no...not again
It is going to take my weekend away
(when I saw the bunch of papers in front of me)
Glancing at the calendar
The promotion date is creeping towards me

It's late I must leave
Stuffed papers in my bag,
Hurried to leave
If I'll miss the train...I need to wait a lot

Took out a clutcher to bun up my hair,
THUMP.! It slipped from my hands
It broke....ah!..let it be.

With fast paced steps ,
I walked towards the station
Was it anger
Was it anguish
Or was I afraid of something?
My heart was jumping

Yes, I caught the train
I need not wait
Checked time...Anna is waiting
Anna. Oh no her medicines!

I need to get down the next station
My poor girl, my poor niece
She is in pain
Leukemia is killing her..

Searching for my wallet in my bag
I flicked my hair ,
Looked up
Oh what a charming face
He look smart, don't he?

Shut up head!..
You got things to do
No love..not love
But he passed a smile
I won't smile back, I won't
**** ! I smiled.

Don't stare him ,no..
Oh! He is coming near me
Am I blushing?..let me check my phone
Noo ! ,don't sit near me
I may end up kissing you!

You said hi,
Your voice is attractive!
I replied.. a hi..

****, I missed two stations
Anna's medicines!
I need to leave him.
My priority is her
I'll meet you in my dreams perhaps

I jumped out of the train
Ran to the medical store,
Purchased

Oh! A toy shop
Anna loves bears
She might be angry now
I'll buy her a big one
It's expensive
Maybe after the promotion..

I am hell late!
Maybe chocolates will do
Yes,she loves chocolates

Let me call her
Which one she likes??
**** my phone is dead!
It's dark now
I better run home

Why are people crowding
In front of my home?
God! Anna
Is she okay?

Why there is an ambulance?
I ran harder
My heart is in my mouth
I am shivering
I may fall

Let me in ..
Oh no..Anna
Annaaahhh!

No medicines , no chocolates
Can make her healthier..happier now
She is in a better world now
Her organs failed
She passed

I am alone
No tears, no screams
Can make her come to me again
My phone had twenty missed calls in it
(Of that night when my phone was dead)

I didn't complete my assignment
But it took away my weekend surely

10 days later,

I am promoted
She is buried

I bought a teddy bear
The big one
I named it Anna
Maybe I killed her

Days when you want to lay back
With your favorite drink by your side
And a book in your hands
And you just indulge into it

Are the best days

Remain complacent and confused
Content to be lost
With a heart that stirs
In the permafrost
Run on through the empty streets
Hands open
Eyes closed
Breathing in the cool air
Growing numb from the cold
Still don't let your heart thaw
You'll feel one beat and then another
Warmth so different from the frost
Just the thought it makes me shudder

I was burnt once before
Dark hot fingers scarred my soul
If my heart goes warm again
I fear it'd shatter
Leaving holes

Run into the unknown
Seeking a freezer for a heart
Before it's beaten by the world
Forever covered by it's marks
It's grown so dark you'll never see
But do not dare to light a match
For if you do you might feel warmth
You might consider turning back

She came alive
Out in the dark
Waltzing among the trees
Treading lightly
On a blackened path
The night, it set her free
I watched
As she absorbed the stars
And held the memory
Of the girl
So at home in a place
I could barely even see

Sometimes
I speak
Just to fill
The silence.

Because
I hate
Feeling empty.

Because
I want
To know
What it’s like
To feel full.

Sometimes
You mistake my need
To fill
That silence
With who I am.

When
In reality

Sometimes

When I speak
I show you
What I am not.