There, is the Sun
Always bright, forever moving
at times it seems to hide
beyond the horizon
this sets the moon wondering
wandering at times full,
often not at all
stars fall, thin trails in the night
across my world so quickly
a blink of an eye measures time
and that eye, that eye is watching
always earthbound, grounded here beneath
oh that heaven above us,
the endless sky that is our blanket
forever above us and beautiful
the ever changing sky

This is the quiet of reality
felt and believed
Seconds bleed,
minutes are everything
Inside the dark plum color of silence
a steady hum of detachment
more thoughts, more questions
punctuate my willingness to believe
emphasize it as weakness
Me, I am not worth it
You see this and all I cannot
Parts are missing
and we, we will not work
All is quiet, reality does this
Reality Unwanted

outside this dream

I'm reeling,  feet failing,
Falling,  fumbling.
To watch that dream
Outside,  out of reach
Taken from me.  
No warning.
To have had a dream,
Lived it,  felt it,
Realizing how right,
the fit so perfect.
Outside of this dream
Where I only  get to dream
but that once
I had lived it.
How badly I want it
back as none other
So I can live my life as I planned it

The Other Side of Leaving

Never had it that way...
Never felt that side of leaving.
Haven't heard pain,
Never heard pleading
for me to please,
please not leave...
Baby please stay...
Haven't made the choice to stop feeling...
On the other side of leaving
its always been me on the damaged end
Not to be, must be something.
Or is it more difficult?
How would I explain?
When I don't fully understand...
Hearts change?
Could I let you down just to walk away?
All while knowing...
Having myself felt that pain,..
I've never had it that way.
The other side of leaving

what is it in me
that makes,..

creates me?,..

so uncomfortable,  

everybody sees less
Then pretend,  as I,
it's okay smiles quickly fade
I know it's my fault,
unacceptable and forgettable .
awkward, uncomfortable.
look at it, transparent,
The faint outline,  
my weakest image
nervous I tremble.
goodbye, hellos...
No eyes to be held,
Floors and skiess...
no its like,
Something not like
New material and different mediums
Resembling briefly
visually
I look just like them.
Awkward social
insecure moments
I'm another. Awkward

Bartering to simply remember
little pieces that matter most
All have been allotted
given to those I owe
for energy, or ******, or wild and crazy
even lazy if that was my mood
I didn't see, what I was paying from
Young and foolish, chemically dependant
Oh, then it was just hand me release
just want this party to never end
in love with this music, beautiful movement
And the pretty girls, the heavens they were off to
Sure I'll give more to the dealers, more moments
I forget that I've given, nothing missing,
my O' What a deal, to feel so special and needed
bothered less and less by the cost
maybe later I'll rebarter for my life back
they can do that, can't they?
so now, I'll lose the milestones,
first smile, favorite game, the little things
now I'm flying baby
at the price of the pride my parents held
but that has vanished like myself
Fragmented, puzzling and pathetic

You, in this world
of lesser interests
muted colors,
polluted bases
Of gray, safe neutral shades
Then there comes You...
Change, dramatic and effective
This, your pallet
bright and vivid
Now beautiful, fragrant
to eyes, mine
I devote time in wonder
To You, and your ways
Your world, shared
Both from as well as for You
But for me,
As I see You

only goes it's one way
only goes,.. only goes,..
so pointless the routine

only goes,.. Only goes,..
never wanders, only goes,..
never strays,.. pointless,..

Only goes...
Going... always going,.. Away.
towards something,

only goes,..

Until it breaks...
This pointless thing...

never knows,..

What is waiting,..
Never goes, away,..

Never coming,..

only knows, it is not okay...
only knows, there is an end...

and the routine,...

Only knows,.. of not knowing,..
going only the one way...

until only one day,..

Only the end...
And then going

"Only going"
By:(jfehlmann

shouldn't you know
couldn't you see
wouldn't I think
shouldn't believe
would if maybe
I couldn't see the angles
I wouldn't have controlled

what's done is all been foolishly over done
you occupy that unforgettable place
where all you become is my ruin
what to believe,
to what choice is left to turn on

shouldn't you know
couldn't you see
wouldn't I think
shouldn't believe
would if maybe
I couldn't see the angles
I wouldn't have controlled

what's done is all been foolishly over done
you occupy that unforgettable place
where all you become is my ruin
what to believe,
to what choice is left to turn on

fearing life's end is mute
what if to fear the suns sinking
then have the same scene each evening
you know the sun will return
what side do you choose to see

Those that have not will never see
These things people are going through
Some old and a half off the ground
Hours ago on a paid version of this
and they, a half hour or so ago didn't know
What to get in my work and play
Some more of an old friend and would be
A great way of saying that I have nothing
Else if the user can be the best of the loveless
I Have a lot of distance to get my work
and I still don't understand
Why you should have a lot to want after that
I'll never fit in with the monster
So proud and so much
Too long to respond to your life
Strife to get my hands on the pitch
The end, but I love the idea that you can
Literally hundreds and the other hand I am in love
With the monster and the blue
Bright side and a lot more to do
Something about the presents the world was
Supposed I am so sorry I missed you
So so so so much
For sharing this with yourself
Father of, and the good people

crooked steps
just a seconds glimpse behind
perfect trail before me, each step a gift
Then in the distance I  caught sight
of something
I saw you kiss the lips of the sinking Sun
locked embrace
and O' how completely I struggled
that entire night
and O' how the next and the next
and then the  next I tasted
betrayal O' how vivid I
I relived the scene in visions,
questioning my eyes,
wondering your motives
I focused, I tried more and more
O' I dug deep, i closed the miles,,
then much closer I witnessed
then, you whispering to the sky
then you reached up your hands
upon the full moon's face
Pulling her down from heaven,
 to your promises as you smiled
to deny us, O' I obsessed
You....
Kissing the sun, Promising the moon,
As I watched O' I glared
O' as did I wilt
I withdraw to obscurity
Beneath cover of your growing shadow

a silouhette to follow
making chase of the impossible
I can't give up
all i do is follow,
and look , and press on ,
just to get close enough
To tell you
You are still my sun,
Though you have another
and you are my setting moon,
my unobtainable,...
and my reasoning for every step,
every mile...  
Now besought by the breadth
The severity of those betrayals
I hope you knew,
i followed and still do
coming to apprehend
my little tease,
my treasure, my liar
I give chase,
to how completely
how very far I would go
just to prove once and for all
I love you.
I shall, one day...
If and when the stars let me
they decide...
Even they see plainly my envy
As I have no mask
One motive,
Several unknown labels.
I contrast the brilliant
Silk strewn beauty once mine
Falling once, am I choosing
Leg by foot, by will and love
Outshine the sun and by this
Luna will turn it's attention
Perhaps this test of time
Practiced, lonesome patience
May one day return the gaze
Embrace in arms my desire
The only one I want and follow
My world.

Eyes of a little child
with the smile I live for
full of light, right and why
we endure the cycle
Another goodbye
I emphasize how much I love you
every time, i know you know I do
I see one side of a life
behind the glass of the door you close
the in between is watching you walking
while I struggle with too much pride
the Tiny strides are getting bigger
with every trip we make
between a life with mine
and the life with Hers
towards the other world
My headlights add to the tragic scene
We do this over, and over, and over
week after week after week
Owning the rights to my everything
Showing again why we breathe
why I try, but do I couldn't I do better
Goodbyes that preside over our shared tomorrows
This did not play out like believed
entitled, promised, guaranteed
My life is so much better
Your smile warms the ice inside
but each goodbye brings me back below
And the drive back gives me time
That smile from you is the fulcrum
balancing the unbalanced
Two lives, one little boy
One  child,
so vital to us both

It just sits there
Out place, in its secret place
tucked down, beneath, within
and that is a fault of my own
I know, I should be but prey
do something much like and about that
before it is ruined, or not
Neglected and broken, rusted
blueprinted and assumed tested
Maybe tomorrow
after work
a job i don't like
It kills me
Flourecent light leaching
Teathered to a short cord
Eyes that wont blink
Watching
As i slowly wilt
So maybe come morning
Ill finaly find time
If i can remember

All these words,
every one place with purpose,
patterned upon a need,
a want, some way in which to serve
to supplement or contain,
to hold, both within,
without.
owned by losing all that is,
will be, has come
or once was is gone
another demonstration of loss
like she is,..  gone...
I have not, still, not...
but breathing,
lost in thought.