The longer I lay here
I can feel it
It makes my skin crawl
And I feel sick
With background noises
Back and forth, stuck, “tick, tock, tick ..”

I’m beginning to lose it
The life I'm choosing
A battle I’ve grown comfortable losing

The longer I lay here
I can feel it

My heart starts sinking, and sinking
Never a thought to what I was thinking
The noises ring closer and closer, faster and faster
I grew into such a disaster
Without sense of control
Or what I seem to be going after

Plagued

I’m like a cat
So spare me nine lives
Vexation kills me, though I’ve never died

The longer I lay here
I can feel it
And I just can’t stand the noise
It’s a ringing, buzzing, right in my ear
The longer I lay here
Those sounds of my pulse racing, my heart beating
Have their own method of teaching

Looks like I’ll be here a while
Brings the bearer of bad news
In addition to the disorderly blues
Haven’t looked in the mirror
But there’s no need
Their expressions towards my honesty
Is quite enough for me

There’s a pulse beneath my skin
As I feel it growing thicker
I’m coming to, quicker and quicker
Voices carry outside, and I can feel their eyes
With their shadows passing by

Humiliated

Once too dark, now too bright
It’s quite clear
The longer I lay here
Give me something I deserve
The longer I lay here
Lesson learned

I think I can take it
I've been training
So I'm prepared
And here I am like I don't care

First position

I'm in the wrong
I'm in the right
I'm in the middle, I put up a fight
I start to panic
The mind of my kind serves as a magnet
Fixated on a symptom vs habit
They can all have at it
I'll be back at it, soon enough
I act all big like no big deal
But then I remember this is really real

First position

I start to forget who I am
I start to forget who I've been
I've become obsessed
When I can't let go
When I can't put matters to rest
Then there comes a time when you don't want to be saved
Setting yourself up to dig your own grave

First position

I think I can take it
I think I could fake it
to prove how strong I really am
But I'm backed right back into the corner
Manifesting into disorder
It's catching up with me

First position

I think I can take it
If i can manage to face it
But I try to stop it
I try to block it out

First position

I looked outside in the wintertime
When I noticed the trees
They look so frail
without their leaves
Kind of like me
When I just want to feel better
Like when randomly warm weather
airs out a cold day in December

They keep me sheltered
They weigh me down so thin
As if I've only got months, weeks to live
As if I'm that fragile
Like it's that much of a battle
Maybe that's why I'm miserable; panic-stricken
So while I wait for myself to thicken
First position

My ex boyfriends got a boyfriend
My ex boyfriends found a man
My ex boyfriends got a boyfriend
Who hates me, though he’s never met me
At least that’s what I think
He’ll never be what I am
Or do what I can
My ex boyfriends got a boyfriend now
He got himself a man

I get it, I got it
Nope, I understand
My ex boyfriend went and got himself a man

So we move on
Simultaneously
We’ve each found someone new
And he’ll do all things he couldn’t do

As for me

Whatsername and You-Know-Who
I was the chill chick you could kick with
And you made a big deal out of me
For a good minute
But you went back to the strip back to the chicks
With the fake **** that are just as big as mine
You could’ve had me the whole time
I was the real deal, head to toe, Inside out
And I’m furious like .. *******
But I still wonder where we could be, right now
And part of me would probably take you back
Somehow

My ex boyfriends got a boyfriend
My ex boyfriends found a man
He’ll never be what I am
Or do what I can
My ex boyfriends got a boyfriend now
He got himself a man

As for me

We were strangers headed to rush hour with an hour layover
Complaining about the wait
We bonded realizing we are around the same age
I only got your name off the plate on your necklace
Mackayla
We sat together on the arriving train
You told me about things in your life I had no idea about
Names and places and daily dilemmas and I related right back
You got off 3 stops before mine
When you departed a man and woman sat in the aisle next to ours
And it put me through deja vu because they’re both going through
What we just went through
Strangers at first who converse and relate
He was talking to her about how he likes to meditate
I found this strange
Especially when he told the woman how it was nice to meet and chat
Because life is no longer like that

My ex boyfriends got a boyfriend
My ex boyfriends found a man
He’ll never be what I am
Or do what I can
My ex boyfriends got a boyfriend now
He got himself a man

As for me

I’m sitting in the plaza one day
On top of the leveled wall
Enjoying the september weather
Checking some messages while waiting on a call
I adjusted my hair, then this man makes his way over
To me from way over there
I had caught him staring at me a few times
But tried not to look him in the eye
He sits right next to me
Thigh-to-thigh
And everyone around us is also a guy
Minding their own business, totally oblivious
Reading the paper, or scrolling their phones
And I just wanted to be left alone
Right across from my own home

My ex boyfriends got a boyfriend
My ex boyfriends found a man
My ex boyfriends got a boyfriend
Who hates me, though he’s never met me
At least that’s what I think
He’ll never be what I am
Or do what I can
My best friend got himself a husband now
He got himself a man