when you accept the ‘I love you’ invite, coolly quietly
understanding this is but a summarizing way of saying,
let’s enter the gated fence to friendship, locking in & out,
the delving reveals to follow are truths more costly than
any fiction, you see only the too real, how much pain can
exist, survive, be survived, quietly thrive, just beneath the
skin’s preternatural strong thinness, holding us in, together
while yet a sieve, separating the granules of our composition,
the coarser fail to penetrate the finer cells, the molecular level
is where the sensory Alice in Wonderland world coexists with
the blunt exhaustion of so much agony, too much, and in the
early morn these words appear of their owned and freed volition,

do what you must do to repair yourself

...and you confess to understanding that to heal oneself,
you must heal others, and that separate and unequal
sorrows can somehow heal each other, praying for ex,
exfoliation, exhumation, excalibur, expelling all the ex’s
so new skin self repairs, a great miracle that, and that
human reparations are a thing you alone initiate, inhale,
fostering a belief that !we! is the solution, the only...

5:46am
11/28/20

my lips are cold,
but i still feel it burning,
the aftertaste of words
i didn't say.
i wish i knew
how to explain
this restless, hungry yearning
to be somebody's lover
for a day.

You know, I used to be happy all of the time.
What the heck happened? I used to go weeks
without crying, I used to love going to school.

In fairness, I liked real school - not the sad,
sterile, anti-social, virtual experience.

When I'm mad I get silly, then mean. I don't
always know why - angry is the answer, but
I don’t always get the subconscious analysis
behind it. That's a bad day - I'm truly sorry.

If I could step back, in those moments,
and think - clearly - I'm about the luckiest person.

I'm a hundred pounds of privilege
- if we rounding up - but pressurized,
stressed like a movie submarine in deep dive.

I think I miss people - like in an assembly
- before it starts - where a hundred conversations
clash like the random patter of rain. That’s one
of the sounds of joy.

The civilized brain is soaked in the opinions,
and shared experiences with others. These virtual,
interactive shadows on flat screens can't fill the void.

I will let this life find me
as i walk towards trees
as I linger in front of bushes and gaze
at the grazing animals that now roam the city ever ease-fully those holding the wild in their walk, in the way they tilt their heads and decide to scavenger through parks because to them it’s just another piece of land
no name attached

I will let life bring me the moon at night
        and the sun
   during the bird’s early morning call

I will let it find me            while I undress
and while I cook
while I pray
while I sing
                                             while I forgive

              –in between all the whiles–

while I cry
while I rejoice
While I fill my own cup of tea     to the brim
at the brim of life
at the loneliest
at the most fulfilled
at any age it chooses           Life will find me
as it has always done
     And I will let it in
I will open the door
holding the **** in my hands  and a smile on my face
(...this life is not lackluster that much I can perceive)
and if it comes past my doorframe and into my expansive whiles
you must indeed bet on me because I am sure I will let it in

I lie in meter-high snow
like a ghost
my hair is drenched,
my vision blurred,
my eyes are closed
white crystals all over
the reddish coat
the black veil swallows
my cold breath
Oh, winter wonderland

Don’t wait
til it’s too late
take time to love now
don’t put it off til somehow
or sometime I will find the time
to spend a moment with you, to speak
to listen with great attention and reflect
on what you say to find your soul and connect
with it if just for a moment a moment of eternity…