My God my God do you hear me crying out?
I am in this pit of darkness and sin
My hands and feet are bound
From my lips there comes no sound
This guilt and shame it crushes me
Do you hear me? Do my pleas reach your ears
For I am mourning and weeping in this valley of tears
Save me Lord in your endless mercy
Let me drink deep, for I am thirsty

My Lord my Lord do you hear me crying out?
Do you still hear me even when I doubt?
I know your love for me is more than I deserve
But it is my desire to take this opportunity to serve
You have freed me of my chains washed me white as snow
Help me take these moments and begin to grow
Do you hear me Lord crying out in thanksgiving
For I am once more back among the living

My Jesus my Jesus do you hear me crying out?
Do you hear the praise and wonder as I come to shout?
How can we keep from crying out
To share what God has done
How can we keep from crying out
And not wanting to tell everyone
How can we keep silent
When we know just what it cost
How can we keep silent
When we find the one that was lost
How can we keep still
When we have the legs to dance
How can we keep still
When we have this great romance
How can we hold back
When we have been given everything
How can we hold back
When the very rocks cry out and sing
How can we not feel another way
When we take the time to sit and pray

The alarm buzzed.
I didn't hit the snooze button.
Instead, I woke up. I woke up and it felt different already.

I didn't love you anymore.

I didn't want to stay in my bed and cuddle with you. My bed sheet didn't smell like you. My misbuttoned shirt didn't crave for your attention. Nor did my shabby hair locks long for your touch. My room felt bigger, brighter. And the frosty window pane looked clearer than before. The walls stopped closing in. I could see things vividly. I could hear my heartbeat. I could feel the warmth of my hands. I could move my lips. My neck felt less burdened. Most importantly, I could breathe, normally. My eyes weren't watery anymore and that pain that weighed down on my chest was long gone.
All that gone. Just like that.

I didn't love you anymore.

I didn't think of you in the shower. Your thoughts never came rushing into my head. Your memories didn't bother me. My morning coffee tasted better and the newspaper made much sense. The last voicemail you send seemed cracky and those photographs on the wall were all washed out. I forgot your smile, the way your eyes glanced into mine. Everything about you was a faded memory now. For the first time in many long years, I felt no pain. I felt free. I felt like myself. I felt alone. But being alone didn't scare me at all. Being alone felt natural, quite natural.

I smiled. Just because.
I didn't love you anymore.