and I wonder if you feel it too.

Dear Lord,
Please give me the strength and reason to continue
Because I see none
And I have none
But this cant go on
Cos I need to make my dreams come true.

Each time I am leaving home for a trip or a camp, i get quite emotional.
All these thoughts running through my head
What if I dont return
What if i dont see my family again
What if What if What if
There are so many things that sometimes i really wanna say to you
But i can never bring myself to
I dont know how to express all these feelings to you
I am really thankful for whatever you have done for me
The sacrifices you made, the money you spent on me
I appreciate it all and am grateful for it
This week has been a tough week for us all
and it was this week that i realize how bad of a daughter i have been
how i have taken you for granted all this while
how i have forgotten where we actually stand
how much you have and would sacrifice for us
hoow much you love us
your love is the greatest i would ever receive in my entire life
i have so many more things to say
but i have to go now
i will try my very best to be better for you
i will try my best to show my appreciation to you
i have never told you this
but you are the best
and i would never trade anyone for you

and if anything happens, i hope someone show this to them
for i have not shown enough love
and maybe
the only way for them to feel my love
is through my words.

If i could stop being so lazy and dumb
That would be nice.
Because my dreams are huge
And i am nowhere near it.
For each and every time that i have failed,
I hurt so much
I never really liked to show it
Because its one of my biggest weeakness
Insecurity
Embarrassment.


But there is no one to blame
but me.

When will i ever achieve
Or will i not?