Instagram
is telling me
that it was 87 weeks,
or 613 days ago,
that we last
held hands,
and you pretended
that you loved me.

The last time we
locked eyes
was 43 weeks ago
at our mutual friend's
art exhibit.
304 days ago
we saw each
other last,
and it may be a
lifetime
before that ever
happens
again.

She's a funeral you go to every day
Every day you work on your speech
and get the words to come out
just a little better
than the day before
And every day only one thing stays the same:
*You miss her

it has been said for ages that a woman
could lead a man willingly to his demise
a song or a dance; a touch or a glance
simple gestures could dumbfound the wise
these have always just been strange stories
tall-tales or faerie-tales, even outright lies
until half a year ago. until the day that I-
became so very lost within her deep blue eyes
                              
it was just a simple look
that's all it took              
my heart missed a beat
then it shook

and in that moment, I finally did realize
how very powerful they can be; a woman's eyes

Before you, I was ready to die.
I didn't hate my life, but I didn't love it.
I was just kind of here.

Then you entered my life.
Every night I prayed that I would get to live forever with you.
I loved life more than I thought possible because you were there.

Now that you've left me for dead, I'm ready to die again.
I pray every night that God would take me home,
Let me leave this living Hell and go to paradise.
Because right now I have nothing to live for.
You took everything I had, and then some.
I'm ready to die now, but don't feel bad about it.
Its not your problem, just be happy my dear.

sometimes
i apologize so much
i feel like i'm saying sorry for my existence