I am lonely.
Nobody but me.
My music, books, and youtube videos.
That's all I have.
Nobody to see, they all have plans.
They do not respond to my messages, they do not check up on me like I do with them.
I take it as a sign, I back off, and block them out of my life.
Delete, and cut.
What is the point of having "friends" when you're still left alone each and every day questioning why your existence is even still worth it.
I would be nothing, do nothing, see nothing; Without music.
That's all I have.
This daunting presence of sickening thoughts.
I don't have money....
Nothing.
What can you do in this world if you don't have money.
The only way to see your friends is by having money.
If not, no one is around.
No one will make time for you.
No one will try to come and see you.
No one, but my empty miserable soul.

I don't want to feel it anymore.
I don't want to have it anymore.
I don't want to party anymore.
What happens after the party?
They disappear.
You never see them again.
Use them for a good time, then cut your ties.
The life of the party, drowning in depression.
Some ***** and dance to take the pain away.
Breathing heavy, waiting for the next sip.
The next adventure; Cut
Then I do it all over again.
A routine that I am too used to.
Living for the night time.
The lights, the camera, the action, the vibe.
Enticing to my every being, my enchantress moving like a snake, when the beat hits tempo... I can't stop.
Strikes like a lightning bolt, like a shock through the system.
I become a different person altogether, It's perpetual, formidable, distractingly destructive.
Conceptual and disruptive.
She is me and I am her.
My version of me when I stare into the mirror.
My only best friend, and worst enemy.
When I am her, nothing can stop me.
Push it, sometimes the mirror cracks, but she always comes back.
As long as it's perpetual perspective and paradox keeps haunting, nothing else matters.