Someday last April
I lost my sincerity
Life became too fleeting to blink at absurdities
and after all, it's all you hypocrite logicians
that ****** **** up for me
but not just me
I'm just drones in society

I'm using a machete as a tea-cup coaster
to protect a table that's hacked to bits

Learn to write again
learn to type right
first time in 3 decades of life

I want to write closer to when I think
speed time, to slow it
make it feel like I do more
like I was in my teens or early twenties
****, these days 3 go by and it feels like one

I count my blessings to build confidence
Life grows more cruel but
I might win if I act like already won
Chaos magick, nay we do not speak of it

You forgot to pretend
to suspend quests for rationality
No longer moved by a book or film
We conditioned to be unconditioned
only to realize we ought to been wistfully in the herd
the whole time  
We're the Bodhisattvas forestalling enlightenment
to get drunk with the butchers
after decades of sober high ground
We're the over-analyzers
lamenting our anachronisms in self-assuring
new philosophies
Either fully embrace one or drop out of being smart at all
the only tolerable choice to start to enjoy life again
No, no it's a false dichotomy
I want to be the eternal well-wisher
no matter the decadent displays

The shared dream of a soon to be future
We scavenge and defend
through pockmarked streets
make shelters amid crumbling concrete
We forgot how to imagine a secure society
Measured expectations and social safety nets
they took it all away along with our balanced serotonin
I used to get all jazzed up over a library book
but now the images promise us much more bliss
right around the corner

But it never soothes
never comes close  
We cannot buy the contentment you claimed to offer
so we'll get it in collapse
We'll be sniped, starved, and deranged
but the thought of that life
makes us whisper excitedly to ourselves
"finally something has happened to me."

I, the eternal well-wisher
will wag no more fingers at preachers of death
Neither will I become them nor pity them

You smell like a carnival
in some forlorn town or county
I open the door
and smell the fried dough,
the petting zoo, the bumpkin hoods
with too much cologne
looking at you like you was eyeing their girl
wearing his lanky white arm

You smell like cotton candy,
maybe they could only afford a reptile guy,
the lions club and their burgers and hots
you can only purchase with coupons
The backseat of the worst corvette
owned by the greasiest ugly old man
who has a couple more benjamins than his
old lady's last daddy

Brother, your narcissism is mine inverted
I too almost started speaking with "I" or "My"
but I stayed quiet for a few seconds
I rolled those grindstones in my mind
wondering how much the other knows my faults
"Are they judging me now for my pauses
and speaking a bit out of one side of my mouth?"
So to seem like I'm in the moment
I focused on you first

You're the other way around though, aren't you?
It takes a lot out of you to stay quiet
but even more to act the part
cause you still think that everyone's out to judge
so you brag a strong case for yourself
amid the external world
You ask about others naturally
measure their power over you
Who can be your patsy
and who can you never ask for money?

The hadron collider showed an unknown influence affecting subatomic particles.

“Is this proof of a higher power in the universe?” asked Marianne Williamson.

“Is this Will, is this magick?”

Yes Herr Nietzche, there will always be unknowns in human science as the scientists should have known all along, instead of substituting the most recent names of observations as the replacement of God.

No, there probably isn’t free will but we seem to be life in the unknown with more power than any other around.

This universe may just repeat on and on but what do you do with that knowledge? Can you even help to choose what you choose?

All these past influences and instinctual impulses lead the charge. But there's that spark. That mystery if we can ever really know and comprehend it all with limited senses, time, and minds.

Maybe you don’t have a choice in your life, but you can have the feeling you do. The feeling you can shape your world amid the destiny you feel in your heart.

Practice being a yeasayer to life because that just might be your fate.
Amor fati each time around.

Bread and circuses
Live off unemployment just enough
to eat cheap
get distracted by
the politics
They're so evil
or they're so evil
while your dreams come true

Unlimited access to your favorite shows
without commercials
so long as you got the cash to subscribe
They say generations are the same
you look down on the kids on the grass
They just don't understand
I used to wait in lines at the video store
It was expensive and limiting
but maybe those limitations help us be more human
It was there son
that I first bumped into your mother
We both reached for the same copy of The Matrix III
and we talked about the machines
for a full half an hour
It's then I asked her for her number
I called her home and
had to introduce myself to her mother
Yes, your grandmother

They all feel the same as I
and you will too
Cause our tech is moving so fast that
we got to catch up to the racetrack you were born in
People used to be farmers and
walk the tarmac track  
and slowly pass it on to their kids
that walk just as slow
Then people start inventing
pretentious things other animals don't
and the baton gets tossed to the next walker
who start walking really fast
and now we're at a lightning bolt sprint
A baby's born
and they jump ahead
with the baton in their hand
while we collectively lose our soles
to efficiency

These cheap new shoes
don't last like my old ones

The thoughts sound too forced
too scattered in blasé
Can you blame them?
All I see in one day
all my questions
ready to be answered
the lack of closure leaves me
staring at a screen
hood on
in the snow on my front porch
waiting for the dog to ****
but can't sit in the silence
I check the news
check my stocks
no attention paid
cause the tension's raised
What should I do with my life when I go back inside?

Too many options
Antenna TV
Star Trek all night or stream the same
But which ones to pick?
Maybe I'll check the net to see what's best
cause I already watched them all
still would really like some comfort
from good stories with morals
And while it's on commercials I'll
find something else to do on my phone
I keep doing it
and all the time I'm thinking about work
or trying to move to a better place
or pondering the doom of the human race