When you ask me
Why I always wear that one colour
I tell you it pleases me
When you ask me
Why I never laugh out loud
I tell you it frightens me
When you ask me
Why I never let my hair down
I tell you it troubles me
When you ask me
About all these little things
I tell you what they mean
But I don't tell you
All the stories and words and struggles behind them
What I tell you
Is only a part of me
What I tell you
Doesn't even begin to scratch the surface

Tell me
How does it feel
To do your best
Every single day
While the rest of us struggle
With nothings in hand
While I look up
To you, your flawless air
Tell me
How does it feel
To look your best everyday

I felt it on my shoulder
It was tiny, almost invisible
I shrugged it off
It came back
This time bigger
It grabbed my hand, its hold firm
I pried my fingers out of its palm
It found its way back
To me – my soul, my body
It climbed onto my back
And snaked its arms around my neck
I kept escaping
It kept coming back
Each time bigger than the last
It engulfed me entirely
I was suffocated, I couldn't see
But this time I knew
I had to break free
I had to breathe, move, fly.
With all the force I had
I pushed through
It hurt so much
I thought I'd die
Nothing could stop me
I knew I needed light.
After what seemed like
Months and years
The cold air hit me
The sun shone bright
It felt like I could finally smile
I knew I made it
I knew I could make it
I knew I'd finally beaten the monster
The monster called depression

Why am I doing this again
I ask myself as
I spend another night
Pouring myself on
Paper
Only to tear it apart
Hours later
Why am I doing this again
I ask myself as
I spend another weekend
Wrapped up in
Thoughts
Of what could have been
Only to open up
To the coldness outside
Why am I doing this again
I ask myself
As I hide behind
The idea of what will be
To forget what is
Why am I doing this again
I ask myself as
I let my soul drown
Into your eyes
Eyes as black as coal
Eyes as deep as an abyss
With no end
I let myself fall
And find all
The torn papers
And all the abandoned
Thoughts
And I know the answer
To my question
I keep doing what I do
Because all of it reminds me
of your eyes
All of it reminds me
of home
And I let myself
Get consumed by you