today i did drugs
i went over to my friends thinking we'll get high and ill forget
but that wasn't the case
i wasn't happy
when im really high i cant think
its like my body knows where to go but my mind is liquid
i dont think and most times i cant even remember what i did
all i remember is us
and when it wares off i realize that not even drugs can replace you
and that a temporary happiness isn't what i should be looking for
im sorry that we broke up
i miss you so much
next time i see you i'll say that to your face
i'll tell you im sorry
that letting  us slip was a mistake
and even if it doesn't fix us
i know it'll be okay
because the person you have now will treat you the way that i never did, or atleast thats what you think
that i never tried in the first place
even tho i was the reason we went on our first date

i remember some nights we would sit on the couch eating cheap food and laughing for hours at the dumbest tv shows. we would pig out on chocolate and ice cream. we would argue what movie or show to watch next and sometimes we would lay there and just kiss, nothing on. just two lips. we would lay there afterwards and wish that would could fall asleep together but we cant. because if we got caught we would be in trouble. so we would go to her room, i would tuck her in. make my bed on the floor and kiss her slowly before turning off the lights and going to bed.

the next morning I'd wake up to her soft face beside mine, id smile and realize it was the best night of my life. even thought next weekend id relive the same night. i was happy. with you. i wanted that for the rest of my life.

I'm not sad because of you anymore
I'm not sad that my life is without you
or that you broke my heart
I'm sad that for 3 years i got used to having someone here
someone to cuddle with
someone to go out to dinner and a movie with
and now im bored
i have nothing to do and I'm alone
no one to share my music with
my writing with
or my art
I just lay in bed, go to work, come home
and repeat

it all starts with a text
when we met i sent you a text
we flirted over text
we had pathetic young teenage ******* over texts
you send me nudes over text
so when i get mad for you texting someone else behind my back
why do you get so upset
upset at me for knowing where we started
for knowing exactly what could happen while you two
"friends" talk
if it was nothing why did you lie about it then?
why did you deleted the messages before we hung out?
why did you say "idk who that as"
as the words "hey babe"
came on your screen while we were in bed

it wasn't just at text

I've been waiting
waiting by the phone for a text
a text that I'm never going to get
its sad to say that I'm deeply in love with someone
someone who doesn't care that i even exists
we dated for 3 years
but now, now she has someone else
someone else to text
someone else to call the best
nothing hurts more then being the one who got left
because while shes of laughing and having new relationships
I'm stuck here with a mind full of thoughts
and a chest full of
nothing
there nothing left inside my chest

when you left me i stayed home
i didn't leave my house for weeks
i couldn't look at anything with it reminding me
i couldn't see a couple without seeing me kissing your cheek
without me holding you hand walking down the street
without you and me eating pizza and watching tv
without you here there is no me
im lonely
you were my one and only