i wrote you
a letter every day
letters to tell you
just how i feel

written in neat, curved
writing i told you
just how sweet
i thought you were
how you made my heart
glow

letters in which i wrote
with various colors of ink
pouring out my whole being
to you

i wrote you
a letter every day.

i wrote you letters in which
i told you how you made me
bloom.

eventually
i found myself
pressing harder on
the paper
than i had before.

creating tears in them
similar in shape
and size
as the ones
inside of me.

i began to send
letters
with creases
and bumps
and stains
splattered with tears

pouring
from my eyes

as i wrote
the anger
bubbling within me.

my last letter
addressed to you
contained
no words

but was blank.
because
i had none that

could reach
as far

and deep

into the cracks
of my
heart

to describe
just
what you

had left
of me.

There once was a guy
Who was not right in the head
All he thought was “how do I get girls in my bed”
   Lure
       Drug
          ******
              Comfort
Which way will work, I don’t care, I need them
Entrap the girls ******* on my bed
Giving them what I think they want
My big throbbing head
Fulfilling my needs and fantasy’s
My unconsciousness will be the death of me
As they toss, turn and scream to stop
Only fuels my engine to remain on top

My imagination running wild
Paraphrasing this problematic disease within myself
As I take advantage of girls who have no clue what I’m about
Is this me or my disease ruining the lives of so many girls in between
I will finish with her and let her go
After she gives me one quick blow
Getting off one last time
Smiling as she’s ******* it
One inch at a time

This is now the end for me and my wild, crazy fantasy’s
I’ve been caught in my worst nightmare yet
Living my life in constant
   Pain
      Fear
          And
             Regret

9 YEARS OLD
Daddy told me I'm special, I'm his perfect little girl.
Daddy leaves bruises on my body
Daddy doesn't hit me he says
"it was only a smack"
10 YEARS OLD
Daddy told me that i am slow
If I carry on this way i will never get a job
He moves me to another school
I don't care, at least here they wont make fun of my mum,
11 YEARS OLD
I cant keep up with my school work
the class moves to fast
my father hits, punches and slaps
my father breaks my pencil
i tell my friend that he snapped my pencil
Daddy overhears he says
"don't tell people what happens at home or daddy will go to jail"
I didn't think that what he was doing was wrong
I thought that everyone got this too
12 YEARS OLD
I'm in a school and having lots of fun
Daddy says  to make no friends
that i shouldn't trust anyone
he doesn't hit anymore
he threatens me at home
15 YEARS OLD
I have few friends that know nothing about my home
My parents are no longer together
and i feel completely alone
I have no trust
no family
nothing at all
Daddy tells me i can tell him everything
I tell him how i feel
He hits my wall, i see his eyes turn red
Daddy says
"If you were my son i would his the crap out of you"
because he thinks that its ok
to his a boy but not a girl
and that is not ok.

i want to die
i cant go on

I look him in the
eye this is not my Daddy
this is a man, who i have never known

He thinks im going to **** myself
so he leaves me with with one thing
The man says
"If you **** yourself, i Will **** myself"
to try to make me feel guilty

it only makes me think that
If my death will result in his
then the world is better off without me

Talking?
You think that could help?
Talking about
the deep
grey bad things.
I tried.
It didn't work.
I still let
the blood
run down
my arms.