Why am I doing this again
I ask myself as
I spend another night
Pouring myself on
Paper
Only to tear it apart
Hours later
Why am I doing this again
I ask myself as
I spend another weekend
Wrapped up in
Thoughts
Of what could have been
Only to open up
To the coldness outside
Why am I doing this again
I ask myself
As I hide behind
The idea of what will be
To forget what is
Why am I doing this again
I ask myself as
I let my soul drown
Into your eyes
Eyes as black as coal
Eyes as deep as an abyss
With no end
I let myself fall
And find all
The torn papers
And all the abandoned
Thoughts
And I know the answer
To my question
I keep doing what I do
Because all of it reminds me
of your eyes
All of it reminds me
of home
And I let myself
Get consumed by you

Tell me
How does it feel
To do your best
Every single day
While the rest of us struggle
With nothings in hand
While I look up
To you, your flawless air
Tell me
How does it feel
To look your best everyday

When you ask me
Why I always wear that one colour
I tell you it pleases me
When you ask me
Why I never laugh out loud
I tell you it frightens me
When you ask me
Why I never let my hair down
I tell you it troubles me
When you ask me
About all these little things
I tell you what they mean
But I don't tell you
All the stories and words and struggles behind them
What I tell you
Is only a part of me
What I tell you
Doesn't even begin to scratch the surface

I felt it on my shoulder
It was tiny, almost invisible
I shrugged it off
It came back
This time bigger
It grabbed my hand, its hold firm
I pried my fingers out of its palm
It found its way back
To me – my soul, my body
It climbed onto my back
And snaked its arms around my neck
I kept escaping
It kept coming back
Each time bigger than the last
It engulfed me entirely
I was suffocated, I couldn't see
But this time I knew
I had to break free
I had to breathe, move, fly.
With all the force I had
I pushed through
It hurt so much
I thought I'd die
Nothing could stop me
I knew I needed light.
After what seemed like
Months and years
The cold air hit me
The sun shone bright
It felt like I could finally smile
I knew I made it
I knew I could make it
I knew I'd finally beaten the monster
The monster called depression