Use your heart less,
But don't be heartless!

Use your mind more,
But don't mind more!

Tell me
The first time you met
How your stomach spinned
How the butterflies danced

Tell me
The first time you talked
How you fidgeted on your own
How you stuttered with every word

Tell me
The first time you touched
How your senses aroused
How your heart wanting to burst

Tell me
The first time you dated
How the billion of stars aligned
How the lovely moon smiled

Tell me
The first time you kissed
How time momentarily stopped
How magical, ephemeral it felt

Tell me
The first time he forgot
How betrayed you felt
How petty it seemed

Tell me
The first drop of tear
How you tried to wipe it away
How you acted okay

Tell me
The first time he lied
How hard you cried all night
How you forgave the next light

Tell me
The first time you fight
How he screamed so loud
How you hide like a child

Tell me
The first time he tried to break up
How your heart almost stopped
How you shamelessly begged

Tell me
The first time he walked away
How you cried in despair
How heart broken you've been

Tell me
The first sign of fading away
How the fire slowly loses it’s spark
How the story unfolds a twisted plot

Now tell me
How nights were so long, sleepless
How tears were almost blood
How dumb and numb and doomed it felt

Now tell me
How you handled the pain
How you remain “in-sane”
How you stitched every broken part

Now tell me
How time has nothing to do with it
How moving on was so hard
A state of mind, a choice

Now tell me
The moment you let go
The moment you forgive
The moment you walked away

-of memories
-the people specially him
-from the past, the pain

Now tell me
How freeing it felt
How the burden was lifted
How the heart was relieved

Now tell me
The moment you smiled again
The wicked grin “i’m over it”
The moment you’re living again

Now tell me, after him
The first smile
The first life
Ahh, much sweeter, better, genuine

Now tell me
That you learned a great deal
That you are stronger than before
That “first love” will always be special

Now that you’ve told me your story
I know, i know, you’re over it..

I have been, I am and I will be documenting the complexities that run rampant within.

It’d be easier if my mind and heart spoke
the same language. Most times they’re in conflict.

So I’ll cope in the best way I know how.
I’ll keep posting...

Because no amount of sentences...
Can succinctly form the verses that fully capture what I see and think.

No amount of metaphors...
Can successfully mask and satisfy what I truly feel.

No amount of poems...
Can accurately draft the blueprint of what and why I am.

Do forgive me for I have fallen far and deep. And for the umpteenth time, I am looking for that window or door so that I could see and taste purpose again.

So please bear with me...
There will be more to come as I indulge in my quest for equilibrium.



Yours in ink,

ryn

.