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innocent as in not having done
not as in not having known
i always knew
and it made me sad
but know ive done
and i hate that im fine with it
not because its wrong
but because i am
and now i cant stop
im telling myself im above it all
but i know it rules over me
but thats fine
what is going on
My every heart beat constantly reminds me of you
Maybe I'm strong enough to stand on my own,
And maybe I'm to weak to try trusting once more.
Maybe I'm brave enough  to fight alone for my life.
And maybe I'm to coward to run for my dream.
Who knows...
 Mar 2017 Geetha Jayakumar
Colm
I need coffee
Before this coldness leaves my feet
Or the snowflakes fall any freer onto the city streets
I need such coffee inside of me
Because without it’s joy and prolonged warmth
I cannot be alive and well
Let alone this representation of me
So do not question before I wake
Just pour the coffee for goodness sake
And if I must make it myself
I will with a vengeance, a sleep induced will
Though once I’m awake I’ll wonder still
What dependency is this which I’ve built
The need to mix my water mixed with beans
Perhaps not the coffee, but it is the caffeine
Which gets me out and wakes me up
So that I might not feel asleep
As I am driving these winter roads
Saying dearest coffee would you please
Wake me so that I can feel at ease
Truth... Tired and average reflection... But truth!
Slowly
easing
exquisitly teasing
the evening draws near

contacts are few
but
those I know do
feel the same about me

an arms length
amnesty

I wanna run red lights
take risks
I wanna
get you in my sights
race through riots

I get robots and
androids,

annoyed by disparity
I donate
to my second favourite
charity
which is me time
my time
no time at all

the evening puts
wrinkles on worn
out faces

I'm acing it
running and racing
it
but
need to move on a bit
faster.
My perspective is skewed
They say home follows the heart
What of the city? It has my blood
Asphalt black bedsheets call
To me, sweetly whispering
"You're beautiful, number without a name."
God, do you know my name?
Always almost flooding
The children would be packed and ready days in advance.
At first, we packed for them, but as the years passed,
They were experts at rolling clothes for twice the space,
Using laundry baskets rather than luggage tripled our carriage.
We'd leave early Saturday morning, almost night,
Departing from the Ontario weather like a bad odour.
Kathleen was away at school.
Mags and Andrea were in their teens now.
Ten years of March madness was terminating.

Herself would sit shotgun with Triptik and thermos.
The kids would awaken south of the Ohio,
Hungry, grumpy, and eager.
She had it all planned out.
Crosswords, colouring, wordfinds, books, Gameboys, lace,
Sandwiches, juice boxes, treats of all sorts,
For another twenty hours on the road.

I invariably imagined our Mini in the return lane
As we crossed the Bluewater Bridge into Michigan;
Trip over, kids exhausted, us, quiet, subdued,
Just wanting our own bed.
But twenty hours on the I-75 lay ahead,
Turn left at Knoxville
For Myrtle Beach, sun, tennis, seafood,
Separation.

I found no peace in our final escape.
Conversation with her had halted.
A round-trip of dialogue in my head.
She'd said, I bought a house.
Words wrapped like an egg-salad sandwich.
It was our March break.
Enjoy your holiday.
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