You can spill spill all of your words.

You can shout shout your hurt.

You can cry cry your heart out.

You can beat beat your anger pillow.

You can rip rip your hair.

But if they don't give a ****....

You must must realize that they will never never care.

Broken isn't attractive.

That's how I know I'm ugly.

I'm not well...

I know this.

I took these meds because I want to be better for them.

But I'm so ******* up that my pain lingers and clings on to thier lives.

I'm broken and I know its my past that pushed me into this life.

I took these meds daily in attempt to be less miserable for them.

Because my illness is not contagious, but taintable.

I want everyone to be free from what I feel.

I care so much about how they feel.

But these meds make me fat, and the bipolar in me can't a hundred percent be held back...

I inconvenience everyone with my sorrow and rage when I peek into thier world.

It makes me feel guilty and worthless.

I want to be what they want, to smile and laugh everyday.

Or just loose my mind and not care about anything.

Being social and anyone but me is what I'm supposed to be, but Im cursed with my life in my bedroom and failing my family.

I don't write to get anyone to understand.

I think I write this because, it's all that I am.

I'm sorry for the people who read these words and can relate...

Because your either stuck like me or have actually found your way.

I'm still gone as I breath and sit, and I hate myself beacause of the space I waste.

Just today I flushed my meds away.

Nobody should care, because I've never gotten better.

I've never been well enough for them.

Maybe I'll shed some pounds, but who cares because I'll be in my bed.

Maybe the difference in me med free will help someone see.

Even if it's just me.

Be like the spring snow
Don't be afraid
To go

It's soft and gloomy today.

With a slight breeze and painted clouds.

The sun peeks through and kisses the flowers.

I can sit and stare from my window for hours.

I'll wait for a mist that flirts with the earth.

I'll watch and I'll wait.

It's the perfect day to put my thoughts to hopes.

It's so perfect that I wait for our the dirt to soak.

Yes it's perfect, but I still want more.

I would love to smell the rain and pavement while the sky pours.

It's a few steps above the perfect day today.

It's hope for a day that's more, much more than today.

And so I'll watch and I'll wait.

And I'll watch and wait.