I found it in your eyes.
A story in disguise.
A love I hadn't known.
Love that only I could've grown.

Grow it did, over months and days.
I loved you in so many ways.

My love was real.
It wasn't a game.
My heart you did steal.
Yet all you left me was your name.

What happened to us?
Did I do something wrong?
What happened to our trust?
I can only be so strong.

I loved you the best I could.
Never uttered an evil word.
You chose me when no one would.

I will wait for your for as long as you need.
I miss you more than you know.
You have my heart and it cannot be freed.
You melted my soul like snow.

If you're reading this I want you to know.
I never wanted us to end.
I only wanted us to grow.

I wish I had done things differently.
I wish I could've kissed her more.
But now I may never get to touch her lips to mine again.
I wish I could've told her how special she was to me and how she is the physical personification of absolute perfection.
I wish I could've held her more tightly.
Kissed her more passionately.
Said the right things.
I wish I loved her with more than just my heart even though I couldn't love her anymore than I already did because she had all the love I could give.

There are days when crying won't cut it
Days when cutting won't count
Days when getting drunk wont matter
Days when listening to sad tunes wont compare to what you feel.
There are days when you want to walk away.
But you're yourself to the inescapable truth.
Days when sorrow and pain are the only two words you know other than "I'm sorry."
Days when you feel like your pain isn't as validated as some one else who is in a more tougher situation.
Days when those sad love songs are the wind blows through the hole in my chest where my heart is supposed to be.
But.
At least I can still feel the pain.

Have I ****** up? Yes.
Have I wanted to **** myself over a mound of thousands of fuckups? Yes.
Have I hurt myself over **** ups? Yes.
Have I drank a lot because I ****** up. Of course.
How hard have I tried my absolute hardest to specifically not **** up? Oh yea. I've ****** up a lot. I fight and claw my way out of this mound of corpses that haunt me. These corpses are my own, The corpses of myself every time I died a little when I saw people who knew who I was and who I thought liked me look at me with an expression of horror. To those people I say, think of what you felt like when you messed up, when you did or said something that you would take back any way you could. Cut them some slack or there will be another corpse on the mound.

I am the whispering wind
I am the flickering flame
I am the stifled stream
Shall I become the bristling breeze?
Shall I become the brazen blaze?
Shall I become the rushing river?

If it is tomorrow or many years from now the fact is I will not be on this planet forever. What will I leave behind? A name? Perhaps remembered for a few generations until a descendant of mine who is researching their ancestors may find my name in some old faded record. Shall I leave behind my name, chiseled on a granite tombstone slowly fading away and being overtaken by the elements of nature.  For most of us we shall have no great statues or even plaques on a park bench. Our names won't be written in the history textbooks of students and scholars. Our trace left behind will be found more in the people we come in contact with. What you do every day will be what you leave behind. Everything you affect in your everyday life will be what eventually culminates in what you leave behind. No it wont last forever but nothing truly ever does. The bronze statues will corrode, names will be forgotten. But if you affect some ones life in a way that will shape them as a person it will be the most lasting effect in that persons life that you can have.

Pushed out of home
by foreign steel
forever do they roam
but never do they kneel.

Never ones to run
away from a fight
often facing many guns
yet never take flight.