She sits on the bed and reads me
Old poetry
About ******, sadness, and loss
All synonyms
For the same affliction really
Dysfunction and despair
Captured in yellowed archival snapshots
Of a girl
With a penchant for surviving pain

Mortality leaps
From the prose as she reviews her life
In hellish imagery
A transmutation of spirit occurs
Within her
As she drifts through the years
On each page
Melancholy awareness for us both realizing
That it's all real

No one can take away the scars that
Every word cuts
No one can deny the inviolable fortitude
Required to document
The war embedded and entrenched on the front lines
Just old poetry
To me they resonate like a distant bell
Her sudden silence
Whispers that the dead still scream her name

it's painfully hard to grow used to the simplicity of life,
to get rid of that stupid, stupid feeling in your gut
that there's more to it than this.
it breaks people,
it crushes them,
it destroys all their beliefs.

it is my worst enemy.
and it has the upper hand.

his ice blue hues
have become so much darker,
they've grown older,
more tired,
a f r a i d.

his hands shake as he buries them in my hair,
desperately trying to hold his breath back,
as do i.
it's like an explosion of emotion
we're both trying to drown in.
and i think,
hell, nothing's changed

but it has.
so much has changed.
he is wiser,
more fragile,
he kisses me like he wants to tell a story.

the story of how she broke his heart
and he needs it fixed as soon as possible.

the story of how he misses me,
but is still trying to find her in there somewhere.

the story of how i can't ever compare to her,
but am enough for a while.

just like last time.
just like every time.

how dare you lessen my existence
i am a sandstorm;
everything i walk through, i destroy
i am a blizzard;
everything i see, i bury underneath

don't you ever try and think of me
as just drizzle
i will walk through you and crush your bones
with one look
i am beyond your imagination

i am your worst nightmare
*don't you ever diminish me again

dear mother,
when you beat me to the ground again today,
when you crush my soul
and when you drill my skull with your shouts

won't you, dear mother,
finally do what you've always sworn to do?
won't you **** me and end it all?
won't you finally get rid of me?

you've always said i'm useless anyway.

and dear father,
when she tells you i am the one at fault,
when you talk to me about how i have to obey
and be good

don't you, dear father,
hear the trembling in my voice?
don't you see the fear in my eyes?
don't you understand?

i've never been good at talking anyway.

and if this what you gave me
if this what you gave me is family
then i want no family at all;

so today, when i run away
when i run away from you all
i'll find a new place to go
and i'll start loving myself;

for you couldn't love me anyway.