Sometimes I wonder if
this is truly worth the time.

Is it necessary
to constantly be breathing?
It's horrible I have to ask
yet I do wonder sometimes

how many hearts would break
how many tears would actually fall
who would want to hold me
like they never did while I was here?

It's horrible, I know
but it's reasonable to wonder
yet the sad part is
sometimes I feel like
nobody would.

Honestly,
when I say that I love you
I mean it.
I don't throw those words around
like how a hurricane throws the trees.
I keep those words sacred.

When I say I love you
I mean it
from here
to looping around the stars and back
even if it seems like
I'm saying it just to say it
I really do
love you.

It doesn't matter how
or why, or when it happened-
all you need to know
is that you mean the world to me.

Yes, it's true you're not the only one
I love in this way,
but each and every person
is loved differently, too.

Some need to be held
and others just listened to.
Maybe they need me to smile
even if smiling feels impossible
but I do it because I love them.

I love many people
in many different ways
and I mean it with everything I have
when I smile and say
"Honestly,
I love you"

Maybe if I don't finish
all the food on my plate,
maybe if I can bring back
the desire to do anything
it takes to be the way I want to look,
maybe if I can just hold out
one day longer

Maybe then I will be somebody
that everybody wants to,
needs to know.
Maybe then my mind will feel at peace
resting inside this body
that doesn't need any more
of that crap.

Maybe then they'll think I'm beautiful.

Or maybe I should just shut up
because the more I talk about how I feel,
the more it seems like people shouldn't care.
"We love you" they say
but I can see in their eyes
I can hear it in their voices
that they're lying.

And maybe I need to learn to love myself
before they can love me,
but that's a lot to ask
when the person who should love themselves
can't even stand
to look in the mirror.