did cuz there are
Copious variables when they can

Make their own decisions and
Be there own gods
So I only gave them
the power and respect that we all got

Cause most of your planets are built
By plans, predetermined by control
Where as mine gives them the tools
Without manipulating them wit goals

Only the fear of survival and a
Heightened consciousness so
well aware before acting on wrong
as instinct warns, so they know

What they should do, and would you
Want a program instead of intuition
Robbed of the right to make decision
cuz in my Opinion that is no vision

of someone creating something livin
So overlooked my pessimism
So existence wit decision prevents
planet prison, think of a mechanism

Something designed to mimic
Life mearly living a planned cycle
So most of your plants are more
Mechanisms then life cause vital

Is the presence of survival so
It can serve as a reminder
That recklessness has consequence
To show control of what transpires

Is there's and with this I moved
On well aware it could end
Badly but sadly the same free will
I gave as a gift could curse them

And that's when his teacher said
Class congratulate earth
As I've never once had a student
Factor in free will which births

Authenticity of life otherwise
Your planet is a replication
This projects meaning is
built around the fact that your creation

Wouldn't really be a creation as
A school would never allow
A class of students to cause
creation with no knowledge of how

Uncontrollable true creation is
And that no creations perfected
And bearing the pain of knowing
Something exists in pain directed

By your creation so be patient
Don't spawn life just to see the odd
So the lesson,its dangerous
playing god so it's important u be a god

That's when the teacher dismissed
The class but asked his student
That created earth to stay after
Class so we can decide who is

Gonna break it to my bosses that
You created life
And when they were alone
teacher said plz fill me in and shed light

On how you got everything cohesive
I had to write a new thesis
Many times and felt so blind even
After schooling to breed this

Planet the way you did, how do
They breath explain
So he said out of the choices I had
For elements the easiest to maintain

So it's constant and remains
Is to have what's needed to breath
Surrounding them and that way the
wind acts to spread what they need

So all I had to do was create
an Eco system that's supported by
The same thing but used in a cycle
Opposite to another, so .....in my

case, earth is filled with What the
dominant and sub-dominant life needs
Just like a fish needs to be in water
Earth uses oxygen as its need

So upon designing plant life a tree
And other plants breath
Out the oxygen the eco system needs
so I hope the environment we

Left to them is taken care of,
So the teacher nods and says
One more question which makes
Me wonder if ur advanced or lead

By luck but what was your
thought process when programming how
A basic nucleus functions you
Added so much detail so now

I'm asking why greed, anger and
Other emotional gauges got
So complicated when these emotions
Develop in evolution with thought

So the student replied, ill be honest
I created earth to reflect me
So now I'm more bonded to my
Creation and empathy from me

Would lack if in fact I failed
To know how it felt
To be lonely. Scared or angry
And despite how there all felt

They make us constantly aware
Of ourselves leading to improvement
On a scale more significant so
They would have to be stupid

To not notice with how complicated
They are by instinct and emotion
That if the environment gets bad
Or poverty is had there's a notion

That nags inside them knowing
Something's Wrong and they'll fix it
But ill let u know as time passes
What happens no I'm sorry it isn't

Allowed to go with you. There's
Many issues, and unwritten law
All creations must be stored with
The proper personnel who log

A the findings as some bindings
Have taught us In the past
That evolution after creation has an
Outcome that is worth to track

Each creation and note the
Changes and evolutions as they
May hold the answer To a question
We won't ask til later so I say

You deserve a pat on the back
But we may very well be introuble
As its my job to make sure u don't
Stumble upon it but befuddled

Am I at how you factored In key
elements we purposely leave out
So when your creations crash it's
No harm some as the lessons passed

Cause reproductive systems are
Graphed and added to the math
When your much older in university
Although they teach in class

To give the female of a species
The means to self conceive
With only eggs and the fathers
DNA but still you achieved

A sustainable process, and
If as a novice u can do this
There's no telling what your future
Creations will teach us, but with

All of this comes responsibility
So lets go call the authorities
And let them know we are in
Possession of an unlicensed piece

Of science and be proud. That
U didn't just play god
You weighed the responsibility
And took well measured steps not

Even taught to you, and even
If earth is not with u
It still reflects how complex you as a
God think,so lets hope earth will too

Cuz any misanthropy is misplaced
As imperfections reflexion
is why conception of perfection
Leaves a contradicting impression

Cuz the same section that's stressin
Abnormalities exist
Is the same formality that makes it
normal so this paradox insists

That something is what it isn't
And it isn't what it is
Like love and hate, a perfect life
needs a nature where antonyms sit

And in essence this is why your
world leaves me impressed
But most ppl dont understand this
Theory and will judge it a mess.....

My patience is exasperated
So negative connotations
Are analytical advice, on a diagram of ******
for life as AnNotation

Used as emphatic confirmation
That my formations deformed,
so be warned, you won't be warmed
by hearing I've conformed

To be socially reborn or Reformed
no Solubility just scorn
Death of Altruism not reborn
My attempt to succeed is Forlorn

****** without pleasure like ****
With an actress who's *****
Unable to reject the amorous nature
Of the advancement taking place

Only to try to post placate
But u can't humorously play hate
That's like calling *******
a play date, and tho karma may take

Action a day late
It'll subtract your pay rate
And I try to listen when they say wait
Otherwise I Trade faith

For fortune so pray fate
Has Infallibility and acts
With revenge and intends to ignore
Its Sanctification on your behalf

But without assured Omniscience
Or Predestination I'm left
Wit bitter taste from various Mongrels
so nefarious I wish for death

Developing an Aversion to breath
A Discrepancy now remains
Some say lifes a gift and it contradicts
when I say it's inhumane

A reality based on haste purgatory
Where narcissists splurge on glory
And act like a real life purging story
living to fill their urge for gory

Temptations and never hoarding
Desires to control with moderations
like earths resource no Conservation
But this is just my Observation

Or maybe there's no correlation
and I just **** a curation
Maybe my pessimisms Pervasion
Has damaged me for the duration

Of life never to vacation
From my imprisoned state
So internally conflicted I'm eternally
Restricted to unsolicited hate

I write  myself love letters
That really make me blush
Like **** I must be sir mix Alot cause I ****** love ur fat ****

It's a surprise your not conceited
Anyway, I won't bug u
I just wanted to tell u ur amazing
P.S: I LOVE YOU

Cause I make mirrors look
Beautiful but u knew that I'm sure
I'm too **** to quote"I'm too ****"
sooo **** right said Fred's insecure

I look in the mirror and I cant
Help be a romantic falling in love
I can't believe god gave me so
much beauty and some not enough

What Am I doing looking in the mirror
U ask, well see I can't be far
From myself so I name my mirror
****** cuz it makes me hard

And since I'm so in love with me
And get so satisfied I'm needing
To stop having *** with ppl and just
******* or I feel I'm cheating

On the best thing to come in my life
Until my son was born
Everyone else is hard to digest so They r children of the corn

Me myself and my ****
So my *** tape is me
And I look cute as any fatter
Ron Jeremy would obviously be

Me in 3d without a 3d tv
It's emphatically amazing
Bubble bath, wine, a mirror, light flirting Then shower after bathing

Cause I keep making a mess all
Over Myself
Like Ernie does Burt or Santa does
To a slow toy making elf

I'm addicted so I need out
Ophelia plz Help!....**** it
Cuz if I loved someone over loving me
that "someone" will go above this

Love i have for myself and be
poetic as Me beautiful hair like me
A great sense of humor, like me
man who am I kidding its unlikely

There's no one that's  like me
So I touch myself alot
If beauty's in the eye of the beholder
Than everyone's be holding so stop

Telling me I'm incredibly conceited
Cuz I already knew
But how am I conceited when the
Fact is I'm amazing it's totally true

Even my mom says I'm special
And I don't mean I'm whacked
Even though sometimes toilet paper rips while wiping so nasty is that

But lucky for me in fact
Is My crap doesn't stink
I've never been in love with a
Man before but now I am i think

I maybe wearing more pink
Cause it makes me look good
Actually I can't look any better
So I make pink be what it should

**** like me, cuz I'm too
**** to be honest to ever be
With anyone else cause I'm
Almost even too good for me

But we all have to settle
At one time, and before I leave
Let me explain to u why I wrote
this and  hope it's not what it seems

Cause it seems I can be a bit
Down on myself alot lately
Like we all can be when we don't see
anything we like in mirrors making

It hard to let go of the insecurities
Kept bottled inside
Cuz society makes us feel only
Models are easy on the eyes

So I wrote this out
To trick myself into a balance
Hoping the self love will develope
If I first generically enforce the habit

To accept and love myself
Like u should do too
So write yourself some conceited
*** **** And set it all free

Cuz i figure my figure or lack of
Figures in the bank
Would suppress if I contest
My emotional mess and thank

Myself for pointing out all
The things that make me cool
Instead of feeling like the high school
Drop out I am, feelin like a fool

So I lie like I don't feel like a tool
Or stool and say im a star
And I call my bathroom mirror ******
Cuz it always gets me hard

"" OH Lord it's hard to be humble
When your perfect in every way...
I cant wait to look in a mirror
Cause I get better looking
each day "" -- Mac Davis

I will tell my son not to do
Drugs obviously but ****
That's like priests telling child
**** peddlers it's not right to *** kids

So I'll have to resort to this:
"son please do as I say"
And not what I did and probably
Still do when grandpa for the day

Takes u away to play,
So I'll tell him things that made
Me a hypocrite so don't have ***
With girls u don't love and I'll say

Always use a ******, even though
It really takes away
From sensation like immigration
Deported it from the land of play

Never use the service of a ******
Even if she has 2 kids
And u think fukking her would help
Her feed em, cause that's just sick

But then Ill feel so guilty from my
Hypocritical ways
Like not going to church but sending
Him with his catholic school to pray

As echoes of my words that say
**** is no gateway to others
Are heard in my head but now I'll
Preach it so over protective I smother

And suffocate, and screen his dates
And call him on the phone
Until I'm that parent ur friends
Make fun of, never leaving him alone

Cause I can love myself but a clone
In my son I would hate
But if karmas real I maybe in
For a scary ride of parenthood...great

Cause as I think back I realize
That my parents would freak when they
found out about ****, which makes me think
of all they didnt know, and all I got away.....

With, and I start to flip, so I
Debate starting to hide some devices
All over my apartment and tap the
****** phone and no I don't like this

But it needs to be done,
after all He's my son
I had no ****** brain and I was
dangerous, imagine him, as a smarter one

I brought u in this world son!
So u better bet I can take u out
Now I'm saying **** I heard and said I'd
never say even though i Promised myself

I don't trust a mall Santa or his
****** ****** elf And mrs clause is a ****
Tell me the truth son! Is he ur drug
Supplier, I saw his knee under ur ****!!

Maybe I'm just paranoid plus he's
Not even one yrs old I'm trippin
But not so crazy if family guys baby is  
Accurate .....so maybe my kids a Stewie Griffin

Trying to **** his mom.....ha , ya! Good luck
I been trying for years
But can't get away wit nothin cause who you are
or were ****** .....is always prime suspect and here

Is where I try to convince myself
To just let the kid grow up, and make mistakes
The girl next store will be fine,
Let him learn on his own, not to go ****

cause its as wrong as that hyperboye was
Even if she was ...already a ***
All I want is to make sure he doesn't
Go down the same path i did, and that I know

That I'm lucky I walked through, and away from
Without dying before I had my lil dude
So Julian at 16 yrs old ima take my
Belt like old school people would do

And beat ur *** with it like it was
A million, trillion beatings in one
Then explain that it was for all the ****
U do and will do, and all that uve done

That u know u wernt suppose to do
but still did Without me knowing,
Then never say **** to him again and
pray while I support him, as hes growing

And get a pair of lawyers incase
My pair-a-noias actually apt
And maybe one day he won't hate me
For random drug tests for crack

******, ***, methamphetamines
And anything else
That feels good, as I religiously raid
His room, then end up doing the house

After finding nothing in ur room
Screaming........ where is it, where is it
I know ur up to something cause
u have my blood in u "explicit, explicit""

And ask him paranoid fuelled
Questions in anger, killing his joy
U missed ur period this month didn't u!
Don't lie to me!! .."dad ***?..I'm a boy?!!

Then embarrassed and frantic
I'll ask him If he's sure
Then hed say yes dad I promise,
I'll never be stupid as u were

...or at least I hope. Just please god
Dont let him suffer
For my mistakes. Guide him to diffrent
or I'll **** him&giv;; his name 2 his brother

Ok I'm just kidding, I want my
Kid to be living
I want him to be educated, successful
Well respected and giving

And Julian if u read this one
Day, I hope u know I worry
And maybe u don't understand right
Now but trust me u will when ur 30

This is not for substance
Depth, not pragmatic at all
emotional ******* when mentally I'm Lance Armstrong, wit blue ball

But wit *****,I mean thoughts, as I Tom Cruz through life, so an apology
Id owe myself if not against my policy
Cuz "I'm sorry" like Scientology

Don't make sense so astrology
Can try to map out my stars
I just hope Lady Luck shows up Before Chris brown, and she sees stars

What can I say, I can really charm
Like lucky charms I march mellow
I like girls who still say&count; their chubby bunnys...no marsh mellows

If I lost u there ....just mellow
like yellow,pop songs whorin out hello
So of course forced ******* lately seems endorsed ...pudding pop, jello

Can't be trusted bad enough kids aren't safe anywhere ...gone
I even over react at subway when my sons asked if he wants a foot long

I already know this is foolish
But the rule is ...the real fool is
Those schooled by the useless
at least I know I'm stupid

Taking it out of context, no contest
Your honor....Honest
That was the first time I promise
I hardly ever try to hit on prom kids

Wit tight grips to poke a Bonnet
Off the bun from poccohontis
When findin the island of *****
Oops "He Broke her *******"

That blood soaks on a sausage
....Just another day at the office
Where we process the obnoxious
til the world is my Hospice

A no knowledge college for knowledge to abolish the need
To be correct politically&bree;;
seeds Thatll bleed to succeed

Sp our goal, of bringing awareness
To the shortages pendin
As extinction of bent bananas grow
Straight, it's time to help bendin

bananas, but whats bananas is
ignoring real issues latched
To Muslim hate talks,instigated
Infiltrated so u won't go snap

When they send more of our kids to war, so if u hate, like they ask
When propaganda props the jenga, NVM...wait..look! Kim kardashian ***

That needs a cardigan...plaid
"Drugs drugs drugs! which are bad"
Ask your mom who made u at prom
Or ask your alcoholic abusive dad

Who thinks Itampons a small iPad
Where Dark and red bleeds
quoted Moses"a wifes rags a bonus, So like me  "part the Red Sea"

Will need are secure like cures
the government assures us do not
Really Exist like seniors ****, that
firmly sits, and not hip drop

implying the governments got
secrets but dont ask me ****
Cause wit metaphors, I'm never sure  
Maybe the govt has saggy ****

Some dictions descriptions givin has restriction or depiction's
equivocal, so ones vision of religion
Is another's flashback circumcision  

To an unforgiven rabbis hasty snip
No one Asked "may we strip"
The turtle neck ******* on your slim
priest teasing baby ****

But written permission maybe fit
When a baby's **** and crazy ****
Is so uncivil to fiddle and whittle the little middle, above my skittles it sits

And the initial riddle is, riddle this
What Is sprinkled with ****
And Often tinkles to spit ..
Full of wrinkles, it tickles... The hint?

If she swallowed and followed the
nutrients that hallows out ....
Ud still have wrinkles but it helps to single out,who's single⁢'s about

Time2see my psychologist who yells I need help...(yells) I need help!"
She said her head, lead her to bed
And said her brains dead &melts;

And to blame for her frame of mind
Is the frame of mine, it's the kind
That very rarely has thoughts that carry any logic&scare;; me but I'm

Just daring and not caring but im
sharing the mind of jerry
Where clowns fill towns with slide whistle sounds&priests; that marry

Donald trump And Carrie
Whos news was very scary
as Carrie had to carry a Kanye west hilter hybrid and Arbitrary

Is how arbitrary and arm pit hair be
Armed with hairy Italian yarn
That they wear as bare, but armed
Is bare **** arms that like bear arms

Bears a bears hair where arms
Are usually bare but bears harmed
Is how the thick hair I wear, where it's layered, but not the ****

Hair that impairs where my palms  
Look like they grow two beards
But it's not like i would blow deers
maybe Bambi...who knows were

Not gettin hypothetical to go near
How endearing a dear is it's queer as for my hairy palms I wrote them
Ahem, Dear palms: be calm I'm here

And I'm so sorry u resemble the
Essential pieces that are detrimental
For trump hair that trump wears but
His is authentic ******* Assembled

By the youngest child laborer, paid
less than the condoms for rapin her
So embezzle on levels of unethical
Devils black *** ...and kettle...sure

Let's move on to...Ernie, hey it's Bert
I don't discriminate
Support abortion, or the portion
supportin orphans who's cure

Is particular and par with a ****
Who's testicular inhibitors
Make him a prematurely Shirley
So surely he's early in visitors

So to recap the crap hid in were
Child labour jokes great!
Abortion, psychotic neurotic topics
******* that'll fill in ya, all the hate

Oh wait wait wait...Can't forget ****
Or what I call a bill Cosby date
Afternoon delight? You'll sleep past moon and right to the drowsy awake

State... Wait.. are u a ****? Great!
I never ***** one of those
That's enough Cosby dialogue
It's dyin off, so I'm signin off vogue

Strike a pose, like a ****** my
***** bled all up my skirt in
My ****** like I was al bundy,
****** as a ted bundy surgeon

So uncomfortable like twerkin
When you see 12 yr old butts
That makes me want to be free of
tv, but it makes r Kelly want to ***

So go hug or **** a tree
He'll, **** two, have a treesome
this abuse of my speechs freedom
Must stand alone cause these dumb

Words.. This world.. needs none
cheeses of diseases...egregious,
The weedless, read this,&say; Jesus
Is he nuts? It's Needless,

deep pits, of pre-mixed, ***-*****
Three ****... Please fix
demons *****, from a **** bleedin
Fresh out yeast infected sheep *****

Where we sit&read; this,
praise Jesus Allah and people
Cause were all just quirky, evil
Good, obnoxious naive deceitful

******* with **** smells that equal
Even if not the same
We all bleed, breed and feel pain
And love a good line of *******

No wait , ****, sometimes my brain
Can't contain the stupid
Do models use the same fingers to ******* that use to puke wit?

I know.... I'm ****** useless
An abused ego bruised nuisance
Like **** pics sent to fit chicks
When they want rich pics, so do this

Take pics of a receipt that u slip
From the machine you use, if
You really wanna know, if they'll
Blow whats in the pic u send, do it

Cause she'll blow all that u fit
In the pic u send her I'm sure
And if your still reading this,
Im meanin this,u need help..a cure

Mental stability, tranquility, and
The ability, to stop the instability
Convoluted, polluted, and stupid
Literature, it can cause infertility

And psychotic, psychosomatic,
Psychosis, voodoo and neurosis
poetry roaches Eye halitosis,
To erode the road wit your soul if

You ****-inue, reading soulless
Ambivalence, so belligerent
That insolence so Insignificant
Is magnificent,

A Malignant indignant, piglet, in a
predicament, that approaches
As I ******* my immaculate *****
So swallow this osmosis

insufficient like what I've written  or Tuberculosis, and oh ****!
The oppositions mission is fixing
The risen conditions, to position

***** induced, goblin puke
Gobblin through, all of the usual
Til I'm suitable for cubicles made of pharmaceuticals ...indubitable

Now I'm awful like waffles, made in a
bra full, of a mucus' nostril
putrid puke with stomach fluids,, a used ****** u chew in brothel

It's a cross between a re-run
Of *******'delinquence&bee; dung
Don't think Im gd ppls than be one

And my wise parting words
Are not the rise of farting nerds
Or pretentious self righteousness
Of those dry and artsy jerks

Hope I never let u down
Being a dad is tough
Well, not ..tough but hectic
Never feeling u have enough

But I guess if there's love
As cheesy as it sounds
Food and shelter theres no
Reason to frown

But I can't help questioning
Every decision I make
Now considering my son
B4 every step I take

And living on selfish impulse
And all life's temptations
Has made this new change
So hard to just take in

But I still strive to make em
And better myself cause we
Must better our situation
And the better I am the better hell be

But I can't help but think my peak
Still may not be suffice
If I want to give my son the
Best opportunities in life

So Plz know juju if u ever
Read this one day
That I did my best and even
That isn't enuf u could say

For me but for u
I hope u can say it is
And there is no greater
Love in ur life than that of ur kid

So as I go on, I do my best
And second guess my acts
But unconditional love I do not
Cause I got a lot of that....

Love u juju... So much...

Lately I am quite bothered by an
Innocent comment from a friend
Who explained, how he only obtains
Pain, when he reads what my pen

Gets sent, from an end
my mom Says was damaged at birth
And all though it's a joke. I'm told
Every joke contains truth, so first

Let me warn you of the absurd
Outbursts that may occur as u read
Hyperboles, that fabricate trolls that
patrol, with holes in their soul, lead

With similes that prove chivalry
Has now shriveled like these
Two nuts, hidden by my gut so if I
erupt, and ****** proceeds

Excuse the poetic **** bleed;
That are like a *******'s **** beads
But it's how I express what's painfully painful to me, don't be **** please

With that said, so I can now tread.
And wrap my head around the topic
explaining, why all my poetry
is sad, and often

It's cuz life is a beach, like the tropics
And when it's not, to be honest
I get lost in the moment, but also
When I try to write "happy" it's novice

And is more narcissistic garbage
Self righteous, lacking meaning
Like.. Look Here... I'm happy & gay today, oh ur hungry? Cuz..I'm eating

And you should too! Oh your broke?
Your down? I get those days too
So here's a rainbows & a flying unicorn that ***** glitter when he poos

And Don't you worry my friend,
It's always darkest before ****
Everything happens for a reason,
Your grampas cancer will soon be gone

soon as he's dead, So it'll work out
By the way I used that example, cuz
My grandfather died of cancer a few years back, and I was told that it was

For a reason. But when your readin
You want honesty, poetry that's blunt
So I refuse to **** my reader, like a
Preacher, who touches a boys butts

But in a godly way of course, cuz he's a
Man of god... Are you annoyed?
Cuz that's what rainbows & butterflies sound like to a reading alter boy

Looking for solace, looking for depth
Someone who knows how inept
How lonely, this ****** phony world
That only the snakes seem to get

What they want, and flaunt,
so it can haunt them more,
But most don't get what they want cuz
theyre too busy just trying to afford

What they need, and when the Greed
Exceeds what optimism is left
All they have is knowing how sad.
Another felt, cuz relating has swept

Away the feeling, so hard to accept
When their overwhelming life crept
With emotion. Bringing the notion
He can't relate to people or connect

So both monetary & Mental pay
Starts to mount, as a debt
Shows amounts to physically mount him. Til he even feels short on breath

Starting to consider that only death
Can relieve whats received so yes
Forgive me if my writing lacks,
Calming oceans, possessing even less

Patronizing, condescension, set
On a scenic mountain top, where I
Tell u how beautiful, ur office cubical
That's suitable for monkeys is, why?

It's a lie, but ok...the sun will come our
Tomorrow like Annie would say
So when it comes Tell ur creditors who Harass you 200 times, a day

That today's a new day. And that debts
yesterdays, and should be left
In the past. Where they say, to leave
Worries, which is insulting, but yet

I AM the dark one, with poems lacking
Goldielocks featuring her poorage
Or Snow White who lives with 7 men? deflowered more than florist is

Deflowering, & who am I to question a phony psychedelic, enchanted Forrest
It's not my business who's Orifice
A draf is, usin like it's a drawer of his

Cuz dwarfism like Orphism's an art, Snow White users for organisms
No wait, that's not right. Anyway...  
Where was I? ..rightt? ***** division

So, fill up the tub with ice. Make sure
Your "patient"s subdued.. No wait
Ooops ... Guardian angels, playing harps, on a cloud feeding you grapes

As Sunshine, hits your face, with
Beautiful UV rays, but...My concern
Is how misleading, it is when reading
Cuz even a beautiful sun can burn

Telling sometimes ****** things in turn
Happen without any reason
Sometimes good people die & do You know why?cuz if not wed be heevens    

Even more so. Than we are so even
My Sad poems can bring you joy
As much as happy ones, do when a gay teen grows up, & no longer a boy

And faces the pressures of coming out, he can choose this, what is charmin' ya
Or continue to feel safer In ur fantasy
Poem of a closet ..... But Narnia

Doesn't exist. So I leave him this,
Along With the lost, emotional kids
To let em know every scar life gives
Is a trophy, earned, and the life we live

Is Not always rainbows, hugs, kiss
But that's why it's beautiful when it is
& every word stands in this
For every cut on angry teens wrist

To symbolize, he's not not alone.
Or That shes all she needs to be
And I'm sorry to the rest, but this ....
Is rainbows and butterflies to me ...

Scraps of Cardboard taped together, over a blue recycling box, with a long backing to rest a royal back on, so became his highness' throne ,His staff is made of intertwined hangers, bent and manipulated to weave together, and at the top is gutted tennis ball spray painted red, his crown is made of fast food cup trays, that are also sprayed a royal color, his cape is part of an old tattered carpet, as to resemble a majesty's robe, so as he graciously walks and takes his place seated, on his throne before his loyal, to royals minions, and though the gust of winds brings a raunchy, putrid, rotten garbage heep smell, it is still the stench of his village, and although his court jester, is a homeless man sir Chester, he is still a loyal follower, and even though this forgotten wasteland, with a mot of spoiled milk, it is still his land, and so as the king begins to speak, he welcomes you, to his enchanted castle,the one you insist on calling a junkyard..... Long live the king....

If he could find a dealer
To sell him the love
He needs to fill the void he tries
To avoid with drugs

He wouldn't be seen as an addict
Feelin axiety panic and rage
But the type of free spirits he loves
He knows, can't be his in a cage

Cuz a cage can't hold those free as a bird
Or the same attraction he finds
Is tainted, so he's faced with knowing
"She can never be mine"

Pained by the absence, their
Presence brings, when felt; is love
So like most, he's left with its ghost
Hoping to silence the pain with drugs

Leaving unfulfilled emptiness subdued
From a temporary substitute
But the dependancies supremacy
Blinds any chance for solving the root

Problem so like many lost
From the cost of being high as youths
Become the old and bitter as they wither,
never to reconsider the truth

Which is letting go and moving on
Sometimes means leaving haunted
Ghosts of those lost behind, but first
Letting go must be wanted

But sometimes embracing the pain
Of what's gone, will always remain
When the love held for it is too great
To recognize the power of a gain

That may come if only he could run
From the memories they hold
That are valued higher than what could be,
refusing to trade it for gold

Within the next treasure he is told
Maybe worth Just as much
But when he tries he can't deny
What's too real for him to touch

And almost feels, that moving on
Will only disrespect the way
He felt, as if yearning was the pay
Owed from the love that became

So when the misery is his company
And those around him judge
He doesn't bother explain,this pains kept,
to remind him he was loved

And that is more than any happiness can Bring,
knowing love can't stay
Not the type held by a free spirit who
Isn't the same if it's put in a cage.

.................
So when the misery is his company
And those around him judge
He doesn't bother explain,this pains kept,
to remind him he was loved.....



"God loved the birds
and invented trees.
Man loved the birds
and invented cages."

---  Jacques Deval

Binary code

Life to me is similar to
Binary code cause your either a one
Or your a zero not to be cruel like Nero
but that's just how it runs

Rich or poor zero and one
Not in the sense of you don't matter
But in the sense that some climb the
same corporate ladder

That others like me must of walked under
so zero represents hunger
And it maybe crazy to be labelled a statistic
but your always a number

Like a jail bird in prison social security
or even a credit score
Even prostitutes on escort websites
Are rated with a score

Your age, your salary,were all ******
It's not limited to profession
Even the priest tells u how many prayers
to say after confession

Racing time minutes from seconds
That accumulate to hours
9/11 two towers and 24 hours
In a day 7 days a week for power

We struggle hoping our troubles
Are more subtle hopin Donald trump
Isn't quoted by your boss
saying "your fired", a year is 12 months

But Friday the 13th if superstitious
Means 666 may send viscous
Demons while millions of ******
Are released in one ******* visit

Your height and weight, 6 pack
A perfect 10 describes good looks
5 stars tell how well your hotel is to dwell
but 187s a ****** and all crooks

Know tha 5.0 isn't a lottery# took
but a warning to book it or be booked
But in life we all have a 50/50 chance
if we really try but to look

With perfect eye sight is harder than just
having a 20/20 vision
Gotta watch for fakes that send over scams
til ur bent over, ****,,..now your  wishin

It could all be equal like positions
Designed so everyone can find
A balance of there talents a give and take,
if you will.... even like a.... 69?

Give me yours and here's mine
But nothing's that even, but as for odd
There's a lot of odd, cuz ppl are odd
And odds are someone will rob

You of your dignity. Money or job
Til too high is the number of your
Blood pressure that'll measure
if u need a stretcher and now to be sure

Let's check the number of your temperature
cuz outside it's 30 plus
But it feels more like 50 below zero
When your visa statement erupts

After your wife of number 10 years
of marriage decided to make
Another negative number work against you
at a 17% interest rate

It's all numerical I'm hysterical
Comparable to psychotics unrepairable
And after all this numerology psychologically
ima be damaged cuz its labotomy type terrible

All I want is some fresh bread for a sandwich
and to relax with a beer but first
I had to go to the bakery to get the fresh bread
and of course what occured....

I stand in line for such a long time
And got annoyed I wasn't served
So I yell what the hell, only to hear them tell
me  "please take a number sir "

Life...... life to me is similar to binary code
cause your either a numer one
Or your a zero .....
not to be cruel like Nero but that's just how it runs....


...... Ones and zeros I tell ya...
Ones an zeros......
.. If your not a one....

Sometimes when I'm faced
With a decision I freeze, great..
My Lifes taken to sticks it, and sit it,
At a fork In the road, to wait

For my choice, where's fate?
....cuz so far my choices to date
Is why I'm writing this, fighting it,
Knowing in my past I've made

Decisions causing collisions
Man made damnation,damaging
The way only a master of disaster
Can... With a strategy of calamity

A catastrophe, to make an *** of me
Like I compete VS. tragedy
To see who can cause more horror,. &destruction; but no match for me

Is he, as my demolition savagery
Similar to whenever havocs seen
And as it happens. I'm always like
"Yo..What the F$&@ is happening??!"

Clueless like Alicia silverstone
In the library with a wrench
As Cornel mustard calls her *****
And this is where ration ends

And wanders like it saunters off
topic hoping itll delay or help
Fantasies of **** woman come out
Now I'm a Plummer...hired to help

... But eventually, I'm back held
Forced to be an adult, oh why ..
..forced to pick a road or grow old
And hold stagnant, until I die

Which don't sound so bad, but a dad
Always has to consider
And factor in. to weigh the variable,
In the form of his lil diaper *******

Who really could use a baby sitter
Who is ****,so a ....baby sister
Can be made, but ...focus dont stray
This is no time to joke or play

Eeny-meeny miney moe
Catch a politician by its toe
So you can ask advice, then told:
"It's a gd time to relapse on blow"

Which is only said cuz my head
Controls the imagined figment
Which says nothing except that,my
Heads not where sane thoughts visit

So as I stare at the two paths
I feel debilitated and instead
Of perpetual fear, the thoughts fed
Says no matter which way I head

Ill be left to wonder where I'm lead
If I chose the path, which I did not
When I decide and divide I try the path I now continue so do not

think too much. and yet still
Frozen and paralyzed at a halt  
I stand a man, full of fear, a vault
holding a scared boy full of fault

But Self doubt amplifies as adults
At least for me, so immobile I'm left
Confused by why I'm still undecided
But already feel my choices regret ...

.....  I hope I don't fork myself .....

Self improvement isn't always
Easy but nothing ever is
When it's worth equals your birth
And no longer do I feel cursed

Cause control with moderation
Accountability and resiliency
Needs alignment so my assignment
Is to create a formula like science

That leaves me less defiant
And use my rolodex of excuses  
Cause that laziness is useless
Or maybe I'm just to stupid

But you don't have to be smart
To learn from a mistake
That I inadvertently force on myself
Mimicking the traits of ****

Without the date so I try to escape
To make my life better
Cuz I believe it's never too late
Wait....they say never say never

Which is more convoluted than clever
So whatever, I just wanna be better
So I leave this motivational letter
to remind most hardship endeavored

Are created by me so whether
I call it bad luck deep down I know
lobotomy of proper ideology leaves my life like our Economy, and its told

Philosophy states success is made when preperation meets opportunity
And it's been hard prepping for what can feel like a dead end but... No

Cause faith isn't just for religion
You must calculate your vision
Cuz any goal met must first be set like premonition the first Provision

Of many on a desired mission
no longer will my present position discourage me cause courage.Be my currency even if currently conditions

Leave me impositioned by decisions
Of the past that finally crash
When it chases me to grasp
The changes I've made but that

Is the bad karma I rightfully have
Wooven like its tapestry that flows
So without a needle&thread; or learning to knit i still knew how2sew

forced to reep it and keep it asan
Expensive lesson given
Ramification and consequence
Once written will later find u wishin

That the epiphany now hittin me
Didn't need so much time to see
But the sams transgressions may
Also be a blessin, a present of me

Who is evolved from who I use to be
But still knowing its nor enough
So more consciously I move on as it cautions me to live lawfully tough

And although premature I grew up
This reflexion will be my incubator
better late than not seein the indicator to act as my Instigator

The initiative initiating creator
So if you judge me for early labour
That conceived the belief Received i only hope it relieves knowing these

Words are left to show your deceived
But if that's the cost I wagered
Then this poem now stands a receipt for dues paid and mayb one day later

I can be refunded or if nothing write it Off as a cost of business
Or even education bridging the gap
Of inflation since my occupation

Leaves me expendable so vacation
is taken at club prescription med
So metaphysically I fly to my own
Tropic island gettin out my own head

Where I dare swim in the despair
Of being overwhelmed by damage
left by dumb adolescence to manage
The mess it collects so i bandage

damage i caused Unnecessarily
Physical and mental damage
mislabeling Addiction as a habit like affliction warnings were in spanish

Walking around while I fly high
Not realizing I was being ravaged
So if i end average its stil better than
The full picnic basket short a sandwich

That I was, with a side order of
A chip on my shoulder
Which I learned to swallow with my
Pride which is y i got fat when older

Which is a built Im jacket as colder
It will definitely get til karmas done
Dishing out what outta be awfully
Close to described as ******

A relationship maintained constantly
And a futures what it's costin me
Basically karma holds the **** u emit
Like it was a bag of your colostomy

Only it gets tossed back onto me
Which sparked nostalgia in my head
Hearing my mothers voice echo
Now making sense of why she said

I was **** for brains or **** head
Like my dad often used
Not as abuse but to give truth
Of what becomes of wasted youth

Not in the mood to be serious,
I'm serious about that..tho..geez
I guess we have to be what we
Don't wanna be like wannabes

I may have a disease
That isn't a disease yet
So they'll name having brain
damage With no brain damage  I bet

After me, cause my condition
Is this affliction, in addition
Ive lost my sense of Volition,
i need a placebo prescription

Which is how they treat symptoms
Of depression and god only knows
What else where's dr House to help me out?
I'm also sick with growth

Without the growing up,I'm
Going nuts or am I there?
And I guess if unfair is fair
In life then I'm exactly where

I'm suppose to b but exactly where
That is... I don't know
I feel like I dropped my uppers
And downers and have no

Clue which pill is which, cuz I
Can't tell up from down
I didn't need clown college at
All I am a self taught clown

Wearing a Burger King crown
In a hospital gown
I need a human lost and found
Cause I'm lost but I found

Myself being lost
so am I found Or not
I'm starting to feel exhausted
From all this intellectual thought

That's habitual so I'm not
Thinking straight at all
No wonder I'm driving crooked
And when ppl call

U can ignore it but important
Is knowing if u dare
Try that with nature ull understand
Why I just changed my underwear

I need to repair my impaired
Brain functions I'm scared
I feel confused and weird like I
Shared my **** pipe with the mayor

Or ex mayor but expect there
To still replace him with a new
Incompetent with a  conglomerate
System so if rob ford in truth

Was high what's the others
excuse But I don't really care
Cuz u can't pick a ***** if its
All **** so ill just skip aware

That I can't complain or dare
Want change and that is fine
We're kept so in the dark that we
All vote def dumb and blind

Cuz who knows which **** hides
A secret agenda, well in truth
They all have plans but some are
Not as destructive so you

Never know but I know abuse
Is a temptation coming with power
And no man in power is ever
Clean I mean I wouldn't be so sour

I'm not but look at the twin towers
That's what power can do
It's too complicated I rather be
Jaded and throw dead pigs just too

Fuvk with the ppl who say
"Not til pigs fly, will I" and you
Probably would call that Crazy
But I call it swine flu

Where are u? I can't find you?
But I keep calling your name
Which ended up being my own
Name which isn't as insane

If u thought like me, but a monopoly
On crazy town property is mine
So for now you'll have to setts
With normalcy and define

Things as crazy or not crazy
But to me it's not that way
Cause the truly coo coo are the
Ones too quick to label insane

As if to make them feel sane
But thoughts are the same
In the sense that we all view something
and instinct detains

Our response to a situation
With consideration of morals
Ethics, etiquette and if they
Have a false sense of bein immortal

Making our decisions a portal
To the world as we see it
Which proves that we can be on
Different planets and still be seated

Next to each other Jesus
Id say That was brilliant if you
Asked me but if u don't ask me
I'd be, like....pshh..? Who asked you?

So in conclusion I conclude
With ....nothing at all
I am no more enlightened than I
Was before I wrote this so we all

Can agree I just wasted your
Time and some of mine
But a hen in the hand is worth two
In the bush or something that finds

Better suited to this foolish
Diluted convoluted and stupid poem
plz excuse it as it comes straight from my  
haunted house of a dome

where fuses are likely blown
Which is why I don't know
Why my parents say the lights
Are on but nobody's home

I guess it's a figure of speech
I want to make figures with speech
But I can't even fix my figure I'm weak,
so I may wither while Greek

Is how the world speaks to my
*** dont get that? Let it pass
And it's time I end this poem of
Literary genius sprinkled with class

Live well and prosper. Or live in
Self created garbage like Oscar
Quote 4 IQ:a doctor,then 4strength
a boxer,&end; with ...Jodie foster

P.s.
A witty quote from a philosopher
Or Maybe even an author
So u end the poem soundin smart &
Strong then run off like a robber

It's getting darker,
malice, resentment,
jealousy,
a fruit salad Of youth misfits
from hacker
to packer,
smuggler to rapper,
but what happen was after
Was The economy became a *******

with no fathers to guide it,
cause they already tried this
Now our kids like us could lose an earlier retirement

And I'm tired of it
causing a chain of half *** generation backlash,
so more get thier back thrashed
by their own family while a fat cat

Brings bad luck like a black cat
Filthy rich while some live out of a backpack
And this is me claiming my
two cents so u can tell
The government to tax that

Cuz they Always got us to laugh at
while they get their back scratched
But he gets a happy ending so it's
not just his back scratched

No wonder hes chaffing
and'll probably be chasing penicillin
Cuz itchy And scratchy has nothing to do with cartoons to this vilan

Now the employees the boss
And the boss like ur salads tossed
But we all have to bare a cross
Now my Stomachs all in knots

Cuz Everything's, rush rush
Kiss *** kiss *** blush blush
U wanna move on  up up?
Then find a **** And **** ****

While cancers at us like duck duck
And the goose is getting more then a goose egg
when their goose is cooked

and mother goose told us about 3 political parties not just one
she said
"Three blind mice see how they run"

So while George tells the idiot a story
about the rabbits
The greedy let money make them a savage
while We die slowly from our habits,

Why do we have it,
And To call us mankind is silly
Cuz what mans kind these days really? The one thinking with his wily

to free *****, feelin up a  womans manipulations and call it biology
By staying abreast psychologically
Which is a sociopaths  ideology

now im off of my own topic
Like i provided it just to rob it
Like I went to my bank and boosted the same cash I jus deposited

No wonder Im rich with annoyance
i must have won a lottery
thats how all these things bother me
my community missing comradery

Instead we steal with robbery
slaughterin wuts left of the economy
Like ur ****** coming back again
only this time for ******

Cuz things arnt the way dey outta be. Everything's about novelty
When we need less walk in clinics for addictions, and bad doctoring

Until narcotics flood the street
Someone tell those officering
dealers r those with Scripts 4 oxys
But nice that they're offering

Wut happen to philosophy
Where are all the neo saucrates?
Shooting for monopoly but that cant save u being a ******* obviously  

oh this horror is such comedy
Lately I think i need a lobotomy
good and evil battle within me opposed Im like a walking dichotomy

Now procreations odd to me
flawed To be a double standard like belief of having no right To play god and take life yet its ok to us to play god and make life

It's contradiction is guess
depends on position I guess
2balls to help my two cents express
so this is a requisition I guess

Far from living true freedom but its
Been gone so long who needs em
People say u cant find a trusting person these days..so Y dont u B one

But no, we always need some
Reward or valid reason,
When we already got the biggest...
sharing a home in all seasons

But lately were greatly
crazy, Like oh baby
maybe lately, we fried Our brains chasin the American Dream unsafely

No wonder I sadly dislike myself
And everyone else lately
this is how the world has made me
So u can love me or hate me

But from now, I refuse to allow
Another power to make or break me
I won't follow rules or lemming like fools, I will no longer live safely

Or by a risk management thought
Cause one day well all finally stop
And See that the only real thing
Given to us is each other and not

Valuing it Is like our words and being and heard, Feeling emotion to cry
But still were sick enuf to look in a lovers eye to say I love u as a lie

So don't let them , sell u a high
sell u a dream or sell u heaven
Cuz The ones selling treatment is
usually the same ones producing the weapons

And I tried to spare u this rant
But it just can't be kept in
Something smells badly and sadly
i think its the **** I just stepped in.....

Despite my spite, I will forgive
You tonight
I won't wear my pain like armor
Cuz it won't help me fight

Forget wrong or right
Instead let's talk class
But this is no time for laughs
this is u bein left in the past
---------

Your not worth all the pain
Your not worth all the tears
It's funny how heartbroken I
Was throughout the years

Comparing u with my peers
That in my head never could
Measure up the way u would, cuz
On a pedi stool u stood

And I always helped put
You there, blind from seeing
That you were an empty vessel far
from special but looks are deceiving

Intriguing, til it was demeaning  
Feeling not good enough
So all I keep thinking of was ways
To make you think that I was

When you couldn't.cuz I wouldn't
So how could u ever
the reason love hurts is cuz it makes
u forget nothings forever

Like it's emotionally clever
And controls u with levers
Til the day you pay as u endeavor
Your once whole  heart severed

Feeling withdrawn from pleasure
From the love that was lost
Til your consumed by bitter sweet memories that wither and rot

the "I love yous"are now I love u nots
As your Stomachs in knots
The same way it was the day u met same feeling, but twisted plot

How sick is that? leaves u distraught
Petulant and angry
Hiding in my apartment crying
Ashamed I don't react manly

Cuz I'm weak and now im sadly
Feeling lonely from solitude
Trying hard to keep the little dignity
I have left by not callin you

And Begging you to come Back
Or asking how can I make u stay
Ill do anything and everything
I need u here, now,..... today

But it just ....pushes her away
And makes me look so pathetic
Leaving me a bill to pay back the
Self respect I'm now indebted

But that was past tense when I let it
Overwhelm me, not seeing
That she was very distant from the
all mighty superior being

I kept seeing u as but being
Alone forced to go on your own
Makes u realize how to be a guy
That can now be properly shown

How neglected he was when prone
To catering to someone he thought
Was deserving but after serving her
With Respect,that I never got

I Felt so meaningless but stopped
Seeing myself as undeserving
Deprived of the love i needed most
from myself to help the hurting

Cu losing the one I've been serving
constantly giving love away
Not realizing a true lover would give
Something back to trade

Instead of rewarding me like dogs so I got laid as a treat from my master
I felt like pavlovs dog,a lucky ******* Looking back it was such a disaster

So if I was a good boy I'd get an
Ear scratch, or a bone to hunt
I guess to be honest the equivalent more suited would be a leg to ****

Cuz she made me Forrest Gump
In love with a jenny
Too stupid to be offended by the many times she left for any

Man who treated her the opposite
Of the way that I did
Like she wanted to be put Down
Instead of wearin crowns cuz she is

Royalty to me But in time long after she left me for dead
My brain was confused, knowin the aim was happiness but Instead

She's gone so more self aware and  Self repair to bring myself where
I was needed, and now I feel cheated By my own neglect,impaired

So I forgive u cause if incase u care
You'd know that when u left
I didn't see it but I really needed u
Gone to see it was so incorrect

living to please who I respect
And not respecting myself
No wonder I felt beneath her and
Couldn't face the fear I felt

Cuz she left, leaving me blessed so
Yes if u see this u are forgiven
Thank you for constantly teaching
Me the hard lesson I was given

Bringin confidence I had prisoned
And all the sight I lacked from vision
To see how bad I need to be the first
one I love if I ever expect to be given

Another's love which is hidden
In self love that helps reflect
Once nurtured causing it to bounce off What comes off the opposite ***

So after this you'll finally be left
In my past as I have to move on
But I'll never forget all you left for me
as the lesson I keep to stay strong

And as a reminder, that the keeper
Of love is the loves designer
&should; be possessed to address the next love I get if I can find her

And when I do I'll think of you
and Know you gave me the best
Present by not being present cuz subtracting ur presence as u left

Is the reason I am blessed
And I read the email u swiftly
Sent a few days ago to hit me
By saying how much u miss me

And It was sweet but I simply
Can't be weak and entertain
The company of what had come to be the suffering but comforting pain

Cause I see you like I see the casino
Dat left me broke by takin my money
So The teacher of hard lessons Now takes on the form of how ****** ugly

The lesson can be if it's not learned
that's why knowledge is earned
So in my past with tears shed over u
Is where u will now return

Like my memories are her urn
That keeps her bottled to turn
Over in your grave for making me a
Slave to abuse but the burns

Sat bluntly"don't be a dummy
Or she will hurt u again"
Cu if I play with fire like my desire
From the attraction acquired then

I'll never allow it to retire unlike the
love I had and It was strongly felt
But I'll resist u¬ kiss u or Ill miss
u but if I fall again I cant be helped

With my issues needing tissues after I get My hopes up for nothing
So this is goodbye,cuz I must deny
the high I get when just one thing

Leads to another2leave me smothered, high by your scent
But I cant help remember how lonely I was, when u left, I jus say and wept

So it's time to accept the debt
We will now pay in our own way
By seeing what u had&did;;'t want but u want now... as it walks away

After forgiving all the bad moods
The abuse and all the cheating
And I'm not sure what my future path
Has but I know my past is keeping

You and I wish u well keep dreaming
And never ever go believing
U can be loved and not love or ull be in anothers past as he's leaving

You behind like I did in time,thanks for the lesson ....now here's mine
Open eyes, don't help love come out
It needs to be felt, til then ur blind

By a love ull never find
if u keep taking but never give
Cuz true love is like a 69 it can find
A way to receive as it gives

I must be a stairway
The way I get stepped on
I must be a nightmare
The way I get slept on
I must be a ****
Cause all I got is *****
Life must be a maze the ways
I bump my back into walls
I must be a toilet cause
I'm constantly **** on
I must be repulsive rejected
Whoever I hit on
Must be a ****** as I'm spit on
Must be a door cause they push me
U r wut u eat and on good Friday
I always eat *****
Cause I love chicken *****
At Chinese food spots
I must. Be a target like a sponsor
For target the way they take shots
I must be in pain the way
I take pain killers So
I hope the pain stained is detained
And not refrain from slow
Pain removal and it soon'll
Tell by time but I'm weary
Mirrors seem to fear me
Homeless people are less. Needy
They don't. Need me I'm
Depressing and it stinks my clothes
I must have aids cause I can't even
Get laid by hoes
I must just be gross
Net pay and gross shows. Nothing
And I must. Be associated with
It as I'm nothing unless I'm something
Along the lines of an
******* or a *****
Or so I'm told by people cold
And wish I'd die but I did
Die because I seem to be a
Ghost to most I know
Only call me when there problems
Are so ****** up they know
No matter how ****** up there
Situation. Is that I've seen worse
Which is insulting and flattering
All in the same verse
I must have a curse
Like Toronto maple leafs
Who coulda had a cup by.now
But the phat cats are cheap
But stupid are we not them
Because there's no sense
In investing in a roster if merchandise
And seats commence
To sell and they do always
From loyal die hard fans
Who they rob of bein part of a
Contender team but the stands
Are full I guess losings just
A pass time now
But I'm so off track where was
I, **** I forget now
I believe I was ******* in my
Own special way
And I always get ****** cause I'm an
*** so I guess I'm gay
I must be a runaway
Cause I don't got a home
I can go back to, am I a dog
Cause in my pants is a bone
I must be a **** pad
Cause my wings don't help fly
I guess I'm not a big girl
Cause big girls dont cry
I must be a fat *** cause my
Fat has a fat mass
Equivalent to precious eaten
By fat joe and thats
Not the type of mass with
Stained glass and religion
Where an alter boys farts are
Never heard if u listened
In an amplifier I'm ampped on fire
But nobody sees it
So if I said president Obama
Had ****** diseases
No one would protest and say jesus
Christ that was wrong
What would Jesus do?
He would probably write a song
About his long slong his **** and
Very long hair
He'd. Never sleep with delilah
But still a cross he must bear
But I would never cross a bear
Are u aware jerusalems where
Darker skin toned people appear
So why is Jesus so fair
Well I don't really care
Not even sure why I asked
90% of the world is unattractive
Sounds harsh but do the math
Am I a long necked giraffe
Cause mom said I belong in a zoo
Which is appealing as the monkeys
Get to masterbated and throw poo
I have no hint let alone a clue,
Was. nEver quite clued in
Too busy angry collecting debt
Feeling disrespect and sins
I now and forever regret since
Ii grew up a little
Had to stop substituting ****** pills
For my bag full of skittles
So I must be a riddle
An enigma to ponder
I don't journey with destination
Only have patients to wander
So to be a doctors patient I
Saunter and walk into a walk in
Clinic so in it i mimic a ******* to
finish with a script for poppin
Perkecette oxycotton
Clonasapan diasapan even
So my back pain I make so real
It starts to hurt as I'm leavin
But giving. doctors are decieving
So deceiving them does not
Pin guilt aide it wilts knowing
The real drug dealers the doc
Sending people who got
Addiction problems to phone
A Clinic to start u a new dependency
Called methadone
So leave the **** alone, such
A mess and known
If ur not an ignorant clone
That can't see on there own
It's the same drug dealer
Just a different drug
So how does **** for oxy heads
Really help them its rough
I must be a mute cause all
My opinions arnt heard
And I protect my pocket with no
Pocket protecter so am I a nerd
I must be a bad ****** word
Cause whenever I am. Brought up
Eyes go wide as if I am a bad
Influence like I'm hopped up
On morphine and more fiends
Are. Created each day
As doctors seem to just
Wanna give there drugs away
Well I'm done for the day
That's enough complaints for me
And if u didn't like it call 1800
I don't give a **** and Plz
Remember if it's busy just hang
up and try ur Call  again
Cause I always look forward
To being **** on for when
I use the freedom of speech
Giving to me as a right
So those opposed your all *****
So that means I must. Be a ****
*** yikes ewww a **** yuck
Get it away
So what I say I had to say Plz don't play
With what lay in my spray
Of opions in the way I say
What I say when I say it
If u hate me I'm still on ur mind
And worth hating so go ahead hate it
Poetic dues I payed it
Roads I pave it so those
Who chose to be a voice for
His beliefs always knows
There way but in dismay
I may not pray for others
Cause they may see a dead end
Even though they are covered
And smothered in talent
But if never discovered ur covered
Lucky if Facebook will even read
Let alone brothers and mothers
Cause to hypnotize the others
Selling out lurks in the way
And wut defines selling out is such
An area of grey
So goodbye again I'll say
I'm on my way out and gone
Not even a penny for my thoughts
And it's so sad a penny's beyond
What most would pay
As they say I'm just one of alot
But I maybe a snowflake looking
The same but actually I am not

He found out today that the little girl he called his daughter wasnt his
He's lost. And heartbroken so he confronts the woman who is

Supposedly and suppose to be
The one who's openly honest
But now heading south from
wedding bells and from the promise

Made in there vows as they vowed
Not to be
Deceitful but all people are capable
Of an evil. Deed
So as he yells and demands she
Stand before him and say
The name of who detains the title of
A man who stained with DNA
Their marriage to disparage the love that they had
And as he goes silent his wife in
Tears says. U are her dad
Cause u are the one who stayed up
All night when she was sick
Your the one she calls daddy and
If your not biologically it
By our daughter won't see it is
Like that in any way
She will only see the man she gave
Butterfly kisses to and gave
Cards that she made on your birthday and may
Not be blood to u but still comes to u
Every Father's Day
To hug u and love u and what can u
Remember
That ever showed otherwise
All I can say is forever
I will regret all I bet
And lost while I gambled
Our love, our marriage and family
The secret wasnt easy to handle

But if u chose to leave its fine I
Deserve it but plz stop
And realize with no angry thought
That what I deserve she does not

And as he swears to tell their now 12 year old daughter he leaves
To pick her up at school and when he does in the car she sneezed

And said she felt sick, and then said with a laugh
I might be sick but I don't mind because dad like u always have

U will bring me soup in bed and kiss my forehead and that
Always makes me feel better
Plus u do anything I ask

and he laughs with her knowing he is a servant when she's sick
And as they get home the car stops
And he says I think

I should tell u something important
Cuz it's better u know
And as she looks in his eyes with
Innocence she nods her head as to say go
And as he starts to cry their hands meet and hold once they touch
And he says... It's important u know... That I love u so much...

It's not enough to complain
It's not enough to feel shame
It's not enough to give up after
U fail. It's not enough to go blame

The neighborhood u grew in
Or the ppl u were around
No excuse is enough to justify
So u can just deny knowing how

To succeed and exceed what u
perceive in your dreams
It's not enough to just proceed if u
bleed for what u believe by all means

It's not enough to try, give up and Cry
while u surrender and accept this
Cuz hardheaded and stubborn
when positive, is called relentless

So address this where your address is
and if u find no way
There's a huge world out there,
so learn while u search and maybe one day

Ill see u on the other side
Where no one ******* or complains
Where no one is slowed by
Failure or fear cuz they're driven by pain

Where u don't even need a brain
Just passion and will
Cause if your still ****** breathing
Than be believing u have a chance still

And I write this not only to ****
The doubt that poisons ur mind
But while stressin im confessin
Ill admit this is to **** mine

Cuz we all get weak at times
Where we actually consider
birthing a child of regret while bitter
And becoming its full time babysitter

Conceived with life thatll ***** you
Without any protection
And even those who oppose abortion
Would see this as the exception

Just make sure u never let them
C- section your heart
Keep fighting back, cuz keeping Faith
when life falls apart is nothing short of an art

It can be beautiful but dark
It can be abstract and expensive
And remember stubborn and hard headed
when positive is called relentless

The truth is the truth *****
I rather a lie,
Living forever sounds better
Than everybody dies

Cause the truth is the
Truth *****, so just lie
Say you'll see me soon
Even if it's a final good bye

Similar to parents lies
About a kids Xmas gift
Cause more enchanting
Is the idea that Santa exists

Good old st nick
Catholics have it best
Cause heaven sounds good
As no one wants death

Like mutual break ups
Everyone knows ain't mutual
Tell the ugly duckling that
One day she will be beautiful
Tell tall tales of Atlantis
Or a fountain of youth
Tell Pinocchio he's a real boy
....Anything but the truth

Toothfairys for a tooth
Easters famous  bunny
Tell Christopher Robbin no delusion
Made Winnie the pooh eating honey

Cause in truth it's funny
The truth ain't that funny
Say the best things in life are
Free and we need no money

Cause everyday is sunny
Who u love will love u back
Family and best friends will
Never never ever stab u in the back

tell me my career wont match
my social status and ill en-devour
the same respect as a rich man
tell me love is forever

And if not it ends without pain
and will tell everyone its mutual...
Tell the ugly duckling that soon.....
soon.....it will be beautiful.....

but the truth is
The truth ***** so I'll pretend
This is just the poems beginning cuz
good things don't come to an end....

...But The truth is....
...the truth *****....

I will tell my son not to do
Drugs obviously but ****
That's like priests telling child
**** peddlers it's not right to *** kids

So I'll have to resort to this:
"son please do as I say"
And not what I did and probably
Still do when grandpa for the day

Takes u away to play,
So I'll tell him things that made
Me a hypocrite so don't have ***
With girls u don't love and I'll say

Always use a ******, even though
It really takes away
From sensation like immigration
Deported it from the land of play

Never use the service of a ******
Even if she has 2 kids
And u think fukking her would help
Her feed em, cause that's just sick

But then Ill feel so guilty from my
Hypocritical ways
Like not going to church but sending
Him with his catholic school to pray

As echoes of my words that say
**** is no gateway to others
Are heard in my head but now I'll
Preach it so over protective I smother

And suffocate, and screen his dates
And call him on the phone
Until I'm that parent ur friends
Make fun of, never leaving him alone

Cause I can love myself but a clone
In my son I would hate
But if karmas real I maybe in
For a scary ride of parenthood...great

Cause as I think back I realize
That my parents would freak when they
found out about about ****, which
makes me think of all the **** I got away

With, and I start to flip, so I
Debate starting to hide some devices
All over my apartment and tap the
****** phone and no I don't like this

But it needs to be done,
after all He's my son
I had no ****** brain and I was
dangerous, imagine him, not dumb

I brought u in this world son!
So u better bet I can take u out
Now I'm saying **** I heard and said I'd
never say even though i Promised myself

I don't trust a mall Santa or his
****** ****** elf And mrs clause is a ****
Tell me the truth son! Is he ur drug
Supplier, I saw his knee under ur ****!!

Maybe I'm just paranoid plus he's
Not even one yrs old I'm trippin
But I'm not so crazy if family guys
Accurate maybe my kids like Stevie Griffin

Trying to **** my girl, ya! Good luck
I been trying for years
But can't get away wit nothin cause who
Ur ****** is prime suspect and here

Is where I try to convince myself
To just let the kid make mistakes
The girl next store will be fine,
Let him learn on his own that ****

Was the wrong way to go
Even if she was already a ***
All I want is to make sure he doesn't
Go down the same path I know

That I'm lucky I walked through
Without dying before I had u
So Julian at 16 yrs old ima take my
Belt like old school people would do

And beat ur *** with it like it was
A million beatings in one
Then explain that was for all the ****
U do and will do, and all that uve done

That u know u wernt suppose to do but Without me knowing,
Then never say **** to him again and
pray while I support him when growing

And get a pair of lawyers in cause
My pair-a-noias actually apt
And maybe one day he won't hate me
For random drug tests for crack

******, ***, methamphetamines
And anything else
That feels good, as I religiously raid
His room, then end up doing the house

After finding nothing in ur room
Screaming where is it, where is it
I know ur up to something cause u have my blood in u "explicit, explicit""

And ask him paranoid fuelled
Questions in anger, killing his joy
U missed ur period this month didn't u!
Don't lie to me!! .."dad ***?..I'm a boy?!!

Then embarrassed and frantic
I'll ask him If he's sure
Then hed say yes dad I promise,
I'll never be stupid as u were

...or at least I hope. Just please god
Dont let him suffer
For my mistakes. Guide him to diffrent
or I'll **** him&giv;; his name 2 his brother

Ok I'm just kidding, I want my
Kid to be living
I want him to be educated, successful
Well respected and giving

And Julian if u read this one
Day, I hope u know I worry
And maybe u don't understand right
Now but trust me u will when ur 30

He stands in the washroom of
Restaurants smelling people's ****
When he hears a wet bowel movement
he concentrates and inhales to sniffs

He doesn't explain why he embraces
these different smells and succumbs
To a brain that keeps many smells on file
like a world trade show of dumps

Cause everybody poops
So he wants to find a way
To manipulate smells so one day
everyone's **** will smell great

And hell go down in history 4 making
**** smell like lotion 4 baby's
THEN Hell be called brilliant!! for hangin
around restrooms and not crazy

like some thought So maybe.....
who u think or call crazy should stop
cuz they could be a genius who's times
to precious to explain his planned plot

And the main message in this
poem is the judging just needs to stop
So....Stop calling me CrAZy CuZ
I'm BrIlLIAnT ........BuT CrAzY I aM not

...cause I'm brilliant!
Like a **** smeller..... You...
know what I mean... lol

Self destruction imploded,
explosive is the emotion, when corrupt and tainted,
and salvation is stagnant, dismembered and disassembled,
as it resembles a black heart that relinquishes it's broken wings,
and surrenders to complication in frustration...
A device used that's suffice to sacrifice what temptation,
made sacrilegious, a viscous disease plagued by the relic feelings that are negative prognosticators bringing induced nostalgia
that only comforts til the attachments make it arbitrary.
It's a condition that foreshadows eminent manifestations
that makes justification unequivocal, so indestructible is my problematic depression,
my depression that im stressing is what causes my stressing,
only stretching once pressing so im guessing
that self destruction is a blessing as im confessing that my lifes abusive like im a possession
and thats when i question my suicidal state
and why i wait, causing my seld destructive ways to mutates into a plutonium powered, steroid fuelled monster
that contributes to the inadequate feeling projected in my low self-esteem filled consciousness ...
until the residual given the variables is nothing short of pathetic,...
An astronomical spectrum of failure,
tears and insecurities that resonate to perpetuate the amplified undeniable confinement that nihilism builds....
Irreparable, so I reprehend reputation and release stigma,
but alas reach to accept what I cannot change,
changing the things I can and staying perplexed in differentiating.
The only respite I have is the lethargic hope that I will be terminated immediately,
til then redundant is the regretful feeling resulting in me halting
living vicariously through dead individuals visual
but your imagination cant comprehend it,
as it is declared gratuitous with the exemption of acting as a wrecking-ball to shatter my scattered and battered dreams
as demolition makes extinct the instinct to continue my pursuit for happiness that my gps can't seem to locate for a destination point,
so implicated is the uncomplicated conclusion that most concur as apt.
I contemplate collision to refute, but refuge I seek leaves me like the head of a seek, wrapped in a turban of the tangled web of lies I weave in a post freedom epiphany
that dictates to fall in line and pay taxes,
which contradicts freedoms theory and questions it as if to challege a democracy our hypocrisy sold out,
so before I implode as an introvert would,
I say as an extrovert to divert and dodge the bomb
made of self pollution society helped bond to my suicidal notion to instigate what is now destiny,
... Stand back...take cover...TNT + me = my carefully calculated subconscious desire...
Calamity that brings Armageddon ...boom!!!
As I yell goodbye before the dramatic, and traumatic ******...
brains blood and guts erupt, to help conduct
and orchestrate the witnesses who are now throwing up

It's not enough to complain
It's not enough to feel shame
It's not enough to give up after
U fail. It's not enough to go blame

The neighborhood u grew in
Or the ppl u were around
No excuse is enough to justify
So u can just deny knowing how

so if you need to work
3 jobs, while u scratch and claw
your way to whatever dream thay lay
awaiting you to sink teeth and lock ur jaw

break your enemy and the law
create a strength with ur flaw
like having deadly aids and using it
to **** ur enemy by sleeping with his wife or dog

whatever it takes do the job
be stubborn and never listen
to the dreamkilling dream-***** blockers
who want u to fail so u can be kissin

the same *** they kiss, dont miss ur chance
dont over think
take what u want like bill cosby does after
making a woman a drink

cuz To succeed and exceed what u perceive
in your dreams, and become
a man than if u have to bleed for what u believe
then by all means cuz success ends

when your sacrifices do, so dont give up and
Cry while u surrender if not, pains expected
be hardheaded and stubborn cause its a positive,
thing in this case but differently name as relentless

So address this where your address is
and if u find no way theres a huge world
out there, so keep learning and maybe one day

Ill see u on the other side
Where no one ******* or complains
Where no one is slowed by
Failure or fear cuz they're all driven by pain

Where u don't even need a brain
Just passion and will
Cause if your still ****** breathing
Than be believing u have a chance still

And I write this not only to ****
The doubt that poisons ur mind
But while stressin im confessin
Ill admit this is also to **** mine

Cuz we all get weak at times
Where we actually consider
birthing a child of regret while bitter
And become its new mom, no babysitter

Conceived with life who will *** u
Without any protection
And even those who oppose abortion
Would see this as the exception

Just make sure u never let them
C- section out your heart
Keep fighting back, cuz kept Faith when life falls apart
is nothing short of an art

It can be beautiful but dark
It can abstract and expensive
And remember stubborn and hard headed when positive
is called relentless

He's only 9 years old
so his mother thinks being on the brink of suicide
which she thinks about as much as she blinks
is totally oblivious to her son who is actually more in-sync

Then she knows or cares to know
cuz it would hurt her soo much
to know that every time she left the room to cry
he knew that she was

But we tend to think our kids
are more out of touch
or maybe we just hope
So her son like her copes alone cuz

He's only 9 yrs old
and doesn't know what to say
But psychologically it's damaging
As his emotions get away

From his control without a father
To guide him like he shoulda been
And his mom says his father died
but he knows she lies to protect him

From knowing he's unwanted
And as time goes on
All of this pain has build up putting
A timer that after so long

will set off a bomb
So as her son comes home from school
he heard his mom crying
And it has made him feel like a fool

So as he musters up the courage
he Walks in the bathroom door
To see his mom curled up in a ball
Crying in the corner on the floor

Where he sees the blood dripping
Off her arm where it withdrawls
Infront of her and On her so
He runs to her and falls

in her lap knowing the act that
Was Tryin to be done
So as he cries with her he
Looks in her eyes and says "mom "

I'm sorry for everytime I heard u
Cry, it was dumb not to
come find you and hug You
and tell you I love u

I'm sorry I never said that
and dad Maybe gone
But I'm still here and I'm not leaving
So please don't leave me mom

I know you think I don't know
All the things that I know
But I know a lot I just don't know
How to help stop it so

Its ok and i know dad isn't dead
I know He left cause of me
And I'm sorry that I ruined things
Cuz maybe he wouldn't leave

If I wasn't born, and thats what
left her torn which was enough
To make his mom totally lose it
As she tries to say his dad leaving was

Not his fault but
She couldn't breath let alone talk
She felt alone for so long but this
Time her observant son Left her in shock

And as they sit on the Floor crying,together,
her son says I'm always here if you need me
But plz mom promise
You'll never again try to leave me....

Not in the mood to be serious,
I'm serious about that..tho..geez
I guess we have to be what we
Don't wanna be like wannabes

I may have a disease
That isn't a disease yet
So they'll name having brain
damage With no brain damage  I bet

After me, cause my condition
Is this affliction, in addition
Ive lost my sense of Volition,
i need a placebo prescription

Which is how they treat symptoms
Of depression and god only knows
What else where's dr House to help me out?
I'm also sick with growth

Without the growing up,I'm
Going nuts or am I there?
And I guess if unfair is fair
In life then I'm exactly where

I'm suppose to b but exactly where
That is... I don't know
I feel like I dropped my uppers
And downers and have no

Clue which pill is which, cuz I
Can't tell up from down
I didn't need clown college at
All I am a self taught clown

Wearing a Burger King crown
In a hospital gown
I need a human lost and found
Cause I'm lost but I found

Myself being lost
so am I found Or not
I'm starting to feel exhausted
From all this intellectual thought

That's habitual so I'm not
Thinking straight at all
No wonder I'm driving crooked
And when ppl call

U can ignore it but important
Is knowing if u dare
Try that with nature ull understand
Why I just changed my underwear

I need to repair my impaired
Brain functions I'm scared
I feel confused and weird like I
Shared my **** pipe with the mayor

Or ex mayor but expect there
To still replace him with a new
Incompetent with a  conglomerate
System so if rob ford in truth

Was high what's the others
excuse But I don't really care
Cuz u can't pick a ***** if its
All **** so ill just skip aware

That I can't complain or dare
Want change and that is fine
We're kept so in the dark that we
All vote def dumb and blind

Cuz who knows which **** hides
A secret agenda, well in truth
They all have plans but some are
Not as destructive so you

Never know but I know abuse
Is a temptation coming with power
And no man in power is ever
Clean I mean I wouldn't be so sour

I'm not but look at the twin towers
That's what power can do
It's too complicated I rather be
Jaded and throw dead pigs just too

Fuvk with the ppl who say
"Not til pigs fly, will I" and you
Probably would call that Crazy
But I call it swine flu

Where are u? I can't find you?
But I keep calling your name
Which ended up being my own
Name which isn't as insane

If u thought like me, but a monopoly
On crazy town property is mine
So for now you'll have to setts
With normalcy and define

Things as crazy or not crazy
But to me it's not that way
Cause the truly coo coo are the
Ones too quick to label insane

As if to make them feel sane
But thoughts are the same
In the sense that we all view something
and instinct detains

Our response to a situation
With consideration of morals
Ethics, etiquette and if they
Have a false sense of bein immortal

Making our decisions a portal
To the world as we see it
Which proves that we can be on
Different planets and still be seated

Next to each other Jesus
Id say That was brilliant if you
Asked me but if u don't ask me
I'd be, like....pshh..? Who asked you?

So in conclusion I conclude
With ....nothing at all
I am no more enlightened than I
Was before I wrote this so we all

Can agree I just wasted your
Time and some of mine
But a hen in the hand is worth two
In the bush or something that finds

Better suited to this foolish
Diluted convoluted and stupid poem
plz excuse it as it comes straight from my  
haunted house of a dome

where fuses are likely blown
Which is why I don't know
Why my parents say the lights
Are on but nobody's home

I guess it's a figure of speech
I want to make figures with speech
But I can't even fix my figure I'm weak,
so I may wither while Greek

Is how the world speaks to my
*** dont get that? Let it pass
And it's time I end this poem of
Literary genius sprinkled with class

Live well and prosper. Or live in
Self created garbage like Oscar
Quote 4 IQ:a doctor,then 4strength
a boxer,&end; with ...Jodie foster

P.s.
A witty quote from a philosopher
Or Maybe even an author
So u end the poem soundin smart &
Strong then run off like a robber

exasperated, emasculated,
So the negative connotations
From life's ******, molestation,
**** from this Annotation

emphatic, tragic confirmation
That my formations deformed,
so be warned, u won't be warmed                                                           ­                                                                by hearing I've conformed

To be socially Reformed
Reborn, no Solubility of scorn
No Altruism, so Imprisoned                                                       ­                                
is peace's vision, Forlorn

******, but pleasure like ****,
Isn't a focus, so like ****
I'm Unable to reject the amorous nature                                           
Of what will take place

But I fail as I try to placate
Or humorously play hate
But that's like calling *******
just an innocent play date

when we're ****** for pay day
Catching Freedom in an Infallible trap
Leaving memories, both enemies, and remedies,                                                        ­                                                     when flashing back

But without Omniscience, it seems
Only Predestination Is left
Wit bitter taste of self hate,accepting fate,                           
 now only death

can stop the new Aversion to breath
Causing a Discrepancy to remain
Some say lifes a gift to contradict
all i insist is inhumane

A reality based on haste, hate,
A purgatory Where narcissists
Prove that ignorance is bliss,
cuz happy Usually r ignorant as ****

Or maybe there's no correlation
and I just **** at curation
Maybe pessimisms Pervasion
Has damaged me for the duration

Of life never to vacation
From rigid Dichotomies like
Believing in prophets or profits
Or what's legal and wuts right

The bi ****** polar bear felt shock when diagnosed bi-polar

I love Trees, never narcissistis they always let me talk about me

I am bad with Greek mythology it is my Achilles elbow

I can't say that I'm not a racist
I indulge in misanthropy

Guilt is a one way street
It’s as heavy as the cross he keeps
Chained to his neck
So it won’t leave him, not even
When death comes to collect

Ever since I could remember I been trying to dismember
This member I endeavor that seems to bond me to my mistakes forever
I will feel the butterflies where my stomachs gutters lies
the nerves causing bleeding ulcers to symbolize my gut implies

That my guilt can't be killed
its got a bagpipe and a kilt
A Plutonium powered monster guilt that turns profit til a church was built

And I know guilt in small doses only exposes what closes in the truth
And its noted but I know this

Would be loaded until I was bloated
And eventually it exploded,
Misogynistic? homophobic?
Maybe the bibles misquoted

And that's only a part, before we start on the hypocritically dark
Holy priests who's frozen heart
Let's him say homosexuality is stark

Sin, and then take part
Helping to alter a boys life
after his faltered toy of an alter boy substitutes for the wife

The church deprives him of despite The history, so Im left feeling low like a low life Grinning while I'm sinning, like Charlie winning til karma bites

My *** With spite, but when I speak to the light wanting to do right
My confessions of guilt woe were not only guilt full but blatantly willful

So when I confess my common told, sins, like common Colds
appetizers and often flow, almost comical, kept falling like dominoes

Or added as if it was an abocist
Counting&Accountin; each which are
causing an apology to sound bizarre that now folds like a house of cards

So I find myself in doubt surrounded
by myths in fables told
To give solace without knowledge,
facts or evolution,just how to scold

Bur I do not blame them.
I too have sought refuge in the eyes of a stranger.

But this place does not feel holy guilt
echoes and hangs from the walls, the choir voices, rejoices, but
Guilt whispers to the mass and calls

For them to empty their wallets in collection baskets for sin
&fre;; the incarceration built by guilt
to fester like tumors under the skin

Like a disease of brainwash passed down for generations
since the dawn of mankind.

I do not know what forgiveness is
But I know it is not to be found in the book from which he is reading.

There is nothing sacred here
Every belief that climbs the rafters is tainted.....
Even the windows are stained.

And I swear one day
I will crawl under these floor boards
And dig a hole as deep as my guilt
And bury myself alive.

I've never been precocious
But Predication brought felicity
and intelligence has no relevance
like being benevolent for duplicity

remaining as reigning viciously
until my enemies show complicity
my boss wont know i was late, he
died in a car crash, what serendipity

no nihilism repair its ******* me
so im **** that it remains real
indigenous is my attitude cuz i feel
ruminative when immigrants steal

my land, and in my hand I am
holding the world so miraculous
but to live autonomous my abacus
calculates death comes to a pacifist

so goodbye i give the mass a kiss
and then give them my *** to kiss
while i ******* then after state
i am not a *******

So why I'm cantankerous
Or why I cauterize is convoluted and hard
To defend or guard but i cant ******
the shine of a star til i blow up like a petard

propensity relentlessly
Is pressing me til effusive
I talk trying to remain exclusive
to sanity But my whole life is elusive

So my proclivity limits me
and my ability cause being stupid
Is hard when ur insipid and predicted
the afflicted money addicted will get ruthless

while the medias news is
bias and newsless
but for so lomg now we new this
like stephen harper their useless

I write this for those
Who are complicated like me
Too busy to find a relationship
But not busy enough to be

Lonely as ****,
And when I say that to some,
They are puzzled and befuddled
A single parent raising his son?

How can you be lonely?
That's when I feel the guilt,
Like I'm ungrateful, cuz it's painful
Explaining a brain full of silk

Emotions, that aren't fulfilled
By a child who's a dependent
I can't express the stress on my chest
And secretly lie like a defendant

And whisper everything will work out
When I'm not even sure it will
And it's emasculating to mask the failing
Without someone to distill

Like I do my son, and fill
My head with optimism
That I reciprocate and return, concerned
When they feel like earths a prison

And I'm not asking, ans this isn't
For the pity I despise when given
I just miss, the bliss of a hug and kiss
To remind me I'm still livin

And yes my son gives me this in
The daily grind, but my mind
When I get a minute that's mine
Always wander to nostalgic times

When I didn't question if I'm
In the place that fate with signs
Led me to. Or like many do
Am I lost where you can't find

A lost in found, lost in frowns
Can't find what I lost, no solid ground
Where you say fake smiles are around
And hate it. Only to realize that now

You do the same, another clown
Who seems anything but profound
I use to be royalty. Had loyalty,
but somewhere it all crashed down

So in my Burger King crown
And my throne, built with a stapler
Made of cardboard, matching my scepter Made of
that hallow cardboard tube you get from wrapping paper

You wrap Xmas gifts with,,
and if you Wonder what the paper was used for
It was used by the me in my past, high off his ***.
Who wrapped up my future

And inside was a dead end job,
Sobriety, and some ****
So when life ***** me, I can be lucky
And slap it on my rusty, ... Well you....

Get the picture. And if it sounds familiar
Or not. But still feel a spot
Inside that you tried filling with ***
An unfillable void, u avoid, but can't stop

Feeling it, when you stop. And got
A moment to yourself
I hope this consolation, for the constellations,
not aligning, is a help

Cause I write this, to get it out,
But I post it publicly, for those at home
Who feel the emptiness. When the phone isn't ringing ....
Your not alone

In being alone, which sounds
Like another of life's contradiction
But contradiction is a literary term,
Almost as if to give u a vision

Of poeticness. Where mine is given,
But the give of irony can be fun
Leaving only humor, left for the tumor
That teaches us, that when the sun

Is out. Not not to take it for granted
So I circle back to my son
And I'm sure, that if still unsecure or
Unsure, whenever this poem Is done

Maybe it's time to train your brain,
To regain a perception, that we
Inadvertently trained it to ignore, in horror
Witnessing what wasn't meant to be

And find solace in all or it ...
I know, I sound like a clicheè
Like a cheesy, hallmark card,
that makes you wish, the author had aids

Ok.. Not aids ... But ******, or something
Now I sound like a *****,
But sometimes I see public display of affection
from couples, and I think

You ******* PPL MAKE ME SICK
HES PROBABLY FUVKING UR SISTER
AND WHEN YOUR AT WORK SHES PROBABLY ....
Wait... I can't be bitter

And you shouldn't be either ..
I know it's easier that it sounds
When robin Williams committed suicide
I swear i couldn't help drown

In thoughts. Of how, somebody, so famed  And Loved,
would want to die
which means there's no chance for me..
But logically, it proves that inside

We all have that void. Annoyed,
Wanting it to just fuvk off
But the hard part in life is concentrating on.
What we have. And not, .... the have nots

And remember what you forgot..,
The annoying, overbearing, ones who
Actually do care, about you, are priceless
And trust me, if you have one too,

A mother. Who tries to smother,
so u run For cover and don't visit
Are the ones you give away, on the days
You rather be Alone to pivot

In worthless worries, only to revisit
The same pain, u feed as you fear it
And as I write this I'm rolling my ****** Eyes too,
cuz nobody wants to hear it

But the truth is *****, just like ur mom
But in end it's the only honesty
Left in a life full of broken dreams and fake smiles
toco-sign the promising

Promises no one kept,
when they said "I love you" or I'll never leave
So I'll try to take my own cheesy advice 
 Left in this poem if u do the same for me

So I gift this to you. And my future self
As well, and I can only hope he
Takes the message inside and abide, or try ...
And Remember,lastly, when coping

That just because your lonely,
It doesn't mean your alone ...
Just because your lonely doesn't mean your alone ...
For u.. I wrote this poem ...

Don't offer me what can be bought,
Or make an offer solely based,
On your soul, when faced,
With guilt seized,
So you can feel guilt flee
Like paying a guilts fee,
Leads you to guilt free.

So if you ever eventually
Find a mind of consciousness mentally    
You'll see, true empathy is empty, leaving sympathy, Rudementally,

Don't give me a coat, for freezing,
Stand in the cold, never leaving
Emotionally, blood in oceans leak
Cut yourself, so as one were bleeding

And I promise you when the years
Reverse and the curse, of your fears
Tear your flesh internally, turn to me
And for eternally I'll shed ur tears

With u, and yes. I know, how peculiar  and convoluted, it is when I say
"don't relinquish food to me
if I'm hungry.....Throw yours away,

Let me know I'm not alone.
Don't pull me out from dark depths
Crawl inside the dark cell in hell where I'm held, Where my secrets are kept

Don't try to heal my insecurities,
Reassuring me, assurity; obnoxious
Instead reveal, what makes you feel
Scars unhealed, or self conscious

Or like the others, be pompous
Judgemental, narcissistic corrosive
psychosomatic vanity, causing insanity a Psychotic fantasy, causing psychosis

To those like me, who see it's atrocious
So plz, keep youe charitable deposit
As it doesn't help me. As much as your
Guilt, so it doesn't hang in your closet

With the other skeletons, and elephants
And other less than eloquent shame
Don't act like u are feeling my pain
Don't R.kelly **** on me &cal;; it rain

I don't wanna stand under your umbrella, stand in the storm with me
So we never fear being with no umbrella, instead knowing that we

Survived the worst, that this earth
Could disperse, so never
Again will we fear it, but more than that, we'd Know whether the weather

Was the worse ever endevoired,
&fall; to death, that is still better
Than life where no ones love, is tested, to never know, what's truly forever

To never know, the beauty in pain
Or gifted lesson, in a hard loss
Cause what can ever be valued, with out knowing how to, sacrifice for a cost

Have you ever felt so distant
You just couldn't connect
Lethargic and emotionally inept
In Financial and moral debt

So to me to welcome death
Would be like I over slept
Theyre called nightmares when asleep but awake it's called regrets

So it's hard not to be depressed
stressed wonderin if my birth today
Made a difference or am I just a spec of dust under trumps toupee

left with nothing deep to say
No courage found to encourage me
to the world im just a villager a 3rd
Worlder, cuz life Honduras'd me

humbled me, it's humbling,
but still I fail to be artistic
Being a human full of temptation
Still erroneously narcissistic

Convoluting what's simplistic
And wanting, to want, so filled
Of ****, As the void shifts to over flow the emptiness til unfulfilled

Am I, a contradiction, like I con with diction, as my description
Paints poetic, how pathetic, like **** smelling cologne my depiction

Will still smell like a pool of stool
Can't justify bein my flaws, victim,
When really the fault of addiction
Is self inflicted a decision

Welcoming, compulsory prison
But I rather insult your intelligence
By making *** ups sound elegant
But the truth is there less Eloquent

So every room I enter the elephant
Is an element like it's on salary
That I feed with **** talk like I lead
As the Head of the peanut gallery

Who feeds religiously, hourly
Like bush wit twin towers I grieve it
In pain by its tragedy, but in secret
I Caused but sadly they believe it

When I lie to myself and others and do it Much, I forget what's true
And hoping you'll be less like me
... Is why I confess this to you ....

I won't give up when it's difficult
I won't get discouraged when
Things don't go my way ill only
Say, it's ok and accept it there and then

I will no longer complain about Rain
cause its gonna rain sometimes
and I refuse to just write generic views so im
likedso if I disagree my belief is mine

I won't glorify drugs, violence or ***
Only make it a topic when it's truth
I will only embellish for obvious effect
And never to ***** cause that is art abuse

I will face my problems and own up
To any and all mistakes I make
I pray god kills me if I become infatuated
with materials or fake

I will follow my dreams even when it
Looks hopeless without drift
and never care if it fails
cause ill never have to wonder "what if "

I will respect other artists,
other Genres, the esoteric
I won't judge, discriminate or hate
anything/anyone without sufficient merit

Ill take risks, then take my loss like a man
Let the past go And move on
I will never forget that there's always someone
more determined more smart&mor;; strong

I will talk less so i listen
take advice when it is given
I will be grateful for the life im livin
Remain hungry ambitious and driven

I will pass along opportunity
and good fortune to the troubled
I will always pay it forward to the hungry
like I was given only double

I will no longer say anything
about anyone I don't first say
To their face and at the right place,
and i wont make everything about pay

I will work more than I play
Keep my word whenever I give it
I will not speak or act with impaired judgement
whether drunk or livid

I will embrace who I am and not
Embellish fraudulence to be
Anything or anyone I am not
or any success gained was not by me

I won't act according to jealousy
greed or even in lust
I will never turn on a friend or family
or violate my poetic code of trust

I will never give up,
give in or relinquish power in anyway
Even if I know I'm gonna lose
ill still fight like ill live another day

I won't make excuses or place blame
For my lack of vision or growth
And if I succeed or exceed
ill never be pretentious and boast

I will remember where I'm from
who i am and who I was with along the way
I will forgive and forget
no matter how bad I'm hurt or betrayed

I will never fully hate another human being
or refuse to love or trust
Just because i was mistreatedin the past
Ill never think of "I" before "Us"

I will not be too proud
to ask for help if I really need it
No matter how good I do ill always
be humble and never turn conceited

I promise to live this mission statement
not just write it so u read it
I promise to honor and live by these
Words then always repeat it

And always repeat it
And always repeat it.....
I promise to honor and live by these Words
And always repeat it.....

constructed mentally, Over time
by our subconscious an imitation
as a defense mechanism built a prison on our visions, with Limitations  

in hopes failure can bring solace avoided is feeling voided
but so is opportunity,
So what good is impunity
if u have no ...immunity

To ******* preventing annuity
Internally u need unity
Cause self doubt can help hold u back when nothing else did so stupidly

U let the biased opinions
poison ur community
a hard lesson To learn when that lessons ur only gratuity

But how can u think Intuitively
When presented with all the theories
The factored potential risk, variables
And that's why I always fear me

Before my enemies or my obstacle
Cause if I'm not mentally stable
I won't be mentally able
And then eventually ill be hateful

Cuz essentially the playful
And light hearted always go
A little further, cuz his approach
And most self confidence shows

That even if he fails, he knows
Hell bounce back brilliantly
its not how many times u Fall,
but if u keep gettin up: Resiliency!

While at the same time learning humility and building these characteristics are prognosticators and measure predictions and see

When u wish on a star, that's me,
Go twinkle twinkle, &don;'t let them
****** ****** all over ur dreams and that includes you, who like them

Self sabotage  when ur self doubt
Comes out psyching ourselves out
Only after discovering someone else
Who made u second guess what u felt

So go in front of a mirror and peer
What appears when u get naked
Your ***** Now that u know u still have em
Take a mental picture and save it


Use the ****, to take life and **** it
break it, then erase it
Cause nothing can be written
About a destiny you didn't make yet

You act to manifest it
Don't eat their ******* reject it
If u already did dont digest it
Throw it up like a bulimic or anorexic

Supermodel.....how rude! Point is
Like H u need preparation fast
So u can get rich enough to payoff
Closeted Skeletons from the past

They thought the world was flat
And no one could say different
But what they " knew " turned out
Wrong so they actually didn't,

And I use this as a catalyst til
I question everything annoyed
Until I question my own sanity
Realizing I now look paranoid

But I know I'm not insane,
But taking into account
What I have already said than
I may belong locked up in a nut house

So now I find I question myself
Full of doubt until at last
I don't trust any decision i make
Based on Facts that may not b facts

Obsessed with knowing wut I lack
Which is everything I assume
Maybe I belong in a padded room
That I wont believe is a padded room

Leaving me frustrated and confused
And the only conclusion now left
Is everything is not what it is or
everything is wut it is to some effect

Unless its not, cuz then it's not
But then again maybe it is
So my parents get mad when I ask
if I'm adopted and go blood test my kid

Thinking all Facebook is
Is a social network but what if
It was designed to be addictive and
harmless just to keep us on the grid

What if the chicken ***** really is
Made out of cats and kittens
So u think eating a cat is nasty
when maybe they r ****** delicious

But I would think it was chicken
So ill never know what I know
How can u know what u don't know
If u don't know what u know

Maybe a turtles so fast it's slow
Maybe ****** was a saint
Could u argue its not possible after
Seeing This whole picture I paint

And no I'm not saying history books
Are wrong, at least not tonight
I'm just saying my minds playing games
so may not believe its all right

And now I see why I just might
Be happy ignorant for the bliss
So my new goal is too try my hardest
to be ignorant as ****

Which some may say I already
Am, as to them that's what I show
But remember before u say I am
U better ****** question wut u know!

In a dark corner I sit in a ball
arms holding my knees to my chest
Trying to digest the stress I feel pressed against my neck
Like it wants me not to breathe
Not even sure of what to believe
What are my beliefs
And is it all just a placebo relief from whatever grief until we can find our next piece of happiness
Or is this as good as it gets
Left with the memories that are
Suppose to comfort me
Instead they remind me of what I lost
All i see is the loss and the cost of taking it for granted
So now I pay in regret for wut I don't have left while I try to collect all the
Pieces to correct a shattered life
That lost respect
Both mine and those around me but surround me as if to drown me by
Pounding my made mistakes in my
Face like the stake to a vampires heart
My only residule is this art that
I was never smart enough to use
Properly
but it is my only property
And All my life has to offer me
And so I offer these to you
In hopes that once it's spoke
I can say it wasn't all for nothing
That my heart was broke
That my spirit was gone
That my soul was *****
That those that depended on me
Remain hungry and thirsty
And onthe end I warn u if u wish for life not to scourn you
Don't be like me and let ur insecurities pour through
Don't feel sorry for urself oh poor u
Cause u can't afford to
So I implore u and inform u
That poisonous is self doubt
Or bath in ur own tears smelling like
Failure and no one can help
Take it from me a man who
Couldn't learn to believe In himself......

She said she was a twin
And had a twin sibling
So right away as I'm not gay
You know what I'm thinking

And if not then I'll simply
Be abundantly clear
A ménage trios is wut a man
Fantasizes will appear

So I imply and she hears
Understands and says hey
"if that's wut u want then I will do
It cause I love u" and so I wait

For her twin siblings arrival
Still In shock that my girl
Is willing so I'm praising her in
My head, as best in the world

And as the doorbell rings she smiles
As I jump so eager
And I'm not the only one as my
Girl looks happy to greet her

So as she answers the door
And invites her sibling inside
They both walk where I sit in the
Living room so I

Lift my head from the magazine
I have been pretending to read
As they stand infront of me now
And as my girl introduces me

My face has shock as my
Sister talks and grins
Saying *** this is my twin
His names James but likes Jim

And he's **** ****** incase u
Still want to get
Freaky she says laughing
Walking away and yes

Twins are opposite ***
Sometimes I forgot
Now wut the hell am I gonna do
With this rock hard ****

its hard letting it show and getting a hold
of emotion when letting go, or moving on
when all you gots self help knowing anyone else,
you vent to will give an apathetic yawn

So I record this for those who hoard this
same fear and board it needing strength
stress so enormous aborted is storage of gorgeous  
dreams resorted to feelin horrid for lifes length

It can be a struggle drowning in tear puddles
as trouble, less than subtle doubles to attack
And every stride doesn't abide or Coincide as snakes
rise, til your tries of going forward flies back

To square one, and in life rare is fun thats
fair to none, we were taught
Or told,so be bold in lifes cold and hope as you get old
youll get to hold the gold you sought

and ill be first confessing how distressing
and depressing life is, so less interesting to you
is being targets, and seeing how charmless the  
arm pitts of lifes hardships are, but true

is how we grew from it, learning to control
frustration when we lost and had to let go
teaching us the cost of a loss, and to cherish what we got  
before we do not, and learn as a whole

to fight it off dont write it off, from a loss, like
calling a cough fatal but a slump confuses
so we sacrifice triumph for lumps concluded
when at most it was only bumps and bruises

But the more humps eluded
The less theyre found to be intrusive
And lack of experience separates the greats
from the ignorant fake and stupid

Transforming Translucent to Lucid
Helping the disapproved prove its
Only movement with motivation will prove an
approved transformation to see improvement

Recycling for beneficial Accruement
so positioned positivity surrounds my proximity
Ignore judgement given with no realistic vision  
like religion and ****** Proclivity

Cuz alive and well is vocal Bigotry
Don't let it lead to Social misery
Nothing but insanity and vanity can come
from some dumb boastful imagery

Just concentrate on denying timidity
All u need is a path spacious for clarity
Be honest with yourself, embrace its sincerity
to trump the negatives of bein an Auspicious Rarity

And soon the limitations will dissipate
and'll incubate prematurity from the womb
so the happiness it Impedes will now lead with speed
and feed whats conceived and leave you immune

to The sadness that presumes to bloom and consume
the needed room to emphatically feel free
Sometimes the mentality of normality is just a fallacy
to stop empowering the masses but we

need To dissemble what resembles self hate
its poisonous to our mental plot  
so fight like you were a ****** blow addict
against psychosomatic havoc reeking thoughts

Of conformity when normalcy lives In abnormal
habitats, and almost extinct is average acts of affection
to ones self cause, and ones doubts'll come out as we
figure out, true perfection lies in imperfection

and that visions the driven means of conception
who we are, what is given and what will be
And evidentially this entity essentially will remedy
being our own enemy then eventually proceed

To prove as key, and all we ever need
To be secure, and to assure our second guessin
can be denied and die as no longer are we tied to  
what insecurities imply forcing us to question

If our quests less our own invention
as we are stuck restin' in a direction
Thatll leave us stressed and left in debt to our
future set, hoping to avoid collections

Cuz the confidence to believe we wont regret
is needed, while perusing
dreams seen as too far or too hard from where
you are but so is anything worth doing

So don't hesitate to pass and move on from a past
that knocked you off your path on your ***
Just continue this rat race or waste what awaits
as you erase manifestation to grasp

what destiny had, so Let go, and move on,
being victorious maybe laborious, but it'll help
emit the enriched bliss fueling you to dismiss
doubt amidst lifes struggles and finding out
  
that if you Learn from mistakes, and shake the self-hate
that makes you controlled by fears based  
on statistical outcomes, that say to out run the high
risk, but when you are faced

with a mirror showing the face of
your raised self doubt, dont mask it
cause within us is both the magic to pass it or the
havoc traffic of our doubts to help end tragic

so act drastic and grab it, hold the mirror that
mirrors doubts and grasp it
then **** residule subliminal doubt, of this cynical
criminals habitual ritual as you smash it

Cause confidence is needed to believe in what we do
and who we are while perusing
dreams that seem too far from where we are or too
hard but ..so is anything worth doing

Reflexion can bring depression
When reality is perception
predicated on a view of deception
Leading a manifestations progression

That shatters the complexion
Showing false feelings that lessin'
With the realization, or implication
Your aspirations are now lessons

That leave you less than copacetic
As dissipating is how impressive
You thought you were but pathetic
Is all you are, and so poetic

Is justice, and just this embedded
Is enough to make one emasculated
An epiphany, that's description be
A prescription seen to mask u hated

By the you subliminally traded
When morals and ethics do not
Seem to grow lessons as possessions
Show no imperfections, but got

Ramifications, that stand complaisant
When complacence seems apt
But that impatience, is now a patient
That's not embracin your thought

Until aspirations and inspiration
That was on vacation comes back
With inflation for the duration and is
Stationed threatening to smack

A reality check, as fallacy sets, at
The front door, on the door mat
As Persistent without resistance
As a fiend imprisoned by a crack

Addiction, that conditions the track
Of your life, filling its path
With inept regret u once had swept
Under the carpet for a debt that

Haunts the future, so u adapt
Or stay learning nothing and lack
A vision that helps position what
The collision causing impact

Has now been givin, so just collapse
Or accept the challenge& fight back
So you can disappoint and appoint
A future controlled by u or fact

Is that every hater who laughed
Every person who said u lacked
Can eat the **** given when their vision predicted there isn't a hack

Or given to counter act
The retardation of ur handicap
So my mission, is to take what I'm given, and make a livin that has

Something that pride can intact
Remain, as a brain shows the dead
Can resurrect like a man whose ***
Lets him be ***** after ****** past

Symbolizing that in fact
That a comeback before an end
Is possible and is plausible,
More so than Christ rising again

No I'm not anti religion but when
It's time to be brave, what'll aid you
Is not a multiple layer of prayer cuz
Despair, can only repair and save you

Not Jesus Christ or Buddha in life
Cause respite and redemption
Can only be implicated once infiltrated
Is the integrated affection

That failure uses to comfort you
And lead you to ultimate denial
So you believe the deceived, that convinces u what u achieved is vital

When it's minuscule and limits you
To a pity fool it's pitiful
So it's time to leave a mark, not a ****
Cuz a stink left as a residual

Leaves only a bad smell no visual
Be a man who's original
Don't follow footsteps, and hook left
Like u cook **** for a digital

Scale that weighs the individual
Not just the drugs and it states
That you are exactly what u will be
An expendable person who makes

No difference, cause indifference
Leaves you equal to pigeons
A scrub who only gets love from those who can't get above their addiction

Either that or your in a prison
Built by your bad choices now left
To be a constant reminder of how
You are blinder than a finer kept

Lemming, who gave away an ending
Full of purpose and worth
For possessions with no progression
Givin no lesson, a birth

Made in vain, and when the pain
Strains and stains your life
You'll remain in with the pain
You slowly obtain and might

Be susceptible to sleepless nights
Unprepared for the endless fights
But when insights not a set sight
You relinquish the potential unlike

The one fate expected in spite
Of the ignorance, saying "psyche"
As it takes. The bliss it Gives,
Cuz likes a ***** when despite

The chance given for flight
Glory, greatness but it's height
Is stumped when even Forrest Gump
Succeeded when less than bright

Was he, but resiliency, invites
And provokes a hope that lies
In Every man that believes he can
Execute a plan, that dies

When you accept all the lies
That insist incessantly, ur trail
Will never lead or proceed to a day you'll exceed or hail

So when the greed impales
With desire, and greed, it's salt
Will cost you the dreams you tail
Prognosticating the reason u fail