The pain lingers, the heart throbs.
The boredom strikes chaos, like a pulsating sob.
I cannot seem to escape it, to make it better.
Its haunting presence makes for sleepless dreams.
Some nightmares, some screams.
Have to stay fully protected.
Eyes on high alert, I cannot seem to withdraw.
Trapped in hopeless projections.
Which am I going to display.
Useless, emotional, discontent.
Not knowing the way out.
Trapped in my mind of contradicted addictions and hidden counteractions of emotionless emotions.
Leave, stay away.
Nobody should ever be trusted.
Eyes on alert.
Intuitions at its highest.
I feel you before you feel you.
I see your motives before you can even do them.
Why even try?
*******.
Spineless cowards.
Keep your shallowness to yourself.
Don't project your narrow minded boxed perspectives onto me.
Silent bitter words.
Saying too much, to saying nothing at all.
Keeping thoughts to myself.
Fear me.
Keep your distance.

wrists cry
hemaglobin tears
washed away by
shower steam
and daydream fears

your knife-wielding hands
clenched to the bone

my roar now dwindled
to a gentle hum

your selective deafness
my self-inflicted muteness
our perpetual daze

i wanted you to hear me so
i screamed my voice away

my hair sways in the wind
and I am free
upon the hills
under the greenest of trees
no blood in my veins
no skin on my bones
just the universe
inside of me

these lines will be filled with rage
with hatred against myself
against the disturbing thoughts and
the fragile bones of mine

i am made of shattered glass,
of mislead paths,
a bad child in a world
full of good people

my thoughts make me
a girl of hell
my actions a demon
possessing her beloved

my mother cries in agony
as her oldest
deprives herself of food and life
but deep inside she knows
this girl deserves it all

The chapters were written
Her story about her loves and life are done
Those left behind will carry on
The tears and goodbyes have flowed
The tears will return when the period is dotted at the end of the sentence
When her monument is revealed with family message with date of birth and death
Her grandchildren and great grandchildren will share photographs and memories as we close the book on her story
One story ends and one begins
C@rainbowchaser2022

Each one of your smiles
is a sunflower planted in my soul.
Dispel of this darkness and despair
and cover it with your garden.

Not so dark as it's painted to be
but quite honestly
it still looks like midnight to me
and
I want to stay in bed.