they say she's a rainbow
but all I saw in her was a million shades of black and gray;
she's more like an earthquake,
destroying everything in sight
with one bad decision based on a million thoughts.
she may have been beautiful
but she split the world in half
with trembling cries and sliced wrists.
she's a natural disaster,
no one saw her coming

And suddenly my mood drops,
that feeling of wholeness and content vanishes and leaves behind it no trace, as if it was never there.
The void widens and my chest aches,
crawling up through my ribs and spreading across each inch of my flesh and skin until I feel consumed with
e
m
  p
   t
    i
     n
      e
       s
        s
My mind blanks and swirls and gets lost in itself as I try to distract myself from the nothingness that feels as if it is living inside me like a disease,
an incurable illness just waiting to destroy me and as I breathe in
my lungs expand and I become painfully aware of my own fragile
mortality.

It's unexplainable,
the miraculous feelings that I seem to
drown in
every night.
When the darkness creeps in
and nothing is left
but the shadows of trees
and the demons of my mind.
I reach for you
but you're too far.
A never-ending cycle
of utter disappointment
and heart ache.

**** you
you're a pawn
knocking down porcelain pieces
like you're a king
how dare you dance circles
around vulnerable hearts
let her go, let her breathe
i'm a selfish broken heart
but you're an ocean of heavy waves
i'm just merely drowning in you

i look up from the chess board
you sit opposite me, nervously
*check mate

Memories with you
are like little shards of glass,
poking and prodding at my heart.
Each ***** a reminder,
of how you used to feel.
I need you,
but you're nowhere to be found.
I miss the way things used to be.
I miss you.

You think that intelligence
is measured by words
by sentences
by essays
but no combination of letters you put together will be enough
to erase your ignorance.

bones and dust, you are my only love,
more beautiful than anything alive;
a still heart and a vacant mind
i would just
die to see you
one more time

you're a liar
and i'm a malignant juror
how are you turning my shame
into a hungry beggar
nibbling at my heart
a decomposing mess of raindrops
in a sad, sad city i'll never forget

i refuse to let this bother me