The wise words taken for granted
The writing on the walls of the establishment. 

Just when we want to burn it all down
Just when we realize how small we are

The sky opens up
My third eye's opening
Channeling the guardian angel
In the little black dress

A silver sliver 
among the dazzling dynamo of night
waning away illumination
before the dark moon of my mind

I hear her voice resonating whispers
On the astral plane of miscarried ghosts
I'm humming along

Summoning
     some
          summer
               sweetness

To help build me out of the cavities
Behind the teeth
I'm faking a smile in front of

Trying to climb without the rope
Out of the prison pit of existence

To salvage the creations
I snuffed out
Before the light became them
Abortions of ideas
Survived by hope and curiosity

Where will this take me now?
I feel a hand grab mine

Her wisdom crawls up my spine
Setting my mind on fire
I am the new illumination

Reality in focus
Turning my impossibles
Into I'mpossibilities

Abilify
you seemed to amplify
the monster inside me

Vivid dreams
of a devil in the driver seat,
Mirrored back
in my rearview, 
on the way to a crime scene
in my mind
where one of our sisters
was given plastic surgery
via shotgun

A crackling static
tears through my brain
and takes me
to the Ideation of 
self-inflicted martyrdom

Idealized death
put on a pedestal

hanging
in a basement
Of the subconscious

Until I wake up and suffer

I've
Had enough of
the akathisia

I can’t ******* sit still
I feel like 
my heart is going to beat out of me
When I’m already light-headed
I see me from outside me

Depersonalized!
this blood is poisoned 
with restless impulses

I can’t fight
or flight
just freeze 
and pulsate
an S.O.S.
to the telegraph 
at the other 
end of this the 
other half of
This sorry soul:

*If pain is a void 
I can feel you missing 
Where the doctor
Filled the hole
With prescriptions.

Will you hold me,
hold me,
until these looping
distress calls
cease?

It's that feeling of temptation fleeting
forgetting the ego
and ******* it all to chance
or pretending like you know how it's all going to happen

Fate faked until it's made
we were new gods predicting the way things would happen
hurt or held against our helping hands
to our beating ****** hearts
for the next person we hand it off to
to feel the warmth in everything

What are we passing on
and where do we hold ourselves back from
the call to adventure?

We so carelessly led ourselves into reality

Realler than any other *******
forgetting
What it's like to hold on

I feel like I got a song in me
Fortunate for you
I'm in tune to your stupid ******* heart

Let me in like a vampire invite

I am anorexia

I am the human condition
the **** of man
the status quo
the holy union
of Ms. America
and Capitalism

I will hold no peace
at the ritual
we all worked so hard
to hold together

But you can love without money
blood is running money

My hands are tied around this next new little thing
She's just another missing peace
To the eternal void
of the allegory of my emptiness

mood swinging to I hate you
don't ever ******* leave

I left the best part out
She's the goddess of the myth
she's the one I long for ever more from
the depths of my dreams

She can fix everything
probably

I just have to think about her
This ideal muse
mending my broken heart
Does she know how bad this loneliness hurts?

I just want to feel something
I want to resonate

and work myself to completion
Controlling everything from the eternal electricity

Deep beneath
buried away
giving my very best

But where do I go?
I want to be everywhere
Alive in anything that is or isn't
nailed down

When I feel so stuck.

This is your life
leave a fire behind
to pass the torch
via karma transfusion
telepathically energizing
racing minds
You've got your whole life ahead of you
To come back around
minute by minute
racing you down
left in the inertia
of figuring yourself out
chase the light
it's passing through the floorboards
where your heart lays sealed
secluded until one day…
she came
simultaneously
slipping up the skirt
of synchronicity
somewhere in time
You had her
And You lost her again
Until you stared down fine art
To bring her back
At the right place
at the right time
of minds' projection

Everyone's out to outdo everyone else
It's not even about meaning anymore
It's how much press coverage it gets
Whoever makes them "just" statistics
And there's no fantasy draft yet

Somewhere alone in his dark place
Ruminating his environment
Some bedwetting, fire starting, animal abuser
Infantilized by the hatred of maternal instincts
Projected on him
De-evolved

He likes the way she hurts him
She abuses open hand words
or clenched up fists of embarrassment
It just fuels his homicidal tendencies
His brains on the hate frequency
And he's ready to let the fantasy slip

Home is where the heartless host
absence of emotional ghosts
the boy
the man
the monster

He lost it

Family annihilator,
He took his mother out last
So she'd suffer through
the destruction of the *******
Her wasted wish
of abortion'd children.

This was before the news vans
This was before the first respondents
This was before the society outlash

Back to him alone in a dark place
In the depths of his disturbing mind
He sets higher stakes.

Ambien Angel,
Hallucinate
a halo

to replace
the self-doubt
that you’ve got
wrapped around
your mind

We only talk
at times
of
Swirling
self-destructive
forces

I felt your
distress call
through the ether

Spiraling
down
down
wrapped
in a cloud
of smoke, whiskey
and Bukowski

There you were,
The American Spirit
staring back
from the
Apothic abyss
of red wine
and controlled
prescriptions.

We all
get so alone sometimes
in Tales of Ordinary Madness

It just makes sense
to let another
Siren sing our ships
towards crimson catastrophe

But you handle
the collisions
so gracefully

Looking so
God-**** divine
like your name

This time
Go lightly
and let’s float
away

I feel the comfortable writhing
deep in my ***** again
I'm not sorry

This is your fault
You touched me first

Somewhere in the back of my mind
You're feeling me out

Little Miss,
Telepathic
Trespassers
will be prosecuted.

...I'll put my hands
around your neck
so softly

And choke out
the words caught
in your throat

To the tip of my tongue
     all the right things flow

To the flesh of your lips
     and all in between

resonating your body
     with stories

stranger
than
fiction

little deaths end
where they begin

can
you
feel
friction
feeling
you
up?

Just how you like
To be
shaken
and
stirred

tossed
and
over-turned

This is me unleashing
some twisted fantasy
to my little therapist
enabling me

To self-medicate with star-stuff
To "Show me what you're made of"
To "Baby, bend over and take it."

Show me the fourth wall
Let's break it.

Hello Eve
I Am Man
let me MANipulate you
make you MINE

          Helen of Troy,
          I held you on high
          Put the *****
          on a pedestal

Mary,
divinity in the
mirror, mirror
objectification
of my own reflection

          Sophia,
          Set my soul on fire
          ***-trafficked my heart
          into art

To: The one 
that can draw 
The grandiosity
Out of me

To write you a ******* song

Come on,
**** 
the
words
right 
out
of 
My
*mouth

Miss Maiden,
might I compare you
to that of the guillotine?

Your swooping grace
like the edge of a
shining
silvery blade
that curves and cuts
across the sky
so seductively
slitting the throat
of the horizon

From the threshold of dreams
to bring a new day
Where we feed our blood
back into the monotonous machine
then drop to our knees
and pray for divine intervention

My femme fatale,
Could you take me out of this?
to break cycle
before you wax away

You know you were always
my favorite deity,

Artemis, Artemis
You’re the art I miss
from a life unfulfilled
From the music

The untold story
agonizing inside
writhing for a release

So I’m drawing you down
to this plane
to hunt me as a willing sacrifice.

Won’t you drop from the sky
and come blow my mind?

Just leave my head in the basket.

Breathe in and blow everything out of proportion
A manic artist versus the abstract composition

In my head this all looked as perfect as imagination
The challenge was blending the line between fantasy and reality
To get the inner critic to agree
Worlds colliding this one into the next

Dreams manifested to the forefront 
of a visionary gone inside himself

Throwing myself against the walls of my mind 
In an attempt to think outside the box.
Even in our own heads they've got us on lockdown
With the chemical constraints constricting creativity 
These straightjackets of sorts
Straightening out the free-thinkers

A fourth wall broken

Pretentions are high
On the artist's plane
Subjectively selling ourselves out to a shallow medium
The mainstream
The water we should be walking on
We're drown out in.
Drawn into the background of the bigger picture.

Enemies arise
when I close my eyes
and push them back

Until I see constellations
sparks coming off of stars
of divinity vs. temptation

A transcendence I romanticize
until I got lost trying to focus
back on the truth

As Mara's army fires arrows
I feel the presence.

breathe in, breath out
sat nam

The Earth bears witness,
arrows explode
into blooming flowers

I am still here
I am
grounded.

I just wanna know
what you taste like
We already know
that the distance
pulls right
where we
would write
About each other
At the sake of breaking ambiguity
somewhere between the lines
A missing bond ever reached
like the unknown we teased
To the depths of our souls
Speaking telepathy
I lost my ******* mind
Before you found me
Broken
Hoping
Looking for an opening
Anywhere you
want me
to be
To cleanse your palate
in between the
salt/sweat/sugar sheets
Twisted in my tongue
tied to
your bed
Every time
I bite into your words
Again and again.

Do I sink,
Do I swim—
In dem eyes of Lake Michigan?

I got my hopes up again
Tryna stay afloat
While the world ends
So I’ll build a raft of
empty prescription bottles
And ride it out in the plastic sea

Let it engulf me

Beach hazards statement-
I’m coming alive again
I’m done asking the current to pull me in

I’ll leave the call of the void on read

While The waves are thrashing
At the sea wall

So just pin me up
against the lighthouse

And whisper me
sweet static nothingness

I’m coming
I’m coming
I’m coming alive again

Beach hazards statement-
You make me wanna give a **** and mean it

We woke up on
Subconscious shores
Wind whipping sand in our face

You’re hushing all my little wars
Holding tight in your embrace

Staring into me like
Life imitating art Defines catharsis

you’re the muse in
my mind’s moshpit

You’re the last
punk rock princess

Blowing out the speakers
In another castle

In your old skool vans
And your mc5 shirt
Leopard nuanced
Leather queen

The madness
To the meaning

Let’s get hyper real
In the surreal cerulean

So tell me,
Do I sink do I swim
in those swirling galaxies of Lake Michigan?
Cause I don’t even think about the end
Just an abyss of
Fear and desire conflicting

We met the night I broke sobriety.
You became something more Than a birthday kiss on the cheek.
Now I'm suffering hangxiety,
I just wanted to make you feel something
In all the places of your self
That you keep numb and weak.
Post-traumatic flashes,
I wake up to an empty mattress,
Alone with my hand in your *******,
feeling up the ghost of you—Tucked between subconscious sheets
While just you smash snooze until early afternoon, Just Waste away the day,
Just so you can miss the kaboom
When this blows up in my face
(That's the prank.)
LOVEBOMB AND DISCARD
You’re gonna burn out hard Sweetheart 🖤
CUT AND RUN,
YEAH DIG THE DAGGER DEEP HON
Make me feel like I deserve this
cause I gotta be a ******* *******,
To keep kissing your whip—
YOU ONLY TELL ME YOU LOVE ME
WHEN YOU’RE NOT SOBER
Some drunken emotion,
With the truth covered over,
YEAH SLUR IT LIKE YOU MEAN IT
then on with the silent treatment.
This might go on for weeks,
Until I'm vulnerable and weakened—
Then you’re feeding me toxic breadcrumbs
Of dopamine and oxytocin.
YOU’RE SPITTING HOPE IN MY MOUTH LIKE I’M A BABY BIRD STARVED FOR AFFECTION!
Oh Now the verbal abuse has begun, so I'm gonna take a step back from the barrel of your gun—

I don't know if you're hearing me
or thinking bout how to bite back—
but you really NEED THERAPY
and I think that you already know that.

I'm only grounded
When I'm *******

Or inflicting pain
on myself

This very moment
I'm racing my thoughts

to the borderline
of personality

In a self-destruction
contest

I don't play fair
when all I want to do

is feel more alive

than *******
or cutting ever did for you

underneath our skin
below the chemicals
and passed the atoms

we're vibrations,
a madness resonating for two

Pt. I
Longing for your
lonely fingertips
The taste of the space
between your breaths
Slow sips of
Your coffee lips
My Hands
Your Hips
The bite
The kiss
The marks you left
When I couldn't get you
Out of my neck
Screaming off my chest
In the morning
We meant it harder
Than tying our tongues
in goodbye
a new record
inside your cheek
where you hide the most
beautiful smile alive
before you dressed it up
to oppress the rest
in an ironic twist  
of fate

Pt. II*

I was listening
To *The Decline
On the way home
From your place

I felt like I might do the same

But the moon was rising
and it looked like the Death Star
In the distance

There's still hope somewhere
it reminded me
To keep finding what I'm looking for

The country roads always
look more beautiful
When Mother Nature
Is dying
To fall apart
Gracefully

Don't we all wanna fall apart
so gracefully?

Smile
Even if you don't mean it
Fake it like your o face
Make it like you're going out of style

I don't know why I keep going after the broken ones.
Maybe there's a piece they're missing
like I could be the peace of mind musing
her fragile little soul.

Maybe I just want to fix something.
The perfectionist architect,
The anti-hero archetype
Letting my emotions build castles
instead of locking me in some dungeon ruminating.

Or maybe I'm the ******* broken one
Dead set on divinity
Dormant in between rock bottom and a dark place

I'm ok, I swear to a god complex

Praying for some princess clad in punk rock armory.
Tearing through the motions
in the mosh pit of reality.
All for her crown of fire and flowers,

Come on, save me,
The light of my life
Fire of my *****

Lusting into supernovas
To encompass this astral plane
Where we're waging a war against reality
With the fantasy I'm wanting to pull out

a 4th wall broken

“Burgundy sounds more poetic than maroon"
You say, in regards to your sweater.
-I’m just romanticizing it
tossed across
my room

As you push me
to the mattress
and strip me down
passed skin and bones

back to the vibrations
of my soul

Humming along,
are you a muse
or a siren song?

Are you rebirth
or are you just
another little death
of inspiration?

So fleeting.

I hate when you’re leaving,
because it leaves me longing
and pathetic

I’m just the impulsive one
with the most grandiose dreams.
Like I wanna give you everything
from the depths of these
****** up fantasies
With the most
golden ******* intentions

Because you’re the reason for
the ringing in my ear
when I feel like I’m onto something

The reason that the season
starts to make me feel better

So can you just stay
while I romanticize
your sweater?

Checking on old friends
in a new year-
means getting met
by a Memorial Page

Remembering you
Getting blazed listening to Cudi
While we turnt up and laughed as our friends ****** in the next room;

In the pursuit of happiness, you were gone and forgotten too soon
Until social media flashes memories
Between things it tries to sell me
And this legacy-
It’s that time of the year I’d be at ISU
getting high with the Man on the Moon

Living with a too late afterthought -
I should have been there for you
Life gets in the way
What can I say
I’m always on my own *******
I’m sorry if I ever let you down
I just wish I didn’t find out you were dead through Facebook;

It’s a new year of isolation
Check on your ******* friends;

We were galaxies

Bursting in
                   Bursting out

Time after
Time again

     History was repeating
   but we were missing out

I'm sorry I corrupted your immortal soul

Sometimes you gotta
     tease the darkness out darling

Sometimes when you're standing
     On the edge of everything
     You're free to feel anything

It's only when we're standing
     At the edge of death,
     We've never felt more alive

Like the rush that we get
     When we destroy fine art
     With our minds

We never felt more avant-garde
     Until we set the world on fire
     Just to watch it burn

My heart starts
panic attacking
my nervous system
fighting
or
fleeing
or
freezing
impulses
OCD stacking
breaths
count them
one through ten
then back again

To this very moment
where it's coming together

I haven't eaten anything
All **** day
is what it feels like

I swear I'm not this weak

My racing thoughts are just paused on
******* falling apart
at any moment

Shuffled
until I'm present

Her
touch
tapping
tips
of my fingers
grounding
all my
impulses
and
channeling
my
transgressions

Until we are one
breath
counted back again

You keep telling them how woke you are
     Wish you’d smash the snooze

9 minute rhetoric In reverie-
Peel your eyes from the screen
Enlightened by one source
it’s their truth written
All
Over
Your
Face
And you say you won’t wear a mask;

Deleted from existence
     You ended all your processes

The blue screen of death
     depression's screen saver

I'm never violent
unless it's self-inflicted

**** me for feeling
something
worthy of a heartbeat
right?

Pulsating my wrists
to my fists
and unleash vibrations
in a caustic manner

I will destroy the dreams
of Darling Wreckless,
wracking my brain
like Mara's
malicious temptations

A self-destructive
sequence
in a God-mode
fashion

My life is a mess
     no metaphor
     could ever mean

My ambition
is being held captive

Lost
in the chaos of logic

Like a game of chess
    I need to be saved
    by the Queen

Wishful thinking
For divine intervention

Summoning
*The Goddess of this machine

Win* at this place
     if you show your battle scars

Derail yourself here
     on the wrong side of the track marks

You ******* limbs
     limping out
     snorted up
     the finish line

Bumped the rest your night
     off a Batman Begins DVD in a dingy basement
Running up the stairs at night
     crying out into the stars that you'll fight
     until the world is yours

The neighborhood is wishing it had deaf ears for this to fall on

But you'll fall out in due time
     your recipe for reality
     leaves a chemical aftertaste
For morning regrets
     that last
          a lifetime

I've seen the best minds of my generation get wasted
     Burnt into routine at the good side of 25

Stop dying out,
There's a fire that rises within us all
Stop snuffing it out,
Your time will come
To drag yourself out of the prison pit of existence
Don't you believe it?
Don't you feel it?
*deshi basara

To the girl with the pin-up dreams
     I hope you found
          what you were looking for

Your James Dean
     I tried my best to be

I'm sorry,
     But I'm a different
     brand Americana

Our Country's soul
lost in translating
trafficked
hearts

and Ten things I hated
     about your favorite movie.
     Even though it's secretly my fav.

I was always too weird for you
like an American ******
self-entitled indigo child

Feed me a stray soul
and I'll spark a new revolution
be the poster child for madness

This is what you told me was best for me
     To exploit my demons
     to muse the madness
     To *rebel with or without a cause

She was lust in the morning
     and art by nightfall

Where she whispered halfway moans
     of words plagiarized off the wall

Some little death
Some ironic typography
     reinventing fate
    
Manifesting her destiny
     In stutters
     she gaits

A soul tripped out of the dream machinery

Now she's standing naked
     In the door way

The threshold
     between mundane and fantasy

Staring down the destiny
     about me

She asks me
     to follow her bliss

Her skin heralds the call
     to my hands around her neck

She wants to be
     bruised
     So Gracefully

Pulling her hair back
     dragged
     in and out of dreams

Hypnotize them
like Ginsberg
with his sync'd breaths
beating out a generation
of some self-entited
royalty mentality
generation
me
me
me
Status Update
to your favorite enemy
yourself
and the lack thereof
action taken
It's what do you stand for
and how do you want
to express it?
How do you want to feel?
And who do you want it to impact?
Because honestly
you're only in your head
anymore
when you think about obstacles
it's your reality
take a breath
and let out your own howl
to take it back
from the *******
trying to monopolize
on your own madness

They cut up her face
  to spite who knows

She cut off some weight
      despite her bones

She’s starved for grace
    like a hungry ghost

Is it passion?
Is it addiction?

The way she suffers
so stranger than fiction

She’s waning away
    just like the moon

It’s just the way
    the darkness consumes

As they edit away
    her absolute heart of the poem

Cut, copy paste
they stretched the truth
across her face

Now the disenchanted runway
calls her name

“Depersonalization"

Baby girl,
you were born
with it

Now you’ve
just been
manipulated!

The transformation
was a success
but you’re still sentient!

Screaming
"Being like everybody
is like being nobody
and this body
is no body
it’s a plastic prison"

built on a template
of all your false expectations

We need to
    cut off the face
    of the status quo

There’s nothing divine
    left to her ratio

Knock the Goddess
    from the pedestal

Felicia,
I'm off my meds and I need you.

My mind is somewhere between 
rock bottom and a dark place

My mind is my frenemy
that I'm sleeping alone with. 

I feel more alone again.

Felicia,
If my minds the weapon
How to I get my heart 
to back me up?
Because it feels like 
it's set to self-destruction

my own prophecy self-fulfilled

Felicia,
How come I'll never get the time back I killed?

What about the madness 
and how it manifests 
into impulses?

Like biting my ******* lip.

and how come I imagine everyone naked still?

I feel like biting my tongue off
when it's freudian slipping
But I need that for the times
when these fantasies start projecting

Felicia,
I'm sorry for all those times I swore in your office.
I'm the impatient patient still locked in the waiting room of my mind

Waiting for the ******* world to fall in my lap. 

Felicia,
I'm ready to dig myself out of this bed I made in falling for tired cliches when all I needed was a metaphor.

******* tear me apart
Feel me explode
As you tear into my skin

With cross-hairs set on my heart
Teasing out a sharp-shot
Instead you pull the pin

Throwing yourself on me
My saving grace
As we become sacred shrapnel

Would you be my
final girl
like Sidney Prescott?

I wanna
hear you scream
sweet
psychosis

Folie à deux
do you feel
the madness too,
now that
the mask
of sanity
is slipping?

Wearing
the sins
of man
like an overcoat
for the
over-dramatic
reveal
in the final act

Sometimes,
we need to go
a little mad
Or find ourselves
serving the
shadow
in a
tempter tantrum
of
bloodlust
for a
love loss in a
coup de grâce

Before you deliver
that final blow
and render me back
conscious

My friend the bartender
sports short shorts
and I can’t keep my eyes
off her little
purple ******* peeking along
the cusp of her waist
where olive skin and fabric contact

I can’t maintain eye contact
without fashioning her as an object
this little angel dancing
on the head of a pin

Or ******* symbol
when I let the id win

3 beers and 2 shots in
don’t blame me

I just turned 30
and this little goddess
just told me
my tab doesn’t exist

She just walked around the bar
wrapped her arms around me
and whispered in my ear
“Happy Birthday, kid"

Maybe I'm the peace missing
      From your broken mind
Where your demons dominate your compulsions
     Wait 'til you get a load of mine