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 Oct 2014 Alina
betterdays
serenity
 Oct 2014 Alina
betterdays
in this moment
as the waves
erode the sand
beneath my feet

and the wind howls
across the white capped waves
i am serene

the future
while never stable
is ever hopeful
the past
dealt with as best
as one can

and the now
holds my hand
and watches our boy  
laughing,
as he chases sandcrabs
 Oct 2014 Alina
Ellen Joyce
You ask me to enter to the tilt of your head towards the computer screen
and see, in two words my definition -
bipolar disorder.

You do not look at me, just talk at me
medication? last relapse? severity of episodes?
You count failings, the moments in which I have lost my mind
and you reproach me for them.
You, as you two-finger-type a cold clinical echo of me,
I, on command, recite the past transgressions of my sanity
and you have me – three inches tall on my knees,
in a disease that thrice almost cost me my life
and in your Jobsworth view you tell me I will get ill,
as if this weren't a fact I fight and fear daily.
You with your tunic, blue, cold as your indifference,
announce this, as if calling time -
self-important, unfeeling, with one eye on your watch.

And I smile at you apologetically,
honestly offering up my mindfulness, yoga, medication compliance,
self awareness, begrudged reliance on those I love to wave the red flag
if the waters I get into are too deep.
You are curt with your nod - as if all this is folly between now and the inevitable.
My recovery, my striding, my passion and profession -
All folly.
You are doing the last offices on quick time
because your time is precious and short
and not to be wasted on crazy dreamers with barely a shot in hell

But even with every mental regression, psychotic expression
manic obsession and abyss of depression -
still, still, the world needs more of mes and much less of yous.
So make your disclaimer and write your reports
I'll chant, share the truth in the streets and courts
 Oct 2014 Alina
Saphanuel Silas
Call me a ******* if you will
I'd even love to agree
But I can't
Because I have no mother
And never did
 Oct 2014 Alina
sour avocado
Empty
 Oct 2014 Alina
sour avocado
Filling me up with thoughts
That don't mean too much
Of anything is just a pastime
Of yours, and honestly I'm a little
Bored of this sad charade.

I'd like to feel something
On my very, very own
Just for once, to see if maybe
I'm not such an android

I want to see my own
Soul laid bare for another
Human, and maybe theirs
Splayed out like wet clothes
On a string blowing in the
Soft summer breeze for

Only me to see.
 Oct 2014 Alina
Samantha Steele
OCD
 Oct 2014 Alina
Samantha Steele
OCD
my skin
was rubbed raw
because someone touched me
on the sidewalk
without my permission

one time I didn't sleep for a week
because something in my room was
out of place and I
couldn't fix it

ive stayed up all night
wondering if all the doors are locked
so I check
once
twice
three times
four times
and so on
untill its time to wake up

the soaps in the shower
are put a certain way
if not
then I feel myself fall
apart

Ill clean for days
and not sleep
or stop
once

so please stop saying
"Oh, im so OCD!"
because you will never understand
what its like to have this crippling
fear
that everything will go wrong
if one thing is different

— The End —