Today I'm fresh
Today I am new
I am feeling around in the dark, but it's only my hands
It's only my voice that answers the queries
I knew something was wrong when I looked for your voice before my own
When I wanted your hands in case my clumsy pair failed
I was living my life through you
So, one set of hands and one voice ringing through the dark is the answer
And I answered
I am all I need

I love being gone from a place
long enough to remember it in pieces.
The words of some old song
piecing themselves together
in the back of my throat,
    
(I'll
         be
             seeing
                         you.)

                 Like rust on the underbelly of my car.
Or warm-walled cafés
where I tasted the lips of lovers.
                 The way winter tears
                 my Mother's skin apart,
and how potholes
remind me of
                 her hands.

Last January I embraced a delirious woman
whose daughter had jumped from a 10 story building.
The whole time she talked about the aching
of children's bones
and how she wished someone would fill in
the cracks on the sidewalks.

I used to say this city gave me growing pains.
I wonder if New York will make me feel smaller.

a green screen,
the imaged voice
in my head.

all is
but
what it is.

and when
spring comes,
wounded trees
bear a blossom
in their own blood.

She offered me her heart
And I broke it.

I kept a piece
It once stung
Like a glass shard piercing flesh.

Yet now I feel it
Form and essence
Warm and tender
Longing to be touched
Longing to be held
Longing to be loved.

On one hand
I feel like the thief
The taker of what was never mine
to take.

On the other hand
I feel like the giver
Who offers his heart
to another.

Maybe they in turn
Will shatter my heart
Taking a piece
Which was never theirs to take.

When the time comes
I will rebuild my heart
The heart with a piece now missing
And I will only be able to repair
With the piece I stole before.

shoulder to shoulder.
you always sit close, camouflaged

bare skin emboldened
by white cotton

shirt sleeves. yes I feel your heat
right down to the elbow.

winch it all forward:
my eyes chin hips

knees feet, my hands
yet every edge tilts right

does anybody notice this
delicate heeling? to you. do you?

how much is in balance.
without moving, my lips

rehearse all the things
people say to each other

I can't get the image of you inside her out of my head.

Anxiety attack in 3...2...

Hands shaking
Mind racing
Thoughts clouded
The room loudens
I cant breathe
I cant see
Hello my names Anxiety