you run through my mind quite frequently.
I'm sorry, I just can't stop myself.
I've been biting my tongue quite often.
I'm sorry I know I've been holding back.
There's just a few words I've been saying to you in my head for a little while now.
I'm sorry I just don't know how to tell you.

reality feels like a dream.
everything has taken on a haze,
the edges fuzzy and soft.  
melting skies and dripping clouds,
the sun painting the world in shades of gold
moonlight passes like water through my fingers, dancing along the trees.
down to you, my darling.
swirling a halo around your head.
you don't need the sun to shine,
you create your own warmth.
I bask in it, welcome it, long to be near you again.
just so I may be warm too.
are you real,
or just a dream?

I'm dreaming of us.
driving in your car,
windows open.
it's early
and I can smell the ocean,
feel its breeze as we coast through the trees.
the tips of your fingers tap along the wheel to the beat of the waves.
back and forth.
a symphony of sound.
your eyes find mine and they're sparkling.
it's at this point I know I'm done for.
I don't know how you did it,
but I'm yours.

floating.
body on autopilot.
brain full of static,
chest full of butterflies.

I saw you today.
our eyes finding each other before we even knew what was happening.
just like old times.
a thousand words were sitting in the back of my throat,
clamoring to claw their way out.

how are you?
how was your day?
how could you?

what was I to you?

it wasnt until you turned your back that I saw her.
your fingers intertwined.
you look at her differently than the way you looked at me.
and thats when I got my answer.

when you dream,
is it of me?
when it is quiet,
do you still hear it?
if you had listened
all those times before,  
to my hearts steady rhythm,
each thump calling your name.
It used to beat for you,
the sound loud in my ears.
so loud I knew you heard.
but you never answered.
She is quiet now.
sitting still in her home she has made inside my ribs.
Waiting for the answer I know she'll never get.

Heaven and Hell.
Two sides of the same coin.
God, up in his crystal tower,
on his lofty thrown,
flips it.
Heads it's Heaven
Tails it's Hell
Everything you've ever done leads right to this moment.
Was it worth it?