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An
Absence of
Your presence always
Hurts !!
Sometimes it's scolds
sometimes soft word
Sometimes piercing glance
Sometimes romantic looks
I miss all these now....!!!
Unable to tolerate, I vow
Will die without these
As  addicted I'm  to these!!
Curled  on bed
Head to heels round
Views silver gaze of rising sun
In sparkling window pane
Understanding the rhymes
Of morning rooster's chimes
Awakened spirit of body and soul
Begins afresh the day
Healing wounds of yesterday !!
You
Came
into
My life
and, that's
The reason I am
Today alive !!
Sometimes....
A smile of your's
Makes some one's day. ..
So why not smile
To make it their day ..
And a day good to you too
With the smile..

For
Smiles are ...
Invaluable visible treasures
That we hold to offer..
At cost free. ..
Down through corridors
And lanes of memories
Goes my mind on solo walk
Pricking heart letting tears roll
Remembering moments of pain
so long ago yet so painful still...
Yearning for an early fade
From thoughts and memories !!
Twinkling eyes lends a glow to smile
Rejoicing sweetness of moments
Wish it had lasted forever..
Mind craves for a magical wand
to reverse few moments
That happened otherway...
To cherish again. ...
On my walks through
Corridors of memories!!
Just got to get my garden neat
To get rid of unwanted herbs and nest
But as I pulled the plants so small
something stuck my throat and swell...

Is it the cry of the plants ?
Just come out to breath a life
To see the rain and sunshine
And dance to the tiny breeze
Dreaming to rise and raise...

"Pull them off" heard a voice
Mind clouded with various noises
Won't it be a deprival of right to live
So tiny and just born to live..

"Won't it pain them" , if pulled out
Took the leaves and and held it out
Looked and looked till tears filled
"No"....I can't destroy or pull
Any lives that's creation of nature
For in them hold nature's future.....!!

I don't mind my garden being imperfect
Sometimes imperfections add beauty  so perfect !!!
Beneath my ..

Fancy dresses
Designer jewellery
Coloured smiles
Beauty make ups and
Gorgeous Make overs....

Resides....

A Burning heart
And a paining mind !!
Pain
suffering
Ordeals
undergone
Mentally
When
I miss you
Is beyond words
to express !!

You won't know
Even if I express!!
I thought I could be happy
As you would make me happy
With you around me..
As your gift for me
On my special day...my birthday!!

But
As always

Loneliness accompanied me
In your place
With Wonderfully packed gift of
Disappointment!!
The days and nights
I enjoy each with you
Is a blessing from my Lord
And I believe it in solid...
But for his grace ...
You and me would still be
Unknown hearts to each other ...
He gave you to me ..
To care for you a lot
And vice versa too...
And for sure
he wants me to love you
to love me....
You left me for no reason
I was let to hurt for your treason
Felt like almost lost
cried lonely without halt
Stacked and stilled the tears of my eyes
Melded with broiling blood of my heart
Forming a string of red blood rubies
But never to be worn around !!
Still...own it as a treasure and a lesson
In the bold casket of my memories !!!
Sky in blue
Sent vibes of love
To beautiful boungainvilleas....
And they blushed in pink
Singing songs of joy....
Heard even at distant far !!
Setting sun at west end
Splashed on me the colours
Of orange and red...
Did the sun know
I was blushing  without colours ?
In the thought of my midnight moon!!
You came as a gentle breeze
Touched upon my inner heart
Making me realise who I'm
And took away the tears
That I stored of pain....!!
When again can I feel the squeeze
Of you...oh gentle breeze
To make me off pain so complete??!!
Words from my pen
Assays the feelings of my heart...
Yet..
Lies there a heart undiscovered
Filled full with overflowing love
Concealed to your mind, ignorant
Making me burn to incessant fire
Of you...and your thoughts!!
I'm
burning
in the heat
of your heart ..

Relax...
Hold me to your chest
Let me bury me there
forever to rest !!
What am I today
Is not what I wanted me to be yesterday!!

What I will be tomorrow
Is unknown to me ..
Yet I believe
I will be me ..the real me !!
It's not your love and care
But the love with which you care
That makes me do the rare
Which to do ,no one dare.
And excel with fair
A fact  that I swear...
Earlier
Where you are
I'm there !!

Now
Where you are
I will never be there !!
I chased and Chased my dream
Until it came true..
But
For someone...!!
And You still remain my dream
Chirping voice of  gleeful birds
Broke my  fretful  thoughts
And as I gazed at them in wonder
To see their happy ways
Little smile carved in
Ousting glumness from my face
To refill my mind again with questions!!

Did the birds sing to me
To join in their song?
By leaving my worries
And move forward weightless
With no burden of fear and tear
And face on spot anything graciously!!

For there exists forever for everyone
The sky and Earth !!
"You are mine I swear"
Words so fine to hear
But rarely heard
From the one who's my world !!

And
In my heart it's oft repeated words
Iouder and louder like chirps of bird
Yet... often goes unheard
And unheeded .....!!
Your clouded mind
Showered on me
Rains of pain !!

Now I see  clearly
Where I stand.. !!
Clouds on the sky
Cast spell on mind
Bright joyous mood
Turned blurred

Tears rolling down
Like downpour from sky
Bold voice of mine
Seem heard loud
only in silence…

cloud moves..
heart rejoices..
The day her dark hazel eyes
Met him under  grey cloudy sky
White illusional thoughts
Set in her baby pink heart
Scribbling  violet violent romantic words
That "you are mine "!!

Grew up in green and glow
Bright yellow dreams filled with his ****** and care
Blushed in purple under fictional world
Of  "you me and love " !!

Changeless attitude in pitch black  scorn and slur
Angered her to shiver in red
Yet, back as cool as blue placid waters
Flowing as dazzling maroon stream in thoughts
Of " still I love you" !!

Drained emotions turned her brown  
As dead fallen leaves with little silvery hope
For a soothing touch from his golden hands
She whispered to herself
" Thank you for my colourful life"
I had only one mind
That was so timid
With no fear jealous and anger
As of now  there’s  always a hunger
to be with you……
And jealous  on people around you…

My mind has now become two
With a conflict in between them too
Each taking positions left and right
In a struggle to know wrong and right
Each with reasons so valid
And  firm on their views solid…

The war is for you
One mind wants  more of love to you
The other wants to stop loving you
As is too hurt by you ..

Wish both my minds unite together..
To what my heart wants altogether
To love you more than ever..
For I can live without you never

Try a bit to understand me
If no... let me know ...
For
Understanding is the base of love!!
Fuming mind
Steaming eyes
Absorbing mask...
Seen by none....
Except
The crying heart!!
Missing you hurts my heart
sending emotions hard to find
As words hide themselves
Deep inside refusing to talk
Silencing the scene....
Yet
Eyes speak the concealed words
In the flow of tears that
falls in designs of letters
Framing your name
Making it shine as crystals !!
I know I can't have you..
Still my mind resists giving upon you..
Will I have to give upon you??
Decision depends upon you ...
Deeply rooted in me and my thoughts
As charming embodiment of innocence
Peaking with adorable mischievousness
Making faces when angry on trifle things
Fading my anger with a gleaming smile
Gleefully jumping as dance to music
Hugging me around with tiny hands
Kissing my cheeks with drooling lips
Deepening in my thoughts
My tiny tot…..
Whom I love a lot…..
Just like her name implies ……
“Deeply rooted” in me
My  NITHARA……!!!
What and who.... I'm to you
Is defined by the  way
How you are to me  ..!!
I fall more often
In the dimples of your smile
Than I have fallen as a child !!
Disappointments... Nothing new to me
As befriended me since age small
Along with me still though grown tall
Packed so tight as priceless trove
As taught lessons so complete each time
To face all odds and walk ahead...
To disappoint all disappointments !!
Light walked into my life
Disguised as you...as my life
Spreading the light so bright
Making my future so bright and right
Making way  ahead without any fright!!!
You believe they are yours
For them you put in your life
As you think they and you
Are no different….
You feel they are your world
but believe, you are not even in their world… and least welcome!!
Do they deem you their own ?
As you regard them as your own ?!
No, they are their own selves
Only you belong to yourself.
I  dream  ..
And
Ever, it remains a dream !!
Heavy pour of rain just stop
With water at every step
The trees stand bathed
Waiting some to dry it, soothed

I look out of my window to view
The beauty of nature as a preview
He pulls me by my hand
Under a small tree makes me stand

I stand with my hand around me
To beat the chillness piercing me
Wonder stuck I look at him
Responds with a naughty mime

With all force he waved the branches of trees .
Getting me bathed in the waters falling off the trees. ..
I gave him an aghast look
But he and trees bore a cheerful look  

What more to ask for ...???
Than enjoy smile the tree and my dear wore...

but with a question ..
Does he love me or the tree more??
Is it my heart
Or your heart
That's drifting apart ??
With wings spread of their dreams
to Reach their dear ones
And breath the air afresh
of their land of birth
pursue their homely dreams
And enjoy their evenings
With relatives and neighbours
To blast their holidays in style
Of their willingness..
From their land of duty,
To land of their home,
the world they belong to
They boarded the flight...
From Dubai to Kozhikode
Which flew high to touch the sky
Along with the dreams of  happy souls it carried...
Finally..
Pulled  down to realise the dreams..
To touch the land...
But...
Destiny skidded...
Of dreams and the aircraft
Taking life of the pilot and his co....
Letting it go to rescue dependants in the flight...
And many lives lost  life,
The shattered dreams...
The  disfigured aircraft..
Members lost families
Parts lost bodies..
As ramnants of the flight..
Bringing tears of its thought!
The flight from Dubai to kozhikode skided in the run way leading to loss of life...of nearing 20 persons including the pilot and co pilot on 7.8.20
Fragrant lush green
Shines as emerald
In the bright shower of
Mid noon sun…
And
In the deepest corners of
My heart it reminds me of
Glowing me
And the doting you!
Frightening  howls from far end of night
Haunted  her mind with wild thoughts
Sending cold vibes across her mind and body..
As she lay there with eyes closed
Adding  darkness  to her darkened world….

Hoping for  ray of moon to touch her  paining mind
Offering a soothing light to heal wounds of her soul
Inflicted by rough knifed words that slit her bones
Causing pain more than broken glass
Cutting her tender skin…
 
With hope she sleeps with half mind open
Waiting for sun to shine above her head
To walk straight in bright light  free from fear of losing him...
And walk with emptiness
Than bear the love for some one
Who has almost killed her and left her!!
She is now a free bird....
Ready to fly again high ...
The withering petals
Of the roses
Reminds me of eternal truth
Nothing is eternal
Including my youth...
Nothing in the world is mine
Not even my own shadow
For I try to hold my shadow
It either moves away...
Or disappears .....!!

Why then...
Talk about the one I love
Pretty well...knowing...
He will never be mine..!!
It's again ...
Nothing in the world is mine ..!!
With a shattering smile
You left me in exile
And for you it's been an art
Knowing well it breaks my heart
As into tens of thousand pieces  
Until my breath ceases !!
  
Broken pieces of my heart
That lay scattered as a piece of art
Healed by itself  in your thoughts
In a venge to rise against odds in lots
From the floors of time to face
Everything of anything with grace!!

Your choice to leave me forever
Is no more for me a  nightmare
As my lone broken heart
Is gutsy enough to face our ways apart
With boldness of  ten thousand hearts
Accepting .. love can never be bought !!
Surrounded by the ocean and sea
Lies the beautiful piece of land 
So Serene and beautiful
Deemed to be God's own country !!

Deemed God's own
Seemed occupied
with people devil's own..
With lack of love and harmony..

God set to  test the future
Of man helpless before nature..
Downpour started without an end
With a message God send...
Disaster!!

God's own country was in floods 
With suffering so boundless
People without food and home
Making camps  their home.. 

Self help , mutual help 
Community help ,became the slogan...
No loss allowed to happen..
Care , love and sharing shone....

So too the face of God..
Love  harmony and humanity  prevailed
Downpour subsided... 
Country again became God's own country. 

People called themselves GOD'S OWN PEOPLE!!
My eyes yearn to see you
And I yearn to see my eyes
With you within it...
Through her two twinkling eyes
I see tens and thousands of rays
With brightness of  million suns
Reflecting the zillion dreams
Flowering in her lone
broad dazzling mind…
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