"Oversensitive, dramatic,
its nothing, get over it"

Why do I hate
Do I need to berate

Do I always plunge the knife that deep?

Tear at my insides like im dying of hunger and trying to feed myself with what little soul i am told i have left but i find myself an empty wasteland and it *****. It really does

"Love yourself"

How do you love yourself when all youve ever been allowed to believe is your pitiful little girl in the corner narrative
The i wish you werent born. Useless.
A burden.
If smiling was a sin.

The numbness from within
Is after all Only redemption

"Change"

You broke me and now you expect me to heal myself so you dont have to look at the pieces and feel bad.

Well Feel bad.

*******.

I lost myself
before i even had the chance to find out exactly who that is
Who it was
Who it never will be again

Ive changed
Ive misevolved,
degenerated backwards into myself
Into something i never wanted to be
A face i hate to see
But i see it every morning in the bathroom mirror
and the tears
feel like a circus parade
running over the bleak facade of a masquerade
and i cant take off the mask,

Because i dont want to know what lies underneath.

Im terrified.

Because light only seems to shine in darkness,
because shadows only exist in the  day,
because bad things happen wether you pray...
or not,
because people are ignorant and so are you
and so am i
typing this on a small white screen while the world passes me by

I know
What i know
But ill never know why
We consume ourselves and cry
You're regarded higher when your ****** features are aesthetically pleasing
The mainstream teasing
Beauty is a needle and that brand new face cream.
Wax and scream.

Beauty is pain.
Pain is ugly.
Ugly is beauty.

This world is a messed up place.
Thats why.
To me beauty is the will to try

lately i've been feeling ugly though
But my human nature drives me to fear the day
I die.

We always want. Never satisfied.
Death is nothingness.

What if

For once in my life

I want

Nothing

I stalked our horoscopes;
I deciphered the coffee grounds.
I even took the time piecing
the broken mirror back together
to read between the cracks,
in hopes I'd receive a sign.

The Universe told me to
stop searching the unknown
for answers I already know.
My coffee grounds suggested
that I needed to sleep, and
the shattered mirror crooned:
"Put yourself back together
before you try to mend another."

When I look at human habitation on Earth, I can't help but wonder if it could be most closely compared to the way cockroaches might inhabit a kitchen.  Leaving **** around all over the place...hanging out in clusters, but taking from everything.  Just something to think about.  I'm not sure it's poetic, but if it is, it's surely depressingly so.  Can't help but wonder if it's an omen, or a poem.

Addiction is a funny thing
I was perfectly clean for years, sober for years
But I could smell the alcohol in the hand sanitizer at the movie theater
I went home and poured a ***** on the rocks with a lime
I have not seen you in ten years, but one simple touch of yours and I was an addict again
What I am trying to say is I think I love you again.