I can’t remember the last time I cried

or screamed at the top of my lungs

I don’t remember the last time I let loose

and actually had some fun

I don’t remember the last time I ran

as if I had nothing else left to do

I also can’t remember sleeping 8 hours straight

and waking up feeling good

I can’t remember the last time I wore makeup

and actually felt like a princess

I don’t remember wanting to puke especially on the weekends

I don’t remember the last time I felt content

when I’m alone in my bed

I can’t remember the last time I showered

without any thoughts racing through my head

I don’t remember the last time I looked at myself

and said “Mandie everything will be ok”

I don’t remember the last time I left the house

excited to start my day

I don’t remember the last time I was happy

happiness seemed so long ago

I’ve seemed to to get used to living with depression again

and this time I don’t remember how to let it go

Life is still worth living without you

And I'm not surprised by that anymore

The sun still rises and disappears

Just like your love disappeared on me

The fields of flowers are still beautiful

But I can't help but think of the ones you bought for me

Music is still alive in my soul

It only plays your favorite song

And even though the earth moves on

It is a constant reminder of your ghost

The sights

The smells

The sounds

So how do you expect me to move on

When the everything around me 

Can't move on either

Please don't make me talk about it  
                      make me repeat the cruel words she wrote
                      make me take you step by grueling step
                      make me say the words I'm struggling to spit out
                      make me explain my depression
                      make up excuses
                      make me lie
                      make me fall for you