you're the iceberg to my titanic .
you took me by surprise..
and left me in a wreck .
left a hole in the center of my heart
made me unfixable and cold and *broken

Insecurity isn't an attention seeking excuse.
Its something we do without noticing and other people get concerned..
I don't understand.

the flesh covers the bone
and they put a mind
in there and
sometimes a soul,
and the women break
vases against the walls
and the men drink too
much
and nobody finds the
one
but keep
looking
crawling in and out
of beds.
flesh covers
the bone and the
flesh searches
for more than
flesh.

there's no chance
at all:
we are all trapped
by a singular
fate.

nobody ever finds
the one.

the city dumps fill
the junkyards fill
the madhouses fill
the hospitals fill
the graveyards fill

nothing else
fills.

i'm in love with words,
but afraid of voices.
silence is both beautiful
and terrifying,
because thoughts just
never seem to sleep.
no one seems
to really understand,
because although
these voices
never stop talking,
the words themselves
are often too
quiet to speak.

The words unsaid are infinite
The words i say are a summary
The words you hear are filtered
The words i hear are my downfall

What is a heart
But a thing to be broken
A place to hold thoughts
That are never spoken

An annoyance, a nuisance
It makes you blind
It fights for control
Over a logical mind

So I close off my feelings
To hide from hurt
I become quiet, soft-spoken
A lonely introvert

I live inside myself
my own little world
I read my own books
and poetry
and listen to my own music
sure, I absorb others material
as much as I can
but I am only a lurker
looking over the Earth
silently
from my dark little island
gazing over seas
both digital and real
wondering how the others do it
Are they just good at pretending?
Are they really not as insincere
as they all appear?
These feelings, or lack thereof
are thrown up like smoke signals
from the fire inside me
hoping another
might see or hear
with eyes, ears, heart, soul and mind
that are almost mine
to rescue me
from this strange illusion
of my own creation

Introverted tendencies paint the scene
free to think only when locked away
cold to other people,
distant even when close
a lifetime spent close to the chest
hanging on to
an isolation flotation device
dragged to endless parties
to stand people watching
in the corner
family asks questions of depressions
and are met with "okays"
I would go out and play
but I have some things
in my own head
which I have to take care of first

You would think that by now
I’d be able to read you
but I cannot

I am a prisoner to your subtleties,
a captive of your cluelessness,
tangled so helplessly in your mixed signals
your emotions are the secrets
whispered just past my ears
so intriguing

yet

so out of reach

-h.w.

I once read somewhere that if you can’t sleep at night it’s because you are awake in someone’s dreams. And every night that I lie awake because I cannot turn my brain off, that thought comes to my mind. And I know it’s weird but I start thinking about all the things I’d want to tell you if I was in your dream. I dreamt while I was awake about all the things I’m hoping for in the future. And although right now it seems so very possible, I’m scared of my own feelings at this point.

Everyone has that moment where they meet the person they spend the rest of their life dreaming with, but no one ever knows that moment until the rest of their life begins. And I’d be lying if I told you I haven’t thought about what our lives would be like together.

I’m pouring my heart out onto my notebook because I figured it’s easier than telling you in person. I’d rather live alone than with someone who doesn't understand me, and maybe that’s the reason I want to show you this. I’m a girl of too many emotions and perhaps that will die down with age but if it doesn't I want you to be able to accept me. All of me.

And I know none of this makes sense, but if you’re reading this and you still feel the same about me then I want you to know that I once read that love is when you want to share everything that makes you happy with one person.

I want you to know that at the end of every day I lay awake at night and want to tell you all about my day. I want to tell you about the jacket I found at the thrift shop, and the cool fact I learned about the human heart. I want to tell you everything. I want you to be here.