Was I *****?
Maybe I wanted it?
That intoxicated girl,
She must have said yes.
But that girl was me.
I did not say yes.

Was I *****?
only a vague memory of the night
But the morning, a vivid reality.
Waking up naked in my bed,
To a strange man walking out my door.
Thanking me for sleeping with him.
But I did not say yes.

Was I *****?
He seemed like a nice guy.
Maybe I fell on the walk home.
That's why there was blood and bruises,
On the most intimate parts of my body.
He did take me back to my room.
But I did not say yes.

Was I *****?
The memories will forever haunt me.
But months of hell and healing,
Have led me to realize:
I did not say yes.

I was *****.

“If I have a daughter
and she starts to
feel the pressure I once felt
I will let her dye her hair
blue, red, green even
I will let her cut it
straighten it
shave it
I will let her wear black eyeliner
and lipsticks
I will let her wear
basketball shorts
and short skirts
and hoodies
and black ripped jeans
I’ll listen to her cry
over boys
over girls
over ‘*******’
and ‘*******’
and teachers
and the world
and the universe
And every day
I’ll tell her I love her
I’ll tell her I’m proud of her
I’ll tell her she’s strong
smart
capable
until she realizes
accepts
she does not
need to be
called beautiful
cool
different
to be herself”

-the raindrops remind me of waking up on 4th of July feeling lonely.
-my sheets whisper your name everytime i dare to move. i ache.
-my last text from you was 8.12.13
-You are beautiful. and i am sad. We will never work out.
-sometimes i wear red lipstick to see my psychiatrist. I just want to feel strong.
-i sleep for 14 hours and wake up tired.
-the ghosts in my room tug on my curls. they remind me of You.
-i feel tainted.
-oh god, oh god, oh god.
-whilst i sleep the waves rush over my head. i feel peace.
-there have been bugs in my veins since the last time we slept together.
-i am nothing, i am nothing, i am nothing.
-i have been using clever words so You will think i still have a brain.
-i sit in the bath until it turns grey to remind myself that i am dirt.
-i can not be a self love poem.
-You left me drunk and naked everytime.
-i am the beginning of a long, cold winter.
-i am a snowflake amongst sunflowers and children playing.
-Pain. Pain. Pain.
-the ringing in my ears has gotten louder since You said You missed me.
-i will never be Sylvia Plath.
-these walls scream out my secrets.
-i would like to be naked Polaroids and cocktails
but i am £2.31 white wine and ugly obscenities.
-i am an increase of prozac.
-You always mentioned your hate for winter.
-i will crave you for eternity.
-the earth will tremble like my voice. hands. eyes.
-this rain will last forever.

I cried,
I wept;
My heart
You kept.

Yet still
You left
Without
Regret.