We're big city souls
Stranded in a small town.
We're surrounded
By those that
Don't understand
Or try to understand
Who we are.

We find solace
In music
And long drives
In the dead of night
Feeling like we could
Run away
If we wanted.

We're all waiting.
Waiting for the day
When freedom is
A possibility
So we can spread our wings
And find
A place to belong.

The wind bites through my clothing
Regardless of the amount of layers
I wear.
I feel the chill on my skin
And on my bones.
I feel the chill
On my soul,
Numbing my core
But not enough.
My body might lay stiff
And frozen
But my mind-
My mind runs a marathon
Panting and heaving
Going for gold.
The tears freeze to my ducts
And my screams.
My screams are hollow
And empty.

I have so many things to say.
So many things I want to say,
So many things I need to say.
But when I try to say them,
All the things come out at once
And it just doesn’t make sense.
Nothing makes sense.
Not even to me
And they’re my thoughts.
They’re my words –
My attempted words –
And they don’t even make sense to me.
So how do I say
What I need to say
When I don’t even know
What it is
That I need to say?

I don't know
How to swim.
But I do know
How to drown.

What makes you smile,
What makes you laugh,
What makes you cry?
What keeps you awake
At 3 AM
When the world around you
Is asleep
But something is squeezing your heart
And eating at your nerves,
What is it?

I barely know you.
I don’t even know
Your favorite color
Or your middle name.
I know you always look
Lost in thought
And that you don’t smile a lot
When you’re alone.
I do know,
You love math
And you wear blue frequently.
I know where you’re from
But where do you want to go?
What are your dreams,
What are you plans,
What are your sisters’ names?

I opened my heart to you
Without meaning to.
Now you occupy my thoughts
Day and night
And I doubt
I ever cross your mind.
I doubt
You ever really saw me.
I was just some girl
Who needed help
And it was your job
To help.
I was just another person
Whom you tutored.
I am just another face
That got lost in the crowd.
Another name
That means nothing
To you.

I don’t know you
And you don’t know me
So why do I feel like
I have fallen
So deeply?
I have a habit
Of falling in love
A little too easily
But this was too hard,
Too much,
And too fast.
These feelings
That I have for you,
They frighten me
And I have no idea
What to do.
I might not see you again
But I still want to know
What makes you smile
And what makes you laugh
And what keeps you awake
At 3 AM.

I'm sitting in front of my house
In my dad's car
Playing sad music
Through the stereo
And crying
Because of you.
Because I love you
And I know
You don't love me too.
This is reminiscent
Of the summer before our senior year.
When I was doing the same thing
For the same reasons
Except now
We're older
And you're not mine.
I thought that I'd be happy
If you moved on
And accepted life
Without me
But I am not happy.
My heart is breaking
Because you don't love me
But I still do
Love you.

I put on a brave face
And smile.
I tell the world
We will never happen again.
I laugh
About the idea of us
Together again.
I say no,
No more.
But I know
If you said the right words
And gave me that smile -
The one you used to give me
Where your eyes
Sparkled like stars
And I could see your love for me
In the wrinkles beside your eyes -
I know
My heart would bend
Until it breaks
And all of my feelings for you
Would come gushing forth
Like water freed
From a broken dam.
I know
If you said to me,
I love you,
I would say it back.
I would close my eyes
To all the pain
You have caused me
And I would go off
Blissfully
Into the night
With my arm,
In your arm
And my heart
In your hands
Ready to be broke
Once again.