Loving you was like jumping off the stool to hang yourself, just to find that once both feet are in the air, the rope has disappeared.

Why is it you love someone when they're gone?
Why do we keep repeating them in our heads, like a song?
Why are we always so late to realize?
Why are they the only dream we dream every night?
Why does it hurt when we've not been hit?
Why are we ill but still not sick?
Why do our hearts still race at their imaginary sounds?
Why do we keep going in circles, like on a merry-go-round?
And why do we still care when they cry?
Why are we still with them every time?
Why do we still keep falling?
Or why pretend they're still calling?
Why does it always rain on the sunniest day?
Why is it that not holding someone at our worst, makes us afraid?
Why do mornings feel the same as night?
Why do we forget such a thing called time?
Why does every little thing, reminds us of them?
Why do we shed fawning tears and sink into our beds?
Why do our breaths slow down and we feel like dying?
Why do we end up silent after the endless crying?
Yet why do we think of them and immediately smile?
Why do they still make us happy at desperate times?
Why do we still feel closer when they're far away?
Why do we still keep hoping, they'll come back one day?

he looked at me
as the stars shined bright
he looked at me
and held me tight
he whispered in my ear
I won’t ever let you go
but if fate intervenes
I want you to know
the sun may freeze
and the seas may burn
the skies may turn red
but about one thing I am sure
whether you’re besides me
or miles away
whether you decide to leave
or choose to stay
nothing will ever change
when I think of you
no bitterness will stir
when I look at you
I’ll still love you as I did before
the pain, the hurt
the fights, the anger
all of it will be left aside
and be covered with memories of kisses and laughter
for the past will be the past
and not a thing will change it
my love for you
ah well, my heart for you will always be lit
the way you look at me with those adoring eyes
the way you’d rather hear the truth than pretty lies
the way you talk,
the way you walk,
the person you are
and the person you wish to be
never will I forget
what you mean to me
so let them try
let them try to tear us apart
let fate and destiny and luck
gives us their best shot
in the end,
we’ll still be left with
memories of
stolen kisses
and fleeting glances
of long nights
and moonlit dances
so worry not what the future brings
for no matter what happens
we have right now
& it is ours
to keep
*forever

Will you remember me?
With my slightly above average grades
My long hair
The chubby physique

I always had a feeling
A want, no
A desire
To be remembered

I just wanted a friend
Who would miss me when I leave
One who would hug me so tightly
That I wouldn't be able to breathe

I've had times where I couldn't breathe
But not from a hug or warm embrace
From being lied to
Back stabbed with a thousand knives

The sting of being hated
The tears I've shed because I know I'm hated
The emotions like a roller coaster
A never-ending thrill ride

All I wanted was to be remembered
But not like this
Because why would someone
     With scars
     With pain in their eyes
     With a beaten up body
Want to be remembered

I had only tasted wine twice in my life
once it was from the bottle, stolen from my fathers fridge
it tasted like bitterness sliding down my throat
it tasted like unhappiness bottled up
stupid stupid stupid boy
i was as sweet as a candied grain of salt
who told me i was special?
a vulture sat on my bony shoulder
it's claws dug into pale flesh
i sat happily
singing
always singing
it leaned over and whispered things that made me crack a smile
we sat on the edge of the couch with blood between our legs and blisters in the shape of hand prints where he touched us
i was happy to have a piece of cloth wrapped around my mouth

the second time i tasted wine
it was the flavor of her sugar coated lips
i could smell it
i could taste it
i didn't care
she told me it was backround music to the taste of her
like it was always lingering
i was drunk off the way my heart thunked
it sent a beat of nervousness throughout my ribcage
she slid her bony fingers under the back of my shirt and told me it was supposed to be this way
she whispered that love was supposed to feel this way
i nodded and went pliant
i thought love was supposed to be like that



i ******* hate the taste of wine