Behind this waterfall of sadness I burn brighter than ever

I want to be your 911 and your favourite childhood blanket and I want to be your goodnight instead of your goodbye.
I want to be your favorite pair of shoes and the air beside you so that I'm always next to you and I know you're comfortable.  
I want to be my parents' "I knew she could do it" instead of their "she's not trying hard enough."
I want to be my friends' safety net and not their other 24hour emergency hotline-dial-me-when-you-need-me. I am not temporary.
I want to be a girl who smiles because the world engraved laugh lines in her gentle face and not a happy pill trapped mistake.

But I will never be those things.
I will never be those things because, in your eyes I will be the last cigarette in every pack that smells and tastes so good, but hurts your chest in the most unforgivable way.
But I will never be, for you.

I understand the cutter.
Loving you is
My self-harm.

I try so hard
not to hear
your quiet tortured sobs
ripping through my head

I try to sleep
but I can still feel
the weight of all your tears
weighing down my pillow

I try to ignore
searing pain gnawing
my every tender limb
from the blades you took to yours

I try to close
my bloodshot eyes to block
images of your bloodied body
laying beneath once clear water

I try to move
but its as if Im frozen standing
watching you fade away countless
times, your heart never stopping

I try to reach
hoping to touch your weary face
wanting to wipe the misery
from your beautiful eyes

I try to show
you I exist but every time
I reach for you I break the mirror
and youre gone once again

-ARI

My body is a canvas;
And whether I decorate it with
Tattoos or cuts
Shouldn't be your problem.