Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Jul 2019 · 134
Ammonia Lisa
He stood there...
In shock..
Starring .....
crying . ....

He hasn’t looked away
Since the second he walked in..
while high on the acid
he was gonna do
with ....his best friend

The Same friend he now saw
Lying dead on the floor.

Laying limp against a wall,
That looked Like it was a canvas
For very beautiful and dark abstract art
.....painted with blood

they loved having deep Acid induced conversations
which he was looking forward to
But ...
before he could surprise her wit it,
He found her....Lisa.

Who’s head now.....
Was mostly on the walls & floor
In fragments

Left reflecting imagery of horror
but ..
somehow ..
still ...
it was beautiful

hard to explain...
or maybe it was the acid ...
or... maybe It was beautiful....

and as the coroner and police arrive
still ...
his eyes Stay glued to the wall

Hypnotized by the blood stained
with pinks
Purples and reds.

chunks of her cranium spread,
Leaving subtle
traces of a peace of mind  ....
that’s not a piece of mind.

thats when Lisa’s mother
Slowly Walks over....

crying uncontrollably
still in shock

She asks:

“are you ok?
“Let’s go....come on...”

and though she said this to him....
Her body language ......
Like his.....
indicated ......
that she could not walk away
and now she also stares ......

he says  ...

“I’m a bit in shock I think .....

I can’t help feel guilt....
feeling maybe ...
I could have done .....more
She was my best friend...”

and as he says this
his cries finally Burst out
but .... still
he hasn’t talkin his eyes off the wall

her mom replied

“ she loved you so much ...”

and still ...
tbey stare.
both crying.

Then he says :

“Do you think ammonia will be Used
to clean this wall up??”

her mom was Puzzled by the question
and replied:

“I’m ... not sure ....why?”

he says

“Because ...
I think this will sound crazy ...
the way her blood ,
And splattered....
it’s beautiful.....

And this caused them both
to cry even harder...
but also.....
breaking a smile for a split Second

as they both knew the comment ...
was obscure and out of place ....

But as they both still stare ...
Hypnotized by the wall.....
they both knew it Was said genuinely....

Then he says ....

“I really wish she could see this ...”

Her mom even more perplexed now


Not looking away

he says:

...because ...
she always said .....
she felt ugly ...

she said She was ugly ....

Her mom says :

...I know ...
the kids were relentless
when it came to teasing her

it got worse as a teen in school

I think ....
she heard it so much ....
That she believed it...
that’s why she’d always say it...
She would call herself ugly
more than her bullies did ...

He says :

“ I know ...
she said it so much to me
That after a while
I’d get sick of hearing it ...
And often told her it annoyed me

Her mom says ....

“ I know ...
I’d always tell her
true beauty
is when you’re beautiful on the inside...
That’s what is important....

( both Still starring)

he says :

“....ya...ironic isn’t it .....”

Her mom:

“What is?”

He says :

....that she wasn’t ugly at all
her beauty was like .....
Like ...

The Mona Lisa....
Off putting.....
but ....
and when this wall gets cleaned ...
it’ll be ...ammonia Lisa ...

she be exactly what she thought she wasn’t ....

Beautiful as art.....
Just like the “Mona Lisa”..
Ammonia lisa.

Like a painting so beautiful
Even her insides that should be
Hard to look at ....
are left like a symbolic piece of art
Leaving her to be what  she never
felt she was ....Beautiful....
like A Mona Lisa.....
ammonia Lisa ...

even harder now....they cried together....

almost wanting to laugh ....
still starring ....
starring at the beauty
that was painted in horror and pain..
like the most beautiful tragic art...

......Ammonia Lisa ....
Jul 2019 · 104
A Caged Bird
We sacrifice what’s valuable for less
Than it accrues in interest on your debt
Which will only double like the puddles
When tears from struggles and regret

Come to collect your self respect
if our soul was fashionable you can bet
Most people would strangle the life from it, just to wear it around their neck

under the impression our possessions worth the Misdirection from stressin
including the Indiscretions collectiin
Like it’s infection is a blessin

Ignoring what’s left in its lessons
like imperfections are progression
Lack of investment in self affection
leaves us detesting our Reflection

Masking insecurities with our *******
women with make up, no exemption
Our projected Self imagerys Placed above our spiritual growth, causin is the tension

The Self hatred, suicide, depression
We forgot who we were impressin
our vanity is insanity, and its calamity
is savagery but these obsessions

are Useless as thoughts and prayers
Or Facebook profile pics with frames
Showing support for tragic Terrorist attacks, or mass shootings that aim

at the innocent, but the truth is
Most don’t care, as much as they buzz
They do it to feel better about doing nothing, when even donating blood,

is doing more that fake Facebook posts
Of useless sympathy could ever
It’s just condescending well wishes
from fake *******, we all must endeavour

As if were all eating each other’s *******
Putting on fake fronts for other fakes
like a masquerade for *******,to dress like **** heads, for other ******* snakes

and it’s hilarious, but also nefarious,
just like your local politician
who’s poisonous like physicians,
sellin big pharmas drugs wit prescriptions

causing opioid epidemic, addiction
but cognitive dissonance is positioned
So whistle blowing, the little knowing
is labelled conspiracy theory so vision

Is lost when brainwash takes intuition
leaving thought useless like tuition
why invest in an education system
when our own government ****** isn’t

societys becoming economical prison
but we just allow the constant piracy
too self indulgent to protect our rights
to protest and fight, so our privacy

Like freedom of speech, gone entirely
before anyone starts their *******
too distracted by issues for division
media creating bias’ on our television

Instigating prevention of unity risen
til our power in numbers gives immunity
strategically calculated, and predicated
on us inadvertently granting impunity

to the rich and powerful when brutally
is gun smoke, and cut throat lunacy
expressed in attitude to our neighbours, how can strangers have a community?

narrow minded views cause collision
sexuality, race, and gender, opinions
arguing over the illusion of equality ignoring quality, still we argue religion

and beliefs, that make us see difference
Instead of what’s common, our positions
On protecting our family, our jobs,
the fundamentals in the life we are livin

too blind to see any of it clearly
Most of our control we lost when ignored
busy hating each other while the
real threats are laughing at how poor

and how stupid, petty, and ridiculous
do you think rich powerful men
Give a **** what god another rich man prays to, or if and when

He chooses to have ***, who he bends
Over and rams? Cuz really truth
Sexuality is irrelevant in this case
Cuz we’re all about to get *******

but what the hell do I know? True.
I’m just a self righteous dude with words
but one day we’re gonna be like caged parrots who look up at other birds

Who fly free in the sky
and pity them for not having their own
little space like they do not recognizing freedom, thinking his cage is a home
Jul 2019 · 96
A Bedazzled Jean Jacket
My environment raised me to fantasize
and romanticize fairytale plots
Constantly told Everyones special, but if
everyone’s special, is special... not

told violence isn’t the answer, but grown men start wars, told its childish to fully
Manipulate and intimidate at school...
like adult workplaces don’t have bullies

My lack of contentment and resentment
are petty and petulant, so I’ll recant it
but impossible expectations make failure an inevitable feeling as disenchantment

comes from being sold magic and gold dreams were told to chase and harbour
but reality showed the fallacy, cuz the only happy endings are in massage parlours

Cuz maturation, brings lacerations
a mental state knowing only ******* for self exploration, so complications
with my identity caused me exasperation

so my child will learn of the wild waitin
Nothing inhumane, just rationalization
No Unrealistic imagery, or idealistic epiphany, just realizations

Instead of illusions most institutions
that directly rooted, or Alluded
Being intoxicated left toxic hatred,  
I got from the delusive undiluted

Euphoric delusion, an intrusion conducive  
with ecstasy come downs, now habitual
feeling missed opportunities residual
like manifestation of the metaphysical

actually exists, it insists, a ritual
a nagging cyst that sits, subliminal
like a psyches itch, that persists, and only exists, cuz I can’t resist, being miserable

but what is emphatically unequivocal
makes me combatively typical
Like my psychosis births mitosis roaches
that are magically cynical

like an angry lucky charms leprechaun who’s going insane, way passed clinical cuz I’m too myopic to see this topic,
making me neurotic, isn’t the typical

response cuz logic isnt the pinnacle
when trying to ration what is invisible
and take the hypothetically and try to remedy, what’s not theoretically divisible

So I’m left where I began, remaining
Knowing my complaining, is draining
Partially wishing, for the convincing
the world is beautiful, the painting

I use to see when faith in humans
and in destiny, still arresting me
instead of seeing how dark and cold it is, unable to ignore the unpleasantry

life isn’t all jewels and sparkling glitter
Happy thoughts & rainbows  and that
Doesn’t change earths mean maggots
Like jean jackets bedazzled, it’s still crap
Mar 2018 · 236
Perception is reality
Don’t try to fit in,
in fact, try to be more odd
If you don’t see bereavements
as achievements
it’s your view that’s flawed

which explains why I see motivation where you see peasants
Why you see failure not experience,
Or a curse where I see a present

It’s all in attitude, your approach
how you perceive progression
You see scars, I see trophies, you see mistakes I see lessons,

You say life’s hell, I see heaven
They say reality is perception
that’s why Wasted time and money
look identical to a good investment

So when I see hard work pay off
You’ll just see it as luck and scoff
which I see as inspiration for you
but all you see is a loss

all you see is where you are, so where you could be is robbed
But if you can’t see achievement in bereavements it’s your view thats flawed

if you can’t see trophies not scars
Or lessons and not mistakes
then you’ll never get why I see u ****** yourself, where u swear your bein  *****
Dec 2017 · 196
Ammonia Lisa
He stood there...
Starring .....
Just ...
crying ...
and ....
Starring ....

He hasn’t looked away
Since the second he walked in
And found his best friend Lisa
dead ....Who’s head.....
Was mostly covering the wall
That was behind her.....

like an Erie painting
meant to be horrific..., but
somehow ....
still ...
it was....beautiful
....hard to explain...

and as the police arrive
still his eyes....
They Stay glued to the wall
blood stained with reds,
chunks spread,
Leaving subtle
traces of pinks and Purples ....

then Lisa’s mother still crying

“are you ok?
“Let’s go....come on...
and though she said this to him....
Her body language ......
Like his.....
indicted ......
that she could not walk away
and now she also stares ......

he says  ...

“I’m a bit in shock I think .....
And feel guilt
from feeling maybe ...
I could have done .....more
Lisa was my best friend...”

and as he says this
his cries Burst out
and breaks harder .....
but ....
never talkin his eyes off the wall

her mom replied
“ she loved you so much ..”

and still
tbey stare , both crying.

Then he says :

“Do you think ammonia will be
Used to clean this up??”

Puzzled, her mom replies :

“I’m not sure ....why?”

he says;

“Because ...
I think this will sound crazy
the way her blood ,
And all her insides splattered....
it’s beautiful.....

And this caused them both to cry even harder... ,
but also.....
Chuckle for a split Second
as they both knew the comment ...
was Seemingly out of place ....
But as they both still stare ...
Hypnotized by the wall.....
they both knew it
Was said genuinely....

Then he says ....
I really wish she could see this ...

Her mom even mow perplexed says:

and still,
Never looking away
he says:

...because ...
she always said .....
she felt ugly ...
said ....
She was ugly ....

Her mom says :
...I know ...
she was teased a lot in school
I think ....
I think she said it so much ....
That she believed it...

He says :
“ I know ...
she said it so much to me
That after a while
I’d get sick of hearing it ...
And often told her....

Her mom says ....

“ I know ...
you always said
Being beautiful on the inside
was  More important....

( Still starring)
he says :
“....ya...ironic isn’t it .....”

Her mom:
“What is?”

He says :

....that she wasn’t ugly at all
her beauty was like .....
Like ... Mona Lisa....
Off putting.....esoteric....
but .....beautiful...
and when they clean it ...’ll be ammonia Lisa ...
left ......
To be.....
what she thought she wasn’t ....
beautiful ...
Beautiful as art.....

Like a painting so beautiful
Even her insides
that should be Hard to look at ....
are left like a symbolic piece of art
... the leaves her looking the way
she never felt she was ....

like A Mona Lisa.....ammonia Lisa

even harder .... they cried ,

almost wanting to laugh ....

still starring
starring at the beauty
that was painted in pain... art...
like A Mona Lisa....

......Ammonia Lisa ....
Oct 2017 · 156
12 ways to commit suicide
when suicide, is glued inside
The will to survive, in you divides
And when it gets too hard to deny
Do or die, becomes do and die....

So I divise a list wit a few or five
Plus 7 for 12 ways to do it by
And if I left a letter for suicide
Itd be this list and "***** it bye":

Knife to my throat is felt
Gun in my mouth, then squeeze
Inject ****** in myself to help
Permanently put me out, and sleep

Infront of a bus, I just leap
Cut my wrists, and slit deep
Find someone to lay wit aids and sleep
If they refuse I'll ****, like a creep

Start my cars engine, take a seat
parked in my garage that's closed
attach the exhaust pipe to a hose
Then inhale til pale, all the smoke

Go to a kkk rally, all black clothes
Blasting Rap music, then I'd say
I'm a Jewish Muslim feminist
against ****** & flamboyantly gay

While I burn a confederate flag
And If that don't get me killed
dad says I dont finish what I start, he'll be proud cuz this time will

So the bathtub with water I'll fill
Then Plug in my radio and shower
For execution by electrocution
or just Jump off the cn tower

Skip like a school girl in rush hour
Across the highway until Im hit
Climb in a dumpster on garbage day before their pick up and sit

And that's another 12 that's it
I reject what many call a gift
To reimburse this curse, that birth
Gave hurt, but I know this...

That.when suicides glued inside
will survive, in divides
It's too hard to.deny so you decide,
That Do or die, is do and die
Sep 2017 · 237
i try to work with a punctilious
attitude, and be conscientious  
but it's tedious bein fastidious
vs. mischievous and pretentious

condescending, persnickety
assiduously, picky people
who keep nitpicking, snippy, sickly while judgemental they're evil

jerks, sedulously deceitful
methodical when diabolical
it's ridiculous how meticulous
these hypocrites are symbolical

is ice, so suffice is a Popsicle
society for sobriety is invidious
i drown in tears while amphibious
are the oblivious, and supercilious

who **** me like the lascivious
but most are naturally perfidious
& birth of its insipid incipience
always was, humans are hideous

and maniacal like puritanical
was a mechanical part of biology
which is like psychology based on astrology, so even mycology

can't explain some guys fungi
and some try to think logically
but being **** about hypocrisy
in thought can be, like ******

to the psyche, a likely lobotomy
cuz conscience is mythological
cuz wealth perpetual, comes to the less ethical so impossible

is altruism, as cynicism feeds the vision of their egotism
til rights far from wrong like paganism is to catholicism  

that's why i live metaphysical
A mental visual state that invisible
where happiness is centrical
and by sacrifice isn't divisible

or only seen by our peripherals
cuz it's the only way comin to bliss
the only invention to fight tension for prevention of cuttin my wrists
Jul 2017 · 152
Why do women that i like
Always say **** like
"I like you , but I'm not ready for
something serious!"....right ....

Sounds like ******* to me
Cuz if she liked me she'd be
Ready, but instead she
Doesn't sag what she means

Cuz what she means is
"I think I'll wait for someone better"
Cuz I'm good enough to be
Friend zoned,  but she'll never

Admit I'm not good enough ever
Cuz I've seen this before
Some people get scared hearing
Gun shots but A closing door

Causes me way more horror
Cuz truth is the whole package
Doesn't consist of a fat body
Cuz I maybe cute but unattractive

Overall, so overhauled yet again
Is the familiar reflection
That personifies rejection
So I'll answer the question

Of why she doesn't like me
Cuz I'm a sketchers, not Nike
a no name handbag, when Gucci
Gets the coochi, so ***** likely

Will go to some ******* unlike me
With less heart to offer
who will take her for granted
But as long as he's hotter

Or makes money like a doctor
He's automatically above
I guess that's why I need drugs
The only substitution for love

To fill, what never will be filled
By a companion, cuz a bangin
Full gallery of Personality,, don't
Beat salary, so hangin

Like a man from a rope
as suicide takes air out his throat
Left dead, is my chance to advance
like I choke on hops

So of course back to dope
Is how I cope, but I know that
All I have to offer, isn't hotter
than the beauty of a 6 pack

Left wishing I was like crack
Like I was anything that stops me
From being inferior, like an exterior
Less inferior, so she'd want me

But like always all I'm wanting
Seems to just be too much
why can't someone want me
and not be , saying what she does

when she doesn't say
what she says , not saying it cuz
she don't wanna be rude and say The truth... I'm just not enough
Jul 2017 · 354
She sits on the toilet seat,
in her washroom crying.
Holding a razor so sharp,
It could tear her flesh,

Until it causes her veins,
To slowly drain,
the unbearable pain
That stains...
just as the blood would.....
leaving a puddle,
Symbolizing her troubles
That she could no longer try to struggle with.

So as she sits on the toilet,
Hoping to cut herself,
Just like the knives did
when her friends stabbed her in the back.
She antagonizes herself,
to instigate and encourage,
What she sees as courage
To end an existence,
she feels Is worthless.
So on purpose,
She Forces out the memories,

The memories of all the love she gave.....
Never returned.
All the family who's backs turned,
All the people she loved,
Now lost, left in an urn.

She thinks of all the attention
She got from being fat,
And all the attention she did not get
because of that.

She thinks of all the times,
she was left to pick up the pieces
of her broken heart.

She thinks of all the lonely nights
She cried herself to sleep.
All the faded dreams
The insecurities that scream,
And the empty, broken promises.
She thinks of all the debt,
Being broke,
working a dead end job,
She busts her *** at,  
For a boss who constantly
degrades her.
Just so her parents can give her
a look of disappointment,
at every Holiday,
And family gathering,
That speaks in silence saying:

"Why did you drop out of college"
"Why can't you be more like your sister"

She thinks of all her friends,
Who got married,
and had kids,
And how she now stopped wondering
why no one loves her....
How could they?

So she accepts,
What she feels, as true.
Feeling like she has nothing to offer.
Feeling like a constant failure who's
Only progression,
she stands possessing
Is waking up and not feeling the depression...
So she cuts,
Now Bleeding,
Frustrated with herself,
knowing it isn't deep enough.
Only to leave a scar,
Just like the other countless attempts that failed in the past,
When she sat,
on her toilet Wanting to die....
Til all that crosses her mind,
is the nauseating,
annoying, question:

"Can't I do anything right?"....
...all she wants is for the pain to stop.
All she wants,
Is to be free of the panic attacks.
Free of feeling like a burden
to those around her.
Free of the perpetual
pessimistic thoughts,
that now plague her,
As hopes of the manifestation
Of happiness,
Are gone,
and have only left her bitter.
So as she cuts again,
using more force,
She prays to a god
she no longer Believes in,
For the strength,
to be weak enough...
to end it...

Still crying,
And still denying,
That anything but dying
Will ever bring her
a piece of peace....
Feb 2017 · 261
The lies we're told..
They taught us growing up
When violence was the topic
That it is not the answer
Only to see we support war for profit

Told to be yourself,
Don't follow the crowd, but fact
When u do so, and it's too esoteric
They say: "no! not like that"

Teach us not to bully, as if adults
Are above it like they lament
It's existence, only to see it occur
In workplaces and social events

Teach us tolerance only to find out
Tolerance only applies
If ur not religious, cultured, ugly,
a minority, trans gender gay or bi

Told they thought the earth was flat,
only to find out it's not
Now some say again it's flat,
and from the past ud think we got

The lesson this taught
Which is to stay open and stop
To question what we think we know
But still most never thought

To challenge the media, government,
what we're fed
And choose to be fools, give up our
Privacy, lemmings off the edge

Supporting a fight against terrorism,
that's a lie , cuz what
Is really going on is ulterior motive
Swept under the rug

As real issues like pharmaceutical
Drugs given by our own is most
Alarming as it's harming,
so many who now overdosed

So teach whats not taught
Cuz what's taught, has not
Taught us what independent thinking,
can bring and stop

The lies, before our demise
Implies what you'll find soon
As it's too late, at this rate
Which is we will be doomed
Feb 2017 · 532
exasperated, emasculated,
So the negative connotations
From life's ******, molestation,
**** from this Annotation

emphatic, tragic confirmation
That my formations deformed,
so be warned, u won't be warmed                                                           ­                                                                by hearing I've conformed

To be socially Reformed
Reborn, no Solubility of scorn
No Altruism, so Imprisoned                                                       ­                                
is peace's vision, Forlorn

******, but pleasure like ****,
Isn't a focus, so like ****
I'm Unable to reject the amorous nature                                           
Of what will take place

But I fail as I try to placate
Or humorously play hate
But that's like calling *******
just an innocent play date

when we're ****** for pay day
Catching Freedom in an Infallible trap
Leaving memories, both enemies, and remedies,                                                        ­                                                     when flashing back

But without Omniscience, it seems
Only Predestination Is left
Wit bitter taste of self hate,accepting fate,                           
 now only death

can stop the new Aversion to breath
Causing a Discrepancy to remain
Some say lifes a gift to contradict
all i insist is inhumane

A reality based on haste, hate,
A purgatory Where narcissists
Prove that ignorance is bliss,
cuz happy Usually r ignorant as ****

Or maybe there's no correlation
and I just **** at curation
Maybe pessimisms Pervasion
Has damaged me for the duration

Of life never to vacation
From rigid Dichotomies like
Believing in prophets or profits
Or what's legal and wuts right
Dec 2016 · 719
Love withdrawal
I use to have the opinion, that the worst affliction or restriction
Was the withdrawal symptoms
Of a chemical drug addiction

Until my hearts collision
Had me fall in love but didn't
Know the pain I would gain once
the aim of strains division

Smashed it, its like finding religion
Only to be horrified by the vision
That your gods path for u was different so u feel imprisoned

By the heartache Now given
Cuz at least a fiend can buy drugs
To help     with all the withdrawal
But the heart broke can't buy love

Or buy answers to why
When they ask as they cry
they are not good enough for the one who put the tears in their eyes

Needing a fix to get high, but the
dragon chased we learn
Isnt sold like gold, but still I hold
Onto the hope she'll return
Oct 2016 · 234
My Failed attempts
I might need professional help
Or is it normal when your belt
Suddenly break when u mis-calculate
Your weight while hanging yourself

Or attempting, which like my dad tells
"I can't do anything efficiently"
I fail at everything I do ambitiously
And my Consolation: ..consistency

So again my wrists'll bleed
But scar it  leaves is nothing more
All it is, is what was hid, in a kid wit
wrists like a cutting board does

But those attempts cause floods
And moms **** about the tub
And toilets staying clean, so out
Of respect I await the bus

That's late, so my date was
Post poned, so I guess preparation
To jump infront of a bus splattered
Then scattered like decoration

Failed makin me impatient,for expiration So to the subway station
I go , Hoping this time'll be,
the final scene Where my destination

Will send me violently on vacation
Where depression no longer says
I'm not a voice in your head,
I'm just a choice that was lead

By the appeal of being dead
&sto;; wishing someone would love
Who I am, instead of hatin who I was
No more feelin, im never good enough

But as I edge closer a dumb *****
Good Samaritan complex witnessed
The inception of my intentions
then Crept in my business

But sayin I want to jump which I didn't
They would lock me up in an instant
Without a shoe lace&like; I'm two faced I lied with persistence

That I wasn't gonna jump, and
Quickly left disappointed
Now having to re-schedule wit Death, and make a new appointment

So I brainstorm, and aim for
A place my blood will stain floors
After my blood from veins pour
About suicide I'm **** as gay ****


I can't believe after all the time spent
thinking bout How to host
And envision The Idea that had risen
To help my transition into a ghost

But as my mom yelled from another
Room make sure the garage is closed
When u leave, it came to me
And all I needed was a hose

So I laughed and said don't worry
Mom when I leave I promise
The garage will closed, I swear on my life, God I'm funny, so once I wrote

A rather humorous suicide note
That read: "See mom just like I said
When I swore on my life, the garage would closed Before I left"

I think she'll get a laugh from that,
I thought as one end of the hose
Was inserted into the tail pipe of the
Car id turn on once I closed

The garage, and inserted the other end in the window, and yes
I don't recommend giving up like me but for me I guess

Saying Goodbye cruel world let's
Me escape depression and stress
So the broken heart in my chest
Finally gets much needed rest

But did I die with success
So I can say: yes: I finally did
succeed, at something, but if so
Dummy I wouldn't be writing u this
Oct 2016 · 224
The Obstacle
How long do I allow myself
To punish me with
The self hatred I inflict
For the bad choices I picked

Nightmares usually end
When the person who slept
Wakes up, but when life is full of
Spite from regret

Happiness stays inept
Unsure of How long its kept
The shame we frame with blame
Stays longer continuing to affect

Any positivity to help you heal
As u feel invaded
By insecurity, and degraded by the
perpetual manifested self hatred

The negativity, the doubt, the
feeling of trying to scream out
But the tyrant insisted on silence
Cuz I'm undeserving of help

When will I let myself melt
All the pain and sorrow
All I want is to be a better person
Than I am today ,...tomorrow

I can feel, like what I deal
And dealt with what erupted
To manifest an interrupted
Mind state more productive

Is it a choice to free myself
Is it me holding me back
If so, maybe my soul That's
Full of holes can adapt

So I will promise to be honest
To myself and be true
Sometimes the biggest obstacle
You face in life is you ...
Sep 2016 · 378
The relief of belief
Reflexion can bring depression
When reality is perception
predicated on a view of deception
Leading a manifestations progression

That shatters the complexion
Showing false feelings that lessin'
With the realization, or implication
Your aspirations are now lessons

That leave you less than copacetic
As dissipating is how impressive
You thought you were but pathetic
Is all you are, and so poetic

Is justice, and just this embedded
Is enough to make one emasculated
An epiphany, that's description be
A prescription seen to mask u hated

By the you subliminally traded
When morals and ethics do not
Seem to grow lessons as possessions
Show no imperfections, but got

Ramifications, that stand complaisant
When complacence seems apt
But that impatience, is now a patient
That's not embracin your thought

Until aspirations and inspiration
That was on vacation comes back
With inflation for the duration and is
Stationed threatening to smack

A reality check, as fallacy sets, at
The front door, on the door mat
As Persistent without resistance
As a fiend imprisoned by a crack

Addiction, that conditions the track
Of your life, filling its path
With inept regret u once had swept
Under the carpet for a debt that

Haunts the future, so u adapt
Or stay learning nothing and lack
A vision that helps position what
The collision causing impact

Has now been givin, so just collapse
Or accept the challenge& fight back
So you can disappoint and appoint
A future controlled by u or fact

Is that every hater who laughed
Every person who said u lacked
Can eat the **** given when their vision predicted there isn't a hack

Or given to counter act
The retardation of ur handicap
So my mission, is to take what I'm given, and make a livin that has

Something that pride can intact
Remain, as a brain shows the dead
Can resurrect like a man whose ***
Lets him be ***** after ****** past

Symbolizing that in fact
That a comeback before an end
Is possible and is plausible,
More so than Christ rising again

No I'm not anti religion but when
It's time to be brave, what'll aid you
Is not a multiple layer of prayer cuz
Despair, can only repair and save you

Not Jesus Christ or Buddha in life
Cause respite and redemption
Can only be implicated once infiltrated
Is the integrated affection

That failure uses to comfort you
And lead you to ultimate denial
So you believe the deceived, that convinces u what u achieved is vital

When it's minuscule and limits you
To a pity fool it's pitiful
So it's time to leave a mark, not a ****
Cuz a stink left as a residual

Leaves only a bad smell no visual
Be a man who's original
Don't follow footsteps, and hook left
Like u cook **** for a digital

Scale that weighs the individual
Not just the drugs and it states
That you are exactly what u will be
An expendable person who makes

No difference, cause indifference
Leaves you equal to pigeons
A scrub who only gets love from those who can't get above their addiction

Either that or your in a prison
Built by your bad choices now left
To be a constant reminder of how
You are blinder than a finer kept

Lemming, who gave away an ending
Full of purpose and worth
For possessions with no progression
Givin no lesson, a birth

Made in vain, and when the pain
Strains and stains your life
You'll remain in with the pain
You slowly obtain and might

Be susceptible to sleepless nights
Unprepared for the endless fights
But when insights not a set sight
You relinquish the potential unlike

The one fate expected in spite
Of the ignorance, saying "psyche"
As it takes. The bliss it Gives,
Cuz likes a ***** when despite

The chance given for flight
Glory, greatness but it's height
Is stumped when even Forrest Gump
Succeeded when less than bright

Was he, but resiliency, invites
And provokes a hope that lies
In Every man that believes he can
Execute a plan, that dies

When you accept all the lies
That insist incessantly, ur trail
Will never lead or proceed to a day you'll exceed or hail

So when the greed impales
With desire, and greed, it's salt
Will cost you the dreams you tail
Prognosticating the reason u fail
Aug 2016 · 1.0k
Addiction Encryption
I wish I could explain it
To the ppl that have never
Been restricted, or afflicted
By being addicted, but forever

I'm left alone, not seen as clever
And the only time I feel better
Depression seized and Anxiety free,
That plagues me, is whenever

I get high, and deny I'll ever
Be able to function or cope
With sobriety in society,
Cuz to numb pain, I need dope

Otherwise I only get false hope
Causing me only to relapse
If not, my nerves are shot,
But deep down I always ask

If I really want to be controlled
By a drug, and never heal
I wanna be happy without feeling
Like I need drugs to not feel

The pain stained on my brain
But I just can't take the stress
The drug sickness, mood swings
Withdrawals, with cold sweats

I don't wanna to be a slave but
I don't want to stop the only
Thing that gives me salvation
From feeling pain, or when lonely

And maybe the truth is,
Deep down, and hard to admit
.. But in all honesty, I say i want to
Stop, when truth is I won't quit

But lie to myself and say
Maybe one day, I will
I just hope that one day isn't the
Same day I am killed

Cuz maybe only death can stop
The addiction that I fight
If I really want to stop I would
Wouldn't i... Why can't I right

What seems to be wrong
Why can't I be strong
.. Maybe I've been the only thing
Stopping me from quitting all along
May 2016 · 145
Will I be remembered
Remember me.
Remember me?
Remember me!
May 2016 · 293
The game of life
I learned my ABC's
Before snakes and ladders
Only to find out the words ladders
Had less snakes, and what mattered

More than letters were numbers
Life's monopoly where's go
No get out of jail free card
And most of the X's and O's

Were in a game of tic tac toe
So life's complicated, unlike Atari
Where opponents, use fake words
When they ***** u like life was sorry

And like trouble, our plans fall over
Like a dominoe set
Money? Security? Like go fish
With a boss that's Alex trebek

Asks questions as you sweat
Constantly in jeopardy, an orphan
A game of hangman, and hang men
Who can't buy vowels, wit no fortune

so life's game is wheel of misfortune
Where there's no truth. Just dare
And the price is never right
I mean who doesnt wannabe a millionaire

But when your the weakest link
You're treated as a pawn for your labor
Left a contestant on survivor,
Not as smart as a fifth grader

That's why families feud
Until like scrabble words don't make
A sound, left with a frown to make
Everyone as crazy as eights

Left only to bluff like poker
Acting wild as a joker
With no bridge to bridge the hole
When ur the *******, going over

21, to bust like blackjack
Losing even in uno
Left only to play solitaire and lose
Like a skitzo beating himself in judo

Cause in the end, society reads the
Same code, as computers so Heros
Are those who don't quit the game of *******. When they aren't a 1 just zero

Cuz like binary code there's only 2 roads
1 or zero, and those that stuck through
And didn't forfeit their checkered chess match til the end, are those I look up to
May 2016 · 663
Rainbows & Butterflies ;)
Lately I am quite bothered by an
Innocent comment from a friend
Who explained, how he only obtains
Pain, when he reads what my pen

Gets sent, from an end
my mom Says was damaged at birth
And all though it's a joke. I'm told
Every joke contains truth, so first

Let me warn you of the absurd
Outbursts that may occur as u read
Hyperboles, that fabricate trolls that
patrol, with holes in their soul, lead

With similes that prove chivalry
Has now shriveled like these
Two nuts, hidden by my gut so if I
erupt, and ****** proceeds

Excuse the poetic **** bleed;
That are like a *******'s **** beads
But it's how I express what's painfully painful to me, don't be **** please

With that said, so I can now tread.
And wrap my head around the topic
explaining, why all my poetry
is sad, and often

It's cuz life is a beach, like the tropics
And when it's not, to be honest
I get lost in the moment, but also
When I try to write "happy" it's novice

And is more narcissistic garbage
Self righteous, lacking meaning
Like.. Look Here... I'm happy & gay today, oh ur hungry? Cuz..I'm eating

And you should too! Oh your broke?
Your down? I get those days too
So here's a rainbows & a flying unicorn that ***** glitter when he poos

And Don't you worry my friend,
It's always darkest before ****
Everything happens for a reason,
Your grampas cancer will soon be gone

soon as he's dead, So it'll work out
By the way I used that example, cuz
My grandfather died of cancer a few years back, and I was told that it was

For a reason. But when your readin
You want honesty, poetry that's blunt
So I refuse to **** my reader, like a
Preacher, who touches a boys butts

But in a godly way of course, cuz he's a
Man of god... Are you annoyed?
Cuz that's what rainbows & butterflies sound like to a reading alter boy

Looking for solace, looking for depth
Someone who knows how inept
How lonely, this ****** phony world
That only the snakes seem to get

What they want, and flaunt,
so it can haunt them more,
But most don't get what they want cuz
theyre too busy just trying to afford

What they need, and when the Greed
Exceeds what optimism is left
All they have is knowing how sad.
Another felt, cuz relating has swept

Away the feeling, so hard to accept
When their overwhelming life crept
With emotion. Bringing the notion
He can't relate to people or connect

So both monetary & Mental pay
Starts to mount, as a debt
Shows amounts to physically mount him. Til he even feels short on breath

Starting to consider that only death
Can relieve whats received so yes
Forgive me if my writing lacks,
Calming oceans, possessing even less

Patronizing, condescension, set
On a scenic mountain top, where I
Tell u how beautiful, ur office cubical
That's suitable for monkeys is, why?

It's a lie, but ok...the sun will come our
Tomorrow like Annie would say
So when it comes Tell ur creditors who Harass you 200 times, a day

That today's a new day. And that debts
yesterdays, and should be left
In the past. Where they say, to leave
Worries, which is insulting, but yet

I AM the dark one, with poems lacking
Goldielocks featuring her poorage
Or Snow White who lives with 7 men? deflowered more than florist is

Deflowering, & who am I to question a phony psychedelic, enchanted Forrest
It's not my business who's Orifice
A draf is, usin like it's a drawer of his

Cuz dwarfism like Orphism's an art, Snow White users for organisms
No wait, that's not right. Anyway...  
Where was I? ..rightt? ***** division

So, fill up the tub with ice. Make sure
Your "patient"s subdued.. No wait
Ooops ... Guardian angels, playing harps, on a cloud feeding you grapes

As Sunshine, hits your face, with
Beautiful UV rays, but...My concern
Is how misleading, it is when reading
Cuz even a beautiful sun can burn

Telling sometimes ****** things in turn
Happen without any reason
Sometimes good people die & do You know why?cuz if not wed be heevens    

Even more so. Than we are so even
My Sad poems can bring you joy
As much as happy ones, do when a gay teen grows up, & no longer a boy

And faces the pressures of coming out, he can choose this, what is charmin' ya
Or continue to feel safer In ur fantasy
Poem of a closet ..... But Narnia

Doesn't exist. So I leave him this,
Along With the lost, emotional kids
To let em know every scar life gives
Is a trophy, earned, and the life we live

Is Not always rainbows, hugs, kiss
But that's why it's beautiful when it is
& every word stands in this
For every cut on angry teens wrist

To symbolize, he's not not alone.
Or That shes all she needs to be
And I'm sorry to the rest, but this ....
Is rainbows and butterflies to me ...
May 2016 · 606
Guilt fee, guilt free
Don't offer me what can be bought,
Or make an offer solely based,
On your soul, when faced,
With guilt seized,
So you can feel guilt flee
Like paying a guilts fee,
Leads you to guilt free.

So if you ever eventually
Find a mind of consciousness mentally    
You'll see, true empathy is empty, leaving sympathy, Rudementally,

Don't give me a coat, for freezing,
Stand in the cold, never leaving
Emotionally, blood in oceans leak
Cut yourself, so as one were bleeding

And I promise you when the years
Reverse and the curse, of your fears
Tear your flesh internally, turn to me
And for eternally I'll shed ur tears

With u, and yes. I know, how peculiar  and convoluted, it is when I say
"don't relinquish food to me
if I'm hungry.....Throw yours away,

Let me know I'm not alone.
Don't pull me out from dark depths
Crawl inside the dark cell in hell where I'm held, Where my secrets are kept

Don't try to heal my insecurities,
Reassuring me, assurity; obnoxious
Instead reveal, what makes you feel
Scars unhealed, or self conscious

Or like the others, be pompous
Judgemental, narcissistic corrosive
psychosomatic vanity, causing insanity a Psychotic fantasy, causing psychosis

To those like me, who see it's atrocious
So plz, keep youe charitable deposit
As it doesn't help me. As much as your
Guilt, so it doesn't hang in your closet

With the other skeletons, and elephants
And other less than eloquent shame
Don't act like u are feeling my pain
Don't R.kelly **** on me &cal;; it rain

I don't wanna stand under your umbrella, stand in the storm with me
So we never fear being with no umbrella, instead knowing that we

Survived the worst, that this earth
Could disperse, so never
Again will we fear it, but more than that, we'd Know whether the weather

Was the worse ever endevoired,
&fall; to death, that is still better
Than life where no ones love, is tested, to never know, what's truly forever

To never know, the beauty in pain
Or gifted lesson, in a hard loss
Cause what can ever be valued, with out knowing how to, sacrifice for a cost
The bi ****** polar bear felt shock when diagnosed bi-polar

I love Trees, never narcissistis they always let me talk about me

I am bad with Greek mythology it is my Achilles elbow

I can't say that I'm not a racist
I indulge in misanthropy
Just for fun ;)
May 2016 · 280
Fearing the enevitable
"Dad, why'd grandma leave?


"She died son..."
"We all die some day"
(Son starts to cry)
"Don't be scared of death"
"I'm not scared to die dad...
I'm scared of living
After you do...."
May 2016 · 196
How to be free
Lately I find myself hating
Me but then
I realize as I pause, that my flaws
Make me all I am

And all I am not, knots my stomach
But before I plummet to self loathing
That causes my insides eroding
I chose to stop internal imploding

By telling myself that only hoping
To be someone else
Makes me as fake as the snakes
That are the reason I need help

So I release all the doubt
And remind myself, to not give a ****
And consciously decide to give my reflection, affection, and be who I am

And those who oppose, can
Like I suppose they will
But our only chance to ever advance
Stands in knowing being unfulfilled

Comes from fighting who we are
Or we can never be
The person were meant to me
So be you, and I'll be me

Then we are truly free
Be you, and I'll be me
Cuz that's the only way
We are ever truly free
May 2016 · 173
The Beg-Ennding
The end,
is a new beginning,

The End.

>>>start your new beginning

The End,

The longer you dwell on the end,
the longer it takes for it to transform
into a new beginning.

The End.

>>>>>New beginning.

The End.

So dont cry,
dont ask why,
dont wish you would die.

Just train yourself to see
the finish line,
as the starting line
and always begin at..

The End....

May 2016 · 502
Written For The Lonely....
I write this for those
Who are complicated like me
Too busy to find a relationship
But not busy enough to be

Lonely as ****,
And when I say that to some,
They are puzzled and befuddled
A single parent raising his son?

How can you be lonely?
That's when I feel the guilt,
Like I'm ungrateful, cuz it's painful
Explaining a brain full of silk

Emotions, that aren't fulfilled
By a child who's a dependent
I can't express the stress on my chest
And secretly lie like a defendant

And whisper everything will work out
When I'm not even sure it will
And it's emasculating to mask the failing
Without someone to distill

Like I do my son, and fill
My head with optimism
That I reciprocate and return, concerned
When they feel like earths a prison

And I'm not asking, ans this isn't
For the pity I despise when given
I just miss, the bliss of a hug and kiss
To remind me I'm still livin

And yes my son gives me this in
The daily grind, but my mind
When I get a minute that's mine
Always wander to nostalgic times

When I didn't question if I'm
In the place that fate with signs
Led me to. Or like many do
Am I lost where you can't find

A lost in found, lost in frowns
Can't find what I lost, no solid ground
Where you say fake smiles are around
And hate it. Only to realize that now

You do the same, another clown
Who seems anything but profound
I use to be royalty. Had loyalty,
but somewhere it all crashed down

So in my Burger King crown
And my throne, built with a stapler
Made of cardboard, matching my scepter Made of
that hallow cardboard tube you get from wrapping paper

You wrap Xmas gifts with,,
and if you Wonder what the paper was used for
It was used by the me in my past, high off his ***.
Who wrapped up my future

And inside was a dead end job,
Sobriety, and some ****
So when life ***** me, I can be lucky
And slap it on my rusty, ... Well you....

Get the picture. And if it sounds familiar
Or not. But still feel a spot
Inside that you tried filling with ***
An unfillable void, u avoid, but can't stop

Feeling it, when you stop. And got
A moment to yourself
I hope this consolation, for the constellations,
not aligning, is a help

Cause I write this, to get it out,
But I post it publicly, for those at home
Who feel the emptiness. When the phone isn't ringing ....
Your not alone

In being alone, which sounds
Like another of life's contradiction
But contradiction is a literary term,
Almost as if to give u a vision

Of poeticness. Where mine is given,
But the give of irony can be fun
Leaving only humor, left for the tumor
That teaches us, that when the sun

Is out. Not not to take it for granted
So I circle back to my son
And I'm sure, that if still unsecure or
Unsure, whenever this poem Is done

Maybe it's time to train your brain,
To regain a perception, that we
Inadvertently trained it to ignore, in horror
Witnessing what wasn't meant to be

And find solace in all or it ...
I know, I sound like a clicheè
Like a cheesy, hallmark card,
that makes you wish, the author had aids

Ok.. Not aids ... But ******, or something
Now I sound like a *****,
But sometimes I see public display of affection
from couples, and I think

You ******* PPL MAKE ME SICK
Wait... I can't be bitter

And you shouldn't be either ..
I know it's easier that it sounds
When robin Williams committed suicide
I swear i couldn't help drown

In thoughts. Of how, somebody, so famed  And Loved,
would want to die
which means there's no chance for me..
But logically, it proves that inside

We all have that void. Annoyed,
Wanting it to just fuvk off
But the hard part in life is concentrating on.
What we have. And not, .... the have nots

And remember what you forgot..,
The annoying, overbearing, ones who
Actually do care, about you, are priceless
And trust me, if you have one too,

A mother. Who tries to smother,
so u run For cover and don't visit
Are the ones you give away, on the days
You rather be Alone to pivot

In worthless worries, only to revisit
The same pain, u feed as you fear it
And as I write this I'm rolling my ****** Eyes too,
cuz nobody wants to hear it

But the truth is *****, just like ur mom
But in end it's the only honesty
Left in a life full of broken dreams and fake smiles
toco-sign the promising

Promises no one kept,
when they said "I love you" or I'll never leave
So I'll try to take my own cheesy advice 
 Left in this poem if u do the same for me

So I gift this to you. And my future self
As well, and I can only hope he
Takes the message inside and abide, or try ...
And Remember,lastly, when coping

That just because your lonely,
It doesn't mean your alone ...
Just because your lonely doesn't mean your alone ...
For u.. I wrote this poem ...
May 2016 · 449
The Elegant Elephant
Have you ever felt so distant
You just couldn't connect
Lethargic and emotionally inept
In Financial and moral debt

So to me to welcome death
Would be like I over slept
Theyre called nightmares when asleep but awake it's called regrets

So it's hard not to be depressed
stressed wonderin if my birth today
Made a difference or am I just a spec of dust under trumps toupee

left with nothing deep to say
No courage found to encourage me
to the world im just a villager a 3rd
Worlder, cuz life Honduras'd me

humbled me, it's humbling,
but still I fail to be artistic
Being a human full of temptation
Still erroneously narcissistic

Convoluting what's simplistic
And wanting, to want, so filled
Of ****, As the void shifts to over flow the emptiness til unfulfilled

Am I, a contradiction, like I con with diction, as my description
Paints poetic, how pathetic, like **** smelling cologne my depiction

Will still smell like a pool of stool
Can't justify bein my flaws, victim,
When really the fault of addiction
Is self inflicted a decision

Welcoming, compulsory prison
But I rather insult your intelligence
By making *** ups sound elegant
But the truth is there less Eloquent

So every room I enter the elephant
Is an element like it's on salary
That I feed with **** talk like I lead
As the Head of the peanut gallery

Who feeds religiously, hourly
Like bush wit twin towers I grieve it
In pain by its tragedy, but in secret
I Caused but sadly they believe it

When I lie to myself and others and do it Much, I forget what's true
And hoping you'll be less like me
... Is why I confess this to you ....
Apr 2016 · 789
Accompanied by Misery
If he could find a dealer
To sell him the love
He needs to fill the void he tries
To avoid with drugs

He wouldn't be seen as an addict
Feelin axiety panic and rage
But the type of free spirits he loves
He knows, can't be his in a cage

Cuz a cage can't hold those free as a bird
Or the same attraction he finds
Is tainted, so he's faced with knowing
"She can never be mine"

Pained by the absence, their
Presence brings, when felt; is love
So like most, he's left with its ghost
Hoping to silence the pain with drugs

Leaving unfulfilled emptiness subdued
From a temporary substitute
But the dependancies supremacy
Blinds any chance for solving the root

Problem so like many lost
From the cost of being high as youths
Become the old and bitter as they wither,
never to reconsider the truth

Which is letting go and moving on
Sometimes means leaving haunted
Ghosts of those lost behind, but first
Letting go must be wanted

But sometimes embracing the pain
Of what's gone, will always remain
When the love held for it is too great
To recognize the power of a gain

That may come if only he could run
From the memories they hold
That are valued higher than what could be,
refusing to trade it for gold

Within the next treasure he is told
Maybe worth Just as much
But when he tries he can't deny
What's too real for him to touch

And almost feels, that moving on
Will only disrespect the way
He felt, as if yearning was the pay
Owed from the love that became

So when the misery is his company
And those around him judge
He doesn't bother explain,this pains kept,
to remind him he was loved

And that is more than any happiness can Bring,
knowing love can't stay
Not the type held by a free spirit who
Isn't the same if it's put in a cage.

So when the misery is his company
And those around him judge
He doesn't bother explain,this pains kept,
to remind him he was loved.....

"God loved the birds
and invented trees.
Man loved the birds
and invented cages."

---  Jacques Deval
Mar 2016 · 298
I wish the constant validation
You crave, would be taken
From the one, u think as none
Like me instead of someone makin

You falsely validate the insecurities
That plague u inside
Wanting Ethics to abide, but like
name brand clothing provides

A shelter, you cannot hide
From yourself, when you see who
You've become, who's compromised,
But tries being anyone but you

When the you. is what is true
When I say I love u, I do
Beyond infatuation from landscapin, your **** body, but the you

Who even though knows truth
Of who you are doesn't come from
Validation, she's still cravin, the attention, and needing someone

To make her feel special, even
If it's temporary and then
That's when I'm important again
Who u friend zone cuz in the end

U already had em but when
The challenge craved shows you
The real value lies in the guys who loves u even after they know you

Are a narcissistic mind ****
A playin hard to get expert
But how long before your thongs a throw back like the thong song when heard
By the youth, but outdated,
Is never insecurity or hatred
That's why 45 year old Cougars
Still need to be validated

And then I wouldn't look faded
Or as "settling" does cuz jaded
By a strangers lust, makes me value
What's worthless, but I can't hate it

When thinking about u over taken
By raging hormonal lust
I'd never get jealous like most but
Enjoy the organic rush

But still u hold back on us
I know I'm not what's expected
Doctor, lawyer, executive
But who you are I've accepted

And loved even the things most
Who find hard to love if they knew
The real u, that I know about,
The superficial girl that'll refuse

Being called that or seem shallow
So in poetics she hides
The real person that divides
The class she wants and the lies

That determine who's compromised
And who will stop and see
That constant validation from strangers means more from me

I'm not saying not to be
The ***** girl u are, cuz to me
What u do, makes me more into
You when most wouldn't like if he

Was to get involved with u,
And so I ask. A real hard question
Who really knows u,ur imperfections
And sees attributes that lets them

Know who u really are&accepts; them
Instead of those u let in
That never even knows ur shoe size
Is 9 or that u get in

****** moods, so cold that sweatin
From the fire you give off
Is what comes with a territory Lost
In sanity when it's crossed

By the emotion u toss
And hope it lands somewhere nice
So your loves an std that u can
Only hope for twice

Like siphilous tasted like liquorice
That's what u are and taste like
I know that and still love u, so love
Me like that, and I'm loyal for life
Mar 2016 · 259
Some Hard Truths...
Like children fear the monster under the bed
As adults Sometimes we fear the ones in our head

The subconscious self conscious
Insecurities that park
And most times it's ignored
other times bein scared of the dark

And what lurks, can really hurt
What name brand is your shirt
Career, and social status, do ur legs look fat in a skirt

Society brainwash making us measure success on a scale
That's insignificant, cuz being different, isn't celebrated so failed

Is the notion, when saying to our youth when we teach our children
to be different but indifference comes to those civilians

Who are "special" and don't fit the mould, so the truth grows mold
Leading them to lies it's cold,
&the; world gets more so when old

So it's no wonder they fold
Feeling undeveloped and lost
See what we teach and how we live is a direct breach so let's stop

The bullshiting that only Rots
And change or be upfront
And say "in life you will only be as much as u own" just be blunt

And be honest cuz if we promise what we know is false &fictitious;
Than not properly prepared but impaired are the young who's wishes

Of a life unattainable is what they
Reach for while ambitious
Only2see whats told as malicious, now resentment builds viscous

So let's teach them that only riches
Will get everything desired
Tell them some die working cuz retired is for the rich, & the tired

Are those who's dreams had holes
And those who obtain and hold
All the wealth and prosperity had gold,&enlightenment; takes a road

That has far too many tolls
Sacrifices and hardships
Cause life will give u happiness and love but only so u can part with

What is only obtained to darken
Any hopes you had left
Tell ur kids the only things certainty brings is taxes pain and death

Tell them that optimism is debt
Tell them they would be chastised
For their mistakes or past lies
Watch for the snake that tries

Dreaming is dangerous u can't fly
Follow the crowd and when in doubt
Don't look weak and ask for help
Just do and act as everyone else

And I know u r thinkin to yourself
That I'd never say that to my son
But we both know that's how it is so
Why say we live under a sun

Without rain when we know that most days it's harder than easy
We know vanity and calamity, is why
Some reach insanity as ******

People seem to advance as good people are left to face
The monsters left in our minds closet that we deposit, and faith

Like karma is comforting but fake
So insecure demonic thoughts
Leave no vacancy, so replacing these, to be productive is lost

Without a night light to stop
Using the night life of ***
And other drugs are used to
fight spite, so the right sight is lost

In exchange to rearrange the strange
Plots and be estranged from loss
Until the blame game gives us a way to frame any excuse that we got

To help us except what we forgot
Was only compromised because
We don't believe the things we leave
As lessons when we are loved

And told we are beautiful
By people who later left
But we must learn not to look up to people who breath and bled

And lived the lives we have lead
So look to our past for guidance
To our mistakes for wisdom
And history that repeats to find us

Only needing us, to find us
And look up to who we can be
And then looking up to who you are
For seeing the person u can see

Is becoming of u for just simply
Staying true to what's inside
Being aware of the instincts that goes extinct when we ignore it and why?

To follow those empty inside..
The ones we think are different
But inside is the only way to find
The true individuality livin

Where we find purpose given
And don't need no ones permission
Learn that u don't need wings to fly
Or even need eyes for vision ....
Mar 2016 · 287
My purpose ...if Any....
If I die after this poem

If this was my last poem
Would I get nostalgic about home
Would I deny having to say goodbye
As shock leaves me unable to own

The knowledge of the truth, would
I acknowledge my wasted youth
Will I leave the world behind me any better than I came,did I even do

Anything g worth the space I used
Or am I just
At best left as an example to the rest
Of how not to rust

And become unable to be useful
Unable to have purpose
I never expected to be perfect but with the thought of being worthless

I'm left with disgust from lust
And every good thing I've ****** up
The times I was unreasonable, lazy
Petty, confrontational or the trust

I misused, betrayed, mistakes made
And the Opportunity that meant so
Lil that I didnt question its acquittal
So the riddle is why my potential

Was so obviously expendable
Why was I such a disinterested kid
When did I start to ignore wanting
More, when did I accept all I did

And if this was my last poem I think
Id be overwhelmingly disappointed
I think it's time for a reflection, hey
*******?! Do I need an appointment

Have your ppl call my ppl and have them set up a lunch
At a corner table and hopefully I'm able to find a cap that says "dunce"

Cause u done capped the dunce cap
Capacity and with it
You have totally proved that as far as being a fool goes the sky is the limit

Too late now to be timid
Let's open your past and relive it
Gave away a baby for adoption
And often fail sobrietys trail so if it

Isn't your addiction then it's the
Damage preventing healthy livin
even Stevie wonder needs no vision to see your overweight restrictin'

Your future position like a collision
Is what you aspire to
Maybe it's the way they wires you
Why did you have no desire to

Improve or move toward anything
But drugs or
Some-kind of indulging it's revolting
And insulting more

to life's gift, as it sits unused like
It was something that proved
Unworthy of your nurturing so you
Go murdering it with misuse

Negligence that induced abuse
Leaving the bruise clear to see
So you better remember this letter
And what entered to center these

Issues that epiphany issues you
And hits you to make sure u listen to
The prognostic foreshadowing topic
As if a second chance is given to

Be merciful to how un-personable  
And ignorant you are
As if your so useless and stupid it
Would be unfair to not give u par

For 50 strokes, handicap to the joke
And your probably on dope
Or too stupid and slow too see just how insulting that really is although

I hope you don't miss all the implications left here and switch
From the fat balloon shaped ape brain baboon like Bafoon to it's

Evolved form.. Whatever that is
Brain of **** to something with
More IQ to help by leaving you to
match a Popsicles Witt

And lastly I'll give a view to conclude saying if this is the last before u died
than the most poetic thing about this
Poem would be the irony it provides
Mar 2016 · 1.3k
The last time ...
This is the last ******* time
I rent you space in my head
I've written about you so much
When I'm done I'm like.... Again

This dudes annoying me, get over
It, she's a *****, what can you do
I never asked for child support all
I wanted was our son to know u

But maybe it's better he doesn't
But it breaks my heart that aches
When his preschool made crafts
On ur dead beat Mother's Day

And he had to make one for nana
And asked me where u were
And now I finally get why some parents say, the dead beat ****

That isn't around had died
Cause I rather that than the other,
Which is tell our beautiful son that
The truth,narcissists can't be mothers

So *******, and this will be the
Very last ****** time
I waste a thought , or a tear drop
On your heartless ***, but I

Still hold pity for you!... Why?
Because I know what you don't
That regret can evolve when u let
Important things left, so I hope

I can hold in the joy, when the day
Comes and your blind *** sees
That our child, your flesh and blood
Has a value, your drugs can reach

A life you made, that you trade
So you can run away but one day
All the pain you left me with will
Find you ***** and it'll eat away

At whatever's left of your soul
Whatever's left of your neurotic
Selfish, ****** up, drugged up heart so black, I reverse oscars, and boycott it

So when psychosomatic Psychotic
Psychosis sets in
And you feel sorry for yourself and
All the time you wasted with him

I will tell him. To make sure he takes
What time is left with u and not
Say what I want to which is, let her
Live knowing, the cost of what's lost

Is being a deadbeat. But sought
Will be knowing if I did
That would encourage the son I love
To lose out so I sacrifice for my kid

Something u know nothing about
And probably never will
But 4 years have gone by so fast
Soon the futures the past and filled

Will be your blinded eyes
Full of consequence disguised
As poor u, self pity, ****** cries
Just like the cries our son cried

As I learn to handle a four month
Old baby boy, but hey .. I did
And you'll never know why sacrifice
And a selfless life fills the void which

We use to try and fill with ****,
Parties drugs raves all the ****
That lead us deeper into the darkness
We thought we escaped and hid

10 years of living for only us
Temptation, inebriation lust
Feeling numb cause sobriety
Brings anxiety in society full of

People who grew the **** up
Responsibility. Purpose stability
The knowledge that pretentious
Isn't being clean, so tranquility

Is real when it's felt rather than
The induced, bile filled puke
That's only half as vile as you
And if you ever see me smile *** u

Is what's meant, as I see now
Why we had to part ways it's sad
You were scared to grow up and that
Will catch up with you but a dad

Was just a scary . Trust me I was
Terrified.. Emasculated embarrassed
The years we spent that i cherished
We're all spent high so apparent

is how sobering up left transparent
Facts that say I didn't know
Who I really was, expect for the one
I was when sedated and I know

Now that there's a difference
In the way your emotions process
And now I maybe who we said we'd never be, cubical Steve at the office

9-5 and ya I get it, got it,
I'm exactly what u hate I know
But one day everything u aren't is
What you will be, but *** this poem

**** the nostalgia the reminiscing
See..... I always end up lost
Cause admittingly I can't get over it
When your eyes stare at me off

The face of our son, the ****** expressions the stubborn head its
All you that I see sitting across of me
And thank u for him, so like u left

Us, I will attempt to leave u
Abandoned in this coffin poem
And hope it doesn't follow me back
Like a horror movie villain to a home

I built without u, stop thinking bout u
It's easier to say
Than it is to do, so with a *** u
I mask the pain the scars gave

To remind me what's behind me
So on the day regrets blinding
This pain will be yours cause karmas
Tour can move slowly but finding

Who it's meant to, means it'll get u
So goodbye dead beat goodbye
I hope u drown in the tears u cry
When u see what u trade to be high
Mar 2016 · 728
Fork in the road....
Sometimes when I'm faced
With a decision I freeze, great..
My Lifes taken to sticks it, and sit it,
At a fork In the road, to wait

For my choice, where's fate?
....cuz so far my choices to date
Is why I'm writing this, fighting it,
Knowing in my past I've made

Decisions causing collisions
Man made damnation,damaging
The way only a master of disaster
Can... With a strategy of calamity

A catastrophe, to make an *** of me
Like I compete VS. tragedy
To see who can cause more horror,. &destruction; but no match for me

Is he, as my demolition savagery
Similar to whenever havocs seen
And as it happens. I'm always like
"Yo..What the F$&@ is happening??!"

Clueless like Alicia silverstone
In the library with a wrench
As Cornel mustard calls her *****
And this is where ration ends

And wanders like it saunters off
topic hoping itll delay or help
Fantasies of **** woman come out
Now I'm a Plummer...hired to help

... But eventually, I'm back held
Forced to be an adult, oh why ..
..forced to pick a road or grow old
And hold stagnant, until I die

Which don't sound so bad, but a dad
Always has to consider
And factor in. to weigh the variable,
In the form of his lil diaper *******

Who really could use a baby sitter
Who is ****,so a sister
Can be made, but ...focus dont stray
This is no time to joke or play

Eeny-meeny miney moe
Catch a politician by its toe
So you can ask advice, then told:
"It's a gd time to relapse on blow"

Which is only said cuz my head
Controls the imagined figment
Which says nothing except that,my
Heads not where sane thoughts visit

So as I stare at the two paths
I feel debilitated and instead
Of perpetual fear, the thoughts fed
Says no matter which way I head

Ill be left to wonder where I'm lead
If I chose the path, which I did not
When I decide and divide I try the path I now continue so do not

think too much. and yet still
Frozen and paralyzed at a halt  
I stand a man, full of fear, a vault
holding a scared boy full of fault

But Self doubt amplifies as adults
At least for me, so immobile I'm left
Confused by why I'm still undecided
But already feel my choices regret ...

.....  I hope I don't fork myself .....
Feb 2016 · 435
Self doubt...
constructed mentally, Over time
by our subconscious an imitation
as a defense mechanism built a prison on our visions, with Limitations  

in hopes failure can bring solace avoided is feeling voided
but so is opportunity,
So what good is impunity
if u have no ...immunity

To ******* preventing annuity
Internally u need unity
Cause self doubt can help hold u back when nothing else did so stupidly

U let the biased opinions
poison ur community
a hard lesson To learn when that lessons ur only gratuity

But how can u think Intuitively
When presented with all the theories
The factored potential risk, variables
And that's why I always fear me

Before my enemies or my obstacle
Cause if I'm not mentally stable
I won't be mentally able
And then eventually ill be hateful

Cuz essentially the playful
And light hearted always go
A little further, cuz his approach
And most self confidence shows

That even if he fails, he knows
Hell bounce back brilliantly
its not how many times u Fall,
but if u keep gettin up: Resiliency!

While at the same time learning humility and building these characteristics are prognosticators and measure predictions and see

When u wish on a star, that's me,
Go twinkle twinkle, &don;'t let them
****** ****** all over ur dreams and that includes you, who like them

Self sabotage  when ur self doubt
Comes out psyching ourselves out
Only after discovering someone else
Who made u second guess what u felt

So go in front of a mirror and peer
What appears when u get naked
Your ***** Now that u know u still have em
Take a mental picture and save it

Use the ****, to take life and **** it
break it, then erase it
Cause nothing can be written
About a destiny you didn't make yet

You act to manifest it
Don't eat their ******* reject it
If u already did dont digest it
Throw it up like a bulimic or anorexic rude! Point is
Like H u need preparation fast
So u can get rich enough to payoff
Closeted Skeletons from the past
Feb 2016 · 589
My Colostomy Bag
Self improvement isn't always
Easy but nothing ever is
When it's worth equals your birth
And no longer do I feel cursed

Cause control with moderation
Accountability and resiliency
Needs alignment so my assignment
Is to create a formula like science

That leaves me less defiant
And use my rolodex of excuses  
Cause that laziness is useless
Or maybe I'm just to stupid

But you don't have to be smart
To learn from a mistake
That I inadvertently force on myself
Mimicking the traits of ****

Without the date so I try to escape
To make my life better
Cuz I believe it's never too late
Wait....they say never say never

Which is more convoluted than clever
So whatever, I just wanna be better
So I leave this motivational letter
to remind most hardship endeavored

Are created by me so whether
I call it bad luck deep down I know
lobotomy of proper ideology leaves my life like our Economy, and its told

Philosophy states success is made when preperation meets opportunity
And it's been hard prepping for what can feel like a dead end but... No

Cause faith isn't just for religion
You must calculate your vision
Cuz any goal met must first be set like premonition the first Provision

Of many on a desired mission
no longer will my present position discourage me cause courage.Be my currency even if currently conditions

Leave me impositioned by decisions
Of the past that finally crash
When it chases me to grasp
The changes I've made but that

Is the bad karma I rightfully have
Wooven like its tapestry that flows
So without a needle&thread; or learning to knit i still knew how2sew

forced to reep it and keep it asan
Expensive lesson given
Ramification and consequence
Once written will later find u wishin

That the epiphany now hittin me
Didn't need so much time to see
But the sams transgressions may
Also be a blessin, a present of me

Who is evolved from who I use to be
But still knowing its nor enough
So more consciously I move on as it cautions me to live lawfully tough

And although premature I grew up
This reflexion will be my incubator
better late than not seein the indicator to act as my Instigator

The initiative initiating creator
So if you judge me for early labour
That conceived the belief Received i only hope it relieves knowing these

Words are left to show your deceived
But if that's the cost I wagered
Then this poem now stands a receipt for dues paid and mayb one day later

I can be refunded or if nothing write it Off as a cost of business
Or even education bridging the gap
Of inflation since my occupation

Leaves me expendable so vacation
is taken at club prescription med
So metaphysically I fly to my own
Tropic island gettin out my own head

Where I dare swim in the despair
Of being overwhelmed by damage
left by dumb adolescence to manage
The mess it collects so i bandage

damage i caused Unnecessarily
Physical and mental damage
mislabeling Addiction as a habit like affliction warnings were in spanish

Walking around while I fly high
Not realizing I was being ravaged
So if i end average its stil better than
The full picnic basket short a sandwich

That I was, with a side order of
A chip on my shoulder
Which I learned to swallow with my
Pride which is y i got fat when older

Which is a built Im jacket as colder
It will definitely get til karmas done
Dishing out what outta be awfully
Close to described as ******

A relationship maintained constantly
And a futures what it's costin me
Basically karma holds the **** u emit
Like it was a bag of your colostomy

Only it gets tossed back onto me
Which sparked nostalgia in my head
Hearing my mothers voice echo
Now making sense of why she said

I was **** for brains or **** head
Like my dad often used
Not as abuse but to give truth
Of what becomes of wasted youth
Feb 2016 · 697
Nonsense; My Distraction
This is not for substance
Depth, not pragmatic at all
emotional ******* when mentally I'm Lance Armstrong, wit blue ball

But wit *****,I mean thoughts, as I Tom Cruz through life, so an apology
Id owe myself if not against my policy
Cuz "I'm sorry" like Scientology

Don't make sense so astrology
Can try to map out my stars
I just hope Lady Luck shows up Before Chris brown, and she sees stars

What can I say, I can really charm
Like lucky charms I march mellow
I like girls who still say&count; their chubby marsh mellows

If I lost u there ....just mellow
like yellow,pop songs whorin out hello
So of course forced ******* lately seems endorsed ...pudding pop, jello

Can't be trusted bad enough kids aren't safe anywhere ...gone
I even over react at subway when my sons asked if he wants a foot long

I already know this is foolish
But the rule is ...the real fool is
Those schooled by the useless
at least I know I'm stupid

Taking it out of context, no contest
Your honor....Honest
That was the first time I promise
I hardly ever try to hit on prom kids

Wit tight grips to poke a Bonnet
Off the bun from poccohontis
When findin the island of *****
Oops "He Broke her *******"

That blood soaks on a sausage
....Just another day at the office
Where we process the obnoxious
til the world is my Hospice

A no knowledge college for knowledge to abolish the need
To be correct politically&bree;;
seeds Thatll bleed to succeed

Sp our goal, of bringing awareness
To the shortages pendin
As extinction of bent bananas grow
Straight, it's time to help bendin

bananas, but whats bananas is
ignoring real issues latched
To Muslim hate talks,instigated
Infiltrated so u won't go snap

When they send more of our kids to war, so if u hate, like they ask
When propaganda props the jenga, NVM...wait..look! Kim kardashian ***

That needs a cardigan...plaid
"Drugs drugs drugs! which are bad"
Ask your mom who made u at prom
Or ask your alcoholic abusive dad

Who thinks Itampons a small iPad
Where Dark and red bleeds
quoted Moses"a wifes rags a bonus, So like me  "part the Red Sea"

Will need are secure like cures
the government assures us do not
Really Exist like seniors ****, that
firmly sits, and not hip drop

implying the governments got
secrets but dont ask me ****
Cause wit metaphors, I'm never sure  
Maybe the govt has saggy ****

Some dictions descriptions givin has restriction or depiction's
equivocal, so ones vision of religion
Is another's flashback circumcision  

To an unforgiven rabbis hasty snip
No one Asked "may we strip"
The turtle neck ******* on your slim
priest teasing baby ****

But written permission maybe fit
When a baby's **** and crazy ****
Is so uncivil to fiddle and whittle the little middle, above my skittles it sits

And the initial riddle is, riddle this
What Is sprinkled with ****
And Often tinkles to spit ..
Full of wrinkles, it tickles... The hint?

If she swallowed and followed the
nutrients that hallows out ....
Ud still have wrinkles but it helps to single out,who's single⁢'s about

Time2see my psychologist who yells I need help...(yells) I need help!"
She said her head, lead her to bed
And said her brains dead &melts;

And to blame for her frame of mind
Is the frame of mine, it's the kind
That very rarely has thoughts that carry any logic&scare;; me but I'm

Just daring and not caring but im
sharing the mind of jerry
Where clowns fill towns with slide whistle sounds&priests; that marry

Donald trump And Carrie
Whos news was very scary
as Carrie had to carry a Kanye west hilter hybrid and Arbitrary

Is how arbitrary and arm pit hair be
Armed with hairy Italian yarn
That they wear as bare, but armed
Is bare **** arms that like bear arms

Bears a bears hair where arms
Are usually bare but bears harmed
Is how the thick hair I wear, where it's layered, but not the ****

Hair that impairs where my palms  
Look like they grow two beards
But it's not like i would blow deers
maybe Bambi...who knows were

Not gettin hypothetical to go near
How endearing a dear is it's queer as for my hairy palms I wrote them
Ahem, Dear palms: be calm I'm here

And I'm so sorry u resemble the
Essential pieces that are detrimental
For trump hair that trump wears but
His is authentic ******* Assembled

By the youngest child laborer, paid
less than the condoms for rapin her
So embezzle on levels of unethical
Devils black *** ...and kettle...sure

Let's move on to...Ernie, hey it's Bert
I don't discriminate
Support abortion, or the portion
supportin orphans who's cure

Is particular and par with a ****
Who's testicular inhibitors
Make him a prematurely Shirley
So surely he's early in visitors

So to recap the crap hid in were
Child labour jokes great!
Abortion, psychotic neurotic topics
******* that'll fill in ya, all the hate

Oh wait wait wait...Can't forget ****
Or what I call a bill Cosby date
Afternoon delight? You'll sleep past moon and right to the drowsy awake

State... Wait.. are u a ****? Great!
I never ***** one of those
That's enough Cosby dialogue
It's dyin off, so I'm signin off vogue

Strike a pose, like a ****** my
***** bled all up my skirt in
My ****** like I was al bundy,
****** as a ted bundy surgeon

So uncomfortable like twerkin
When you see 12 yr old butts
That makes me want to be free of
tv, but it makes r Kelly want to ***

So go hug or **** a tree
He'll, **** two, have a treesome
this abuse of my speechs freedom
Must stand alone cause these dumb

Words.. This world.. needs none
cheeses of diseases...egregious,
The weedless, read this,&say; Jesus
Is he nuts? It's Needless,

deep pits, of pre-mixed, ***-*****
Three ****... Please fix
demons *****, from a **** bleedin
Fresh out yeast infected sheep *****

Where we sit&read; this,
praise Jesus Allah and people
Cause were all just quirky, evil
Good, obnoxious naive deceitful

******* with **** smells that equal
Even if not the same
We all bleed, breed and feel pain
And love a good line of *******

No wait , ****, sometimes my brain
Can't contain the stupid
Do models use the same fingers to ******* that use to puke wit?

I know.... I'm ****** useless
An abused ego bruised nuisance
Like **** pics sent to fit chicks
When they want rich pics, so do this

Take pics of a receipt that u slip
From the machine you use, if
You really wanna know, if they'll
Blow whats in the pic u send, do it

Cause she'll blow all that u fit
In the pic u send her I'm sure
And if your still reading this,
Im meanin this,u need help..a cure

Mental stability, tranquility, and
The ability, to stop the instability
Convoluted, polluted, and stupid
Literature, it can cause infertility

And psychotic, psychosomatic,
Psychosis, voodoo and neurosis
poetry roaches Eye halitosis,
To erode the road wit your soul if

You ****-inue, reading soulless
Ambivalence, so belligerent
That insolence so Insignificant
Is magnificent,

A Malignant indignant, piglet, in a
predicament, that approaches
As I ******* my immaculate *****
So swallow this osmosis

insufficient like what I've written  or Tuberculosis, and oh ****!
The oppositions mission is fixing
The risen conditions, to position

***** induced, goblin puke
Gobblin through, all of the usual
Til I'm suitable for cubicles made of pharmaceuticals ...indubitable

Now I'm awful like waffles, made in a
bra full, of a mucus' nostril
putrid puke with stomach fluids,, a used ****** u chew in brothel

It's a cross between a re-run
Of *******'delinquence&bee; dung
Don't think Im gd ppls than be one

And my wise parting words
Are not the rise of farting nerds
Or pretentious self righteousness
Of those dry and artsy jerks
Feb 2016 · 396
A Gift. from: me To: Me ;)
Gotta release the stress
The only way I know how
Without an inebriation Or intoxication, type vacation, so now...

If only for a second, my weapon
To concentrate on conception
Of good karma, and ****** no one,
But often a ethical or moral direction

Leaves me second guessin
Do I even ask the right questions
When I'm answered with a lesson to
unfold more question So progression

Calls me infertile with contraception
That Clings like a
Chinese finger trap ****** and transgressions
Leaves Ramifications, or Consequence, Of my discrepancies,
To stir.... To bubble .. To boil..
Til the evil inside is a dichotomy, where good can try
but ego,tempts the unethical to hide
The moral fibers,
And seek pride
The pride it's chased being misplaced
Or erased for so long it's arbitrary,
As emotions ominous ocean Drowns it,
Til I'm surrounded
swallowed, like *****
and no help
Is self loathin or pity,
cuz it makes me a type of livid so vivid, even when it looks like it's asleep,
Still even Bill Cosby couldn't ****** it
knowin this is hell,
serves me well
And swells as its felt
From all the *******
...... I bring myself

Trust me I've tried to frame it
On anything like lazy People do immigrants,
but eventually I face it ...
Left with nothing but this release
That is the relief as a consolation
Airing my ****,
I try to keep in like some weird reverse constipation

Til I see stars but constellations
Even align to find a consultation
cause Im ******* abit
More than a bit,
so the offered achin'Im accepted,
cuz exceptions
Can't be made so I'm expecting my
Come around,
that went around
Like it goes around,
to my backside,
For a reach around.
Like ******,
I thought to be
The type of the
"try it once"anomaly
That didnt sound bad when awfully
Distracted indulging like an economy
Spending freely,
Makin commodities
Amenities and justify it like an idiotic neo Socrates to convince with a moronic
"YOLO"type Philosophy  
Maybe I shouldn't .....
But then again
YOLO ....
******* deep type ****
Cause in the end as men,
we invite in
Future discomfort if impulse hits
The present,
like the worst present
Ever presented to you,
but hell
Just for show ....
When i unwrap it
I'll act shocked,
and surprised...

I didn't realize this gifted go **** yourself was actually so literal...
So try not to **** yourself like I often ******* the residual
I hate how I always need validation
> Like the implication of insecurities are the only assurity that I'll never be alone
> Sometimes self love stops at *******
> Like the only time I love myself is when I can make myself feel the drastic *******, sensation
> Like the only vacation is ejactulation
> Otherwise the frustration is unbearable
> I try to remind myself that true wealth and real health is all about self help, but still I cry out that I am lonely
> Sometimes I wonder if being under the covers and under another is the only time I will ever feel whole,
> But deep down I know
> That filling a hole will never fill the hole left by feeling inferior
> Sometimes I find security in insecurities
> Sometimes feeling lonesome is the only way I can be alone, and still feel my home is not abandonment
> For once I feel the need to not need to succeed in the Greed of another's arms
> Cause being charmed should leave me alarmed but sadly even when I'm harmed I feel more loved than not bein used
> Not being bruised or subdued by being seduced, when I know deep down the only truth is that I don't love myself enough
> I find it tough to find self worth without some kind of self hurt or without being heard that I am loved
> Or that I'm needed
> But being needed is equivalent to be self defeated, to being depleted, and so I'm scared that I need it just to feel wanted
> To feel valued, or feel I am not cursed to be submerged on earth, with no worth, unless I feel first a loving embrace
> So I tell myself not to chase a fate without faith and instead of hating my own face, see how great I am and can be
> Without a strangers company, but it's strange to me as I am estranged from self love
> So leave the words above and beyond for those who feel they don't belong and let them know that they too can be strong
> Strong enough to see that you are enough for u
> And that I too have accrued the same attitude and crude mood of feeling desperation but refuse
> Refuse to being locked in a dungeon mocked by my own destruction
> And hope u release yourself as I do from it's abduction
> Released from the disease of the need to feel wanted or being left haunted by self hatred
> So I stand here naked, and sedated by leaving castrated the inflated loneliness narrated by my own self consciousness
> And leave only the promise of feeling self love that's honest even if it's only prompted from within
> And will no longer entertain the pain of feeling strain from stains left from
> A mundane train of thought
> Exhausted from feeling not good enough ...
Jun 2015 · 419
The Option of Adoption....
I gave you up for adoption at 16 yrs old never gettin to know who she is
Sad that I learned what it takes to be a man after learning to use my *****

And at the time I was so inflicted being drug addicted my sight
To see the future sober me will have
To carry this all his life

After I gave her away I woke up some days not remembering why
I gave u away only to stay intoxicated to run away or fly

Becoming scared of not being high
So when I finally decided to quit
the drugs, I regretted all I was and
the love I turned away&now; miss

The daughter who I won't kiss
hug or love so I often feel sad
Picturing my daughter hugging a better man .. Who she now calls Dad

The one she says she loves, who
Was man enough to be
A Selfless, sober and responsible role model.All the things I couldnt be

&No; matter how sorry I am or how much remorse was in my tears
Eventually even the drugs couldn't help me run or numb the fear

That still grows every year
Scared shell think I didn't care
Or even worse not even care, cause I'm just a stranger she could stare

at and not recognize me like I wore a mask as we pass in street
not knowing who I am, and I'm so **** Scared she wont want to meet

Scared shell find that in time I became a dad and succumb
To the knowledge that I now lovingly raised another baby... My son

Leading her to be angry and confused on Why she couldn't stay
But I still kept my son who now has the one father who gave her away

And it eats at me everyday, cuz I never meant to leave my blood
In the hands of a better man but trust me Ive cried so much it floods

My face whenever I face this pain that I still face now
I often wish the tears that appear as I cry over u would cause me to drown

From the puddle left on the ground
But objectively this is much worse
Cuz I am cursed with facing your birth every day only to feel the thirst

To find closure, for all of the hurt
But deep down I know that first
Karma must fairly punish me mercilessly as thats what i deserve

So like revenge it's dished& served
As cold as anything can be
And I can only hope I can forgive myself but like Casey Anthony

I took for granted the gift planted So I reep what I sew as rancid
Is self hatred,that strips my soul naked now vacant after bein handed

Something sacred, that I refused
To protect so it was safe at night
Bearing the pain of missing your first words&steps; or teachingU2ride a bike

Never hear I love you. Never know you. Never be part of your life
... I wish you knew how sorry I was but in life. There are things that no apology could ever make right ....

Jun 2015 · 691
Raised By Catholics....
Guilt is a one way street
It’s as heavy as the cross he keeps
Chained to his neck
So it won’t leave him, not even
When death comes to collect

Ever since I could remember I been trying to dismember
This member I endeavor that seems to bond me to my mistakes forever
I will feel the butterflies where my stomachs gutters lies
the nerves causing bleeding ulcers to symbolize my gut implies

That my guilt can't be killed
its got a bagpipe and a kilt
A Plutonium powered monster guilt that turns profit til a church was built

And I know guilt in small doses only exposes what closes in the truth
And its noted but I know this

Would be loaded until I was bloated
And eventually it exploded,
Misogynistic? homophobic?
Maybe the bibles misquoted

And that's only a part, before we start on the hypocritically dark
Holy priests who's frozen heart
Let's him say homosexuality is stark

Sin, and then take part
Helping to alter a boys life
after his faltered toy of an alter boy substitutes for the wife

The church deprives him of despite The history, so Im left feeling low like a low life Grinning while I'm sinning, like Charlie winning til karma bites

My *** With spite, but when I speak to the light wanting to do right
My confessions of guilt woe were not only guilt full but blatantly willful

So when I confess my common told, sins, like common Colds
appetizers and often flow, almost comical, kept falling like dominoes

Or added as if it was an abocist
Counting&Accountin; each which are
causing an apology to sound bizarre that now folds like a house of cards

So I find myself in doubt surrounded
by myths in fables told
To give solace without knowledge,
facts or evolution,just how to scold

Bur I do not blame them.
I too have sought refuge in the eyes of a stranger.

But this place does not feel holy guilt
echoes and hangs from the walls, the choir voices, rejoices, but
Guilt whispers to the mass and calls

For them to empty their wallets in collection baskets for sin
&fre;; the incarceration built by guilt
to fester like tumors under the skin

Like a disease of brainwash passed down for generations
since the dawn of mankind.

I do not know what forgiveness is
But I know it is not to be found in the book from which he is reading.

There is nothing sacred here
Every belief that climbs the rafters is tainted.....
Even the windows are stained.

And I swear one day
I will crawl under these floor boards
And dig a hole as deep as my guilt
And bury myself alive.
Jun 2015 · 692
An urn for your memory
Despite my spite, I will forgive
You tonight
I won't wear my pain like armor
Cuz it won't help me fight

Forget wrong or right
Instead let's talk class
But this is no time for laughs
this is u bein left in the past

Your not worth all the pain
Your not worth all the tears
It's funny how heartbroken I
Was throughout the years

Comparing u with my peers
That in my head never could
Measure up the way u would, cuz
On a pedi stool u stood

And I always helped put
You there, blind from seeing
That you were an empty vessel far
from special but looks are deceiving

Intriguing, til it was demeaning  
Feeling not good enough
So all I keep thinking of was ways
To make you think that I was

When you couldn't.cuz I wouldn't
So how could u ever
the reason love hurts is cuz it makes
u forget nothings forever

Like it's emotionally clever
And controls u with levers
Til the day you pay as u endeavor
Your once whole  heart severed

Feeling withdrawn from pleasure
From the love that was lost
Til your consumed by bitter sweet memories that wither and rot

the "I love yous"are now I love u nots
As your Stomachs in knots
The same way it was the day u met same feeling, but twisted plot

How sick is that? leaves u distraught
Petulant and angry
Hiding in my apartment crying
Ashamed I don't react manly

Cuz I'm weak and now im sadly
Feeling lonely from solitude
Trying hard to keep the little dignity
I have left by not callin you

And Begging you to come Back
Or asking how can I make u stay
Ill do anything and everything
I need u here, now,..... today

But it just ....pushes her away
And makes me look so pathetic
Leaving me a bill to pay back the
Self respect I'm now indebted

But that was past tense when I let it
Overwhelm me, not seeing
That she was very distant from the
all mighty superior being

I kept seeing u as but being
Alone forced to go on your own
Makes u realize how to be a guy
That can now be properly shown

How neglected he was when prone
To catering to someone he thought
Was deserving but after serving her
With Respect,that I never got

I Felt so meaningless but stopped
Seeing myself as undeserving
Deprived of the love i needed most
from myself to help the hurting

Cu losing the one I've been serving
constantly giving love away
Not realizing a true lover would give
Something back to trade

Instead of rewarding me like dogs so I got laid as a treat from my master
I felt like pavlovs dog,a lucky ******* Looking back it was such a disaster

So if I was a good boy I'd get an
Ear scratch, or a bone to hunt
I guess to be honest the equivalent more suited would be a leg to ****

Cuz she made me Forrest Gump
In love with a jenny
Too stupid to be offended by the many times she left for any

Man who treated her the opposite
Of the way that I did
Like she wanted to be put Down
Instead of wearin crowns cuz she is

Royalty to me But in time long after she left me for dead
My brain was confused, knowin the aim was happiness but Instead

She's gone so more self aware and  Self repair to bring myself where
I was needed, and now I feel cheated By my own neglect,impaired

So I forgive u cause if incase u care
You'd know that when u left
I didn't see it but I really needed u
Gone to see it was so incorrect

living to please who I respect
And not respecting myself
No wonder I felt beneath her and
Couldn't face the fear I felt

Cuz she left, leaving me blessed so
Yes if u see this u are forgiven
Thank you for constantly teaching
Me the hard lesson I was given

Bringin confidence I had prisoned
And all the sight I lacked from vision
To see how bad I need to be the first
one I love if I ever expect to be given

Another's love which is hidden
In self love that helps reflect
Once nurtured causing it to bounce off What comes off the opposite ***

So after this you'll finally be left
In my past as I have to move on
But I'll never forget all you left for me
as the lesson I keep to stay strong

And as a reminder, that the keeper
Of love is the loves designer
&should; be possessed to address the next love I get if I can find her

And when I do I'll think of you
and Know you gave me the best
Present by not being present cuz subtracting ur presence as u left

Is the reason I am blessed
And I read the email u swiftly
Sent a few days ago to hit me
By saying how much u miss me

And It was sweet but I simply
Can't be weak and entertain
The company of what had come to be the suffering but comforting pain

Cause I see you like I see the casino
Dat left me broke by takin my money
So The teacher of hard lessons Now takes on the form of how ****** ugly

The lesson can be if it's not learned
that's why knowledge is earned
So in my past with tears shed over u
Is where u will now return

Like my memories are her urn
That keeps her bottled to turn
Over in your grave for making me a
Slave to abuse but the burns

Sat bluntly"don't be a dummy
Or she will hurt u again"
Cu if I play with fire like my desire
From the attraction acquired then

I'll never allow it to retire unlike the
love I had and It was strongly felt
But I'll resist u¬ kiss u or Ill miss
u but if I fall again I cant be helped

With my issues needing tissues after I get My hopes up for nothing
So this is goodbye,cuz I must deny
the high I get when just one thing

Leads to another2leave me smothered, high by your scent
But I cant help remember how lonely I was, when u left, I jus say and wept

So it's time to accept the debt
We will now pay in our own way
By seeing what u had&did;;'t want but u want now... as it walks away

After forgiving all the bad moods
The abuse and all the cheating
And I'm not sure what my future path
Has but I know my past is keeping

You and I wish u well keep dreaming
And never ever go believing
U can be loved and not love or ull be in anothers past as he's leaving

You behind like I did in time,thanks for the lesson here's mine
Open eyes, don't help love come out
It needs to be felt, til then ur blind

By a love ull never find
if u keep taking but never give
Cuz true love is like a 69 it can find
A way to receive as it gives
May 2015 · 764
Binary code
Binary code

Life to me is similar to
Binary code cause your either a one
Or your a zero not to be cruel like Nero
but that's just how it runs

Rich or poor zero and one
Not in the sense of you don't matter
But in the sense that some climb the
same corporate ladder

That others like me must of walked under
so zero represents hunger
And it maybe crazy to be labelled a statistic
but your always a number

Like a jail bird in prison social security
or even a credit score
Even prostitutes on escort websites
Are rated with a score

Your age, your salary,were all ******
It's not limited to profession
Even the priest tells u how many prayers
to say after confession

Racing time minutes from seconds
That accumulate to hours
9/11 two towers and 24 hours
In a day 7 days a week for power

We struggle hoping our troubles
Are more subtle hopin Donald trump
Isn't quoted by your boss
saying "your fired", a year is 12 months

But Friday the 13th if superstitious
Means 666 may send viscous
Demons while millions of ******
Are released in one ******* visit

Your height and weight, 6 pack
A perfect 10 describes good looks
5 stars tell how well your hotel is to dwell
but 187s a ****** and all crooks

Know tha 5.0 isn't a lottery# took
but a warning to book it or be booked
But in life we all have a 50/50 chance
if we really try but to look

With perfect eye sight is harder than just
having a 20/20 vision
Gotta watch for fakes that send over scams
til ur bent over, ****,, your  wishin

It could all be equal like positions
Designed so everyone can find
A balance of there talents a give and take,
if you will.... even like a.... 69?

Give me yours and here's mine
But nothing's that even, but as for odd
There's a lot of odd, cuz ppl are odd
And odds are someone will rob

You of your dignity. Money or job
Til too high is the number of your
Blood pressure that'll measure
if u need a stretcher and now to be sure

Let's check the number of your temperature
cuz outside it's 30 plus
But it feels more like 50 below zero
When your visa statement erupts

After your wife of number 10 years
of marriage decided to make
Another negative number work against you
at a 17% interest rate

It's all numerical I'm hysterical
Comparable to psychotics unrepairable
And after all this numerology psychologically
ima be damaged cuz its labotomy type terrible

All I want is some fresh bread for a sandwich
and to relax with a beer but first
I had to go to the bakery to get the fresh bread
and of course what occured....

I stand in line for such a long time
And got annoyed I wasn't served
So I yell what the hell, only to hear them tell
me  "please take a number sir "

Life...... life to me is similar to binary code
cause your either a numer one
Or your a zero .....
not to be cruel like Nero but that's just how it runs....

...... Ones and zeros I tell ya...
Ones an zeros......
.. If your not a one....
May 2015 · 384
A Reflection
Sometimes I struggle with
Seeing all im receiving, the things
I am blessed with, congested as I
Concentrate on what I didn't win

Or what I do when tempted by sin
Maybe that's why lately I've had
Nothing more cause if I don't adore
what has been given than I shouldnt have

more, if I'm not grateful already
So I'm trying to change
But to me change is very scary
Ill even admit to something strange

That I have lived in discomfort
many times Just to keep what I know
When I was aware that making
A change would arrange a fix and control

The problem causing discomfort
and That's how bad I have got
But I live by rather knowing my
Current devil over the one I do not

It's confusing which I do not
Make any's stupid
Sometimes I exhaust myself
By making situations convoluted

But I'm just one of life's students
Trying to do it alone
But I try to put my pride aside
Cause inside I feel i have grown

Possessions are never really owned
But just borrowed til we die
And that puts in perspective
Why materialism will only deny

My consciousness to fly
Wrapped up in my toys
Computers plasma tv , tablet or car
Which was hot wheels as a boy

Proving we don't grow up much
Our toys just cost more
And like everyone else these
Days I keep buying what I can't afford

Just to be unhappy and bored
It's quite sad to be honest
But being a man takes none
Of that cuz his word in a promise

Is more an asset but many dishonest
People forgot the importance
Of being a good neighbor or
Samaritan, so we are all orphans

If not brothers in accordance
With origin blood or flesh
But we're too concerned with a
Cheque to collect what we earn, our net

Our gross and its gross its
Ugly but our trials and tribulations
Are essentially what fundamentally place
ramifications opposing us from manipulation

And I expect satan will be waitin
In a vacant room
To welcome me for welcoming the evil
that had me and my ego consumed

But temptation only groomed
The greed I had Inside
The need to succeed by any
Means with dreams i was sadly denied

So in these words I confide
Giving them the power it gave me
So when I read back the crap i confess i
collapse knowing nothing can save me

nor Will it calm down my crazy
To many variables so maybe
But I'll do what I have to for provisions
to provide for my baby

My boy, who's no baby but
Will always be my baby boy
If u told me 10 yrs ago I'd be
Changing diapers and still feel joy

I'd think u smoked rob fords pipe
and, probably think u hit it twice
But in essence it's all part of the
Beauty on this roller coaster of life

Up down upside down, upside the
Head, smack!!  go to bed
Before you know it turns to jobs,
, taxes and all else ****** that lead

By adolescence making me
Regret how fast I grew up
Always wanting to be older
Sacrificing the heart of a child but

We all make these **** ups
I'm just better at it then you
And as I end this reflection I feel the
stress lessin as this poems infused

With a new mind state leaving
These worrys behind
Coming to terms with imperfection
Or it will be effectin my mind

Wasting time which is a crime
But for a crime u do time
Which is earth to me sometimes
as i pray my stars will just align

And show me a destiny that I'm
The cause of manifesting or
Maybe my fate is to face with
Faith that I really need nothing more
May 2015 · 434
Moving on and letting go
its hard letting it show and getting a hold
of emotion when letting go, or moving on
when all you gots self help knowing anyone else,
you vent to will give an apathetic yawn

So I record this for those who hoard this
same fear and board it needing strength
stress so enormous aborted is storage of gorgeous  
dreams resorted to feelin horrid for lifes length

It can be a struggle drowning in tear puddles
as trouble, less than subtle doubles to attack
And every stride doesn't abide or Coincide as snakes
rise, til your tries of going forward flies back

To square one, and in life rare is fun thats
fair to none, we were taught
Or told,so be bold in lifes cold and hope as you get old
youll get to hold the gold you sought

and ill be first confessing how distressing
and depressing life is, so less interesting to you
is being targets, and seeing how charmless the  
arm pitts of lifes hardships are, but true

is how we grew from it, learning to control
frustration when we lost and had to let go
teaching us the cost of a loss, and to cherish what we got  
before we do not, and learn as a whole

to fight it off dont write it off, from a loss, like
calling a cough fatal but a slump confuses
so we sacrifice triumph for lumps concluded
when at most it was only bumps and bruises

But the more humps eluded
The less theyre found to be intrusive
And lack of experience separates the greats
from the ignorant fake and stupid

Transforming Translucent to Lucid
Helping the disapproved prove its
Only movement with motivation will prove an
approved transformation to see improvement

Recycling for beneficial Accruement
so positioned positivity surrounds my proximity
Ignore judgement given with no realistic vision  
like religion and ****** Proclivity

Cuz alive and well is vocal Bigotry
Don't let it lead to Social misery
Nothing but insanity and vanity can come
from some dumb boastful imagery

Just concentrate on denying timidity
All u need is a path spacious for clarity
Be honest with yourself, embrace its sincerity
to trump the negatives of bein an Auspicious Rarity

And soon the limitations will dissipate
and'll incubate prematurity from the womb
so the happiness it Impedes will now lead with speed
and feed whats conceived and leave you immune

to The sadness that presumes to bloom and consume
the needed room to emphatically feel free
Sometimes the mentality of normality is just a fallacy
to stop empowering the masses but we

need To dissemble what resembles self hate
its poisonous to our mental plot  
so fight like you were a ****** blow addict
against psychosomatic havoc reeking thoughts

Of conformity when normalcy lives In abnormal
habitats, and almost extinct is average acts of affection
to ones self cause, and ones doubts'll come out as we
figure out, true perfection lies in imperfection

and that visions the driven means of conception
who we are, what is given and what will be
And evidentially this entity essentially will remedy
being our own enemy then eventually proceed

To prove as key, and all we ever need
To be secure, and to assure our second guessin
can be denied and die as no longer are we tied to  
what insecurities imply forcing us to question

If our quests less our own invention
as we are stuck restin' in a direction
Thatll leave us stressed and left in debt to our
future set, hoping to avoid collections

Cuz the confidence to believe we wont regret
is needed, while perusing
dreams seen as too far or too hard from where
you are but so is anything worth doing

So don't hesitate to pass and move on from a past
that knocked you off your path on your ***
Just continue this rat race or waste what awaits
as you erase manifestation to grasp

what destiny had, so Let go, and move on,
being victorious maybe laborious, but it'll help
emit the enriched bliss fueling you to dismiss
doubt amidst lifes struggles and finding out
that if you Learn from mistakes, and shake the self-hate
that makes you controlled by fears based  
on statistical outcomes, that say to out run the high
risk, but when you are faced

with a mirror showing the face of
your raised self doubt, dont mask it
cause within us is both the magic to pass it or the
havoc traffic of our doubts to help end tragic

so act drastic and grab it, hold the mirror that
mirrors doubts and grasp it
then **** residule subliminal doubt, of this cynical
criminals habitual ritual as you smash it

Cause confidence is needed to believe in what we do
and who we are while perusing
dreams that seem too far from where we are or too
hard but is anything worth doing
May 2015 · 389
Beautiful Disasters
It may sound like tragedy
But beauty lies in calamity
The obstacles that test us
That make us and test our sanity

Self consciousnessness vanity
insecurities causing pressure
Forcing us to experiment with
Our limitations that help measure

What's important, what we treasure
What we sacrifice for pleasure
Giving us vision of clarity to find
What were carrying buried never

To be seen until bad weather
Makes us reach deep inside
To pull out courage that couldn't
Flourish without desperation to try

Our resilience that's why brilliance
Comes from hardships facing
Us opposed to expose weakness we
hold and learn to control making

The wrong move or fall to the
Inevitable damage inflicted
Helping us discover the strength
Covered never needing it evicted

But the loss of comfort from
bad situations start to train us to know
Our capability til like a distillery
our body produces an adrenaline buzz

That gives confidence like beer does
Like whiskey like ***
A natural substance like adderol
Now seeing the potential that some

Never uncover until there smothered
In fear nerves and sweat
Reminding you that a man
holds in his hands all he needs to stand next

To hurricanes and endure the rain
Cuz if he boards a plane and runs
He'll never know if he can survive &
if he runs the next time u come

To face fear it'll never be done
You'll always live scared your not
Able to stand your ground and reach
Deep down and evolution will stop

So sacrifice causer a loss
Is the cost of what will be found
Learn to be the master
of what happens after a disaster surrounds

Cause a master sees faster means of
recovery then goes to master these
Compilations of complication
s in the Situations of a catastrophe

And then he'll always have with him
the tools to fight Cataclysm
And learn to shape fate and hate
to tolerate misfortune like its Fascism

And by the end the little mishaps
And trials and tribulations
Will be welcome as u learn the pain
is worth the outcome&inspiration;

Not to mention the confirmation
That misfortune brings fortune
Like any adversity brings pain like
Surgery but the aftermath assuringly

Will be more asset than liability as
your left with something intangible
The knowledge that you are stronger
Than you imagined& still amicable

So charge toward fear, stand tall
Never hide or run away
Cuz unless the earth breaks
ull survive the earthquakes, and be ok

Hardships, cataclysm catastrophe
Calamity&disasters; are unusual
Cuz their misfortune brings fortune
So remember tragedy is beautiful
It was a little insane but who
Am I to judge?
You See friend had a theory
how our world came to where it was

So as he told it to me, is how ill tell it
it to you, but not caring if ur believing
But simply I am just repeating
As I found it oddly intriguing

So, it all starts where a society of
of real gods all live
And their kids are subject to
Learning about their power& gifts

And as an assignment school kids
Were told they had to create reality
On a fictitious planet where it'll
inhabit a species with mortality

Using the knowledge you were taught
In science Eco system building
Using philosophy, math. Art anything
You've learned can help your vision

Now the rules of such a creation
We're to calculate things right
Cause once it's created it's living
And we don't extinguish life

So the teacher explained that if
You create and it goes off course
You can only watch it destruct for
example if u Forget a food source

If you forget to make the
physical bodies of the beings
To be properly resilient enough
to match the environmental skeems

You are forced to watch in horror
As the death u caused slowly comes
And only then will you know
What it takes to be a god, and no one

Will have similar projects so no ones
right or wrong that's why you create
It's imaginative and limitless
As long as u properly calculate

So only a week later long before
the deadline when projects are due
one student who made a planet called earth,
that reflected green and blue

And he asked his teacher if he
Could induce the process of creation
Knowing well, that inducing creation comes
after due date&presentation;

So the teacher replied that
Normally he would say no
But ill be honest im curious to see
if u finished only starting 7 days ago

But before you do. I hope you know
The ethical obligation
That comes with creation, don't
U wanna re work calculations?

Cause they need a way to breath
And have a way that their body
Can self remove or evacuate
And the student said like a hobby

I loved I recalculated made
Adjustment after adjustment
So if I'm missing something I won't
Find it cuz I can't see nothing.

So the teacher said go ahead
And the student left that night
To induce the roots that
Wi grow the fruit of life

So time passes and it's time
To present to the classes
This student presented last&when;
he showed earth all of them laughed

And since there is no wrong or right
The student was puzzlesd
As his classmates started asking
Questions so flaws shoe but subtle

"Why would free will have a need"
When u only need to program
The nucleus to force morality
Now it's on you when your plans

Are wrong, but the student
Explained that he could not plan
Like most others did cuz there are
Copious variables when they can

Make their own decisions and
Be there own gods
So I only gave them
the power and respect that we all got

Cause most of your planets are built
By plans, predetermined by control
Where as mine gives them the tools
Without manipulating them wit goals

Only the fear of survival and a
Heightened consciousness so
well aware before acting on wrong
as instinct warns, so they know

What they should do, and would you
Want a program instead of intuition
Robbed of the right to make decision
cuz in my Opinion that is no vision

of someone creating something livin
So overlooked my pessimism
So existence wit decision prevents
planet prison, think of a mechanism

Something designed to mimic
Life mearly living a planned cycle
So most of your plants are more
Mechanisms then life cause vital

Is the presence of survival so
It can serve as a reminder
That recklessness has consequence
To show control of what transpires

Is there's and with this I moved
On well aware it could end
Badly but sadly the same free will
I gave as a gift could curse them

And that's when his teacher said
Class congratulate earth
As I've never once had a student
Factor in free will which births

Authenticity of life otherwise
Your planet is a replication
This projects meaning is
built around the fact that your creation

Wouldn't really be a creation as
A school would never allow
A class of students to cause
creation with no knowledge of how

Uncontrollable true creation is
And that no creations perfected
And bearing the pain of knowing
Something exists in pain directed

By your creation so be patient
Don't spawn life just to see the odd
So the lesson,its dangerous
playing god so it's important u be a god

That's when the teacher dismissed
The class but asked his student
That created earth to stay after
Class so we can decide who is

Gonna break it to my bosses that
You created life
And when they were alone
teacher said plz fill me in and shed light

On how you got everything cohesive
I had to write a new thesis
Many times and felt so blind even
After schooling to breed this

Planet the way you did, how do
They breath explain
So he said out of the choices I had
For elements the easiest to maintain

So it's constant and remains
Is to have what's needed to breath
Surrounding them and that way the
wind acts to spread what they need

So all I had to do was create
an Eco system that's supported by
The same thing but used in a cycle
Opposite to another, so my

case, earth is filled with What the
dominant and sub-dominant life needs
Just like a fish needs to be in water
Earth uses oxygen as its need

So upon designing plant life a tree
And other plants breath
Out the oxygen the eco system needs
so I hope the environment we

Left to them is taken care of,
So the teacher nods and says
One more question which makes
Me wonder if ur advanced or lead

By luck but what was your
thought process when programming how
A basic nucleus functions you
Added so much detail so now

I'm asking why greed, anger and
Other emotional gauges got
So complicated when these emotions
Develop in evolution with thought

So the student replied, ill be honest
I created earth to reflect me
So now I'm more bonded to my
Creation and empathy from me

Would lack if in fact I failed
To know how it felt
To be lonely. Scared or angry
And despite how there all felt

They make us constantly aware
Of ourselves leading to improvement
On a scale more significant so
They would have to be stupid

To not notice with how complicated
They are by instinct and emotion
That if the environment gets bad
Or poverty is had there's a notion

That nags inside them knowing
Something's Wrong and they'll fix it
But ill let u know as time passes
What happens no I'm sorry it isn't

Allowed to go with you. There's
Many issues, and unwritten law
All creations must be stored with
The proper personnel who log

A the findings as some bindings
Have taught us In the past
That evolution after creation has an
Outcome that is worth to track

Each creation and note the
Changes and evolutions as they
May hold the answer To a question
We won't ask til later so I say

You deserve a pat on the back
But we may very well be introuble
As its my job to make sure u don't
Stumble upon it but befuddled

Am I at how you factored In key
elements we purposely leave out
So when your creations crash it's
No harm some as the lessons passed

Cause reproductive systems are
Graphed and added to the math
When your much older in university
Although they teach in class

To give the female of a species
The means to self conceive
With only eggs and the fathers
DNA but still you achieved

A sustainable process, and
If as a novice u can do this
There's no telling what your future
Creations will teach us, but with

All of this comes responsibility
So lets go call the authorities
And let them know we are in
Possession of an unlicensed piece

Of science and be proud. That
U didn't just play god
You weighed the responsibility
And took well measured steps not

Even taught to you, and even
If earth is not with u
It still reflects how complex you as a
God think,so lets hope earth will too

Cuz any misanthropy is misplaced
As imperfections reflexion
is why conception of perfection
Leaves a contradicting impression

Cuz the same section that's stressin
Abnormalities exist
Is the same formality that makes it
normal so this paradox insists

That something is what it isn't
And it isn't what it is
Like love and hate, a perfect life
needs a nature where antonyms sit

And in essence this is why your
world leaves me impressed
But most ppl dont understand this
Theory and will judge it a mess.....
May 2015 · 353
Soul Searchin'
I try to soul search
And see everybody's view
I respect all opinions even
When mine is not cause u

Must always believe we are
Free to believe what we wish
Gay marriage, abortion,
Religion cause tolerance is a gift

We should give one another
As respect must be mutual
One mans garbage is another's
Treasure, what's ugly is beautiful

If that's what is suitable
From various perceptions made
There's more to life than gettin laid
More to life than gettin paid

More than wut we barter and trade
It's nostalgia in memories
It's healing from pain that's not
Physical or has no remedies

It's appreciating amenities
And finding peace from stress
In the sacrifices we make, when it's
Hard but we know it's best

The time of ur unknown death
The bond with a friend
In losing a love heartbroken
Only to see love manifest again

Cause what truly matters
Can go invisible sometimes
It's not the money or possessions
But how u got them but blind

Are we to that fact
Even though it's fundamentals
So many luxurys aquired no
Wonder u struggle for dental

Health care and wuts essential
Spending outside our means
So I keep my wisdom from adulthood
Heart from childhood and from teens

I'd take my confidence and dreams
And my passion but not
The Insecurity the anger or
The confusion it brought

And I hope soon we will stop
Selling things that have no price
Our ethics, our bodys, our
***** souls and our life

And all of this I write
Not just for u but for me
Cause jealousy anger and lust
Blinds me from all knowledge these

Words have within them
As I'm only a human, a man
Who knows life is wut happens
When ur busy makin plans

But wuts out of my hands
I gotta learn to let go
Sometimes I sulk and feel
Sorry for myself preventing growth

So *** social status and gross
Net pay and wut is my residual
As long as I follow my heart and
Dreams and be an individual

A happiness that's equivocal
And all life's pain is worth it
As its y I appreciate my blessings
And understand that nothing's perfect

So whether u see life as a circus
Or a place for spiritual growth
Learn from criticism, mistakes
And the advice from both

Ur family, ur friends, ur
School faith and ur love
We all fit in this world somewhere
Even when like oj's glove

It doesn't seem to fit but
Sooner or later well find our place
But life can be heaven or it can
Be hell so keep dreams to chase

Keep value on wuts fake
Rather than pricing what isn't
And not just drugs but almost
EVERYTHNG has a level of addiction

Know moderation and restriction
Welcome contradiction cause
Things u hate so great, anticipate
U may end to love

So forget wut was and
Focus on wut can still be
So remember to Seize the day,
believe in fate and wuts meant to be
May 2015 · 737
I Must Be A..............
I must be a stairway
The way I get stepped on
I must be a nightmare
The way I get slept on
I must be a ****
Cause all I got is *****
Life must be a maze the ways
I bump my back into walls
I must be a toilet cause
I'm constantly **** on
I must be repulsive rejected
Whoever I hit on
Must be a ****** as I'm spit on
Must be a door cause they push me
U r wut u eat and on good Friday
I always eat *****
Cause I love chicken *****
At Chinese food spots
I must. Be a target like a sponsor
For target the way they take shots
I must be in pain the way
I take pain killers So
I hope the pain stained is detained
And not refrain from slow
Pain removal and it soon'll
Tell by time but I'm weary
Mirrors seem to fear me
Homeless people are less. Needy
They don't. Need me I'm
Depressing and it stinks my clothes
I must have aids cause I can't even
Get laid by hoes
I must just be gross
Net pay and gross shows. Nothing
And I must. Be associated with
It as I'm nothing unless I'm something
Along the lines of an
******* or a *****
Or so I'm told by people cold
And wish I'd die but I did
Die because I seem to be a
Ghost to most I know
Only call me when there problems
Are so ****** up they know
No matter how ****** up there
Situation. Is that I've seen worse
Which is insulting and flattering
All in the same verse
I must have a curse
Like Toronto maple leafs
Who coulda had a cup
But the phat cats are cheap
But stupid are we not them
Because there's no sense
In investing in a roster if merchandise
And seats commence
To sell and they do always
From loyal die hard fans
Who they rob of bein part of a
Contender team but the stands
Are full I guess losings just
A pass time now
But I'm so off track where was
I, **** I forget now
I believe I was ******* in my
Own special way
And I always get ****** cause I'm an
*** so I guess I'm gay
I must be a runaway
Cause I don't got a home
I can go back to, am I a dog
Cause in my pants is a bone
I must be a **** pad
Cause my wings don't help fly
I guess I'm not a big girl
Cause big girls dont cry
I must be a fat *** cause my
Fat has a fat mass
Equivalent to precious eaten
By fat joe and thats
Not the type of mass with
Stained glass and religion
Where an alter boys farts are
Never heard if u listened
In an amplifier I'm ampped on fire
But nobody sees it
So if I said president Obama
Had ****** diseases
No one would protest and say jesus
Christ that was wrong
What would Jesus do?
He would probably write a song
About his long slong his **** and
Very long hair
He'd. Never sleep with delilah
But still a cross he must bear
But I would never cross a bear
Are u aware jerusalems where
Darker skin toned people appear
So why is Jesus so fair
Well I don't really care
Not even sure why I asked
90% of the world is unattractive
Sounds harsh but do the math
Am I a long necked giraffe
Cause mom said I belong in a zoo
Which is appealing as the monkeys
Get to masterbated and throw poo
I have no hint let alone a clue,
Was. nEver quite clued in
Too busy angry collecting debt
Feeling disrespect and sins
I now and forever regret since
Ii grew up a little
Had to stop substituting ****** pills
For my bag full of skittles
So I must be a riddle
An enigma to ponder
I don't journey with destination
Only have patients to wander
So to be a doctors patient I
Saunter and walk into a walk in
Clinic so in it i mimic a ******* to
finish with a script for poppin
Perkecette oxycotton
Clonasapan diasapan even
So my back pain I make so real
It starts to hurt as I'm leavin
But giving. doctors are decieving
So deceiving them does not
Pin guilt aide it wilts knowing
The real drug dealers the doc
Sending people who got
Addiction problems to phone
A Clinic to start u a new dependency
Called methadone
So leave the **** alone, such
A mess and known
If ur not an ignorant clone
That can't see on there own
It's the same drug dealer
Just a different drug
So how does **** for oxy heads
Really help them its rough
I must be a mute cause all
My opinions arnt heard
And I protect my pocket with no
Pocket protecter so am I a nerd
I must be a bad ****** word
Cause whenever I am. Brought up
Eyes go wide as if I am a bad
Influence like I'm hopped up
On morphine and more fiends
Are. Created each day
As doctors seem to just
Wanna give there drugs away
Well I'm done for the day
That's enough complaints for me
And if u didn't like it call 1800
I don't give a **** and Plz
Remember if it's busy just hang
up and try ur Call  again
Cause I always look forward
To being **** on for when
I use the freedom of speech
Giving to me as a right
So those opposed your all *****
So that means I must. Be a ****
*** yikes ewww a **** yuck
Get it away
So what I say I had to say Plz don't play
With what lay in my spray
Of opions in the way I say
What I say when I say it
If u hate me I'm still on ur mind
And worth hating so go ahead hate it
Poetic dues I payed it
Roads I pave it so those
Who chose to be a voice for
His beliefs always knows
There way but in dismay
I may not pray for others
Cause they may see a dead end
Even though they are covered
And smothered in talent
But if never discovered ur covered
Lucky if Facebook will even read
Let alone brothers and mothers
Cause to hypnotize the others
Selling out lurks in the way
And wut defines selling out is such
An area of grey
So goodbye again I'll say
I'm on my way out and gone
Not even a penny for my thoughts
And it's so sad a penny's beyond
What most would pay
As they say I'm just one of alot
But I maybe a snowflake looking
The same but actually I am not
May 2015 · 554
self destruction
Self destruction imploded,
explosive is the emotion, when corrupt and tainted,
and salvation is stagnant, dismembered and disassembled,
as it resembles a black heart that relinquishes it's broken wings,
and surrenders to complication in frustration...
A device used that's suffice to sacrifice what temptation,
made sacrilegious, a viscous disease plagued by the relic feelings that are negative prognosticators bringing induced nostalgia
that only comforts til the attachments make it arbitrary.
It's a condition that foreshadows eminent manifestations
that makes justification unequivocal, so indestructible is my problematic depression,
my depression that im stressing is what causes my stressing,
only stretching once pressing so im guessing
that self destruction is a blessing as im confessing that my lifes abusive like im a possession
and thats when i question my suicidal state
and why i wait, causing my seld destructive ways to mutates into a plutonium powered, steroid fuelled monster
that contributes to the inadequate feeling projected in my low self-esteem filled consciousness ...
until the residual given the variables is nothing short of pathetic,...
An astronomical spectrum of failure,
tears and insecurities that resonate to perpetuate the amplified undeniable confinement that nihilism builds....
Irreparable, so I reprehend reputation and release stigma,
but alas reach to accept what I cannot change,
changing the things I can and staying perplexed in differentiating.
The only respite I have is the lethargic hope that I will be terminated immediately,
til then redundant is the regretful feeling resulting in me halting
living vicariously through dead individuals visual
but your imagination cant comprehend it,
as it is declared gratuitous with the exemption of acting as a wrecking-ball to shatter my scattered and battered dreams
as demolition makes extinct the instinct to continue my pursuit for happiness that my gps can't seem to locate for a destination point,
so implicated is the uncomplicated conclusion that most concur as apt.
I contemplate collision to refute, but refuge I seek leaves me like the head of a seek, wrapped in a turban of the tangled web of lies I weave in a post freedom epiphany
that dictates to fall in line and pay taxes,
which contradicts freedoms theory and questions it as if to challege a democracy our hypocrisy sold out,
so before I implode as an introvert would,
I say as an extrovert to divert and dodge the bomb
made of self pollution society helped bond to my suicidal notion to instigate what is now destiny,
... Stand back...take cover...TNT + me = my carefully calculated subconscious desire...
Calamity that brings Armageddon ...boom!!!
As I yell goodbye before the dramatic, and traumatic ******...
brains blood and guts erupt, to help conduct
and orchestrate the witnesses who are now throwing up
May 2015 · 758
junkyard king
Scraps of Cardboard taped together, over a blue recycling box, with a long backing to rest a royal back on, so became his highness' throne ,His staff is made of intertwined hangers, bent and manipulated to weave together, and at the top is gutted tennis ball spray painted red, his crown is made of fast food cup trays, that are also sprayed a royal color, his cape is part of an old tattered carpet, as to resemble a majesty's robe, so as he graciously walks and takes his place seated, on his throne before his loyal, to royals minions, and though the gust of winds brings a raunchy, putrid, rotten garbage heep smell, it is still the stench of his village, and although his court jester, is a homeless man sir Chester, he is still a loyal follower, and even though this forgotten wasteland, with a mot of spoiled milk, it is still his land, and so as the king begins to speak, he welcomes you, to his enchanted castle,the one you insist on calling a junkyard..... Long live the king....
May 2015 · 449
The Crooked Picture
There's a picture on the wall in a frame....
Maybe it's your family...
Maybe it's mine..
and inthe picture in the frame on the wall
Hangs a family on the wall
.... and Over the years
... Slowly
the picture tilts...
Little by little....
Years go by and ...
The picture on the wall is now crooked...
cause wear and tear will do that to a family
.... Or......
a portrait.... but....
Do we take the picture off the wall....
And replace it....
Or do we fix it...
Cause the memory is worth the history involved
and relevant to a love that once was not at all crooked....
not at all faded, or crooked...
but life has a way of shaking us all up...

...There's a picture on the wall in a frame....
Maybe it's your family...
Maybe it's mine..
Maybe it's u and ur best friend...
Maybe the one u love.........
There's a picture on the wall in a frame....
Maybe it's your family...
Maybe it's mine....
Next page