I can’t remember the last time I cried
or screamed at the top of my lungs
I don’t remember the last time I let loose
and actually had some fun
I don’t remember the last time I ran
as if I had nothing else left to do
I also can’t remember sleeping 8 hours straight
and waking up feeling good
I can’t remember the last time I wore makeup
and actually felt like a princess
I don’t remember wanting to puke especially on the weekends
I don’t remember the last time I felt content
when I’m alone in my bed
I can’t remember the last time I showered
without any thoughts racing through my head
I don’t remember the last time I looked at myself
and said “Mandie everything will be ok”
I don’t remember the last time I left the house
excited to start my day
I don’t remember the last time I was happy
happiness seemed so long ago
I’ve seemed to to get used to living with depression again
and this time I don’t remember how to let it go
WRITTEN BY: Mandie Michelle Sanders
WRITTEN ON: December. 21, 2012 Friday 4:38 a.m.
The thunder clouds roll around, the lighting comes crashing down.
I smile even though I'm frowning .
I'm alive even thou I'm dying.
For I will miss your winning smile.
For I will miss your crazy style.
For I know the world around me is not to blame.
For it should be me to put my head down in shame.
I hoped our love could last forever.
For now I know even that could sever.
I hope you can make it through the night.
If you get scared just hold your pillow tight.
For it used to be the place where I would lay.
But now I'm under a grave where I agreed to stay.
Life is still worth living without you
And I'm not surprised by that anymore
The sun still rises and disappears
Just like your love disappeared on me
The fields of flowers are still beautiful
But I can't help but think of the ones you bought for me
Music is still alive in my soul
It only plays your favorite song
And even though the earth moves on
It is a constant reminder of your ghost
So how do you expect me to move on
When the everything around me
Can't move on either
Please don't make me talk about it
make me repeat the cruel words she wrote
make me take you step by grueling step
make me say the words I'm struggling to spit out
make me explain my depression
make up excuses
make me lie
make me fall for you
No one ever solved
Are we really inside time?
Or is time inside us?
An imagination tickling our little minds
An escape we use over our reality
We think we have time
There is no time
No one can ever make time
No one can ever bring back what was already done
But I want you to know
Among all these things
No matter how long we don't see each other
Even if time won't let it happen
Even if we won't make time
No matter how short we live
You are my time
A paradox I can't solve