I sit in this room
with white walls
that feel like
their closing in
on me

and I sit
with some lady
I've known for about a week
and I ramble on
about me being very weak.

the acceptance letters were sent
and I was so excited
because I thought my writing
was worth something
to people.

but all I know now
is that im just another **** writer
that thinks writing is a
job and not a hobby

well im sorry
but I wont make a living
on writing stories about
my love life.

gabhajanans

I need you
I need you like oxygen in my lungs
I need you like a heart needs blood
I need you like a daughter needs her mom
I miss you
I miss you like a cold winter day in summer
I miss you like the moon misses their mom
I miss you like a child misses the sun
I loved you
I loved you like a mother loves her son
I loved you like a day with sunshine  
I loved you like the moon loved the stars

so many thoughts
that run through
my hyper active mind
and I can't think
correctly about
the biggest moment
of my life
im so happy
but other emotions
got in my way.
so I feel kinda sad
goodnight

and I just really want to be dead

why am I allowing
people who
don't know me
judge the therapy
to my feelings

I hope you know
that you are the reason
I want to die.

everytime
I see you
I realize why
you aren't mine.
you hurt me i
hate myself

oh what I would do
to be able to see you.
and did I tell you
that i love you?

and do you remember
the things you would do
to make sure I still loved you?
God I miss you.

do you know
how ****** up I am
because I can't be with you.
I just need you.

when I see your face
all I see is sunshine
and the pain hid behind
but everyone can see mine.

did you hear
how I called out
and told you to stay
as I sat by you.

I would do anything
to hear another word
have another laugh
or even give another hug
to you

and you will forever
be my mine.

lately, I can't seem to get my words
to flow right anymore
it seems the confidence I had
in all my writing skills
has been wiped.

My words are knotted up,
and this knot is the devil
I cant work with it without
loosing everything I am.

writing is starting to become
harder than my math homework
I think this is goodbye
to something that actually
made me so happy.
-H.M.

such a beautiful day for others
is such a sad day for me
and it doesn't mean anything to me

my mind is a nomad
except, my mind has found a resting place
I can't really devote to one thing

but when I think of you
it's different because,
I truly know that I only want you

you are the sparkle in the sky
you are the beauty in the sunsets
you are my favorite sunrise
I want you to be mine

you think the words
I scramble together
when I want to **** myself
are beautiful
but they ******* aren't
stop glorifying
the fact that people
want to die.

waves
they roll onto shore
and on their way here
they crash
and they move
and do awesome things

life is like waves
overall we will do awesome
but on our way to success
we crash and fall
we move on
and then we have our great days
that's just the way it goes.

the waves meet their way
onto the shore perfectly
they meet for about 5 seconds
and are taken away
to make the shore feel loneliness

like waves, I met you
when life was going perfectly
an awesome five months
and you get taken away
and all the sudden
I'm lonely again
and nothing has changed

I just got hit
by the biggest wave of sadness
and I can't get up
I'm drowning
and I think
this is how life gonna be
drowning
and then getting saved
by a life saver
but the give up
and let go
so im stuck
and will never get over the fact that I'm downing

im watching you
slowly have a harder time
to take deep breaths

please just fight for me
I need you
to do this for me

it's been weeks since
I've seen you
and its making me weak

please just don't die on me

I remember the day like it was yesterday
you lied to me
you swore that you would be back
and I believed you.
10 years later
and I still am waiting for your presence
I don't want to breath in your absence that’s been left
because I know it would **** me.
but ****,
where are you dad?
and why have you been gone for so long.
10 years from now
You will still be my favorite mystery.
At 24, I’ll finally realize
I’ve been looking forward to a dissapointment.

We have nothing close to an ordinary love, my dear.
An motorcyclist and a ballerina appear in mind,  
But that’s not even that clear.
Our bond is better than anything I can dream of.
a chemical bond between two atoms,
we are extraordinary.
But you still have that “typical boy” in you.
You bug me like a tick in the ear,
I love the pain you cause me.
But you still have that “manly strength” in you.
Protecting me like a hand lays protected by a boxing glove,
our love is something that is unspoken.

I don't know what it means
when all you can write about
is the man of your dreams

I don't know what it means
to feel cared about in beautiful
ways like he seems to

I don't know what it means
to have a guy that would to anything
to see the bright smile appear again

I don't know what it means
to have a guy care about you
the way he makes carrying seem.

but what I do know is if its
something that is true
I want you and only you
to show me what it means.

Selfishness: the quality or condition of being selfish
I've never found a definition
that described me so perfectly

I spend my life
talking about everything I hate
and spreading around negative weight
not even knowing why I wake

and every time I feel just an ounce of selfishness
reality takes it toll on me
and hurts a loved one

why do bad things happen to good people
she's only 24 and is diagnosed
with 4 different cancers
but still manages to find
that reason to smile through the pain

Life has its ways to teach me lessons
but some lessons are more harsh
than others


Selfishness: the quality or condition of being selfish
I've never found a definition
that described me so perfectly

I want to formally say sorry
to everyone who was ever in need
of a life

because I acted like
the life inside of me
was just another branch on a tree

I used to ponder on the past,
but now I live like a free woman.

I used to be trapped in an imaginary cage,
but now I’m discovering the world that has lived before me.

I use to be afraid of changing,
but now I’m afraid of staying the same.

I used to be problematic at best,
but now I’m ambitious at worst.

I used to look at poems as a waste of talent,
but now I see them as a work of art.

I used to try hard to be like others,
but now I am myself.

I have this crinkle in my nose
and it only shows when you're not around

I have dark under eye circles
and they appear when I start to think about you

I have frown lines
and they are all because of you

I have cold hands
and you're not here to warm them

I have an empty bed
and you're not here to fill it

I have so much time
and I still can't see you

I think so much about you
and you still can't even tell that I'm hurting

all I ever do is what is good for you
and you still claim that I hate you

you are the stress in my life
but I still can't help but tell you I love you.

-H.M

hey lover
please stay away
I beg you with tears in my eyes
there are ghost in the walls
and when they find the soul
they actually want
they will take you over
and I know they're searching for you
darling, this is hard for me
but please don't come around
to this ghost town anymore.
-H.M.

and the only thing
that is keeping me alive
is the dumb thoughts
that I can ramble together
to create a
"beautiful piece of writing"
when there is nothing
beautiful about
wanting to **** yourself

the words
that my mind are
bringing me
is probably
killing me

will I say the right thing?
or am I ******* it all up?
am I going to
be a ******* mess?
or will I be put together?
why am I worrying
about words
that haven't even had a chance
to come out of my mouth yet?

he told me
"I love your writing."
"could you write about me?"

I said
"I can only write about the pain I feel."
"and I never want you to cause me pain."

6 months later
all I can write about is
you
and the pain
your love caused me

life isn't always as bright as it could be
but with you

your smile shines
though the clouds
on a cloudy day

your eyes
form the rainbows
on the rainy days
you make the light
at the end of the tunnel

your personality
makes me grow weak
I am always me
when I'm with you

how could you
you took my heart
and just dragged it around
and then let go when you were ok
you led my eyes
into the dreamy sky's
and you were mine
but you woke me up
and showed me that you don't care
you dropped my heart, its shattered
and I can't seem to open my eyes
see what you can do
to someone who really loved you so?
-H.M.