Staring out the window
I only see your face
Smiling, joking, laughing

Across the way, there’s a house
And in it, all the lights are on
Warming, glowing, sharing

And there I could see us
Radiant in all that brilliance
Dancing, living, loving

It’s always hardest for me
To be creative when I’m happy
Because I just,
I dunno,
Want to enjoy the moment
And then relive it over
(and over)
And over again
Blushing at how nervous I was
Giggling at memories of snarky quips
And fighting grins
Because those memories
Are the best I can do

sometimes i wonder
if words can ever be enough
when someone else can make something wonderful
with just their two sturdy hands
and someone else can do something amazing
with their incredible, supple body
and someone else can speak something intriguing
with their lovely, silken voice
and someone else can make you happy
with their better personality.

i have to thank you for what you said
because, without it, i'd never've dared
you ****** me off with your skepticism
so now i'm out
to prove you wrong
(*******)

sometimes
i take
a really
hot
shower
as if
i could
burn
away
that time
in yours
when it
wasn't
a choice

I am haunted by the things that embarrass me
Every mistake, every misstep
Comes rushing out
As I lay in bed, trying to sleep
And I’m desperate to cry aloud
And I try to pretend
That I vacuum them away
Into my own Pandora’s box
But that’s the trouble—
It’s irresistible to open—
And I fight the memories as they flood forward
And I close my eyes and squirm—
How can I make them stop?
I can’t sleep for reliving every memory
Of things I wish I’d never done
The things that I question
Did I make a stupid choice
Or did he—
And I blush and I curl up
And I feel so alone
And I can’t forget those awful things
And I think it’s ruining me

Do you ever just smile
And catch yourself wondering
What caused it?
And then you remember
You were thinking about his smile
And the goofy way he chuckles
Right after you’ve said something clever
But he doesn’t want to admit it’s clever
And the way he fights a grin
When he’s thinking something coy
Right before he says it
Or just at the memory
Of all those countless times
He’s stopped by to say hello
Or maybe you’re remembering
That smirk he had
When he realized it was you…