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Jessi Robinson Aug 2014
A little while
That's how long it took
At certain moments of the day
I watched in horror as your body shook
As I look back from this day
I try to be joyful, But I dont have
the strength, the courage, the heart.

"He's gone away, for to stay a little while
But he's coming back" but is he?
Is my hope falsified? No
His arm is around me as I sob
He walks beside me when others are scarce.
As I look at myself today, I realize
He is me internally.

You have been trained to stand beside me
As I go through life, feeling hollow
But now I can remind myself that
You are me, You are my shadow
You are the breeze that tousels my hair
You are the hug that I need so very late in the evening...
It only took a little while.
For my brother, Matthew, who passed away before he truly saw me grow
Jessi Robinson May 2015
I have no fear of love
I have no fear of lust
I have no fear of falling into them
I live for these feelings
But you make me afraid
Jessi Robinson Aug 2014
Breathe in
Let it out
Let go of all the worry
All the dread
All the hatred
For yourself

But how can you
When everyone around you
says you're perfect

People only see the surface
You struggle
The word tears you apart
Every strand of muscle in your heart
Simply shredded

All your life you struggle
To find your path
To find your place
To find you

And how can something so "perfect"
Be so broken at the same time?
Because you're so accustomed to
The theatrics of being "happy"
All of the time
You can't be upset in front of others
You can't be broken in front of the pure
You can't be less than what's expected

You smile.
You don't let the cracks show
You choke back your tears
And just go about the day...

Stop.
Cry in front of them.
Let someone help you.
Be venerable.
Let the people you love see your broken pieces
For once..

Get out there.
Tell the world you're not perfect
And love yourself.
Now breathe in.
I'm Jessi, and I try to love myself everyday.  I am not perfect.
Jessi Robinson Aug 2014
Comical, lively
some characteristics of you
the flow of your words, no matter the tone
simply pressed upon my heart
                          Strong, deceiving
                          characteristics of the killer
                          you fell, and fell hard
                          in your own private haze
years have gone by now
your name not lost
while others live in your gay memories
I question, in the least joyful of ways
                           What of your family?
                           your three sons, their kin
                           your sister, the last of imediation
                           did you not care?
                            or was there a secret that no one knew.........
what did you think
in your final moments of life?
Or even so, could you think?
no more than three, no more than one
was that of remembrance?
                            No, as the killer ran down
                            your throat, you thought nothing
                            you thought nothing but feeling,
                            the selfish feeling of the killer which became
                            a characteristic of you....
For my Uncle Bill, who opened his heart to alcohol and fell for it's lies.
Jessi Robinson Aug 2014
I am a girl
I shave my legs
I do my makeup
I am a girl

I am not stereotype
I have short hair
I am thin, you can see my ribs and hip bones
I am not stereotype

I am not your constant comments
****, lesbian, anorexic
Freak
I am not your constant comments

I am a girl
I have feelings
I have small *******
I have bleach spots on my skin
I have really short hair
I bite my fingernails
I like to smell flowers
I am the little spoon
I wear cute clothes
I like to look pretty
I am a girl

I will not build myself to your standards
I will not destroy myself for your beliefs
I will not belittle myself for your pity

I will be me
I will have short hair and kiss boys
I will eat whatever I want want and watch my weight
Because what I am is considered healthy
I will have feelings even though they destroy me
I will look pretty because why the **** not?
I will be the little spoon because I feel safe
I will be a girl who isn't defined by sterotypes and
Constant Comments
The "I am a girl" stanzas aren't meant to be stereotypical, they are meant to just be me stating what I do to make me happy and feel like a girl. I am not a hypocrite.
Jessi Robinson May 2015
I get so giggly when I'm with you
I'm really bad at this stuff
But you ignite something in me I've never felt before
Like a caveman discovering fire
except I'm so nervous that I dump water on it
I'm so scared that I stomp it down until it's gone.
I love you but you scare me a lot actually
simply because I can't see that same fire
under your skin, behind your eyes.
So I just giggle and stay bad at this stuff.
Jessi Robinson Mar 2015
Would you think I'm crazy?
Would you think I'm weird?
Because those are true.
I believe so anyway.
My brain jumps like a kangaroo
Happy, sad, angry, happy,
I don't know what to do.
My mind rattles like gunshots
But that's exactly what sent me overboard...
Into the sea of darkest thoughts
Sinking to the bottom, down down down
Until I'm resting with those who drowned before me.
But until it get there I'll gently float down
Trying to make the happy memories I'm still holding into keep me afloat.
Jessi Robinson Aug 2014
You
Your eyes, your hair
Your smile, your body
All sending my heart into a spiral
and my mind into tranquility

You
Your laugh, your voice
Your words
My heart races
My mind goes blank

You
My heart breaks
My mind is in a million places
I want to love you
I do love you
But oh, the problems
Oh, the agony of you

How can hearts so far apart
Love each other like they're side by side, you say
You love me
But you don't want to
You can't..

We hug, we grasp hands
We lock arms, we kiss
But you can't love me
Does it hurt you like I?
Does it break your heat into pieces
Does it send your mind in millions of ways?
Or do you not feel for me
As I for you?

I shouldn't worry, shouldn't care
I'm going away
Meeting new people who love what I love
But no one will ever fill your void,
That hole in my heart
Where you sit and torture me

I want you to myself
For now, for always
I want you to fill the space between my arms and my chest
I want you to make the tears run down my face
From laughter, from fighting
From love....
I want you to help me realize that even though I'm ****** up
That you're ****** up too
And I'm not alone
And that together we can pull through everything anything
You are the light I see at the end of the tunnel
You are the hope I feel when I've worked so hard
You are the joy I feel when something actually goes right for a change....

You are you, perfect
And I just want
You.........
Jessi Robinson May 2015
Are things ruined between us?
Do you want me anymore?
Do you think about me?
Because I still think about you.
Constantly.
I can help but lie in bed at night,
Replaying that one night as I try to sleep
So vivid, so clear.
Was that really what you wanted?
Was it out of love?
Or did you just want to take something from me?
Something so precious that it would **** me?
Well you took something
But not what you wanted.
So now what do we do?

— The End —