I crave a certain high,
the one I get
from the butterflies
that dance in
my stomach
whenever I see you.  
My parents warned me
about drugs on the street,
but never about the ones
with a heartbeat.

It's like cooking something for the first time,
burning your hand and never wanting to cook again.
Even though you know what you would cook deserves to be on the menu of some five star restaurant. One that lovers go to, to sip fine wine and stare off at the sunset as they learn how to fall in love all over again. You still can't bring yourself to do it. You can't turn on the stove because every time you do that same fiery sensation rushes through your veins, reminding you what it's like to burn. You shutter, trying to think what life would be like if you never turned the stove on in first place.

You read my poetry in an attempt to understand me
versus an attempt to read literature
or fiction
or art
So you pick apart each sentence
and each syllable
and each subject
and you try so hard to figure me out
You want to know what I was thinking when I wrote this poem
or that poem
but what that tells me is perhaps you aren't even reading them at all
Although what poets express comes from the debths of our creative closets and emotional state
you must still open up your mind and soak up the words for what they are
Not for who I am

Six months ago I was jumping through hoops to please you.
Six months ago I wanted to make sure you were happy before myself.
Six months ago I wanted to make sure it was me causing your happiness.
But it's not six months ago. It is now.

I want you to haunt me when you die. I don't want to forget what it was like to be constantly tortured by you. I want to feel every bit of your existence even when you're long gone and my lips no longer remember yours.

I miss you so much and I know I shouldn't but I can't help it. you're everywhere. you're in my thoughts. you're in my dreams. you're underneath the floorboards. you're in my pills. I can't escape you. the only way to get rid of you is to get rid of myself.