that has been narrating all of the poems i've read is definitely not my voice.

then who's voice is it?

My teacher once asked
a short simple question.
She had asked,
"What do you want to be?"
Raised arms answered her query.
Open palms each belonging to excitable children.

Wide little eyes looked up at her.
Hands began to flail in the air...
Ever so hopeful of being chosen.
So that they could voice their aspirations.
So that they could begin to share.

One by one,
they each was given the opportunity.
Turn by turn,
boastful were some
while others spoke quiet and shyly.

Then the teacher stopped short.
Not before expressing her delight.
She was in awe of such young minds...
Having had such great wings
to eventually take flight.

Then she explained...
What she had initially meant.
Confused looks all around including me.
She rephrased the question,
"What kind of person...
Do you want to be?"

There was silence.
No arms shot up to meet the subject.
I don't recall having raised mine,
but I remember telling the teacher...
An answer (I was confident), she wouldn't expect.

I stood at my desk,
proud and tall...
And told the teacher
that I wished to be a person...
Well loved by all.

She smiled and I did too.
I felt it was a good answer.
She nodded to signal for me to take my seat again.
She paused before speaking,
and not a moment later.

She said,
"That would be nice.
To be loved by all.
But that's close to impossible.
A big wish for someone so small."

I had heard her words clearly...
However I didn't understand.
My brows furrowed...
And I was deep in thought...
Still I couldn't comprehend.

28 years later...
Here I sit,
looking back to that time in the past.
How time flies...
It simply ticked away...
All too fast.

Till just then I was still that boy...
Who tried hard to please.
I wanted to prove that it wasn't impossible.
You can be loved by everyone,
and you can do it with ease.

But now I have learnt.
Now I have found meaning
and understanding in my teacher's wisdom.
It took me a while but...
I know now...
That wishes and reality don't work in tandem.

You can choose to care and love,
everyone you see.
But to expect everyone to love you the same...
Is sheer
impossibility.

did you heard the sounds
the mountains make
when you laugh at my silly mistake?

did you listen to the
birds' melody of you
and the grass bowed
as they looked at you?

do you fear the nature's fierce
when the skies, the lightning pierce?
don't you know that
the sky were shedding tears
and that's their way to curse?

i'm just grateful for you here
because if it wasn't for you
my mind could never be this clear.

i love you

(more than the sun could ever burn for someone.)

i love you

(more than the skies could cry for anyone)

i love you

(more than the seas could ever be most chaotic, or even safe and sound.)

i love you*

(more than any lost souls
that Death could rip until it's dawn.)

i love you

(i'm begging you, now please
don't let me down.*)

i'm scared to love someone.
you know, they tend to leave you.
i know because
i tend to leave, too.

and the flux void of future
scares me.
i was once to always be the first
to explore the thrill and excitement of the unknown.
i was once brave, to sail into the darkness ahead.


but i have changed
i'm not that person anymore
i'm more comfortable
in the fading lights of present
and in the cold hands of emptiness.

the differences
between my body
and my soul
are just separated
by a thin, grey line.

if my body suffers
from painful cuts
and bruises
from a fight
my soul is not
slightly affected.

it will never
work vice versa.

if my soul suffers
my body will feel it
more than it could bear
one day
it will reach
its maximum peak
and there
you'll never see me
ever again.

waves of terror splashing in my face
as i saw you leave
my heart's screaming
'she's leaving!'
'do something!'
'try anything!'
'make her stay!'

but my body just froze
and i felt
the door to my heart closed
and not long after that
it too, froze.

(xii)
lost in the darkness of light
found in the light of darkness

i don't know how to love you
other than the way i always do