With narrowed eyes
I glare out the window
Ridiculed
by the harsh beams of light
that glare back at me.

My ankles fidget
Shoulders lean forward
to see the unknowing plane
fly innocently overhead
and my bike
leaning unforgotten
against the rotting fence.

I stumble back
Spinning
In a whirring machine
that screeches and shudders
and thumps on the door
Can I come in?

Worried eyes flit my way
Take it easy
Like a fragile possession
Teetering on the edge
Crowds gather to catch
My faults

With walls binding me
I take comfort in darkness
It soothes my body
and warms my tears
but nourishes my fears

Your mind flees its body
Clenching its fists

Mourning an absence
Craving existence

Chasing a hope
That floats in the distance

Churning a storm
That forms a resistance

You are strong
You are worthy
You are whole

But only small hands
Will catch your drifting soul.

He captains the ship
with a grin
You’re all in
Hoist the sail
Climb the rigging
Settle down in the cabin
Close that door in behind,
You want to go live in
His life, your life, his wife
You say

He scoffs at the crew
But not you
You’re the maiden
He’ll find treasure to hide
In you he’ll confide
And provide
The answers you desired
He knows best
You say

When seas are rough
And he’s had enough
Surrounding ships wreck
All are affected
Once important neglected
It can’t go undetected, surely,
As he undresses you
with his insults
Addresses all your faults
He’s just stressed
You say.

Your attempts to rekindle
Throw you overboard
His words
undercurrents,
that drag you beneath.
Used to swim
Now amongst the weeds
Can’t help but concede
He needs me
You say

You struggle
You had learnt to blow bubbles
But now you’re in trouble
A muddle
Confuddled
That’s typical for you
He says

You plead to be rescued
Lock eyes with the crew
But they’re through
So washed ashore
Bedraggled and torn
He picks you up
Keeps you safe,
Loved
And warm
You say

I remember my trembling lips
as I took that first step
and the family of eager eyes
That warmed my path ahead.

I remember your calming hands
That held me tight and steady
And the sweet whispers that shone
from behind your shining eyes

I remember the delicate words
Flowing freely across our tongues
And how the tears were welcomed
By the sea of smiles.

I remember getting lost in the kiss
And how every kiss that followed
Found a frenzy of flutters
That each shared a story.

I remember my widening cheeks
Feeling no force, but comfort
In the forest of embraces
And in the one that meant the most.

I remember the warm wind
Roaring through my hairsprayed hair
And not caring, but grinning
at the soaring sights as we flew.

I remember how we danced and swayed
and laughed and sung
And clung to one another,
savouring each second that passed.

I remember taking your hand
And gliding up the winding hill
Oblivious to the sharp road
beneath my weary feet.

I remember the sun that gleamed
Through the crisp cream curtains
As your arm wrapped me gently
And I slowly awoke

The sun lifts its head
To open blue skies,
New promise, new life
New twinkling eyes.

But not mine.
Numbness crawls down my spine.

Children, dogs and footballs
Bounce upon the grass,
Breathe in the fragrant air
Spring is here at last.

But there's no spring in my step.
An emptiness sinks to my depths.

Daffodils and daisies
Catch blossoms on the breeze
Bright sunlight beams
Through green, lush trees

But I'm down on my knees
Screaming, please.

Close the curtains,
stay down, hide.
Wear black to reflect
What's curdling my insides

Direct me, distract me
from this crippling grief
This season's prescription
Gives no fresh relief.

Let the bland world steer you
Through the mundane motions,
Ambivalent.

Logic is silenced.
Sympathy ignored.
The vacancy within
Is dimly lit,
Desolate and cold.

Continue on
Demoralised
Paralysed.
Crippled by loss

I know you don’t believe in God
You’re way too smart for that
But wherever you lay now
Please hear me now I have
Accepted what has happened
That we cannot travel back
Please forgive me for my selfishness
And the kindness that I lacked.

You were the one friend
Not soon forgotten friend
Taken for granted one.

The last time we spoke
I wasn’t really listening to you
I nodded and acknowledged you
And in retrospect
you knew.

My ears were drifting
Away to others
Chatting down the line
But you played along and understood
It was natural for my mind.
Wise beyond your years
You pretended you were blind
Another time we’d talk
And it would all be fine.

You were the one friend
Not soon forgotten friend
Taken for granted one.

Nothing churns me more inside
To know that you are gone
Hand picked to leave this beat-up world
And leave behind us cons.
If I could travel back to that
old table in the sun
I’d listen to your truths
Watch your lips and teeth and tongue.

You were the one friend
Not soon forgotten friend
Taken for granted one.

You held such wisdom in your past
In your future you knew more
I’d kick the God that wrongly ripped
Your music from life’s score.

You were the one friend
Not soon forgotten friend
Taken for granted one.

Back and forth I go
O’er every word you wrote
Something in your letters must have
Told me that you’d go.

Every word you said
Whirls inside my head
There must have been clues that I’d lose you
But instead, I remain

Alone with our boy
Our pride and joy
I know that you loved him
but still you have dubbed him
The one with the family destroyed, distraught
After all you taught him
and fun that you brought in
You’ve left us here alone
In the house that you built me
But now I am guilty
How could I not have known?

While demons devoured you
The child you were proud to
Be God to
Lived on, unknowing
That soon you’d be going.