I float on gin soaked nightmares
Yoked to the liquor like a babe to a bottle
Coaxed to sleep slowly, dosed on 70% proof
and with it the night's terror starts.

Gin addled, lying in sweat soaked sheets
Memories raise their heads above the parapet
These memories coaxed from their corners
Coerced by addiction.

My addiction I saw as a benediction
A positive to all the negative.
But my submission was not conviction,
it was hell and condemnation.

Now, my nightmares torment me,
like purgatory, no rest for the wicked,
the fallen, the flotsam and detritus of life.
Stricken I can only question....

What's it like to drift off quietly?
Not to wake with a scream trapped in your throat?
To count sheep instead of the faces of the long dead?
To slumber in peace, cloaked in love?

If you can answer these questions,
please let me know.
Pop a note in bottle and give it a throw.
If it washes up I'll let you know.

The night is dark and empty
The stars are my witnesses
Only wanderers around far desert campfire
Will understand a lonely heart

My mind is tired,
My body moves
With a heavy sigh.
"Another day?" it asks
Another day of cold indifference
Of yearning for closeness
A day of sleeping, but no rest
Of looking for meaning,
But not knowing where to start
Another day of being stuck

Solace in a lonely *******
.....How many of us out here have taken solace in the same secret moment, un-admitted to anyone, where a sense of quiet desperation leads us to a soul-less pulse of wet pleasure followed closely by the reproach of guilt, curled alone in a dank bed waiting for the release of a dreamless sleep.

M.

I want to tell you that you'll be okay.
That you'll bounce back right away.
That everything you're going through
is nothing new
you've seen and done it all before
nothing scares you anymore
you brushed off those scars and every bruise too
you don't need anything left to remind you.
You're tougher than that
you always pull through.
And I'll be right here
to make sure you do.
If there's anything you fear
and there may still be a few
darling, I'm always near
watching over you.



*s.mndi

I want a love so furious
that I wake up to her
kissing the wounds she
gave me last night
I want to be decorated
with hickeys
tattooed with bite marks
I want to feel what actual
love feels like.
I want to wake up to the sun rising
outlining her body, highlighting her cheeks
smiling.
I want to wake up with post traumatic stress disorder
from the night before
and the aftertaste of her still
lingering in my mouth

We didn’t used to be this way, (I don’t think)
All I want is for you to hold me

We talked about staying in bed
For the rest of the year
Hibernating, like a couple
Of bears in the snow

I would have, if I’d known about winter